The Very Secret Journal Of Gregory House, MD

By Bardvahalla 2005

Day 1 - Pulled muscle while out golfing. Stings a bit.

Day 4 - AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

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Day 6 - Still alive post op. Leg hurts like HELL! Death preferable.

Day 7 - Screw this! Will skip ahead five years.

Day 1692 - Vicodin: 15. (V. Good)

Snarky comments: 14 (Racial Slurs: 3 - Sexual references: 6 – General: 5)

Patients Saved: 1.5

Should call Cameron and breath heavily into receiver. Wonder if she has call display?

Day 1693 - Sexy, scruffy stubble – check. Icy blue eyes – check. Chicks begging to do me – check.

Addiction to drug that leaves me completely impotent – check. Wait? Excuse me?

Day 1695 - Wilson complete prat. Shagging everything in a skirt, included v. startled Scotman in clinic. Show off.

Vicodin: 18. (N. Good)

Musical interludes 3 (V. bad)

Day 1696 - Foreman copying my look again. Next thing you'll know the big silly will be claiming rare disease makes him "white." As if!

Stubble update - Tres Manly.

Vicodin: 16. (Better)

Day 1999 - Chase's accent SO fake. He finally got proper hair cut, but only after Wilson mistook him for girl & copped a feel. HAHA!

Vicodin: 12. (V. v. Good)

Snarky comments: 24 (Various)

Day 2000 - Cameron all clingy and whiney.

"Why don't you like MEEEEEEE? I like Youuuuuuu. So why don't you like meeeeeeeeeeeee?" Can't out run little tramp. Will try whacking her with cane.

Vicodin: 21. (V. Flaccid)

Patients saved: 14 (Epidemic)

Day 2001 - Cuddy sneezed, nearly took out Foreman's eye.

Do all hospital administrators dress like cheap hookers?

Vicodin: 22

Products plugged: 21

Day 2007 - Patient lied about chest cold. Really had giant spear sticking out of chest.

Had prescribed Vap-O-Rub. Oopsie! (Note to self - Must schedule autopsy.)

In other news, think Foreman has hots for me. Caught him photoshopping me in v. v. sordid ways.

Am both appalled and intrigued.

Bet Wilson $50 that Chase wears ladies' panties under lab coat.

Vicodin: 17.

Day 2014 - Missed General Hospital, dammit! Cameron and Wilson shagging like bunnies on my TV.

Told them to use janitorial closet next time. Ingrates!

Have caught British inflection from girlie Chase. V. annoying.

Vicodin: 26 w/ 4 vodka chasers

Day 2016 - Sexual addiction epidemic sweeping clinic. Everyone shagging but me. Why?Am v. stubbly. Snarky. Arrogant and always right.

What the hell is the MATTER with these people?

Vicodin: 13.

Products plugged: 35

Day 2019 - All in all, v. v. tiring day. Whiney Cameron forcing me out on date.

Ex-squeeze Stacy friend showed up – wants me to play doctor.

Foreman IMing rude portraits of himself wearing hospital gown.

Wilson came out of closet, wants to play House - me to be 'mommy'.

UPDATE: Cuddy groped Vicodin bottle in pocket & Chase stroked cane under table - both now COMPLETELY misled about my situation.

Vicodin w/ Viagra 10

Products plugged: 35

People plugged: 8 (Wilson & Chase twice) Note- On bright side – won $50!

Day 2022

Stubble worked too well. Renewed for a second season.

Kill me now.

Vicodin: 89