It was another typical autumn day at Hogwarts. The sun was shining, the students were happy and the giant squid was dead bored. So, to make things more interesting, he started chucking random students to see how far he can throw them. So far, the record was the Whomping Willow. Poor kid.

James Potter was trying in vain to capture Lily Evans's attention. Nothing new there. This time he was balancing on top of a very annoyed hippogriff.

"Look what I can do Evans!" he hollered.

"Very nice." Lily continued to read the book and muttered under her breath, "Vain big-headed ape."

"Big-headed ape?" Sirius Black repeated. "That gives me an idea."

Then James was suddenly replaced with an ape with a head so large it made staying steady even more difficult. Lily burst into laughter and said derisively, "I'll definitely go out with you now."

And with that she left. James grunted with the effort of keeping his oversized head poised.

"What's that you're saying?" Sirius transfigured James back into himself.

"Why the hell did you do that?" James screeched and fell into the lake. The squid took the opportunity to make a new record and threw him into a pile of Hippogriff dung. Pleasant. He wrenched himself out of the smelly heap and walked over to Sirius soaking wet, covered in dung and with a serious migraine. "You messed up my chance with Evans! You made me look like a complete idiot!"

"I did it because I found it highly amusing. And actually, you made yourself look like a fool. I mean, who in their right mind would attempt to balance on top of a hippogriff? Other than you and that weird girl called Charmaine Raven Claw," Sirius said coolly. "But then again neither of you are in your right mind."

"That's not the point! You turned me into a freakin' chimpanzee!" James shrieked into Sirius's ear.

"Actually," Sirius pointed out. "I turned you into a gorilla, so technically you're wrong, though they are rather closely related in the Primate family – "

"Shut up! I don't need a monkey lesson from you!" James screamed, ending Sirius's brief period of intelligence. Right then, out of the blue, Rubeus Hagrid showed up.

"Beaky! What are yeh doin' out 'ere eh? You boys 'ad nothin' teh do with this do yeh?" Hagrid looked at them suspiciously until the hippogriff began to scream out of control. "Come 'ere Beaky. Calm down."

He grabbed the reins of the creature, which at that very moment, decided to fly. Amazingly, the rope and Buckbeak were both strong enough to carry Hagrid across the grounds as he hung on for dear life, screaming like a girl.

"Its not over until the big man flies," James said, looking up in amazement.

"It's definitely not something you see everyday. And I've seen Charmaine Raven Claw running around with her underwear on her head screaming 'Free the Aliens'!" Sirius commented. "Anyway, why do you care so much about looking stupid in front of Evans? If it were anybody else, you would just laugh it off with them! Wait a minute…you 'like' Evans don't you?"

"No!" James blushed furiously. "What made you say that?"

"…I heard that James Potter has the hots for Lily Evans," the gossip queen, Bertha Jorkins walked by. "And I also heard Charmaine Raven Claw was an escaped mental patient from St Mungos. Claims that there is a government conspiracy going on and that wearing underwear is bad luck…"

"My friend, if you want a girl, why didn't you ask me?" Sirius put an arm around James, despite the fact he was wet and stinky. I'll teach you every trick in the book."