Author: yesterdays rain PM
Paul knows that he should come to grips with his situation, but he can't. Takes place after Aidan.Rated: Fiction K - English - Angst - Words: 442 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 1 - Published: 10-01-05 - id: 2601145
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
.slow burn 1/1
summary: He knows he has to come to grips with situation, but he can't. And if he's being honest with himself, he's not even sure he wanted the white picket fence anyways.
spoilers: Takes place after (unaired) Aidan, no real spoilers for anything else
ship: Paul/Karen (wife) and blink-and-you-miss-it Paul/Rebecca
notes: Angsty. Very angsty. This show breeds it, and it's lovely for me as angst is my favourite thing to write though I haven't written it in quite awhile. The style itself is done in all lowercase, except for names and I's. I did this on purpose, because I thought it fit the ficlet better.
by every silent scream we make
every feeling that i get
but i haven't missed you yet
(I hate) everything about you - three days grace
he knows he should be offering some small words of comfort. he knows he should take a break from work, and help her get through this. he knows that he isn't giving himself the time to mourn. yet, he also knows that he isn't mourning. not his baby at least. he thought he was ready for parenthood. he was wrong. he thought he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, his beautiful wife and now he isn't so sure. nothing is making sense except for the fact that maybe he didn't truly want this baby or the white picket fence. maybe he just wasn't ready for it. maybe it has something to do with Rebecca. maybe it doesn't. he realizes that these are all just a lot of excuses, and if's, but's and maybe's won't get you anywhere. but he can't help it.
so he comes home, and starts to disable the crib. it tugs at his heartstrings, but for all the wrong reasons. he feels her beside him, stiff and sad and about to break down. he doesn't offer any comfort, nor a shoulder to cry on. he's being a bad husband, bad robot. he's going through the motions and soon the crib is at his feet in pieces. he starts to cry, and he's sure she thinks it's a breakthrough and he's finally allowing himself to mourn. but he's not. he is crying because there's nothing left to do.
he'll wake up the next morning, and vaguely wonder why he doesn't hear a baby screaming. but then the silence will register, and honestly? he'll be glad.