Author: Wrecked

Title: In All My Bitterness

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the Nagoyas, Taryn, and all the handymen. Shuyin and Tengaki are my sister's. .Hack and it's characters belong to whoever made them.

Rating: R for language, mature themes and mature humor.

Pairing: Read and find out. (not what you thii-iinkk)

Takes-Place: Alternate Universe, sort of - After all the series and in reality.

Summary: Whoever said seeing past lovers after years was like adding salt to the wound couldn't have said it any better. "If you break a girls heart, she'll still feel the heartbreak when seeing you 3 years later."

Note: I've decided to have an original character be the one the story is centered on, so I can focus on having all the .Hack characters being portrayed from an outsider mind. It's easier to get through events and shiiiiiiit. mmmk.

Anissa cupped the water in her hands, then splashed it on her face. Grabbing at a towel with closed eyes, she dried off the water dripping from her nose and chin. Looking at herself in the dirty and old mirror, she eyed her silvery and long blonde locks of hair. She had kept it long, and she hadn't regretted the decision yet. It was to her lower back and layered, with different streaks of white blonde and dusty blonde all over -- the natural highlights her hair had taken to over the period of her life.

Tugging on a particularly light strand of blonde - almost white - she wondered if she'd ever get professional highlights done.

Anissa grabbed a black cloth off the rack and whiped away the remains of her black eyeliner. She never stopped washing it off before bed ever since she'd gotten into the habit when she was 13 (thanks to Alyssa for bringing it to her knowledge that leaving her make up on over night would eventually result in bad and wrinkly skin.)

Glancing into her own eyes briefly (which were still the same crystal blue), Anissa dropped the cloth on the rim of the sink and turned out of the bathroom. Tossing off her laidback flip flops, and grabbing a blanket off the nearest chair, Anissa jumped onto her small, twin sized bed with a sigh. Her room was rarely ever below 70 degress, night or day, so she wore knee length basketball shorts and a black muscle shirt.

Grabbing the card tucked under her pillow, she read the words all over again, for what seemed like tenth time that day.

You are invited to witness the graduation of...

Anissa just couldn't decide whether to blow all her savings for a trip, yet.

Folding the paper back in half, she tucked the card under her pillow again, and rolled onto her side. Her skin was barely a shade darker, but still remarkably pale, and she only had an inch to show for the single year that passed. Glancing at an aged picture on the make shift bed stand (a pile of college books she never returned), she smiled at the faces grinning back at her. All of the 'Hackers' were in the picture, caught in almost embarassing positions, or expressions. They had some random guy walking snap the shot whenever he felt like it, and it couldnt have turned out to be a better picture of the Hackers.

Hackers...

It was the last picture taken before Balmung had left on his business trip to England. Before we all started to actually break apart... Hell. Anissa could never forget that day. It was one of the worst days of her life, if not the second worst (nothing could top the day of Korosu). When everything went wrong.

It had taken years and many arguements, and fights, for them become so strong. And it had taken less than half the time for it all to disappear.

But fuck, if they didn't want to fucking stay together, and stay in touch with her after only a year, that was fine with her. She didn't fucking need them anyway...

So it was decided. If they didn't try and keep in contact with her while she was in America 'studying abroad', she wasn't going to try and keep in touch with them, either. She wasn't going to go to her ex-best friend's graduation party. Ha. See if I care about you guys in four years, when I graduate. You won't be getting any party invites from me...

Tossing around and settling on her stomach, Anissa crossed her arms under her head and fell asleep. She dreamt of that day. The one where her sister left.

Nope... not me..

-//-

Half of Anissa couldn't believe it. The other half of her did but didn't want to, by any means. It was numbing, and she felt her world slow when she heard it confirmed.

The group was supposed to stay together, for a long time. Live happily ever after, no matter how cheesy and corny it sounded. Have those bi-weekly hang outs where everyone - all six or seven of them (depending on whether or not Taryn showed up) - just met up at someone's house. Not for food, or for a party, but just to be themselves with everyone there. The group was supposed to grow old, or become adults together (granted, three of them already were adults.)

They were supposed to become the godparents, or 'aunt/uncle' of each other's kids, and spoil the brats to death.

Crash at each other's place, when the goings got rough, or money got to be too much.

Not move and scatter across the Earth. We weren't supposed to move apart.

Anissa crossed her legs while she sat in one of the airport terminal chairs, and looked over her shoulder. Why the hell did this have to happen?

Her sister was the one leaving first, too, in the early morning at 3. Of all people, she had to lost her sister first? Granted, Anissa knew she'd say the same thing, no matter who else it would have been, but this one took the cake. Her sister. Anissa never thought her sister would be the one to take initiative and haul ass out of Tokyo.

But then again, Balmung didn't exactly leave her with warning. He just left. On another 'business trip'. One that apparently had turned into a permanent, one way trip. Meaning, he wasn't planning on coming back to Tokyo.

Not even for Alyssa.

So, after turning down his offer to join him in a foreign country, Alyssa decided to take a plane to another part of Japan - one more remote than Big Tokyo. For good.

Alyssa was sitting across from her, as if waiting for Anissa to speak her mind. But Anissa was in to sullen of a mood to speak. To even drown her thoughts in her iPod.

"Flight 834 to North Japan boarding now."

"That's my flight."

Anissa jumped at the sound of her sister's calm voice, and looked up from studying her cuticles. Alyssa gaze was expectant and hesitant, as if waiting for Anissa, but wary of her own words.

After Anissa looked away, still silent, Alyssa stood up and hefted her back onto her shoulder. Almost all of her belongings were already on their way to the plane. Her backpack was the only thing she kept with her.

When her big sister stepped by her chair, something inside Anissa snapped, and she spun around. "Wait!" Using her arms to give her an extra boost off the seat, Anissa bolted towards her sister. Even though she had stopped and turned at Anissa's voice, Anissa wrapped her arms around Alyssa's body and rooted her feet to ground as if her sister were trying to pull away.

That hug was the longest and tightest hug Anissa could ever remember her sister giving her.

The last hug Anissa could remember her sister giving her.

Then she remembered Rena leaving, that same day. Only, of course, it was at a much later flight - at 1:15. She was heading to Spain, on a desire to learn about the spanish culture.

Tengaki followed suit a week later, and Taryn drove off without letting anyone catch onto her plans of freedom. She went to the South, and told everyone from her new apartment that she was gone.

Shugo was the last person to see her. She was leaving for a plane in America, and he said the words she wanted to hear the most. The words she never heard from anyone else, when they were leaving, except from him.

"I love you, Nissi. Come back. Eventually."

But she never did. And she never said 'I love you' back to him.

Anissa regretted it every day.

[Four years later

Fumbling with the keys with her right hand, she growled through the stack of envelopes in her mouth. Balancing a soda and a wrapped cheeseburger in her left hand, Anissa mentally berated herself for deciding on an apartment with a disagreeable door. Snorting at the way her now shoulder length blonde hair seemed to find the right place in front of her face, Anissa regretted the spontaneous decision to cut her hair for the first time. She wondered why she ever followed through with the idea. She wonder why she followed through with any idea she had, actually. Twisting the handle and using the best of her full hips, the door swung open with a loud slam.

"Dammff riiightt fitchh," she mumbled. Kicking at the clothes on the floor, creating a pile in a corner, Anissa tossed the cheeseburger onto her bed. Spitting out the mail onto a counter, she took a drink of her soda as she surveyed the mess that was her room.

With a shrug, she sat down on a bar stool at the counter to look at what new mail she had that day.

"Don't care... I really don't want to know about MTV... I'm not interested in a new home... --" Anissa looked over her shoulder briefly. "--yet." Tossing the real estate envelope among the others in the trash, Anissa looked at the last letter. She groaned. "Not another fucking graduation letter..." How many had she gotten in the past six months? Three?

Pushing back a strand of her blonde hair behind her ear, Anissa flipped over the thickly embroidered paper. Ripping open the back, and pulling out the card, Anissa started to smile, proud of herself. I knew it was another graduation invitation. She was already dismissing the option of attending. What difference would it make if she went, anyways? If she never said bye, it would give herself and her friend's a reason to see each other again.

Anissa picked up her soda again, and drank from the straw while reading.

You are invited to witness the joining of ...

Anissa barely registered the sound of soda and ice spilling across her hardwood floor.

"MARRIED?!"

READ AND REVIEW, PLEASE.

-realityis.