Disclaimer: Still don't own it.

Aubrey's crap: Looooong absence. Yes, I live. I swear I do. So, new chapter...good stuff, eh? For those who don't know, when someone's achluphobic, it means they're afraid of the dark. -Coughs-

Warnings: Unpleasent aspects/none

Acknowledgements: Co-written with Seylin. Story title is a Metallica song, lyrics accredited after listing.

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The Frayed Ends of Sanity
Chapter Three
Achluophobia

---

"Tell me I'm the only one
Tell me there's no other one
Jesus was the only son
Tell me I'm the Chosen One
Jesus was the only son for you"
Bullet with Butterfly Wings (Smashing Pumpkins, the Infinite Sadness)

---

The problem with giving Anakin that medicine was that by the time he'd actually take it, he was usually so tired it put him in a bit of a mini-coma. So...it was somewhat late the next day, before he woke up again. And, then, every living creature in the room was once again subjected to Tatooine's language. Anakin was finding its wide array of insulting adjectives quite useful lately.

"You really should clean your language up," Qui-Gon comment idly.

"I wasn't aware you were fluent in Huttese." Anakin sighed, his arm shielding his eyes from the full assault of sunlight. "Most people from the core planets aren't." In fact, most people who weren't from Tatooine weren't.

"When you travel as much as I have you tend to pick a few things up. I do not know everything you said but I can take a guess." Anakin eyed him dryly for a moment, before translating absently. It had been something to the effect of 'Oh, Force, fucking drugs'. Qui-Gon chuckled.

"You slept well though, right?" He questioned.

"I slept." He corrected flatly. "I don't sleep well. Ever. I haven't since I was...I think it was eighteen..."

"By 'well' I meant you weren't troubled by any dreams or visions."

"If I was, I don't remember." Which probably meant he wasn't. They tended to wake him up, medicine or not.

"Good. We can begin your exercises then," Qui-Gon said standing. Anakin snorted sardonically, and held his hand out for the blindfold.

"Right." Qui-Gon handed it to him and then sent him back to his room so he could rearrange the furniture. Upon being called back out, Anakin tried a new method of making his way through: don't concentrate at all, and trust habit and the Force to guide him.

"I need to-ack!" He grunted, bumping into a chair. He didn't fall this time, though. That was a plus. "Get back to work on Artoo and my-" He flat out stopped this time, upon nearing a table, and changing direction. "Helmet." He finished finally, this time just holding his hands out, as an attempt to catch warning of any invading furniture.

"Use your mind, Anakin. You can work on Artoo after this," Qui-Gon told him.

"This way's more effective." He grumbled, pausing to concentrate, as he dropped his hands back down to his side. The Force would guide him, if he just trusted it...That was one of the first things Obi-Wan had taught him. It was a theory that had saved his life more than twice, in Starfighter battles. And, it held true here, too. He found the couch with no further collision.

"Good. Once more and then you may go." Anakin nodded mutely, and made his way back to his room, retracing his steps, without bothering to take the blindfold off this time. Qui-Gon was very pleased with that and then rearranged the furniture once more.

"Ready, Anakin," he called. Releasing himself completely into the Force this time, Anakin managed to pull the little trick off without crashing into anything at all. That made him slightly more cheerful, but his hands were still shaking subtly, as he came back to himself, and yanked the blindfold off.

"Very good Anakin. Tomorrow we will try it around this floor," Qui-Gon told him.

"Fabulous." He mumbled, carefully regulating his breathing, and stilling his hands. "I...I have to go...now." He added, picking his way through the furniture, to get to the door. He'd just...go busy himself with his work. That would calm him down for sure.

"Anakin," Qui-Gon called.

"Yes?" He paused, glancing over his shoulder at him. "What is it?"

"You know if you have any concerns about what we are doing you can talk to me."

"It's not the training." He shook his head a little. "I'm fine...or...I will be."

"The offer extends beyond the training. Just so you know that," Qui-Gon replied.

"It's embarrassing." Anakin admitted, with a thin chuckle. "I'll tell you...but, not yet."

"Alright, Anakin. You'd better go. Artoo will be chomping at his circuits if you don't."

"I know." He nodded, before finishing his trek out the door. And, for whatever it was worth, he'd been right. Working did calm him down.

Well...that, and the hangar had an open wall. Plenty of light. But, for the most part, it was just something to concentrate on. And, he did have to concentrate. R2-D2 was difficult, that mask was more so. He did get the shell finished, that day, though.

---

Qui-Gon came down and got him as the sun started to set. Anakin glanced up at him, when he came in, and nodded a greeting, before getting back to work on the wiring he was working on.

"Get very far?" Qui-Gon questioned kneeling beside him.

"Working on the wiring for the visual sensors."

"I see you finished the outside, it looks good," he commented.

"Yeah." He nodded, frowning a little. "Want to help me think up a way to breathe in it?" Qui-Gon studied the helmet for a few moments and then rubbed his beard in deep thought.

"Perhaps leaving the space for your mouth open but then placing some thinner substance on the inside so you will not be completely exposed. And perhaps you should connect some sort of breathing machine to it?" He replied questionably, mechanics had never been his strong point.

"I think I can rig a vocabulator up to it, if I do go with a machine." He mused. "To make talking easier." Qui-Gon nodded.

"Sounds like a plan."

"You're not here to make sure I go to bed, are you?"

"Am I that easy to read?" Qui-Gon questioned.

"You drugged me." Anakin reminded him dryly. "But, not tonight. Nope. Not happening."

"It was for your own good, you were almost dead on your feet. And in truth I just came to make sure you eat," he answered.

"If you hadn't drugged me, I would be asleep by now anyway." He sighed, rubbing his temples. "Force...I hate that stuff."

"Why?"

"I don't like sleeping." He shrugged, as though that should be obvious. Or...night in general, but he didn't plan to mention that.

"Anakin, may I ask you something?"

"You can ask," He confirmed with a nod. "And…there's a distinct possibility that I'll answer."

"Are you achluophobic?" Qui-Gon questioned. Anakin glanced sharply at him, brows furrowing deeply.

"Jedi aren't afraid."

"That is supposed to be true but if it is what do you call the way your heart rate increases when you are blindfolded?" Anakin was silent for a few minutes, before shrugging.

"I don't like it."

"Alright. Well come on, time to eat," Qui-Gon said standing. Anakin nodded, before standing. He followed Qui-Gon wordlessly, trying to keep
the embarrassed blush out of his cheeks. He couldn't believe Qui-Gon had noticed! And then called him on it!

"What would you like? Obi-Wan left us many things?" Qui-Gon asked as they got back to the apartment.

"Doesn't matter." He shrugged, honestly not caring too much. "Whatever you want." Qui-Gon gave a shrug of his own and disappeared into the kitchen. He returned about ten minutes later and sat with him on the couch.

"Should be ready in about thirty minutes," he said.

"Fun." Anakin nodded confirmation that he'd heard. He looked restless, though. And, he was. He'd much rather be down in the hangar, working. Qui-Gon chuckled suddenly, lost in his own memories.

"What's funny?" He wondered, blinking idly.

"I was just thinking of this time I played a trick on Obi-Wan. He was so mad but actually worked for the better," he replied.

"What did you do?" He wondered. "That wasn't the time you gave him a rock for his birthday, was it?"

"No, although that is a good memory as well. This time was something very different. When Obi-Wan was young, a bit younger than you when we found you on Tatooine, he was very fond of games. Any kind of game would do but videogames were his favorite. He would often skip over his studies just to play them, whenever he could sneak them by me. Once I found one in his room and so I tweaked it. The next time he tried to play it, he had to answer a question from his classes before he could attack whatever you were to attack on that game," Qui-Gon explained.

"Oh." Anakin nodded thoughtfully. "Smart plan."

"I thought so to, of course after that, to get back at me, he placed green hair dye in my shampoo. I had a meeting with the Council the next morning and woke up late. You can only imagine the reactions I got when I got there."

"Master always has had an interesting sense of humor."

"True, but I was plenty mad when he returned from classes that day. It was probably the only time he truly feared me."

"I'd be afraid of you too, if you were that angry, Qui-Gon."

"I'm not sure if I should take that as a compliment or not," he sighed.

"It wasn't meant offensively." Anakin promised with a shrug. "Just a fact."

"Well, thank you, then." He stood and went to check on the food.

"Not a problem." He waved it off. Qui-Gon returned with their plates a few moments later.

"Here you are." He smiled handing him the plate with the steaming food on it.

"Thanks." He accepted it, frowning a little. He wanted to go back and work more. He didn't like sitting still, doing nothing.

---

"You have so much energy," Qui-Gon commented. Anakin blinked up at him, attempting to stop a nervously tapping foot.

"I don't like wasting time." He shrugged, as though this should be obvious. "Which is all that sitting idle is."

"I had hoped you would enjoy our time together. We rarely see each other, unless something is wrong and you 'kidnap' me."

"I'm sorry." The young blonde grinned apolitically. "It isn't you. I'm just..." He trailed off. Just what? Frightened? Full of dread? "Not used to being so well rested." He concluded finally, grimacing by how false it sounded. Even though it was true. Qui-Gon laughed.

"You've never been good at lying Anakin."

"I have a deadline to prepare for." Anakin reminded him flatly. "And, it keeps getting closer. I'm not sure if I can be ready in time, and sitting still when I could be doing something is making me feel restless."

"You will be ready," Qui-Gon assured him. "You have my word." Anakin sighed, and nodded. The promise didn't do a horrible amount to assure him, but he did work the will up to calm slightly. Or, at least he stopped fidgeting.

"My apologies." He murmured finally. "I really do enjoy spending time with you. Really." Qui-Gon smiled.

"I enjoy it as well. Alright, Anakin, you can go but do come back before the sun rises," he said.

Anakin grinned at him, and nodded. Hopping to his feet quickly, he grabbed his cloak (mostly out of habit, but Coruscant could get rather chilly at night) and headed back down to the hangar. He'd come back by dawn...he'd memorized what time it was, he could get back in time and still work all night. He'd be fine.

When he woke the next morning he was in his bed. It seemed Qui-Gon had slipped that medicine into his food once again. Anakin cursed some more, in response to the drugging, and literally rolled out of bed, landing with a thud on the floor.

"In the name of the living Force, would you stop doing that?" The poor blonde requested of the empty room with a groan, as he slowly started to disentangle himself from his blankets. (They had decided it would be a good plan to join him, when he'd rolled to the floor.)
There were two messages waiting for him when he came into the living room on the holocomm. One from Qui-Gon and the other from Obi-Wan.

'It seems I have missed you once again. I hope things are going well, Anakin. Master tells me that he is pleased with the way your training is going. I have started my search for this plant but so far have been unsuccessful. I am sending my coordinates so if you need you may get into contact with me. Hopefully I will actually get to speak with you next time,' Obi-Wan's message told him and then faded to Qui-Gon's.
'Anakin, I was called to a meeting with the Council. I will try to be back by the time you wake up, if not there is breakfast on the table.' Qui-Gon's image faded leaving him alone once again.

"Bet you drugged it." Anakin grumbled, mostly to himself. But, after nearly half an hour of sniffing the food, he deemed it safe, and started to dig in. It was just a matter, now, of waiting for Qui-Gon to return. Qui-Gon returned almost an hour later. He smiled when he saw him but was only rewarded with a glare.

"Did we not just cover not liking sleeping, or the drugs?" Anakin called him on it right away, his glare less pouty and drier.

"We did, I just didn't listen," Qui-Gon replied sitting at the table with him.

"Well, either you start listening, or I'm going to do the cooking." This was clearly a threat, as he leaned forward against the table. "And, trust me. You don't want me cooking for you." Qui-Gon laughed, he had heard about Anakin's cooking from Obi-Wan, he really shouldn't be laughing at the threat.

"Master said he'd rather eat bantha fodder, than my cooking again, after last time..." Anakin mused. "So, no more drugs, okay?"

"I will try to refrain myself but I make no promises. You know I'm a rebel," he replied.

"Qui-Gon..." Anakin eyed him dryly. "Forced sleep doesn't help anyone."

"You can't blame me for trying."

"Can too." The young man grumbled, looking like he might very much love to stab the table with a fork.

"Well if you're finished shall we start with your exercises? If you do well enough we're going to move on," Qui-Gon told him.

"To...what?"

"The floor," Qui-Gon answered. Anakin almost choked on his own drool, to that.

"The floor?" He echoed, a bit of dread sneaking into his tone. Finding his way around the floor would mean being blindfolded for a long time...

"You will do fine. You just have to have faith in yourself."

"It's not a matter of a lack of faith." He sighed, resting his face in his hands.

"I know, but the Jedi do not fear, right? I have nothing else to call it," Qui-Gon replied. Anakin glanced up at him, and he suddenly looked tired again, despite having actually slept the night before.

"I am not afraid." He was the Hero with No Fear. He wasn't allowed to be afraid.

"To the people outside. You are Anakin to me and always will be, as I am sure Obi-Wan would agree if he were here."

"I'm not afraid." Anakin repeated, frowning icily. "Give me the damn blindfold. I'll prove it to you." Qui-Gon held it out to him. Well...whether he
proved that he wasn't afraid of the dark or not, Anakin did prove that he had memorized the lay out of the rooms...if nothing else.

"Very good. Let us go outside then," Qui-Gon told him. Anakin took a deep breath, to center himself, and nodded.

"Alright." He agreed softly. Qui-Gon took his hand and led him out into the hallway. Once there he let go and just stood beside him.

"Now, there are the normal things that are in this hallway but classes are also going on, so you know there will be people coming and going. Feel out and trust the Force, it will guide you," he explained in a calm and steady voice.

"Where am I going?"

"You will just find your way back here. All the hallways connect at some point so you will be able to return rather easily, if you do this right," the older man answered.

"Great..." He nodded, taking another deep breath, to re-center himself and try to calm the squirming in his stomach. "I'll be back soon...hopefully."

"I will be here." The ordeal could have been easier, Anakin decided upon returning nearly an hour later. The Temple was big, yes, but it
shouldn't have taken him that long. He didn't want to know how many bruises he had, from running into stuff, either. Nope. All he wanted to do was sit down, before his knees gave out. They were shaking quite a bit."How did you do?" Qui-Gon asked as he removed the blindfold. Taking deep, calming breaths, Anakin offered him a dry look, and leaned against the nearest wall.

"Guess." He challenged darkly.

"You ran into the wall five times, a person ten, and something other than those two at least fifteen?"

"You were watching." The blonde accused him, sinking slowly to the floor.

"I was behind you," Qui-Gon confirmed.

"Then why, pray tell, did you bother to ask?"

---

"To see what you thought," Qui-Gon replied.

"I think I did poorly, and it won't do at all for a way of life."

"Then we shall do it again and again until you are pleased." Groaning, Anakin hung his head. He stared at his hands, as though his stern look would stop them from trembling. He hadn't liked that at all. He hadn't felt like he was getting anywhere. Although, judging from having crashed into different walls, he had been.

"Come, I'll make you some tea and then we will do it again once you have calmed down," Qui-Gon said holding out a hand to help him stand. Nodding mutely, Anakin accepted the assistance with his durasteel hand. The shaking wasn't as obvious, in it. He preferred not to brag about his mental shortcomings, thanks.

Together they walked back into the room and then to the kitchen. Qui-Gon started the tea and then sat across from him.

"I truly am grateful for all you've been doing for me, Qui-Gon." Anakin murmured, crossing his arms on the table, and resting his chin on them. "You have my deepest apologies, if my behavior has told you otherwise."

"I'm pleased to hear that Anakin, and you have done nothing but be yourself which is more than I was hoping for." A small smile made his lips twitch up a bit.

"You weren't expecting me to be myself?"

"Not really, no," the other answered.

"And, just what were you expecting?"

"Well... definitely not a scared young man, which has for the most part been proven correct. Perhaps an angry, cold young man, but that too has been proven incorrect. I do not truly know, Anakin, but I am pleased by what I have found."

"I'm not scared!" Anakin insisted again, frowning. This was a blatant, and glaringly obvious, lie. They both knew it. But, the blonde knew that if he admitted it, he wouldn't be able to deny it anymore. Now, to most this would have been a simple concept, but denial was the only defense he had. It was important to him, to be able to keep it up for a bit longer.

"Alright, if you say so, Anakin," Qui-Gon replied to check on the tea, although it was clear that he did not believe him. Still frowning, the young Knight wasn't certain whether he appreciated being patronized or not. But, at least the subject was off of him, and his level of fear. That was enough, for now.

Qui-Gon poured him a cup and sat it in front of him before getting one himself. He sat back down and took a sip before speaking again.

"So what can you do to improve?"

"Umm...stop running into things?" He offered. That seemed fairly obvious, to him.

"Well, yes, but how can you do that?"

"No clue." He admitted, with a shrug. "But, I have a feeling you're going to tell me. And, that you're going to say something about further opening my mind to the Force." Qui-Gon smiled.

"You would be correct," he stated and then went into a long explanation on how this could be done.

"Yeah...the problem comes with zoning out, when I go into it too far." Anakin pointed out. "And missing things, going on around me."

"In the beginning, you would have an anchor. Someone like myself, Obi-Wan or even Yoda, but I would rather it be the first two. That way you could test the boundaries but if you happened too go to far we could pull you back."

"I suppose it could work." The younger man nodded thoughtfully, before cursing softly, as a sudden pang of pain shot through his eyes. Still swearing under his breath, he screwed them shut, and buried his face in his still crossed arms. Qui-Gon jumped up and was instantly at his side, a hand on his shoulder.

"Anakin?" He questioned worriedly.

"I'm fine." Anakin insisted, mumbling into the table. "I...I'm just fine...really."

"Stop lying, Ani," Qui-Gon said quietly rubbing the back of his neck comfortingly. Glancing up slowly, the blonde smiled a little at the nickname.

"When was the last time you called me that?" He wondered curiously. When was the last time anyone but Padmé had called him that?

"Probably when you became Obi-Wan's apprentice, at thirteen," he answered.

"Probably..." The younger Jedi agreed, wincing against another shot of pain. He hoped his eyes weren't going to make a habit of that...it was going to get irritating..."Are you sure you're going to be alright?" Qui-Gon questioned having caught the wince.

"No," He admitted, his grin somewhat more forced this time. "But, I'll live."

"I would suggest the healers normally but they can do nothing. How about those drops they gave you?"

"They're for itching, not pain." Qui-Gon sighed and stood although his eyes still held his worry.

"Well I suppose we should try again."

"I suppose so." Anakin agreed, closing his eyes for a moment, before opening them again, and holding a hand out for the blindfold. Qui-Gon tied it for him and then went back out to the hall once again leading him by holding his hand.

"Ready?" He asked.

"For the most part." Qui-Gon let him go.

"Alright. Begin." Anakin did a bit better this time...and better still the time after that. That didn't change how scared he was, though. Regardless
of how much he tried to deny it."Very good Anakin. We will do this again tomorrow, for now let us go down to the mess hall for the evening meal. No, leave the blindfold on," Qui-Gon told him as he started to remove it.

"Why?"

"I want you to learn about your surroundings without your sight. This will be good for your hearing," Qui-Gon replied.

"Oh..." His hands fell limply back down to his sides. "Right. Of course."

"Come alone then. The sooner we get there the fewer people there will be."

"Yes..." He agreed. Every fiber in his being was screaming for him to grab Qui-Gon's hand...but he somehow managed to resist. Qui-Gon could sense his fear, no it was not fear... right. He stepped closer, allowing himself to walk shoulder to shoulder with Anakin hoping that touch would bring the younger man some comfort. Chewing absently on the inside of his lower lip, Anakin sighed, and let his fingers lace with the older man's. That brought him a little peace...somehow...

"I'm ready now." He murmured, once that was done.

"Glad to hear that, since we're already moving," Qui-Gon said. Anakin just groaned. Well...it had already been noted that he didn't feel like he was going anywhere, when he couldn't see...

---

"Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
And I still believe that I cannot be saved"
Bullet With Butterfly Wings (Smashing Pumpkins, Infinite Sadness)