Repost date: 15/9/05

Chapter 2: Visions

The only thing he had left, the only precious thing left in this world for him. It was the one of his parents on their wedding day, Sirius with them as best man. They tried to take it away. Harry briefly remembered going into some sort of fit, shaking on the ground, crying, screaming and above all, holding the photo so tightly that no one could get it out. In the end, they just let him have it.

His parents and Sirius were already gone. Therefore, no one could take them away. They had left, and here in good old Azkaban, Harry was convinced they had left because of him. It was his fault that they were dead, his fault that Sirius died…

No! Harry thought to himself. I will not succumb to what that filthy werewolf and the rest told me. It is not my fault. Positive self talk was something Harry rarely indulged in and even more rarely did it work. But he did note some satisfaction as a smile spread over his face, making one of the guards edge away from him inconspicuously.

For some reason, this was extremely hilarious and Harry let out with a massive bout of laughter. This definitely made the guard more edgy. Harry supposed he was just submitting to insanity; whether permanent or just for the moment, he did not care.

Was he really that dangerous? That he needed seven assistants taking him to the fortress of Azkaban. And of course, Dumbledore, right there next to Fudge, one as bad as the other, snapped his wand in clear sight of him, spat at the remains and repeatedly told Harry what a failure he was.

Like when Ginny snapped Hedwig’s neck, it was the same with Harry’s wand; as soon as the wood broke, Harry felt a part of himself break too. If there even was anything left to break. His heart was long since broken and his spirit also. No doubt that even an hour in Azkaban would successfully break his mind.

Why had Ginny snapped Hedwig’s neck? Of all people, Harry wouldn’t have guessed for Ginny to betray him so blatantly. Not to think such arrogant thoughts, but Harry had saved her life. Harry supposed it was because of her ‘I love you’ announcement that she felt a greater anger for Harry than others, and simply got carried away.

It was no excuse though. Not really.

Harry thought he was crazy now. But things were getting worse. The visions came. The first was possibly the worst. Or so Harry thought. But he changed his mind when he saw the second; the second was definitely the worst. No, the third was. Or the fourth…

It must have been his scar, Harry reasoned. His scar, the connection with Voldemort, had opened his mind right up to everything and anything. But mainly, Voldemort’s attacks. Harry watched as Voldemort’s control slowly but surely grew; all it took was a few months. And Voldemort had nearly full control.

He saw it all, Harry did. He saw the torture Voldemort handed out, the havoc he wreaked. And of course, every single Avada Kedavra, every single Crucio, every single pain… he could see it, feel it in his very bones. Harry saw every single Death Eater meeting, heard every word they said. That’s how Harry learned of the state of the outside world. Rather unfortunately, his visions, as he just settled on calling them, only applied to Voldemort and his gang of psychopaths.

But talk they did.

They plotted and schemed, as always. Told Voldemort of the latest, standings, updated him on all the news. How the ‘light’ side continued to fuck up every chance they got. Albus Dumbledore, leader of the idiots.

They spoke of how Hogwarts was changing. The houses were banished, one of Dumbledore’s only smart moves. Well, it would have been smart if the aim was to unite the school. However, the reason the houses were banished was most likely that the number of students attending had dwindled, reaching an all time low. In a school where there had once been near five hundred students, now they were lucky to scrape up eighty.

Once, some time ago, the Order of the Phoenix had been a secret organization. They fought against the dark, from the time of the seventies, when Harry’s own parents had been members. But now, it was no longer a secret organization. It was the last stronghold, the last of the light fighters. And even so, it was filled with spies and corruption. They were doomed.

This had happened in a matter of months. It was really rather pathetic.

Harry was slightly curious as to why he never seemed to see Snape at the Death Eater meetings, though. He was rarely mentioned, and at the times that he was, dark mutterings of him being a traitor ensured. Harry could only come to the conclusion that Snape had shown his true colours to Voldemort and sided with Dumbledore publicly.

Not much of a smart move, Harry mused. Dumbledore and the idiots were losing all power.

Harry didn’t know how to, but he was desperately trying to shut his mind away from these goddamned visions. He didn’t want them. They only caused him more grief, which he certainly did not need.

It’s not as if there was much to do in a bloody cell, and Harry had already exercised all physical energy out of himself. So he focused on his mind. He didn’t know what to do or how to do it, but Harry started out basic. Petunia had gone through a stage where she was a great yoga fan. She had brought countless books on the subject, even if they were three thousand page books, only containing a few precious pages on bloody yoga.

But then, she got bored of it, and moved onto something else.

Harry remembered browsing through some of the more non-yoga related books. There was a particularly interesting one that focused on meditation. So Harry meditated as well as he could; this, in reality, was not very well at all, as there was some difficulty in relaxing in a cell, surrounded by taunting guards and fiends that sucked happiness out of you.

But still; it was better than Snape’s poor efforts at teaching Harry Occlumency. If it came down to it, Harry believed that he had gotten the basics down and was slowly building a very small, very weak shield around his mind. Layer by layer, it was like building a house, he told himself. He could see it all in his mind, taking a brick, placing it in the right spot, putting another one next to it, building the wall, height wise, testing it’s strength.

Harry really had no clue of what he was doing; all he had gotten Occlumency training wise, was Snape and his clear your mind, Potter speech. So he was just imagining a wall around his mind, hoping that it would somehow stop Voldemort.

The only clear effect was that the visions of Voldemort’s attacks did decrease in frequency… but that could have been because Voldemort was keeping quiet. Harry didn’t hold much stock at all in his Occlumency shields, but for the time being, they would have to do.

However, he was feeling slightly less despaired around Dementors than usually. But only just slightly. It was a source of great theorizing to Harry, who wondered day in and out if this was coincidence, some magical power burst, malfunctioning Dementors or indeed, his shield.

Speaking of Dementors, they had been the bane of his existence in Azkaban. He jut kept seeing Sirius dead, his parents begging for their lives, all the faces that betrayed him… it would truly never be happy again.

After trying to strengthen his shields, Harry would pointlessly do a couple of sit ups before collapsing, occasionally push-ups if he felt up to it. And then, he attempted to sleep… but the nightmares wouldn’t let him. That was about it, really.

Well, when the guards didn’t decide to have some fun with him and torment him.

…you’re a shame to your parents, boy… ruined the world… traitor, turning your back on us all… went dark like Voldemort… how could you stab your friends in the back like that… freak… traitor… outlaw… bastard…

Harry tired to block them out, the voices and faces… but it was a lot harder than it sounded. He was itching to just jump on them, punch the living daylights out of them. It would have been entirely possible, Harry reasoned, without this bloody cell.

Harry was still stick thin, and much too frail. He resembled more of an old man than a 15 year old. He felt about average in physical strength, which Harry counted as a god sign; Sirius had told him that he had been very frail upon escape. Magically, Harry didn’t believe that his powers had changed much, apart from the natural growth the magical core underwent as the person got older.

Harry’s mental strength however, was the one that vaguely concerned him; mostly because Harry felt as though he was losing his mind. There were large blanks in his memory of the time he had already spent in Azkaban

He was slowly gaining physical strength through exercise, but it meant nothing to him when he knew that his mental strength was about that of a flea. Voldemort, the son of a bitch, had placed charms on him to make Harry look more like Voldemort himself. If he straightened up, gathered enough energy, Harry was quite sure that he could kill the pair of guards with his own bare hands.

But the cell was kind of interfering with his plan in a big way.

However, once Harry thought about it, he wasn’t sure he wanted out. Sure, the Dementors were a pain and guards mocking him wasn’t that cool… but to face them again? Yeah, Harry could put that off until eternity. He would die happy should he never again see the faces of the ones he once felt love for.

Coming soon, Chapter 3: Testament in which Dumbledore and co gets greedy (relax, it's not as cliche as it sounds. There is really no money stealing!)

Thanks for the reviews, they were lovely! I’d love to reply to every single one, but that was why this story was deleted in the first place, so a collective TAHNK YOU will have to do.

The exemption issue
Basically, it’s just a very high form of an insult, like Sirius and Andromeda disowning the Blacks. It brought shame upon the family. It’s sort of like that, I haven’t really thought past it, so as of now it has no legal standing.

The forgiveness issue
It becomes pretty clear in I think chapter 4 what Harry’s thoughts on forgiveness are. I don’t want to give too much away, but Harry WILL get revenge! The plot is generally the same as any other betrayed!Harry story, but has an ending that I like to think of as totally original (I’ve never seen it before…). Definitely not the usual forgive, forget, frolic thing. I think here, forgiveness is a luxury that Harry can’t afford to give out.

The pairing issue
The pairing will eventually be Harry/Luna and Harry/Narcissa simultaneously. That manifests about chapter 4 onwards. I considered Tonks and Bella, but decided to leave them out. Neither of these girls have a big impact in the story. I love Harry/Bella, but realistically I think Harry’s hate for her runs to deep to be forgotten. I really like Luna’s character, especially after I read HBP and I reckon she’d really be great for Harry.

The people against Harry
Ginny’s situation was furthered a bit more in this chapter. Snape will remain anti-Harry, simple because in this particular situation, like Harry’s hatred for Bella, Snape’s hatred for Harry runs too deep; Snape doesn’t particularly care whether Harry is innocent or not, as long as he is suffering.

Harry’s power
Harry won’t be evil in a Voldemort sort of way. I guess it depends on how you look at it. He definitely takes charge a bit more. He will have to be very powerful for the ending to work, which is all I’m going to say on the matter. The fact that he is relatively sane after quite an extended stay in Azkaban should speak for itself though

Dumbledore knowing that Harry cannot cast the Crucio
I wasn’t aware that Dumbledore was there when Harry cast the Crucio on Bellatrix. If he had been there, wouldn’t he make some sort of move to stop it? Did Harry tell him afterwards? I don’t know, I haven’t read book 5 in a while. Let’s just call it AU if I’m wrong.