"Imagine if there was a dream upon your stage
And all the time, a battle raged on within you
How could you end the war for good?
Amethyst valley bound engulfing every sound"
--Eternity X, “Firestorm”

Chapter 6

“What have you done?” Kenshin’s eyes were fierce. Dangerous in a way I had never seen before.. a way he had never even used for Toriyama. His ki was even worse: violent, confused, frightening…

Frightened.

What the hell? But I already knew the answer. He'd pulled me from the lead, saved my sorry ass, and risked his own life in the process. He'd given me only one job in return, which I’d failed at.

Defend Toriyama. Protect the rat. I should have stayed. I'd made the wrong choice, because Kenshin had never been in danger.

I paled, suddenly understanding the fear in his ki.

But now he’s in worse danger than before. Satsuma would kill him... And the Shinsengumi had figured that out. They'd been ordered to fall back at Saito's signal by their commander, because there was no reason to lose an entire unit when Kenshin was a dead man anyway. Two birds with one stone. This was my fault, but Kenshin would pay for it.

Dammit!

“I'm sorry,” I replied in a pained voice, knowing that it would fix nothing. “I didn't realize... I didn't think...”

He wasn't listening, moving unexpectedly into stance. He didn't attack immediately, restraining himself, but it appeared to be only a great internal struggle holding him back.

My hand slid back to my own katana. I had no chance, but if he attacked, I'd go down honorably. I didn't want to fight him, though.

What had set him off? I knew I had failed, but was he really going to kill me for it when I might be the only one who could explain? Who, then, could prove that he hadn't snapped? Didn't he realize that… or had he snapped after all?

My thoughts were cut short by his cold voice. “Was this your idea, or did Iizuka get to you?” he snarled, before shooting forward.

Iizuka? His ally? No time to wonder. I barely managed to bring my own blade up and leap back before his struck mine. The force of his charge threw me back, and, weak from loss of blood, I was easily slammed against the building behind me with such force that the wall actually gave way a little from the impact of my body. My head cracked against the wall, momentarily blinding me, but my back and right arm took the brunt of the blow. The sloppy wrappings around my shoulder fell open as I slid down the wall, the rough wood tearing at my already ragged wound. I staggered forward, slipping on Toriyama's blood, and fell to the street next to his cooling body. There was a crunch as my knee struck the hard ground beneath me, followed by a blinding pain. Breathing hard, I clutched my shoulder, the torn gi now soaked with blood, and tried to will myself to my feet, but I had injuries from my fight with Okita on top of this. I wasn't sure I could stand.

Of course, I also wasn't dead. Which meant he'd held back. He wanted answers.

I struggled to think past the pain screaming through my brain. Iizuka... he said something about Iizuka... “What are you talking about?” I managed to growl through clenched teeth. I spat blood onto the street, an insignificant reminder of my foray into the wall. “Iizuka's dead. The wolves—”

He wasn't listening. “Were you his replacement?” He spat the words out bitterly. “How much did they pay you?”

Pay me? But now I understood.

He'd already moved into his battou-jutsu stance again. His muscles tensed, and there was more anger in his ki. Still some fear. It was blinding him. I had wanted emotions, but not like this...

“I'm not the traitor, Kenshin.” Screw his hatred for the name. What was he going to he do, kill me for saying it? “I didn't betray you. It was Toriyama. The Shinsengumi offered him protection. The baka believed them.”

“They killed him,” he replied fiercely. But he didn't move.

“Of course they did. He was the bait.” It all made more and more sense as I said it. “Saito was missing, so I went to warn you. I never thought they'd kill the ahou. You were the target.”

“They pulled back.”

“Satsuma.” My voice was as dead as his. Neither of us was going to live through this mess. He'd kill me, and they'd kill him. I didn't want to see him die.

I struggled slowly, painfully, to my feet. The wall at my back helped a little, as did my sheath. The fact that he held back while I stood helped a lot. I lifted my head, and looked him in the eye. “I didn't betray you, Kenshin.” I swallowed hard. “But I disobeyed an order, and I failed at my duty. Finish this.”

He didn't move.

“Do it...” I snapped, dropping my hand to my wakizashi, “... or I'll do it for you.”

He hadn't left his stance the entire time. At those words, he finally moved, bearing down on me. I closed my eyes, ready.

A moment before he reached me, his ki cleared, the confusion gone. His blade tore into the wall behind me, embedding itself deeply into the wood. Into the splattering of blood.

It didn't tear into me.

My eyes snapped open.

He stood beside me, his katana still buried in the wall, inches from me. His hands still clutched the tsuka. I couldn't see his face, but he was breathing hard. He didn't turn to me. Didn't let go of the blade. But he spoke. “So, it was Toriyama.” I couldn't tell if it was supposed to be a question, or if he was finally acknowledging what I said. It didn't matter though. He was himself again. That sudden, uncharacteristic rage was over.

I sagged against the wall behind me. “Yes,” I replied. The word was a choked sound. I'd forgotten to breathe.

“You were right, then.” He finally pulled his blade free, wiping it clean before sheathing it. His eyes didn't meet mine. “I'm sorry.” It was almost ridiculous to say after nearly running me through.

I didn't care. I was grateful anyway. Still leaning against the wall, I asked hoarsely, “Why didn’t you kill me?”

“You warned me. I remembered...” He must have noticed my confusion. “When we were planning,” he clarified. “You said you didn't trust him. And later, you took lead when you could have died. You had chances. You didn't take them.” He looked pained. “I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. I was remembering...” Another pause as guilt flickered across his battered stone mask. “It's no excuse.”

“It's done.” I shrugged... which hurt.

He noticed, and asked softly, “Do you think you can make it back? We need to get you to a doctor. And I need to report to Katsura-san.”

Katsura… that’s right… When we reported to him, I'd have to be sure to skip the part where Kenshin tried to kill me. That wouldn't help his case. I’d just blame it all on Okita. And I was probably going to have to explain very carefully to Kenshin why he should do the same... That was going to be an interesting conversation…

I tested my weight on that leg. The knee crunched more and hurt. Broken, probably. I should tell him he has to carry me. No. Bad idea. He'd probably do it. “I think I can manage it if I use my sheath for balance.” I carefully removed it and tested it as a walking stick. It sufficed. I was going to need a new one when I got back. Leaning back against the wall, I tore another strip from my gi, and wrapped my knee as best I could. Then I attempted to rewrap my shoulder. I wasn't going to be wearing anything soon if this kept up. I stood again. Better. Tolerable, at least. Kenshin stayed back. Most likely, because he was afraid of hurting me more.

He waited patiently, watching for patrols that weren't going to come, so he wouldn't have to make eye contact with me.

I looked back at what was left of Toriyama. “What should we do about him?”

“Nothing.”

I blinked up at Kenshin, startled. The body couldn’t be left until daylight. A Satsuma official couldn’t be left to the dogs. We were already in enough trouble. “You can’t be serious…”

He looked back toward the body, tired. “There’s nothing we can do right now. You need a doctor. We need to move. We will report to Katsura-san, and he will probably send Kano to clean up before sunrise.”

I didn’t like it, but Kenshin was right. We needed to move.

“You go back to leading,” I finally said, as he turned away from the body. My lips twisted wryly. “Not that you listen to me anyway...”

He bristled.

That's right. No sense of humor. “It's a joke,” I added for his benefit.

He didn't respond, so I shrugged and struggled to walk. This was going to be slow going. He barely moved until I proved that I'd be able to keep up. Then we went as quickly as my injuries would allow, which was pretty damn slow. I wasn't looking forward to getting old and being stuck with a real walking stick.

But still, I was grateful that I'd have the opportunity to do it. I hadn’t expected to come out of this night alive.

I'd been lucky so far. We both had. Too many hadn't lasted this long.

Iizuka...

Something Kenshin had said during our fight (well, during his attack and my pitiful defense) came back to me. “Battousai-san...” I started carefully. “About Iizuka...”

Nothing.

“Battou-”

“What?” There was an edge to his voice.

“Iizuka... He was the traitor wasn't he? Katsura would never say...”

“Yes.”

His friend. One of the only men he trusted. No wonder he believed I’d betray him. He probably thinks that anyone who tries to talk to him has some hidden agenda.

He continued shortly. “Iizuka fed information to the Bakufu. There were two of them… both dead.”

Something in his tone told me to leave it be. If I were smart, I wouldn’t try to draw more out.

I’d already proven that I wasn’t smart.

“The girl?”

“Murdered.” The conversation was closed. He’d only half answered me, but I wasn’t crazy enough to push it any further than that. Not now, at least.

Anyway, I needed to figure out what to say to Katsura. It was going to take careful wording. I needed to speak to him before Kenshin did. This would be difficult enough without the kid’s honesty condemning him.

But I had plenty of time to think. It was almost an hour before we reached the Kohagi, my injuries slowing us considerably. Kenshin looked like he wanted to help, but was afraid to touch me. I pretended that I didn’t notice.

The inn was silent when we entered. Normally we would knock for Okami, but this time we didn’t want anyone to know of our return. We needed to clean up. Then report. In that order.

Luck wasn’t on our side tonight. Kano and Takahashi Saburou were up playing cho-han. I suspected it was Kano’s idea, since he’d expected me to come back dead. Well, he was half right.

Kano was the first to notice us, standing so quickly that he knocked the table away, and threw dice in every direction. “Ryu!”

“Dammit, Kano! Watch what you‘re doing!” Saburou turned to look and for half a second took in what had to be a horrific scene. Both of us covered in blood. Me, hardly able to stand. A moment later, they were both rushing to my side, calling for Katsura and Okami. I noticed that the blood all over Kenshin’s gi was ignored.

Their racket alerted more than our commander and the okami. By the looks of it, those two were the only ones who hadn’t heard those bakas. About half of the men were up and t arms before I could even take a step, not that I was moving particularly fast at the moment. I scowled. So much for slipping in quietly. I could have killed Kano.

Questions filled the air as Kano and Saburou helped me to my room. Kenshin followed silently.

“What happened?”

“Did you guys get Toriyama-san out okay?”

“God, is all of that your blood, Ushiro-san?”

Several furtive glances in Kenshin’s direction. The whispering started.

“Is all of that Ryu’s blood?”

“Battousai’s lost it. I told you something wasn’t right.”

“Look at his eyes.”

I glanced in Kenshin’s direction. His face was stone again. His eyes were emotionless. He was withdrawing into himself, hiding from them, so he didn’t have to deal with the people. I knew it. But to them, he looked like he didn’t care. Like my injuries and the blood were insignificant.

He looked very much like their demon.

“Toriyama-san is dead,” he replied simply in his dead voice. He usually didn’t speak to them. Why the hell did he have to choose now to talk?

They fell silent. I knew what they were thinking. Kenshin was clearly not injured. But he was covered in blood. It was either Toriyama’s or mine. Either one damned him.

Kenshin opened his mouth to speak again. To dig his own grave.

I had to stop him. The words came to me almost without thought. If I couldn’t save him, then he wasn’t going down alone…

My voice was clear and steady in the silence.

“I killed him.”

Author's Note: A few things this time. First of all, a great big thank you to lolo popoki, sueb262, and Shirou Shinjin for their beta work. From editing, to rewording, to saving my sorry ending. Thank you so much!

Second, thanks to all of you for reading this fic. Please review!

Third (and this is the oddball)... I want to throw something out there to my readers, and get some opinions on this idea. It's in its roughest stages, but I would like to write an original novel, set in bakumatsu. I'm basically looking at Ushiro, Nozomi, and Kano pulling into a story of their own. Still part of Choshu with Katsura, but no longer Kenshin's story. I'm going to need to do a lot of research for this, so I was wondering if anyone could suggest some good, accurate, and understandable resources to help with this. Also, I'd really like to get a reader's response on this idea. Do you think it's good, bad, or plain stupid? Would this be something you'd be willing to read (if it is written well)? I guess I just would like an idea of my reader interest before I put a lot of work into it. I'd appreciate any advice, suggestions, etc. If you have an account, please PM me with a response to this, if you want. If not, you can email me. I'd rather you save the review section for chapter reviews if possible.

Again, thanks for everything.

Dewa mata.

Sirius