A Coconut Thrown by a Monkey

Author: pratz

Disclaimer: Gundam SEED Destiny and its characters respectfully belong to Sunrise. The title is adapted from Anthony de Mello's The Song of the Bird: A Coconut. This is a non-profit work.

Notes: biggest love to Fledgling, the best beta and friend ever. Without her, there's no A Coconut Thrown by a Monkey. To those who read, I hope you've enjoyed your stay. To those who send feedback despite the lousiness of my writing every now and then, I humbly send you my deepest gratitude for all the time and attention you've spent for this fic. To those who felt uncomfortable after reading this fic, I extremely apologise for each and every mistake.

peace in the struggle

to find peace

comfort on the way

to comfort

—Fumbling Toward Ecstasy, Sarah McLachlan

Last Part of Four

His class' inauguration day came during the time he was preparing his answer to Clyne, and he could not help wondering if Dullindal would give him a spiteful glance and ban him from the inaugural ceremony. If he does, I wonder who's the one holding a grudge now, he thought sarcastically. Of course, no matter what the general might have done, he made sure he was going to be there when three of his students obtained the red uniform for the first time.

"The Red's changing, isn't it?" Dearka murmured softly, sitting beside him under the tent for the invited guests. "Congrats, Mr. Instructor. They've made it—and it's a big score for a new instructor."

Athrun just acknowledged him and his words with a small nod.

"Yzak is probably Not Happy right now, don't you think?" Dearka laughed a little, a wistful look on his face. "Now that Squadron Zala is replacing Squadron Jule..."

"Jule will learn to cope with it," Athrun said. "He will—because he's more hard-headed than anyone."

Two days ago, Yzak, as the current Head of the Academy, had announced gloomily that Squadron Jule was to return to the Air Force home base and that the newest graduate cadets would fill the empty post in Minerva as members of Squadron Zala. The hall was silent. Aside from the fact that it was an official release from an official officer, the news was startling. After all, who had thought that Squadron Jule, hero of the last battle the country had, and the one who had been in lead ever since Squadron Zala had been dismissed to the back up line, would be replaced?

Moreover, the man whose name was carried by the said returning squadron was only a temporary instructor in the academy.

And walked with crutches.

"Sir."

Athrun looked up to see Shinn standing proudly before him, his red uniform on, giving a formal military greeting.

"It's not like you to be so formal right now, Shinn. Anything I can help with?"

"Si—Athrun. I'd like to have a word or two with you—if that's okay." He eyed Dearka.

"Alright."

Athrun rose from his seat and reached for his crutches, following Shinn to a quieter corner not far from the tent. Watching his student walking in front of him, Athrun felt that the boy must be proud wearing the uniform, that was, for walking that confidently.

Sighing, he smiled knowingly. It's really time to let the younger generation lead the way, isn't it? I know this, but it doesn't make me any less... sad.

Shinn stopped walking, turning to face him again. "I would like you to be my co-pilot in my first official flight."

He pretended that he did not hear. "Pardon me?"

"If you don't mind, I'd like you to be my co-pilot in my first official flight," the boy paraphrased, cheeks slightly flushing.

"Oh, I do mind." Athrun suddenly felt anger rise up. "What do you have in your mind, you squirt? I—"

"You still have your pilot license."

"I have no permit to do so."

"I could ask Colonel Jule for it."

"And he would hang you all fair and nice for merely asking."

"In fact, I already have the permit."

"You what?"

"Even the Head wouldn't be able to refuse if I came with an authentic autograph from the Minister of Defence himself."

Squinting his eyes, Athrun processed the information he had received. "...What else do you know?"

"I know the stuffs with the Minister and also about Rey."

When was the last time he had a flight? He could not remember—or maybe it was that he did not want to remember. "Thank you, but I can't accept it."

"Why?"

"I can't let myself do it."

"Do what? Have a flight again? Why?" The boy was all but insistent.

"...I can't do it." Not like this, he added silently.

The boy gripped his arm, hard enough to make him wince. "I don't remember you ever saying that word in class. Not even once."

"There's optimism, and there's limitation, Shinn." He tried to shrug away the hand on his arm, but Shinn tightened his hold. "First article of self-empowerment rules; know yourself. Knowing your limit is essential in and off the battlefield. Second article; know your personnel. Knowing your men—both their ability and inability—is another important aspect. You haven't forgotten it, have you? As your instructor, I'll be very disappointed if you have."

"I haven't forgotten. And I know what I'm asking from you."

"You. Are. Dumb." It was the first time he had called his student a name, but he was exasperated. And a little desperate, maybe.

"Sir," Shinn cut in swiftly, "please."

Deep in his heart, Athrun realized fully why he was angry. What was a pilot, Yzak once said, if he's off the air? He had learnt to deal with his new life after that doomed accident, but letting go was never easier than talking about it. The bitterness. The pain. The fear. The pride. He could not just let them all go at once.

"I—"

"It's not only from me. Rey and Luna also ask you the same," Shinn explained. "So we'd be very glad to have you in our first official flight."

He could not escape anymore. "When?"

Shinn's face lightened up, as if he was granted something very priceless. "Two days from now, in the arms of the Goddess. I'll tell them ab—"

"I'm just asking when. Don't get too excited from such a trivial thing," he scowled.

Later, when he came back to sit beside Dearka, he noticed that his comrade looked like he was trying his best to hide a grin—and failed miserably.

"You know about this."

Hearing Athrun's declaring a statement instead of an accusation, Dearka let out the wide grin he had attempted to hide. "Yeah. Sorry."

"You, all of you, do what you like."

"Hey, it's for your own benefit."

"What benefit? I don't want it."

"But you do."

"No, I don't."

"Actually, you really want to smile right now, don't you, Athrun?"

"Shut up."

Cagalli choked in her coke.

Half wincing, Athrun hurriedly pulled a sheet of tissue and handed it to her. He had amused himself with some thoughts of what her reaction might be as he told her everything that had happened, everything he had thought about, but this was far from his imagination. To others, it might be considered gross, but he was truly grateful that Cagalli was being so sincere and open with him. "You alright?"

Flustered, Cagalli coughed few times, wiping her mouth with the tissue Athrun had given to her. "Sorry."

"That surprising?"

"That surprising."

Athrun stroked her back slowly, trying, at least, to soothe her, even though he did not really know what to do. "Sorry."

"What for?"

"Well, I only happened to tell you today."

"That's fine—as long as you tell me." Cagalli crushed the used tissue in her palm and put it aside. "So?"

Athrun moved over, supporting his weight with his elbow on the table, facing Cagalli. "What do you think?" He tried to smile.

Cagalli narrowed her eyes. "...You don't have to do that, you know."

"Do what?"

"This." Blushing mildly, she traced the thin line of his lips with a finger. Athrun was quite taken aback at her boldness, but he did not mind it, really. After all, it was Cagalli. "Don't give me that fake smile. You don't have to smile in front of me if you don't feel like it."

His lips parted a bit, but no words came out except a small sigh.

"Athrun?"

It's time to let go, Athrun. It's time to prove to yourself that you are going to be fine.

And the decision is all yours.

"Cagalli, can I ask you something?"

"Hm?"

A visibly faint, almost sad smile graced his lips. "Why are you here?"

"Here?"

"With Minerva." With me—but he did not say it aloud.

"Well, I—" she played with the white, translucent straw on her milkshake, "I don't really have an answer, truth be told. But—aw, crap—if I have to really tell you—well—don't laugh, alright? It's you who gave me the inspiration."

"Me?"

Looking more flustered than ever, she scratched the back of her head shyly. "You know, Kira joined the National Research Office last month. He said that he's going to help to build the world anew. I don't really understand, though. I just grasped that there are many things needed to be done to heal this country."

"Heal the country, eh?" he repeated in a mumble. In his mind, the picture of Clyne, Dullindal, his superiors, his comrades, his late teammate and his students surged in. "I... am neither that patriotic nor devoted. I know that if the country slips on her feet now, a better future will just be a dream. Clyne—and I—realize that we soldiers are meant to fight. After the fight, we don't really have many choices. Retreat back quietly, or we'll be gotten rid of. That's what we have to choose until the time we're needed again."

"I can't disagree to that. It's cruel, but that's the way of the world." Cagalli looked pained as she drew the words from her mouth, as if she was trying very hard to avoid saying them.

"So be it that now I'm needed." Athrun sighed, relented. "After I'm not needed anymore, I have to step back—or be gotten rid of."

"My father once said soldiers never die; they just fade away. Lacus said the same thing, too. And—and then I thought of you." She let go of the straw, her hands now on her lap, her head bowed. "A good soldier does his best for the people of his country, and you're a good soldier. A great one, even. You don't fight a battle just because of false reasons, you don't raise your gun simply to do others harm, and I believe you're at the Academy because you don't want those young cadets to be mere murderers."

"I'm not that generous, Cagalli."

"I'm not done yet, alright? You love this country and its people, and that's what I love from you. You know it's dangerous when your love grows to duty, but you're doing your best not to let it happen. So... if there's anything in my power I can do, especially at a transitional time like now, I want to—well—at least lend a hand to soldiers like you.

"Soldiers have the people who love them, waiting at home, praying for their well-being. Especially pilots. It's their very lives they're risking to protect us back home. I guess I'm here because I want to make sure their planes, jets, machines are safe. Good devices ensure good conditions, don't you think?" Raising her face, she locked her eyes with his. Her small, low laughter faded to become only a slight smile upon her lips. "If you soldiers do all of this for us, at least I want to be your support."

My... support.

Really, he could say nothing to counter that.

Her answer, in his concern, was the most precious answer he had ever received.

"So, Mr. Red Baron, you don't have to worry about your squadron. I'll take care of them!"

"Hm."

"Now, I want to ask you something."

"A-ah," he stuttered for the first time he ever remembered, still not recovering from his amazement. "What?"

She drew in a deep breath, then, "Are you sure that's the only thing you want to ask me?"

"W-what?"

"I'm not stupid, Athrun."

Her equally nervous smile melted his own nervousness, though it was still present in his eyes. "You won't let me go with only this, will you?"

"Of course I won't."

"You're really something, Cagalli." He smiled. "You don't mind being here?"

She shook her head, slowly realizing what Athrun had truly wanted to ask her.

"Are you sure? If you walk with me, I'd make you walk slower. If you eat out with me, I'd make you set the sitting arrangement first. My salary per month is less than the amount an office worker gets, and I don't think I could afford annual holiday. I tend to let my mood get the better of me, I tend to be stubborn and I tend to fuss about things. You don't mind them all?"

"Well, you can cook, you have a nice taste of music, you're the best partner to discuss things, and you're definitely a good-looking man."

The tenseness in his profile started lessening slowly, the tautness in his body gone. "You're twenty-one and have many better futures to choose before you. I'm thirty and could have made the minister of defence my enemy." He would understand if she said the word he dreaded the most—the 'no' word, because he was not going to be greedy nonetheless.

"I love danger."

"I'm not the danger itself, but I could be dangerous."

"Just—" she paused, half frustrated and half hoping, "say what you want to say, please? Athrun?"

This is it.

"Cagalli, I—staywithme."

He was an utter and total piece of crap. The dumbest, most idiotic man ever. It was not what he had intended to say, but somehow the idea of roses and a down-on-the-knees confession annoyed him to the very end. Just great, Athrun Zala. And you call yourself a man. Unquestionably great.

A solitary tear rolled down her cheek, then another and another.

Athrun cringed at the sight, feeling as if someone had kneed him hard in the gut and left him out of breath. "Was it that bad?" And he cringed even more as he saw her shoulders shake terribly. "Cagalli, I'm sorr—"

And she burst out in laughter.

Athrun blinked. "Cagalli?"

"Oh my God, Athrun," she panted between a laugh and a sob, clutching her stomach with both arms. "You should see your face. Never, not even in my dreams, did I think I'd finally have the chance to see you so clumsy and flustered. Oh God..."

"B-but—"

Leaning her head on his shoulder, she tried to stifle her laughter and sobs by hiding her face on the folds of his uniform. "You smell," she mumbled against his arm.

Athrun winced again. "Really? I didn't have the chance to take a bath earlier."

"No, it's not like that. You smell of sincerity and comfort," she saw him gaze down on her with so much emotion in his green eyes, "and I know you always will."

"That's—" He did not know what he wanted to say anymore.

"I'm the kind of person who believes we should decide our own future," she stated quietly. "And I know I'll choose my future with a man named Athrun Zala in it."

He pulled away a little to look at her in the eyes. His chest was tight, his throat dry and he was sure he could just explode right then and there. "You're serious."

"Aren't you?" Now it was in her eyes that doubt began to dawn. "Or are you just saying it because you feel dutiful or indebted towards me?"

When she was in doubt, she would blabber about everything and anything, but he had known it for a long time and accepted it as a part of her. "Why, dutiful? I must be the most idiotic man to do this out of duty, Cagalli. I—" he paused tersely, not knowing what to say. So this is it, huh? It all comes down to this. Whatever. "I meant it."

They stared at each other, trying to grasp each and every emotion that ebbed and flowed between them. His hand shook a little as he waited, and he knew she could feel the weak tremor since his sweaty palm was upon hers.

She broke the silence with a quiet chuckle. "What now?"

"I'm staring at you."

"Oh?"

"I'm going to stare and stare at you until you're all I see when I close my eyes."

Her head tilted. "The sun is going to set soon, Athrun. Want to see it?" She knew he loved to see the sun set.

"Alright, but I'm still going to stare at you until the sun sets." He recalled the memories of the sunset in the beach when she gave him her pendant and the sunset when they were in Minerva. It took all of his self-control not to cry out of bliss. "I'm going to collect and treasure every single moment with you until I no longer can."

"Sap."

"I know. You've told me before."

"Have I?" she mocked dryly, but her smile did not waver.

Closing his eyes, Athrun leaned closer, his cool lips grazing her forehead. He could feel her breath fall on his chin, and as his lips travelled lower down to the bridge of her nose, her eyelashes brushed against his cheek.

"Athrun."

His name. She simply made it sound so perfect, so loved.

He kissed her softly once, twice, lips against lips, and reluctantly he let go, staring at her again. Her cheeks tinged with fresh, radiant glow of happiness, and somehow Athrun thought that the silly idiom of butterflies fluttering inside one's stomach when one was happy was undoubtedly true.

"Athrun."

"...Stay?"

She pulled him down to drop a kiss on his forehead. He closed his eyes again, his head tucked against the joint of her shoulder and neck.

"It's not like I need to leave you at anytime, you know."

"Hm."

"Shouldn't we go now to see the sunset?"

"Just... a little longer, alright?"

Once again, he allowed her to see the real Athrun Zala.

"Are you sure?"

Athrun rose from his seat across the minister's table. "Yes, Sir. If it's possible, I'd like to stay as long as I can in the Academy."

Sighing, Clyne closed the open folder before him. "I had guessed you'd come and give me this kind of answer, but I'm still a little disappointed."

"I'm sorry if I can't live up to your expectations."

"Changing from the inside, eh?"

"I don't know," Athrun answered honestly. "Like I've said, I don't live by dwelling in the past. I also don't live merely for the future I'm unable to predict. I hate surprises, I hate politics, and I admit I still hate some of my losses."

"...Yet?"

"Yet... I have things I want to do."

It was silent for a while, then, "Zala?"

"Yes, Sir?"

"You said you're learning to deal with the new you. Have you seen your goal?"

"Sir," he heaved a breath, "what would you do if—just if—a monkey threw a coconut at you?"

"Wh—"

"I said if."

"I don't know—that's gotta hurt like hell? Well—what a question—maybe chase the monkey down and throw the coconut back at it?"

Athrun just smiled, patient and calm. "Someone said if that happened to me, I'd just take the coconut and make use of it. Eat it, drink its water and maybe use it as a bowl."

The minister took a few times to comprehend the man's words. "You sure are confident—I was right when I said that part of you hadn't changed at all."

"Perhaps. Who knows?"

"...You love this country a lot, don't you?"

"Someone also said it's dangerous when love turns into duty." Athrun almost laughed as he imagined Cagalli's reaction upon knowing that he had quoted several citations of hers, but now was not the right time to laugh. "I just don't want my love to turn into duty, Sir."

Clyne remained in his seat when Athrun closed the door of his office.

"I'll take it you've checked the entire condition of the jet?"

"Afraid?"

"I'm nervous—that I admit."

"Why, Athrun, I've never imagined I'd hear that kind of confession from an ace like the Baron himself."

"Shut up, Shinn. And don't do anything stupid."

Athrun knew that Cagalli was there when Shinn's jet arrived at the landing base in the arms of the Minerva, standing amidst the crowd next to the hangar. As the young pilot was congratulated by his peers and the staff, Athrun was more interested to talk with Cagalli right now but knew he had to face this crowd first.

"Your crutches, Ath—Sir." Lunamaria handed him his crutches as he lifted himself off his co-pilot seat using his hands.

"Thanks, Luna."

It was hard to walk down the stairs with crutches, but he managed it. Luna and Shinn walked beside him in case he might double over and lose his balance, but no, he would not give them the satisfaction of seeing him fall. Some staff and even Talia applauded him as he came to the bottom of the stairs from Shinn's jet.

"A big hit, Zala." Talia reached out her hand, waiting for him to take it. "I'm going to miss you when you leave the Goddess and return to the Academy this evening."

"Don't start being so melancholic now, Colonel. I'm here just due to a request from my students."

Rey, standing close to Talia, sent him a formal military salutation. "Sir. Thank you, Sir. For coming, I mean."

He sent a salutation back before patting the boy on his shoulder. "I'll leave the team in your hands."

"Sir. Yes, Sir."

After some random talks with the staff, he finally had the chance to talk with Cagalli privately, safe from all ears and eyes.

"Congratulations," Cagalli offered.

"Give me your hand."

"Wh—"

"Just here." He pulled her right hand towards him abruptly, opening her palm and placing something on it

Cagalli blinked as she registered the small badge in the shape of a single white wing in her hand. "Athrun, it's—"

"My badge. From FAITH."

Her mouth fell ajar, wide, disbelieving. The badge was very precious to Athrun, she knew. It was the remembrance of his mightiest day as an ace, the remembrance of the time when he was a member of FAITH, the most honoured military body in the country. His pride as the Red. The proof of his dedication and love for the country.

And now that he trusted it to her, she felt like it was his way of saying that he was trusting his pride, his dedication, his love, his everything into her hands.

Who would believe her if she proclaimed that Athrun Zala was a romantic?

"I know it's not the right time, but I—" He was cut short as she threw herself at him, nearly making him tumble backwards if he had not balanced them both swiftly. "Cagalli!"

"I'll treasure it," she whispered, half choking, from the folds of his uniform. "Honest."

Smiling, he hugged her back before releasing himself. Placing a soft kiss on her cheek, he murmured against her ear, "That means a lot to me."

"Stop it. You're making me blush again."

"Oh, but I love seeing it."

"You're dead, Athrun. I'll make sure of it."

He laughed. "But you'll revive me back to life again."

She elbowed his side playfully. "Don't think too high of yourself, Baron. You cook tonight's dinner."

"Here? In the arms of the Goddess?"

"Well, yeah."

"Then what would I get in return, Miss Athha?"

"My companionship." For now. And ever.

"That I could deal with—" That'll be the greatest gift ever, thank you. "—Cagalli."

I was once lost but now am found.

My name is Athrun Zala.