|The Fate of Love
Author: ZhugeLiangT PM
Join Zhuge as he looks at different pairings and characters and show what really would happen if they occured in real life.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Angst - Chapters: 4 - Words: 6,464 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 03-17-06 - Published: 09-30-05 - id: 2599649
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
"Weee!" Xiao squealed with delight as she cheerfully chased around an open field. She stopped and looked up into the sky. "This is so much fun! But… I can't believe Zhou Yu is so stupid. I can't believe he would actually leave me… maybe I am not cute enough, or clever enough… but still, how could he just leave me? And for Sun Ce too! I knew they were friends but still, that is just sick. Oh well, maybe I'll find someone better than him, who though. Sun Quan? Nah.. Zhou Tai hangs around him like a lost puppy, he scares me, plus with my luck since they are a Sun and a Zhou they might secretly love each other too. Huang Gai and Sun Jian are too old for me. Taishi Ci is nice, but I think Sun Shang Xiang might like him, I don't want to get her mad at me. Gan Ning? No way, he is smelly and drinks too much. Ling Tong, he is kind of ugly. Lu Meng is a meanie… who else… Oh! Lu Xun! He is dreamy, now where is he? I have to find him before anyone else grabs him. Who knows how many fan girls are after him."
Xiao quickly ran off in search of Lu Xun. She ran through many cities searching for him but could not find him at all. All she could find on her search was Taishi Ci training, Gan Ning drinking, Dong Zhuo looking at a pervy magazine, Lu Meng staring at a painting of Lu Xun, Liu Bei eating an arm and Zhou Tai peeking at Sun Quan getting dressed. Xiao was about to give up when she saw someone standing in an open field. She stared at him for a moment and ran over to see who it was. It was Lu Xun.
"Hi Xunie! How long have you been here?" Xiao asked him with an innocent smile.
"I've been here for awhile now. I was actually watching you playing around with that butterfly and was about to talk to you. However, you ran off before I had a chance. Where did you go in such a rush anyway?" Xun raised his eyebrows. A sweat drop formed on Xiao's forehead and she blushed a bit.
"You mean you were here the whole time? I ran off looking for you. I didn't know you were here." She said trying to hide her blushing cheeks.
"I was only a like ten feet in front of you? I even waved and said hello to you?" Lu Xun said puzzled.
"I… er… well anyway, I am glad that you and I are alone. I wanted to talk to you." Xiao said smiling.
"Oh? How so? What did you want to talk about?" Xun asked her. Xiao bashfully kicked around the dirt and then looked up at him. Unfortunately for Xiao, before she could even get one word out her older sister, Da Qiao, ran over to them and interrupted their conversation.
"Hey, what are you two doing here? I never knew you two talked to each other?" Da asked suspiciously. She glared a bit at Xiao.
"Well we--" Xiao stepped close to Xun holding his hand and interrupted him.
"I am talking to my love! That is what we are doing." Xun's eyes went big at the sound of that.
"YOUR love! Since when? He is NOT your love!" Da shouted. Xun tried to talk again but Da grabbed his other hand and continued talking. " He is MY love!"
Xun's face started to glow red in embarrassment. He knew he had some fan girls but he didn't think two would fight over him. He thought people would rather fight over Zhang Jiao or Meng Huo rather than him. The two girls got closer to each other. Their eyes glowed red with anger.
"Just because your husband went gay and left you doesn't mean you can have the most eligible bachelor in Wu!" Xiao shouted.
"Your husband is gay too!" Da snapped back. "He is mine! I am older so I say I can have him."
"No, I am cuter and look better with him. Why don't you go be with Dong Zhuo. I heard he has the hots for you!" Xiao yelled.
"Hello ladies, how are you today?" A low voice called from behind them. They all turned to see who it was. Dong Zhuo waved to them. "I heard you two lost your husbands so I wanted to come and gather you both up before anyone took you. I thought you two could be nice handmaids, what do you think?"
Dong Zhuo made his way over to them. Before he could get less than 20 feet to them Da Qiao pulled out a hand axe and threw it at him. The axe haired him in the center of the chest stabbing his heart. Dong fell over and died instantly. Lu Xun's eyes grew wide once again.
"Look girls really--" Lu Xun tried to talk but it had no luck since they weren't paying attention to him.
"Back off of my man! I love him and you can't have him!" Xiao pulled Xun closer to her by his arm.
"No I love him and he loves me!" Da started to pull him towards her.
"Xun tell her that you love me!" Xiao shouted continuing the tug of war with his arms.
"No! Tell her she's wrong!" Da shouted back.
"Ok that's it, leave my Xunie alone or… or…" Xiao stumbled through her sentence trying to think of something.
"Or what little sister?" Da said mockingly.
"Or… I will kill you!" Xiao pushed away Xun's hand and grabbed on of his sabers.
"Oh? Well not if I kill you first!" Da threw his arm and grabbed the other saber. The two started to fight each other. However, due to the fact that they never used a sword before, sine they just use fans, they had no idea what they were doing. None of their attacks actually hit each others swords, let alone each other. They hit a flower, a couple little animals, Xing Cai, an old man, two bushes and a few other things. After about a half hour of that Xun stepped forward.
"Listen girls, really fighting isn't the--" Before he could finish his sentence both girls lunged forward quickly stabbing Xun in both sides. Xun looked stunned. "Oro?"
"MY LOVE!" Xiao screamed.
"MY HUSBAND!" Da wailed.
"MY WIFE!" Lu Meng shouted from a distance. He slowly started walking over crying over the stabbing. Xiao pulled out a bow and arrow and shot an arrow right at Lu Meng. It hit directly between his eyes and killed him instantly. The two girls blinked at the scene then looked back at Xun. They pulled the sabers out and Xun hit the ground.
"Wow… you two suck at aiming. I guess that is why you use fans instead, then there is no chance of you killing any of your allies or destroying random things." Xun's eyes rolled back as his last breath came out. Xiao and Da glared at each other and the fight continued. After an hour and a half of aimless swinging, a bathroom break, a nap, playtime and tea time, both girls dove each other in a matrix style and stabbed each other in the hearts. They stumbled around for a bit and fell beside Lu Xun. A few moments later Zhuge Liang walked by. He stopped to see what happened. He stared at the three on the ground, then looked at the readers of this fan fiction, then the three, then back to the readers. Zhuge then pulled up an armchair and sat in it. He stroked his chin and cleared his throat.
"Now my friends, as you can clearly see, the moral of this tragic story… is that Lu Xun and Qiao pairings are horribly bad and should never be used in any form of art, let it be a fan fiction or fan art or anything else. It can only cause chaos, bad plot lines and odd endings that will just be death or something that would make the readers wish there was death in it. Even if it was their own death for having to suffer through seeing that. So please, for the sake of me and other people's lives, do not use this pairing ever or I will find where you live and shoot green beams at your computer so that you can never do it again. Thank you for joining us today, come by next time to see who else is horrible in fan fictions and fan art. I am Zhuge Liang, have a nice day."