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Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto. So no suing.
For everyone who thought Sasuke leaving was the most horrible thing to ever happen in Naruto... (continued in author's notes at end of fic)
Warning: Insanity ahead... run away while you still can!
Joys of Sharing
'Revenge of the Fangirls'
Kakashi squinted at the blood-red coloured title embellished on the plain black book cover. What on earth was something like this doing in the erotica section of the book store? It certainly didn't sound perverted, but then, when he first laid eyes (or eye in his case) on Icha Icha Paradise , he could have said the same thing. As the saying went, he wasn't about to judge a book by its cover, and he was one to give everything a go.
Without hesitation he grabbed the thin paperback, along with Jiraiya's latest release, and sauntered over to the checkout counter. He ignored the googly eyes the checkout girl was making and didn't spare the large amount of cleavage oozing out of the too-tight blouse a glance. Fishing out a couple of bills, he paid and didn't wait for the fawning female to give him his change. Call it something extra for his faithful suppliers of all things perverted.
That done, he settled himself up on a tree overlooking the training area. Icha Icha Paradise could wait. The new book tickled his curiosity and it wasn't going to take long to finish; a couple of hours should be plenty of time to absorb what this book had to offer.
He flattened the cover and the title page against his stretched out legs and began to read.
U. Z. MAKI & M. RAE
REVENGE OF THE FANGIRLS
To all the dedicated fangirls who feel they have been wronged by the injustices of the Naruto Universe.
Fear us, for we are mighty!
In the beginning he had planned to just up and barge in and do what the little slip of paper instructed. And he did just that, except when he was half way to his destination, the pervert's damnable voice spoke within his mind. And he was insane enough to take the word of a figment of his imagination.
"Wait, you dumb brat," Jiroiya's floaty head growled, "Wait and think about what you're going to do! It's well and good when you have luck on your side when you plunge head first into battle, but what happens when you run out of it, huh? Sweep out the damn cobwebs and use that thick skulled head of yours! It is there for a reason!"
So he waited. For three nights he brooded and the simple, straight forward plan written on the paper twisted askew. And now, here he was! About to carry out the new and diabo... er... improved plan.
He had a feeling that no matter what he did, no matter how much he had schemed and plotted, fate had already decided. Whatever the outcome, the old crones had cranked the wheel and were most probably sitting all cosy in their little world, laughing their wrinkled asses off. He wrinkled his nose at the unpleasant image and shook off the sense of doom. The worse that could happen was his plan backfiring, and now that he thought about it, it wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing. It did give him a perfectly legitimate reason to go and visit the old hags and beat the shit out of them. All right, so picking on little old ladies wasn't his thing, but when they messed with his life, old ladies or not, they had to pay!
So with that firmly set in his mind, his hands went through the familiar gestures of the jutsu. The air shivered and popped.
"All right," he said in a hushed voice.
The shuffling of cloth from behind fluttered by and he could sense the nodded agreements coming from his comrade in arms. With a nod of his own, he lifted his loosely clasped hand and rapped his knuckles softly against the looming apartment door. The pink tip of his tongue peaked out to absently swipe at the beaded moisture above his lip. He waited.
The faint patter of feet barely penetrated the walls and as expected, the door opened on well oiled hinges and a very tired, sleepy looking Sasuka stood in the doorway. The corner of Naruta's lips quirked upwards. The Uchida's normally spiked hair was mused and bedraggled. Loose cotton slacks and rumpled T-shirt replaced the usual immaculate clothing, and he was most amused to find Sasuka's hand absently scratching at a slither of bared stomach.
Even though he had seen this enough times, it never failed to put a grin on his face when Mr. Perfect shed his uncaring and unfeeling mask and was left very much like any other nineteen year old guy. It was good to know and wonderful to drag up when he wanted to annoy said Uchida or when Sasuka was being extra bastardly.
Recognition finally flickered in Sasuka's cloudy eyes, and the signature scowl appeared almost instantly when the teen discovered who had dared disturb his much needed sleep. Naruta grinned, and his expression turned smug as the other's lips pulled back in an irritated sneer.
Someone was most definitely not in a good mood. He guessed he was going to have to do something about that; a cranky Sasuka was a ticking homicidal time bomb.
Doing a rendition of Kakushi's salute and chirping a perky "Yo!", he managed to piss the already annoyed Sasuka further. Which was, of course, part of the plan.
"What – "
"Now!"
All hell broke loose.
There was no time for his brain to react. Instinct alone carried him away from the door and into the middle of his lounge. And when hordes of Narutas poured through his front door, his body was already countering the first few punches before he could register what was happening.
He silently congratulated himself on a job well done; obviously his training was paying off. Blinking away the sleep clinging stubbornly to the edge of his eyes, he began popping Naruta clones. This wasn't something he was unused to; not that Naruta had ever tried to attack him in his own home before. But even when they sparred, the moron had a tendency of swarming him with bunshins.
There was a crash and he unconsciously winced. Damn it. Attacking him was one thing but the idiot didn't have to trash his house too. Renewing his efforts in getting rid of his team mate, Sasuka was surprised to find the never ending supply of bunshins Naruta was using. What was he planning?
Seeing no other choice in getting this solved before his apartment fell apart, Sasuka activated his sharingan and pinpointed the real Naruta. He was going to enjoy beating an explanation out of the blonde. With his target now in sight, he shoved the others aside and pulled his arm back. The corners of his lips curled and the surge of triumph was quickly swept aside when the real Naruta was wearing the same expression on his face. Why was the blonde happy? What was he planning? Was there some unseen trap he hadn't seen?
Even as Sasuka ran down the list of possible traps Naruta could have set, it was already too late for him to pull back. The momentum carried him forward and his fist would have connected with the moron's smug face if the spiky head hadn't ducked in the last second. A shoulder jammed painfully against his ribs and strong arms wrapped around his torso. The world tilted backwards as he was tackled to the ground.
"Gotcha!"
His head thwacked painfully against the floor and he would have uttered a curse if his breath hadn't left him in a silent whoosh when Naruta decided his stomach was a perfectly comfy seat. Indignation burnt his insides. His arms shot up to shove the offending lump off him but that was as far as he got. The blasted bunshins brusquely ceased his hands and pinned them above his head.
"Get off!" he hissed and kicked out.
Naruta wobbled a little but remained exactly where he was, a face-splitting grin plastered firmly on his face. Sasuka growled and redoubled his efforts at bucking the dead weight off him. It had never occurred to him that he was trapped; he just wanted the blonde off so he could start dishing out some serious damage.
"Get. Off!"
"Nope," all five Narutas (the blood and flesh one included) chirped brightly in reply.
Sharingan flared with renewed anger. "Naruta!" he growled low in his throat. But even that was ignored as the blonde started barking orders and he was reduced to waiting. Naruta would be very dead when he got out of this... Very.
"Right, you two down there," Naruta pointed to the two holding Sasuka's legs, "start with the pants, and you guys," he turned to the two holding Sasuka's arms, "can deal with the top. And you Sasuka can just relax," Naruta finished sweetly.
"What are you – " Hands tugged at the drawstring and dark eyes widened. "Naruta, what the fuck are you doing!" The end of the sentence finished in a barely detectable squeak.
"Why, stripping you, of course!" the blonde announced, teeth bared in an unpleasant smile.
"You're going to fuckin' what!" Sasuka tried to shake the insistent hands pulling his slacks pass the point of no return and bite the ones baring his stomach for the world to see, but all he managed was a pathetic sort of half squirm-wiggle. He growled, cursed like there was no tomorrow and threw his head from side-to-side. He was not going to let the blonde-bastard win this! Never!
"Sasuka... Sasuka... Sasuka... Relax. This won't hurt... much. And you'll come out of this," Naruta tapped his chin in thought, "relatively intact."
"Relax! You want me to fucking relax when you're fucking sit – " He broke off and hissed when too cold hands came in contact with his bare calves. "GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF ME!"
Tsk-ing sounds were made in his direction and his pants went flying across the room before he could yell rape. Gods, he couldn't believe this... Uchida Sasuka, the last of the Uchida clan – well soon-to-be last, Idachi was still lurking out there much to his chagrin – was going to be raped by Naruta. Naruta of all people! If anything, it should be him on top of Naruta not the other way around! A small part of his mind was shouting that there should be no raping of any kind – period! – but when had he ever listened to that stupid, whiny voice anyway?
Sasuke suddenly became away that the other Narutas had cut away his top and he was now left in only his boxers. Gods... what was wrong with this picture?
"If you go anywhere near my boxers, Utsumaki, I swear I'll – "
"Save your breath, Sasuka, I'm not going anywhere near your boxers. They are." Naruta hitched a thumb in the direction of the clones and was bemused when all four shook their heads fervently.
"No we're not!" They said in unison.
"Well," At a loss, the original scratched his head, "I guess you'll just have to be uncomfortable then, Sasuka."
Uncomfortable? Uncomfortable with what? Sasuka didn't like the sound of this. Giving his arms and legs an experimental twist, he was annoyed to find that all clones had a firm hold on him, and with Naruta sitting on him like a ten tonne whale, it'd be hard to throw the clones off and get the whale off as well.
"Nuh uh, not going to be that easy." Naruta shook his head and fished out a long slither of pink. Squinting to get a better look, Sasuka discovered that it was spandex... And spandex could only mean one thing.
He redoubled his efforts in kicking and struggling. They were not going to stick that thing on him!
"Stop kicking, damn it! Here, you two." Handing the outfit over to the two holding Sasuka's legs, Naruta scooted a little lower to sit on flailing limbs. "Hurry up and get that on him!"
The cool material made contact with his toes and he cringed away in disgust. "Get that thing away from me!"
Each of his ankles were held down despite his protest and the suit was pulled up against his skin. The force behind his kicks increased but the insistent tugging continued and the original Naruta scooted back up to his waist and thumped on his stomach, knocking all the air out of his lungs. And still the body suit went higher. The progress slowed it reached his boxers and here, to his horror, the two pairs of hands bunched up the loose material and stuffed them into the body stocking.
"Naruta! You are so dead! You are beyond dead!"
Summoning all of his strength, he tried to roll Naruta off of him, but the blonde anticipated this move and remained anchored where he was and the leotard moved passed his crotch and made its way up his torso. He wanted to scream and shout and bite, but he only managed to bite at air when Naruta hovered over him with a cocky grin.
"I'LL KILL YOU! And then bring you back to life just to KILL you again! And I'll repeat that several thousand times and then I'll stuff you in fluorescent yellow spandex and see how you like it!"
Raged boiled and he twisted like a snake, but it was no use. The suit was at his armpits, and the flesh and blood Naruta was helping the two clones that were holding his wrists into the arm holes. Soon enough, he was encased in hot pink spandex.
He writhed and snarled and snapped his teeth, and finally – finally he was let go.
"NARUTA!" The growl rumbling through his chest would have made the devil proud.
He was up in a flash of hot pink and started chasing the howling blonde out the door, his stride occasionally hitching as he tugged at his bunched up boxers.
U. Z. Maki... and M. Rae... He had no idea who this M. Rae person was but that wasn't important. Naruto had gone and produced this. It was, well, amazing really. It was most definitely not erotica, but it had its charms and really, each person had their own style of writing. He wondered briefly if one of the fringe benefits of being Jiraiya's student was acquiring the phenomenal inspiration and creativity to write. And the thought that maybe the late Yondaime, his beloved teacher, had also created a book of some sort while under Jiraiya's tutelage.
Intrigued, he placed the book back into his pocket and set aside thoughts of searching for a similar sort of book by Yondaime in the library. He would go wandering in the library after he had spread the joys of this new found book. After all, something as good as this must be shared. He grinned.
He hopped off the tree and headed back to the book store. He wondered if he could get Jiraiya to give him tips on writing. He was Yondaime's student... that had to count for something... right?
He eyed the book lying on his doorstep dubiously. When had this gotten here? But more importantly, Sasuke wanted to know who left it there for him. He hadn't ordered any books and even if he had, he would've ordered books about fighting, or weapons, or something useful of the sort, not... this.
Despite his suspicions, he picked up the book and shrugged. A book was a book. How much harm could it do?
"Naruto!"
The loud bangs on his door woke the blonde from his afternoon nap. Gods... would they just shut up and leave him alone? He hadn't done anything bad and training all through the night hadn't been the greatest of his ideas and...
"Naruto! Open the fucking door!"
"Shut the fuck up, you demanding bastard!" he hollered back, but ambled over to open the door anyway.
As soon as the lock was unlatched the door flew open and he found his back pressed against the far wall.
"What the fu – !" Before he could get the last word out his vision was filled with blazing red eyes and madly spinning sharingan.
"What the fuck is this, Naruto!" Sasuke hissed and waved the offending book in his face.
He blinked. Pulling his head back to avoid being slapped silly, he found the back of his head meeting the wall. Well shit. "Sasuke! Get the fucking book out of my face!"
"Don't you Sasuke me! What the fuck is this!" More mad waving.
"It's a fucking book!" he snarled and tried to push the raving Uchiha off him, but the asshole wouldn't budge. "Move!"
"Oh it's a 'fucking book', is it? Then who the hell is M. Rae? And why did you write this!"
He froze and his eye widened. Shit. Sasuke wasn't supposed to find out about that. No one was. "I – I don't – "
"Don't lie, Naruto! Who the fuck is M. Rae?"
Realisation dropped on him like a tonne of bricks. He grinned wickedly. "Are we jealous, Sasuke?"
It was Sasuke's turn to falter. "Of course I'm not jealous!" the boy sputtered.
"Oh I think you are..."
"Am not!" Sasuke huffed and loosened his hold. "Who is M. Rae?"
He chuckled evilly and wondered whether he should keep that a secret or put the poor Uchiha out of his misery. In the end, he patted the scowling face in affection. Leaning forward, he surprised the still angry and annoyed Sasuke by giving him a chaste kiss.
"You're so cute when you're all fired up and possessive."
"Who is – " Sasuke began to ground out again.
"A fangirl. Just a fangirl," he assured.
The anger seeped out of Sasuke's taut form and would have left completely if something else hadn't occurred to the Uchiha. "A fangirl? You wrote this humiliating thing with a fangirl!"
Confused as to why his boyfriend was mad again, he could only nod dumbly and hoped that was the right answer. What was wrong with Sasuke?
"You traitor!"
"Traitor?"
"Yes! You worked with a fangirl! A fangirl! You're supposed to be running away from them not work along side them!"
"Oh that's rich coming from you, Sasuke," he scoffed. "So what if I wrote this with one of them? This was something she wanted to get out after you left me for dead in the Valley of the End!"
"Is this what this is about? To get back at me for trying to..."
Kakashi wondered briefly whether it was a good idea to give Sasuke that book. From the loud shouting match, it seemed there were some rather large unresolved issues between the two. If they broke up... He shook his head at the thought. No... The worse that could happen would be punches being thrown and hot make up sex afterwards... Or just hot make up sex. He grinned and whistled amiably as he strolled past Naruto's apartment and towards the library.
Ah... The joys of sharing...
All right... I have no idea what the fuck that was. It -looks up and shakes head- is the spawn of breathing in too much of the footy goodness of plated bacteria. This was originally for a fic contest, but I never managed to finish it on time... exams were looming over my head... But -shrugs- this amused me too much to dump aside...
Well hope you enjoyed... or not enjoyed... I shall go and burrow back into my hole now.
Oh and yes... sorry just one more thing. Many thanks to Illusions of a Fox for including 'Fear the fangirl, for she is mighty' in a review. You probably won't remember ever writing that, but hey, think that was one of things that triggered this fic.
