Title: Illusion of Truth

Author: Mara152

Rating: PG.

Paring/Characters: Derek/Meredith, Derek/Addison, Meredith/Addison friendship-ish.

Summary: Whoa angst. Post 2x03 Make Me Lose Control, Meredith and Addison have an interesting conversation.

Meredith could see little more than Addison's back from the other side of the NICU nursery, and she was fairly sure the older surgeon, who was sitting next to an incubator, hadn't noticed her presence. She cleared her throat, but evoked no response from the redhead. Meredith shifted her weight uncomfortably. She was uneasy around the female Dr. Shepherd under the best of circumstances, and for a reason she couldn't seem to pinpoint, she felt as if she was intruding on a private moment.

"Doctor Shepherd," she finally said, giving up the possibility of being noticed in the next few minutes. Calling the woman by her married name always sent a sharp stab of pain through Meredith's chest. It gave Addison a power she didn't deserve, nor need to have. At first, Meredith thought she hadn't heard her, but just as she was about to speak again, she finally replied, in a quiet tone Meredith didn't know she possessed.

"Yeah." But she didn't turn around. Her right hand flew up to her face, and Meredith could have sworn the strong, stoic redheaded surgeon was wiping away tears.

"Doctor Shepherd, Cristina is asking to see you," Meredith said quickly. This was so far beyond awkward. Addison finally turned around, one hand still being gripped by the tiny baby in the incubator next to her.

"Doctor Grey," she smiled wryly. "You've had a shitty day, haven't you?"

"Yes." Meredith couldn't stand the sympathetic gazes she'd been receiving from her colleagues all day; from George, from Derek, even from Dr. Bailey … but there was none of that in Addison's eyes or tone, just a simple statement.

"I checked Cristina's file … you were her contact person for the abortion. I'm assuming you knew about the pregnancy."

"Yes."

Addison nodded, her eyes drifting back down to the baby next to her. There was a long pause.

"I should get back …" Meredith started.

"She's a fighter this one," Addison interrupted. "Addicted to cocaine, a tumor in her spine, abandoned by her cracked out mother. But she's a fighter. If she survives the night, Derek's going to do surgery in the morning." There it was. The five-hundred pound gorilla in the room. The wife and the mistress couldn't have a five minute conversation without mentioning his name.

"I hope she makes it," Meredith said softly, not knowing what else to say, and having already experienced enough loss for one day.

"I always wanted a baby," Addison said suddenly. Meredith looked up at her, surprised at the confession. But Addison was still studying the small creature grasping her finger, and continued to speak, almost as if Meredith were a part of the scenery. "It didn't seem fair that I had to work on sickly, smiling infants day in and day out without having a healthy one of my own to kiss and snuggle, so I'd know it would all be okay. But Derek wasn't there emotionally. He immersed himself in his work, so did I to a certain extent, but at the end of the day I needed more than he was willing to give. It was no excuse for my behaviour," she smirked. "But Addison Shepherd is used to getting exactly what she wants … I just didn't expect to lose him."

Meredith studied the woman carefully, and suddenly realized she was just as vulnerable as herself.

"And," Addison continued, glancing up at Meredith for the first time since beginning the conversation. "I came here expecting to hate you, since it's easier to be mad at the unknown woman for keeping him here than at myself for screwing things up in the first place. But look at you." she smirked almost apologetically. Meredith hadn't expected this degree of honesty.

"I tried to hate you too," she blurted out before she even realized what she was saying. "But I couldn't. Even after I found out why he left I wanted to hate you and forgive him, but I couldn't."

"He'll choose you." There was no emotion in her voice as she said it, as if she was discussing the weather in a foreign island. "The way he is with you … he's different than he ever was while we were married."

There was another pause.

"I don't know if I want him too," Meredith admitted. "I don't think I can trust him."

Addison shrugged.

"Truth is an illusion." Addison paused. "We just need to go out and get drunk."

It was Meredith's turn to smirk, as Addison stood up, prying her fingers away from the tiny baby.

"You said Dr. Yang wanted to see me?"

"Yes."

"Then let's go."

Meredith followed as Dr. Addison Shepherd stepped briskly out of the NICU. They'd never speak of this conversation again, that she knew. But as she glanced back at the tiny frame in the incubator, she knew that for a longtime she wouldn't be able to look at a baby without thinking of Addison Shepherd; the woman who had saved her best friend's life, who had shattered her fairy tale romance, or who had opened her eyes to the illusion of truth. Because really, that was all she'd had to begin with.