Disclaimer: Okay, I own Teen Titans, the Batman, Smallville, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, a set of fifty-three silver-backed playing cards, the Tiffany Glass at the museum, the rights to the Bionicle empire, Avatar: the Last Airbender, Inu-Yasha, Ranma ½, Fruits Basket, the Fiddler on the Roof, the Music Man, Rurouni Kenshin, and Kim Possible, and I can sell you the Brooklyn Bridge!

Rory: I'm sick of writing this. So starting next chapter, my dear person named Pogo is going to be writing my notes for me.

Pogo: …why?

Rory: Because I said so.

Pogo: Oh.

Dr. D. Darion D. D. Draculori was a very busy man. He just spent so much time using lasers on puppies that he didn't have much time to do other things. Since Dr. D. Darion D. D. Draculori did not have time to catch a certain anthromorph that we know as Beast Boy on his own, he decided to hire someone to do it for him.

But who to hire?

Certainly his old friend Slade Wilson was not an option; he had been on the run from the Titans for a while now. If rumor had it, he had just narrowly escaped them. Dr. D. Darion D. D. Draculori sighed in frustration. Slade did do things thoroughly.

He thought next of his other old friend, Dr. Light. But alas, the man was currently in a mental institution, and the last time Dr. D. Darion D. D. Draculori had seen him, he was muttering inanely about how frightening the dark was. Dr. Light was certainly out of the question.

Perhaps what Dr. D. Darion D. D. Draculori needed was not an old friend, but a new ally. There certainly were many young criminals just waiting to make a name for him - or herself. Why, just the other day the Joker's daughter, Harlequin, had broken into the same bank that her father had been unable to crack. The Titans East had caught her before she had made it three steps from the front door of the bank, but that wasn't really the point.

Yes. This plan was starting to formulate itself. Picking up a phone, Dr. D. Darion D. D. Draculori dialed a number. Maybe this new contact he had would be able to help him.

Then he set down the receiver. He had forgotten. Before he could make this call, he had to go 'take care' of the latest prisoner on the grounds.

Sighing happily, the Red X settled into his cool black and gray apartment. He had just forged the deed the other day. Very nice, he thought. Such a Slade-ish touch. There wasn't much in it – just a phone, a computer, a television, and a couch. But hey, he hadn't had any jobs lately.

Just then, the phone rang. He sat up, pulling his mask back on. Nobody knew his number. Not yet, anyhow.

Slowly, he moved to the phone and picked it up. "Hello?"

"Hi, I'd like to order a pepperoni pizza with banana peppers and sau – "

"This isn't a pizza delivery service," he snapped, slamming down the phone. Why was it that everyone thought he made pizzas?

When he went back to the couch, the phone rang again. This was getting annoying. He stomped over to the phone and snatched it back up. "This isn't Luigi's!" he yelled.

"I'm sorry," a cool voice replied. "I was looking for a young many by the name of X. But you obviously aren't him."

Oh, shit. "Uh, yeah," he said, "I'm the Red X. I keep getting prank calls, that's all. Why do you need to talk to me?"

Over the line, the voice laughed. It sounded like a crackle of air. "Well, X," the other person continued, "I have a job offer. The job may be a little difficult, but I'm sure you can handle it."

"Hell I can," he replied.

"I want you to capture a Titan," he said. "A Titan by the name of Beast Boy."

Warning bells started going off in X's head. The last time he had tried to capture a Titan, he practically had his chest blown out. Why did people enjoy sending him into the depths of the enemy fortress? Then he told himself, Because you're the only one stupid enough to take the job. As was always the case. "I'll do it," he said nonchalantly. "What's your price?"

"Fifty thousand," came the crackly reply.

He snorted. "That's nothing," he said. "A million. At least."

The man on the other head took a sharp breath. "What?"

"I've tried to kidnap a Titan before now. And I know I'm going to need a million for medical bills. So a million or nothing."

His new boss sighed. "All right. A million. I'll wire you five hundred thousand tonight. The rest when you get him."

"All right," said X, setting the phone down. Then he started laughing. If I get him.

Rory: Oh, such fun! I kind of feel sorry for the guy, though. He gets so abused by his employers.

Well, review, review, review! That is, if you want to see another chapter…mwahahahaha.