Fullmetal Alchemist belongs to Hiromu Arakawa and Aniplex. I assume you've read the chapters before this one. Still here means you know what you're in for and how outside canon we've come. Enjoy!

Gluttony ran up to his daughter, "Oh, Winry. You look just your mother!"

Winry flung her arms around Gluttony. It was a beautiful reunion.

"Awwww. And I'm still cream cheese," Ed hissed.

"Niisan," Al sniffed.

Without a look in his direction, Winry still managed to throw a wrench right at Ed.

No thud.

Winry blinked, then looked over at the Elric brothers. Al had cream cheese spread all over. Ed was just staring down at the cream cheese-covered wrench at his feet. "Wow. That didn't hurt."

Gluttony smiled, "Roy-chan, would you get me those cream cheese containers? This proves my theory."

10 minutes later, the former doctor Rockbell was at Ed's side- knife in hand. "So this experience will serve you in at least one way. As cream cheese, you are free from pain and you can spread on more of the stuff to make yourself taller."

"Equivalent exchange," Roy chuckled.

"That doesn't let you off the hook," Ed growled. "I don't want to live the rest of my life as cream cheese."

"I'll do whatever it takes to help you, niisan," Al insisted.

Epilogue

Riza Hawkeye somehow got suckered into hosting the bridal shower for Havoc's girlfriend.

Jean Havoc and Barry the Chopper are now happily married. Jean still hasn't figured out that a suit of armor in a dress is not a woman.

Scar became a car racer and was nicknamed "Racer X" by the media.

Winry Rockbell spends half her time in Resembool, and half the time in Central with her dad Gluttony and stepdad Roy. Maybe it was something Gluttony ate, but now Winry's got a little brother named Maes Rockbell Mustang.

Edward and Alphonse ended up in another alternate universe. Both with their original bodies, they stuck out like a pair of sore thumbs. Their new world was populated solely by cream cheese people.

THE END