The Stargate Official Fanfiction University

Yes, it's ANOTHER spin-off of the famous Official Fanfiction University of Middle-earth (OFUM) by Camilla Sandman (better known as Miss Cam). Cam-sensei-sama herself gave permission for this spin-off, so yes, it's definitely official.

Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate: SG-1 or anything associated with it. That all belongs to MGM and SciFi Channel and everything else. The mini-Mastadge are mine, though. I do not own the mini-Balrogs, but the mini Elassar is mine by adoption, so get your own! The UnCanon Staff are copyrighted to themselves, except for Miss Kiana and the Mastadge Caretakers, as are the students, save for Diana and Joyce.

Notes: If you catch a misspelling of any character, planet, technology, et al in any fic you come across, send an e-mail my way about it.

Enjoy the show!

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Diana Spencer was quietly typing up a Jack/Sam fanfic to be posted on gleefully reveling in the holy ‘shipper-goodness, when something hit her on top the top of her head. Looking up, the brunette blinked in surprise.

What looked like half a fishing line hung from a wormhole – a wormhole? - in midair, and hanging from the hook was a plushie of what looked a lot like Jonas Quinn, holding a large packet of what eerily reminded her of those damn college applications. A note pinned to the plushie's jacket read, "Please thoroughly fill out and read these forms. When finished, hang the forms from the plushie's foot and tug the line twice."

The author blinked. 'I've been staying up too late,’ she muttered under her breath. Shrugging, Diana took the forms and raised one eyebrow as she read the first page.

The Stargate Official Fanfiction University

Congratulations, Diana Spencer! You have been accepted at the Stargate Official Fanfiction University. You will attend classes that will help you write better fanfiction for the SG fandom, including correct characterization, the probability and improbability of pairings, and more.

At the completion of the year, if you have passed all your classes, and of course managed to remain alive, you will receive a license to write Stargate fanfiction. If you do not pass, however, you will not receive your license and will be prohibited from writing Stargate fanfics for eternity or until the Apocalypse, which ever comes last.

Please fully fill out the application below and read and sign the attached documents.

Thank you,

Miss D
SGOFU Course Coordinator and Dean of Students

And as promised, there was a form just below, and it was one of the strangest applications Diana had ever seen. She blinked. And blinked again. With another shrug, Diana began to fill them out, thinking this was one of the most realistic hallucinations she’d ever had.

Name: Diana Spence
Age: 19
Gender: Female
Race: Human
If Goa’uld or Tok’ra, please specify if you are the host or the symbiote, and the name of your host/symbiote: Not applicable
Planet of Origin (please do not use planets not mentioned in the series): Earth
What are you familiar with?
Stargate the movie X Stargate: SG-1 Both Neither
Lust Object, if any: Jack O’Neill
Hate Object, if any: None.
Preferred Pairing: Jack/Sam
Have you ever written slash: No.

Done with that, the author flipped the pages of the forms, signing where necessary and not a little undisturbed. These were the oddest questions she’d ever had… Next of kin? Cremation or internment? If the latter, what type of coffin? What kind of flowers preferred at the funeral? Lawyer to contact about reading of the will? Oh, this had better be a dream…

Shaking her head, Diana hung the large packet from the Jonas-plushie’s foot, reached up, and tugged the fishing line twice. However, before she could let go, she and the plushie, forms and everything, were tugged through the shimmering blue wormhole.

And then she was flying through the air, and freezing. She heard a very familiar voice call out, “Got another one!” before passing out.

Diana was thrown onto an ever-growing pile of knocked out would-be authors on some type of sled. And next to said pile, sitting in front of the mini-wormhole – now closed and revealed to be something like a small Stargate – and in full fishing gear, was Colonel Jack O’Neill, grinning smugly. “Now this is payback,” he crowed.

“Just wait until classes start next week,” Samantha Carter said, taking the registration forms still attached to the Jonas plushie. She made a face as she read it over. “Another author who wants to see us together.” With a sigh, the major put the mass of forms in a plastic bag and placed it in a pack on what looked like a shrunken version of a Mastadge, except more… vicious looking. The mini-Mastadge grunted before trotting off in the direction of a large building.

Jack looked over his shoulder and grinned at his second-in-command. “But I bet you’re happy that she isn’t one of the folks who like to see me with Daniel.” Sam didn’t even bother to answer that – it was the safest thing to do in this case.

And in speaking of everyone’s favorite archaeologist, Daniel walked up to the Air Force officers with a clipboard in hand. “How many did you catch?” he asked once he was close enough to be heard.

The colonel turned and did a quick count. “We’ve got twenty-eight.”

“That’s probably enough,” Jackson said as he wrote something on his clipboard. “Miss D wants you and your catches at the main building. It’s almost time for orientation.”

Before either O’Neill or Carter could ask how they would get the new ‘students’ to the university’s main building, four mini-Mastadge trotted up and somehow managed to get themselves into the sled’s harnesses. As soon as that was done, the minis trotted off in the direction of SGOFU’s main building.

Rolling his eyes, Jack gathered up his gear while Sam and Daniel lugged the mini-Stargate and it’s equally small DHD into their cases and put them on another sled. Another pair of mini-Mastadge came up and wiggled into the traces, trotting off at a brisk pace, followed closely by the three humans.

School is in session.

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As mentioned, here is the application (again) for SGOFU.

Name:
Age:
Gender:
Race:
If Goa’uld or Tok’ra, please specify if you are the host or the symbiote, and the name of your host/symbiote:
Planet of Origin (please do not use planets not mentioned in the series):
What are you familiar with?
Stargate the movie Stargate: SG-1 Both Neither
Lust Object, if any:
Hate Object, if any:
Preferred Pairing:
Have you ever written slash:

Please e-mail this form to me (address can be found on my profile page). Do NOT leave your application in a review! It is a violation of rule of interaction fics. I’m not reposting this sucker again after someone’s reported it for “rule breaking.”

And again, if you see any misspelled names for anything (characters, planets, technology, etc.) contact me!