The Black Brigade Theatrical Troupe Vs. The Aquarian Ninja Force

Vox and his minions are plotting against Albel, who is busy forcing his troops to perform Miss Saigon, while the Aquarian ninjas plot against them all.

Note: Don't own Star Ocean. Anywho, this parody takes place before Fayt arrives on Elicoor. This story covers the epic battles between Aquaria and Airyglyph. But not really. Enjoy!

Chapter Twenty: One Year Later...

---

"And that is how the Answer came to equal 42..."

Albel concluded his exceptionally long speech and folded his arms. The Black Brigade Plus Nel stared at him. Well, the ones that were awake. And technically Nel had left three hours after Albel had begun his monologue. She went deep sea fishing not only to catch fishies but to find herself somewhere between the blue sky and sea with only the stars to guide her on a mystical journey of the soul.

Or something like that.

"Socrates on a pogo-stick," Shelby cursed. The Man Who Plays Kim looked horribly offended. "That was the longest speech he's ever given."

The Man Who Plays recovered and nodded in agreement. "His speech was pretty long. It seemed like it lasted an entire year..."

The entire cast laughed nervously and Albel shifted his eyes back and forth.

"Well, uh, yeah," Albel coughed. He took off his top hat. Everyone gasped.

"What have you done Sir Albel?" The Man Who Plays Kim gaped at his leader.

"Nothing, actually," Albel said. It was true. False alarm. The Black Brigade calmed down.

"So, what shall we do now?" Shelby asked.

"BURN IN HELL!"

"What?"

"Um."

"Who said that?"

"IT TWAS I!"

The Black Brigade gasped and turned towards the entrance to the Ky6t7uvbgf Training Facility Roof/BBQ Fiesta Stage to see three Aquarians glaring at them.

"I MEAN IT TWAS US! I MEAN, I WAS SPEAKING BUT THERE ARE THREE OF US. THEY WEREN'T SPEAKING. SO SAYING IT TWAS I STILL ACTUALLY WORKS." Clair paused, making sure her logic was sound.

"We're here to kill you and stuff!" Tynave raised her arms and two trained wolves dove over her head towards the Black Brigade. "Trained wolves, bitches!"

"Farleen, use your magical attack animals!" Clair commanded. Farleen squealed in delight.

"GO SHAAAAARK!" Farleen fell over. "Where's Sharkina the 562 Ton Shark? Where is SHEEEEEE?"

---

"Wow, I can't believe I caught a giant 562 ton shark on my first try," Nel said as she tossed her catch into a bucket. It was a big bucket. And a big boat. Nel had learned from Jaws that one should just always bring a bigger boat.

Nel leaned back in her chair and stroked her chin. This shark was like a metaphor. Millions of tiny razor teeth. They symbolized the trials of life. And once you got past the teeth you got digested and...

"I need to find a better metaphor," Nel muttered.

---

"There, there, Farleen," The Man Who Plays Kim said. He patted the weeping zombie on the back. "I lost my belt once."

"Was it 562 tons of pure aaaaaaawesome?" Farleen asked between sobs.

"Er, yeah..." The Man Who Plays Kim shrugged.

"STOP CONSOLING THE ENEMY!" Albel leapt down from his tower and stomped towards the Aquarians. "WHY ARE YOU HERE, WORM?"

"To kill you!" Clair pointed her finger at Shelby.

"Well go ahead," Albel said. The wolves tore at Shelby's flesh as he let out a terrible scream.

"You're not supposed to help us," Clair hissed. "We're supposed to have an epic duel! The leader of the Shield Legion versus the leader of the Black Brigade!"

"I only fight main characters, sorry," Albel replied. He flipped his hair and smirked.

"But...I...shit!" Clair fumed. "You don't understand!"

"Nope. That's because I'm a main character, maggot."

"I gotta be a main character. Nel took off so shouldn't I naturally be promoted to main character status? Who else will stand up for the Aquarians? It's not fair of Airyglyph gets a main character and Aquaria doesn't! Look, I admire you for being a main character and all but-"

"We have two main characters, actually," Albel said. "Airyglyph has two. We're awesome."

"Two?"

"I'm one and Woltar is the other."

"Old Man Woltar? How?"

"He's the obligatory old man. Automatically more significant than you, though I see you're trying to go the same angle with that gray hair crap..."

"And my father? He's a main character! But I'm more important to the story...makes no sense..."

"He's the shirtless man who is supposed to provide fan service..."

"OH DEAR APRIS NO!"

"I said supposed to provide fan service, fool! The only one who probably goes for that kind of guy is..."

---

"Commmmmmmmmmmmaaaaaanddeeeer, here is your triple chocolate chocolicious fudge brownie awesome cake!"

"MY FAVORITE! Mmmmm, so good. So good. So shirtless."

"Shirtless?"

"I DID NOT MEAN TO SAY THAT ALOUD!"

---

Clair was vomiting all over the roof. Albel would have ordered Shelby to clean it up but he had been eaten by the wolves. Tynave and various other Black Brigade members were now playing fetch with the wolves by making them chase after tennis balls. The Man Who Plays Kim was trying to make his move on Farleen but Farleen only loved narcotics and caribou.

"I'm sorry, Chadrolf, but I cannot return your feelings," Farleen began in a rare moment of pure lucidity.

"Is it another man?"

"No. I live for drugs and yearly caribou migrations."

"I'll never love again, Farleen," The Man Who Plays Kim whispered. Farleen took her hands in his.

"Chadrolfolus, if I could ever love a man, it would be you. But the druuuuuuuuuuuuuugsare kicking iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin! Duuuuuuude!"

The Man Who Plays Kim watched as the only woman he ever loved (besides Nel) slipped away in front of his very eyes. Her grip loosened on his hands and fell to her side. A strange silence overcame the pair and they gazed upon each other. After this moment their entire lives would be forever altered. She bowed her head forward and a tiny smile began to creep its way to her lips.

"I won't forget you, Farleen," The Man Who Plays Kim said softly as a single tear rolled down his cheek.

"," Farleen added thoughtfully. She spun around and skipped away.

"Are you alright?" Steve asked The Man Who Plays Kim.

"Steve?"

"Yes. I may be obnoxious and unnecessary but even I can appreciate such a heart-breaking moment."

The Man Who Plays Kim hugged Steve and cried on his shoulder.

Steve nodded wisely. "Your heart shall heal again one day, my friend," he said hopefully.

The Man Who Plays Kim suddenly realized he was hugging Steve. He threw him off the building and prayed nobody saw that. He scurried back over to Albel who was laughing at Clair's pain.

"Sir Albel!" The Man Who Plays Kim waved.

"Oh, now that you're done saying goodbye to your lover, Steve, would you help me get rid of this wench?"

The Man Who Plays Kim's jaw dropped. "Why did you see that part? Bloody hell!"

"You there," Clair gasped. She looked at The Man Who Plays Kim. "I too have known true love. I too was denied." She glared pointedly at Tynave.

"Dude, I don't swing that way," Tynave said. "We had this discussion."

"Tynave you're making this awkward," Clair said.

"DUDE! You are! You brought this up again. This is the ninth time this week. I like men. In fact, I'm seeing Mackwell. There. Is that a plot twist or what?" Tynave stopped when she saw Clair's eyes burn with infinite rage. "Uh. That's not good. And stuff."

"I will kill Mackwell," Clair laughed. "Nothing will stop our love for long, Ty-Ty!"

"Now I know why Nel ran away and joined Airyglyph." Tynave turned towards Albel, who was starting to feel neglected. "Do you go through this stuff all the time?"

"Constantly," Albel replied.

"Oh..."

---

"INSTANT NOOOOOODLES!"

"They're wonderful, sir," Schweimer said clearly, despite a mouthful of instant noodles. Duchess Vox patted the now empty shin ramyun bowl with affection.

"From now on I demand to be referred to as Duke Noodles! And you, you you ass-kisser, shall be Max!"

"Max?"

"And Demetrio can be Cockeye! He is rather shifty!"

"O-okay, but why noodles?"

"NOODLES!"

"Yes, noodles."

"And someone has to be Patsy!"

"Uh, what's the correlation between noodles and Patsy?"

"LEONE!"

"Huh?"

"Beans and cornbread, you are soooooooo ignorant, Schweimy! Oh shit! Since you're Max you're gonna betray me and take my woman, aren't you?"

"What?"

"NOOOOODLES!" Vox stole Schweimer's bowl and buried his face in the noodles. "NOM NOM NOM!"

"You don't even have a woman," Schweimer muttered. "You only have me. Am I good enough for you, sir?"

"NOM NOM NOM!" Vox was too preoccupied with the noodles.

"I'm trying to discuss our relationship! Is this ever going to advance beyond the workplace, sir?"

Vox suddenly stopped devouring food. He raised his head slightly. There was a noodle hanging from one nostril.

"Mmmm?" Vox stared at Schweimer. Schweimer set his hand on Vox's.

"Our relationship...?"

Vox looked down at Schweimer's hand. "Taking my hand, are you? You sly dog..."

Scweimer smirked and leaned in closer. "Well sir..."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Nel screamed as she woke up from her nightmare.

She sat still, struggling to catch her breath.

Then she remembered the dream.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" She screamed again. "THIS IS NOT THE MYSTICAL JOURNEY I WAS PROMISED!"

---

Meanwhile, the showdown between Aquaria and Airyglyph reached its towering climax...

"Ahhh, I don't know. I'm gonna open it!" The Man Who Plays Kim leaned over a mysterious package.

"When I said I admired you, I meant what I said," Clair whispered. Albel scowled.

"Fabric...? The Man Who Plays Kim gasped as he opened the box!

"Nox! Throw away your sword!" The Man Who Plays Kim yelled desperately, running back towards Albel and Clair.

"What?" Albel watched The Man Who Plays Kim coming towards him. "What's in the box?"

"Here he comes," Clair said. She was sitting on the ground with her arms tied behind her. "I wished I could have lived like you..."

"Shut up!" Albel glared at Clair. He looked back at The Man Who Plays Kim.

"I'm trying to tell you how I admire you, Nox, and your pretty skirt..."

"What'd you say?" Albel turned slowly.

"I visited your room before I showed up on the Kirlsa rooftop...I took a little souvenir..." Clair smiled and spoke calmly.

"GET AWAY FROM CLAIR!" The Man Who Plays Kim warned, trying to reach the two before it was too late.

"ALBEL! THROW IT AWAY!"

Albel looked at The Man Who Plays Kim and the box.

"Your pretty little skirt..." Clair watched Albel in delight.

Albel's eyes widened in realization.

The box contained the shredded remains of Albel's favorite skirt.

The Man Who Plays Kim finally made it to his side

"What's she saying, The Man Who Plays Kim?" Albel asked.

"Put down the sword."

"What was in the box? The box?"

"It seems that envy is my sin," Clair said with a sigh.

"What's in the box!"

"Give me the sword!"

"I told you..."

"LIES!"

"No, Sir Albel! It's what she wants! If you kill her, she wins!"

"NOOO!" Albel through his arms up and paced. "NO!" He growled and moved towards Clair. "It's not true."

"Sin, Nox. Become wrath," Clair said.

"Shut up!" The Man Who Plays Kim yelled. "Albel. If you kill her..."

"You bitch!" Albel snarled, raising his sword.

"Am I interrupting something?" Nel asked politely. Three heads snapped in her direction.

"Um."

"Well.

"Hey...Nel..."

"She ruined my favorite skirt!" Albel pointed at Clair and pouted. Clair shrugged.

"Well get over it," Nel said. Tynave and Farleen stood in a corner looking confused. They had just been ignored for an entire scene, after all...

"Did you not feel all that tension? You just RUINED it all, maggot!" Albel scowled.

"And I'd do it again!" Nel smirked.

---

I cannot believe I just parodied Se7en and referred to Once Upon a Time in America. Two of my favorite movies, by the way.

Anyways, it's been a year. I've graduated from high school, had a little knee surgery (it did not hurt and I'm serious about that), got accepted to OSU (I bleed Scarlet and Gray and I greatly dislike that team up north), and I've been working at a dry cleaners all summer. It was a good job but think of anything, no matter how disgusting, and I will tell you it has been found in the pants that people send to us for cleaning. I have too many work stories and hardly any explanations (why is there a sign that says 'people will want to see you naked' above the break room door, why does so-and-so add Hunter to the end of my name, how can there be so much drama at a dry cleaners, really, why do people send us such horrible, disgusting things? Why?). Etc.

Also, yup CAT and AMS, I go to Ohio State. Yeah Ohio rivals!

So I hope you've enjoyed this chapter. Have a great day! Peace!