“Evil Bumgorf Mine”

By Remix 17

Beneath the streets of active Jump City, in a subterranean complex filled with shadows and turning with metallic gears, a dark villain prowled.

He was no ordinary villain. Through the years this man had worked his way up the criminal food chain, until he was the richest, most influential crime lord on the West Coast, with every law breaker from the lowliest shoplifter to the toughest mob boss cowering beneath his invisible reach.

This man had only one known name: Slade.

Currently, Slade faced a dilemma as he pace back and forth in his lair, which even he was forced to admit was far too big for just himself and Wintergreen to reside in—but hey, he’d gotten a good deal. Slade had been up for the past many nights as this dilemma revolved around inside his criminal brain, tormenting him and keeping him from his usual dreams of Robin torture and Starfire ogling (or were they one and the same?).

“I must have an apprentice,” Slade hissed out loud to himself. Since he had many more emotionless robots than he had friends, he often talked to himself. “I have built a mighty empire, a name that all fear. But what’s the point if there’s no one to carry it on when I…ah…when I permanently retire?”

Slade thought long and hard. Robin was off-limits these days—the stupid kid would never fall into a trap a second time. Terra was currently serving as her own headstone, so she probably couldn’t find the gumption to serve as his sla—er, apprentice—a second time. So who did that leave for him to coax into his service?

Stroking his masked chin, Slade settled down in his throne-like chair, contemplating until his super-intelligent brain hurt. “What to do, what to do…” the man wondered aloud. “Perhaps I could convince that vegan Titan to join me…..no, no, I like filet mignon far too much to put up with that. Hm…that dark girl would make a good apprentice…nah, I get a feeling this story would suddenly become a very disturbing ship if I did that… What about that cyborg Titan…oh, what was his name again…?”

Slade laced his fingers together, his brow creasing behind his mask. “There must be a student out there somewhere,” Slade hissed to himself, “a student that I can abuse and twist and pervert with false ideals and empty ambitions. A student that would gaze up at me with the adoration I need, that would do whatever I wanted and appease my controlling tendencies!”

And that was when it hit Slade, like a steel-toed boot to the masked face. He suddenly could envision his perfect apprentice in his mind’s eye, and it was a glorious, obedient apprentice, one that would serve his will and be open to corruption.

“Yes…” Slade said, and began to laugh a smooth, maniacal laugh that made fangirls and fanboys everywhere shudder with its dark melody. “Yes! My apprentice! You do not yet know it, but you will be mine! Ha ha ha!”

“Oh, dear,” Wintergreen sighed, entering the villain’s throne room, a tray of hot tea in one hand. “Sir? Are you laughing maniacally again?”

“Quiet, minion.”

(SS SS SS)

That night, in the bay that bordered Jump City, a tower that served as the residence to five super-powered teen heroes was glowing with nighttime lights. Within the tower, a young alien girl slept soundly in her pink-themed bedroom, curled around a bloated, snoring silkworm. The alien girl, who was known as Starfire to her friends, murmured softly in her sleep, having a pleasant dream. (Like Slade, she too dreamed of Robin, but in her dreams Robin didn’t suffer, but instead was very happy.) The mutated worm in her arms was dreaming also, of yummy blankets and kitchen utensils and mushroom-covered pizza. Mouth drooling, the worm began to nibble unconsciously at Starfire’s blatantly pink blanket.

Unbeknownst to young mother and worm, the door to Starfire’s room slid open, its control system sparking and crackling from the brutal hack it had undergone. In the door’s threshold stood a large, armored figure, which looked around cautiously before entering the alien’s room.

The shadowy figure progressed toward the bed upon which Starfire slept. This figure was the villainous Slade, who had avoided the Titans’ security systems and entered their tower while they slept.

Slade stood eagerly above the bed, looking down at the sleeping duo. They looked so angelically cute that his single eye twitched.

Slade reached down, and his gloved hands gripped the snoozing worm in Starfire’s grasp. “Come to me, my apprentice,” he whispered, and he pulled on the worm.

Mumbling incomprehensively, Starfire’s hold automatically tightened on her beloved bumgorf. Slade’s eye went wide as her alien strength prevented him from stealing away the small creature. He tugged harder on Silkie, even planting one booted foot against Starfire’s bed for added leverage, but nothing gained him his apprentice. Worst of all, Silkie had awoken and was now choking and gagging in discomfort.

“Blast,” Slade muttered, releasing Silkie. “This girl clings to that worm as if it were a bottle of mustard. How do I get her to let go?” After a moment during which he consulted his genius brain, Slade snapped his fingers, a figurative light bulb going off inside his head. He removed a soft-edged feather from one of his belt compartments and leaned over Starfire, tickling the girl’s orange nose.

“Teehee,” Starfire said. “Robin, stop, that tickles.” She released Silkie automatically, turning over in her sleep to escape the feather.

“Hah! Innocent fool.” Slade deftly plucked Silkie up. The worm’s eyes went wide as it was captured by the man’s steely hands, and it looked down at Starfire, waiting for her to realize it was being pet-napped. But Starfire had already wrapped her arms around her pillow, mistaking it for Silkie, and was oblivious to the evil taking place above her.

“Gwah?” Silkie said, before Slade gagged the worm and tucked it under his arm. Silkie began to squirm wildly, stubby appendages waving. “Gwmmmf! Gwmmmf!” it said through the gag. (Loosely translated, “Gwmmmf!” means, “Help, I’m being kidnapped!”)

But Starfire still did not wake, and Slade carried the frightened worm out of the tower.

“At last,” he said, holding up Silkie in front of him. The Titan pet waved its stubby appendages some more, trying to break free. “At last I have my apprentice.”

Silkie blinked and regarded the man.

“Do not give me that look,” Slade scolded. “You have no say in the matter. You are my apprentice.”

And with that, he headed for his lair, again tucking a very stunned, frightened, and confused silk worm under his arm.

Oh noes!
--To be continued!--