“[Amber] was believed to serve as a ray of light for the dead person in the afterlife.”

--Faya Causey

Chapter 7

I don’t really know what I’d expected. Probably everyone to stop what they were doing and stare at me in horror. To react as they would with Kenshin’s simple statement. To do something.

At Kenshin’s quiet declaration of Toriyama’s death, everyone had begun speaking at once. First in whispers… But it wasn’t long before the whispers had gained volume. Kenshin had said almost nothing, yet his quiet voice had demanded their attention and elicited a response. When I'd spoken, however, the babble of voices didn’t lessen even a fraction. Apparently I’d lost my importance as soon as I’d been brought into a room where I could die more comfortably. Why listen to the guy with the actual wounds? What could I possibly have to say? I was growing dizzy with loss of blood, but still had enough focus to be a little irritated. Even Saburou and Kano, who were standing right at my side, didn’t reply, though I’m pretty sure Kano kept quiet intentionally, trying to protect me. But did this really have to be the first damn time he kept his mouth shut?

I think my attempt to save Kenshin would have failed miserably if Tsuji hadn’t been at my other side to hear. If he hadn’t in all of his loud-mouthed glory asked over the din, “You killed him?”, I don’t think my words would have had any affect. I was grateful to his propensity to say whatever thought popped into his head at the exact moment it arrived there.

Then he added, “I didn’t know you were that good a swordsman,” promptly killing my gratitude. He eyed my wounds and added, “Then again, maybe you aren’t…”

My sour glare finally silenced him, as did the elbow Yuasa delivered to his gut. But I had to admit, his words may have unintentionally saved Kenshin’s life. Surprised and inquisitive eyes turned back to me. The whispers changed.

My wounds had been inflicted by a panic-stricken Toriyama. Apparently the man had been a decent fighter. Apparently I wasn’t. In fact, this was exactly the reason I was never placed as lead.

There were no questions as to why I had killed him. They knew me, and I was trusted. I was no demon. I was one of them, laughing and joking and drinking with them.

I wasn’t Battousai.

And they weren’t Katsura. Or Okubo. I would have to answer to them. I was certain that they wouldn’t accept Tsuji’s explanation that Toriyama had simply pissed me off. I only hoped they’d believe the truth, even though I had no proof of Toriyama’s betrayal. I was banking everything on their believing me.

My thoughts were getting blurry as loss of blood caught up to my mind as it had ages ago for my body. Thoughts were getting fuzzy around the edges, and faces were starting to melt together. It was increasingly difficult to concentrate. I thought I recognized Katsura’s voice quieting the others’.

A concern flared in my weakening mind like a lantern in the dark. What if Kenshin tried to explain before I did? That baka…

I grabbed the first gi I could reach. It was Yuasa’s. “Don’t let Kenshin talk…” I didn’t even know if he’d heard… If I’d even said it aloud… as my dim flame of consciousness finally flickered out.

---------

When I awoke, all was dark and silent. A cool breeze blew in through the barely open window, its rice-paper panes slid back just far enough to allow a single blade of cold moonlight to cut through the darkness . A solitary lantern burned quietly beside me, dimly lighting the rest of the room, the flame flickering slightly, its warm glow at odds with the moon’s harsher light. I had no idea what time it was, and I was struck with momentary confusion before everything came rushing back. This mission, the traitor… My promise--and likely failure--to protect my protector.

I dragged myself painfully up to sit, and my wounds quickly reminded me of their presence. Groaning, I pulled myself until I could rest with my back against the wall. I hate being in a position where I can’t see around me. Pain or not, I had to see my surroundings. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if I had Kenshin’s incredible ki sense. His was a part of him. Mine was pathetic on a good day. Although I knew that many of the men couldn’t sense ki at all. Kano certainly couldn’t… And I suspected that even Katsura’s ability was far below that of our sixteen-year-old prodigy’s.

I considered that thought for a moment as I checked my bandages to be sure I hadn‘t pulled any loose while dragging myself up the wall. Everyone else was envious of Kenshin’s speed and his sword play. They were impressed, though nervous, about his dispassion when killing. I just wanted his ki sense. We all get old, if we live long enough. Even Kenshin would one day grow slower and weaker. But even old men can defend themselves if they can sense their attacker’s advance. That would be what saved this boy in the end. I was sure of it.

Though I hoped the older Kenshin would be free of killing..

I hoped he’d live that long.

With that, I remembered my last words to Yuasa, and my priorities drew sharply into focus. Worry gnawed at my already frayed nerves. How long had I been out? Had Kano dealt with Toriyama? Was Satsuma here? Had Kenshin opened his mouth and signed his own death sentence?

I went cold.

Was he already dead?

At that thought, I struggled to stand. I had to get to Katsura. I had to explain. Or, at the very least, know.

My body felt like lead, every joint stiff and aching. Every wound bringing raw pain as my bandages rubbed at unhealed wounds. After all, the dressings weren’t meant to give me mobility. They were meant to keep my blood inside my body, rather than spilling out and wrecking the tatami.

I didn’t care about blood or pain or bandages, but, sadly, I couldn’t ignore the fact that, even though my strength seemed to be rapidly returning, I was still too weak to fully stand without help. And my sword was resting on the opposite side of the room. I’m sure that was intentional.

Dammit. Apparently that was to be my word of the night.

I slowly lowered myself back onto the futon, but I remained alert, my back against the wall.

It seemed ages that I sat there, leaning against the wall, trying to find my happy place, so I didn't stress myself into a stroke. Finally, the door slid quietly open, and one of the younger serving girls slipped inside, bringing fresh dressings.

When she saw me sitting up, fully alert, she started, almost dropping her tray. Immediately she glanced down, composing herself. From the look on her face, I suspected that I wasn’t supposed to be awake yet. God knows, they probably didn’t expect me to wake up at all. I know that thought had crossed my mind several times before I’d blacked out.

After a moment longer, the girl began walking toward me again, the only outward sign of her previous reaction being a slight reddening of her cheeks, noticeable as she approached.

“Ushiro-san,” she said softly, “Okami sent me to redress your wounds.” She knelt beside me, reaching hesitantly for the bandages on my shoulder.

I tensed as she touched my wound, but let her do her work. It had to be done. And the sooner I was mobile, the sooner I could request an audience with Katsura.

I tried to keep my voice level as she dipped cloth into water, and began dabbing at the bandages, softening them so they would come off more easily. “How is Kenshin… Battousai-san? Is he well?”

She paused in her work a moment, her hand hesitating over the bandage. “He wasn’t badly injured,” she replied simply, and continued with her work.

“Is he alright?” I repeated, certain that she’d known exactly what I’d meant when I’d first said it. Worried that she hadn’t just said that he was fine.

She didn’t react this time. “I expect so.” She had placed the cloth in the water, and was carefully unwrapping the old bandages, setting them beside the bowl on the tray. Grabbing fresh bandages to replace them. Her eyes didn’t meet mine. I waited for her to add anything to her quiet answer. She didn’t.

I tried a different tactic. “Is Satsuma here?”

She blinked up at me, surprised. “No.”

I took a breath, grateful for that at least. “Has Battousai-san spoken to Katsura-san?”

She tugged my dressing a bit too tight. Sighing, she sat back on her heels. “Ushiro-san,” her voice was a touch exasperated, “I am a simple serving girl. What do you want me to say?”

I paused, actually looking at her for the first time. Even in my urgency, I had to admit that she was definitely not simple. And I certainly wasn’t being particularly clever about my questioning.

I managed a faint smile as she waited patiently. “I am just trying to figure out what Katsura-san has planned for my friend.” I surprised myself by calling him that, just as I realized how true I wanted it to be. That kid was a better man than most.

“Your leader doesn’t speak to me. The lady Ikumatsu tends to him.”

I sighed. “Of course. I am sorry.”

“But,” she added, glancing back up at me, probably reading the poorly masked disappointment on my face, “I have tended to Battousai-san.” She paused, thinking. “He is quiet. He has rarely left his room since you were brought in here. I expect that he has not spoken with your leader yet.”

She stood, picking up her tray again. Bowing, she asked, “Can I get you anything else, Ushiro-san?”

I shook my head, grateful to her. “No. You’ve done more than enough. Thank you.”

She bowed again, blushing, and walked to the door.

Just as she was sliding it open, I changed my mind. “Wait!”

She paused and half-turned to look back at me.

“Could you send one of the men in? I need to speak with someone.”

“Of course, Ushiro-san.” And she was out the door, sliding it shut almost silently behind her.

--------

The girl must have grabbed the first person she saw upon leaving my room. Within moments, Yuasa was hesitantly poking his head in. “Ryu?”

When he saw me sitting up, looking slightly more alive than dead, his face split into a grin, and he slipped the rest of the way into the room. “You’re finally awake. We were worried…”

I returned his smile as he continued. “So, are you up for talking about the other night?”

My smile faded immediately. “Other night? How long have I been out?”

“About three days.” At my alarmed expression, he shook his head. “Ryu, we didn’t even know if you were going to make it. You lost so much blood, I’m impressed you’re even sitting up now.”

I wasn’t listening. Three days. Satsuma would have noticed Toriyama’s absence. They probably even knew details by now. I had less time than I’d thought. So much for recuperating.

“Ryu?” Yuasa was looking at me, concern in his eyes. “Are you all right? I can come back.”

I shook my head firmly. “No. I’m fine. I’m sorry.” I motioned for him to sit.

He didn’t look convinced at my response, but he knelt. There was an awkward pause, as he seemed to go through some internal struggle before speaking. “Ryu…” his expression was serious when he finally spoke. “What really happened to you? Don’t try to tell me it was Toriyama-san. He wouldn’t have the courage to attack you. Especially not with Kenshin around.”

I winced at that. If only Kenshin had been around the whole time. We wouldn’t be in this mess. If only I had been around…

Yuasa was staring at me, clearly waiting for an answer.

“Okita.” There was no need for me to go into detail. It was mostly true.

He gave me an odd look. “Really? Okita? From the bodies I’ve seen, I was under the impression that the sandanzuki is a thrust attack to the shoulders and the neck. Or am I mistaken?” He motioned to my bandages, covering the diagonal slash across my chest that I had been too weak to block during our fight. The one that was a result of Kenshin’s trademark attack. I didn’t know of a single member of the Shinsengumi who used battoujutsu the way Kenshin did. Of course Yuasa of all people would notice it. He had an eye for detail.

But had the others noticed? I hoped not.

I didn’t answer.

Yuasa leaned forward, looking me in the eye. “Listen, Ryu. I can just tell them all that Tsuji was drunk and babbling. They’d believe it.” Under his breath, he added, “Wouldn’t be the first time.”

“No.” My voice was sharper than I’d intended, and Yuasa looked surprised. “It was my doing.” Technically true. “Battousai was trying to protect him the entire time.”

“Which required him to attack you?”

“Kenshin did not attack me out of nowhere, if that’s what you’re trying to imply.” My voice was a low growl.

He stood, and began to pace. “But he did attack you.” It wasn’t a question.

“Yuasa…”

He shook his head, and made a dismissive gesture. “You aren’t the aggressive type, Ryu.”

“The ahou provoked me.”

His sharp eyes locked with mine, and for once his usually gentle voice was hard. “You’ve dealt with worse bakas before without dismembering them.” He turned away from me then, picking up my sword from its new home on the other side of the room to examine the battered remains of my sheath.

His answer silenced my argument for a moment. I changed the subject. I had called him in to answer my questions, after all. “Yuasa, did Kano…?”

“Clean up the mess? Yes.” He glanced back at me briefly. “He said it wasn’t your sword style, you know.”

“But it wasn’t Kenshin’s either, was it?” I sounded like a defiant little boy, but I didn’t really care at the moment.

Yuasa paused, tactfully ignoring my tone. “He wasn’t sure. I don’t think he told anyone but Tsuji. You’d have to ask one of them. And really I think Tsuji may have been bribed to keep his mouth shut. Kano’s trying to save your ass, you know.” He sighed, fingering a deep gash in the side of my sheath. “Ryu, just tell me. What happened? It wasn’t just Okita. And it wasn’t Toriyama. You’re going to need a better answer than that if you want Katsura to back you.”

I scowled, hating the fact that he was right. “The Shinsengumi and that bastard Toriyama are to blame. I’m not saying any more until I speak with Katsura.” I calmed my voice, regretting how harsh my response must have sounded. “I’m sorry, Yuasa.”

He shrugged. “I understand. But good luck explaining it to Katsura… or to Satsuma.” His eyes darkened. “Be very careful with them. Especially if Okubo-san comes.”

I straightened. “When will they be here?”

“When they can. Soon, probably. I’d have a good story by then. Because Kano will blame Kenshin before he lets you take the fall.”

“Kenshin didn’t-” I struggled to stand, momentarily forgetting my knee, and, at the intense jolt of pain, dropped back down against the support post of the wall again. I don’t know what the hell I’d been planning on doing, anyway. Kill Kano? Probably. “Why won’t anyone believe that he‘s innocent?” I snarled.

“Either you’re going to die or he is, Ryu. Odds are in his favor. If Kano doesn’t convince them that it’s Kenshin‘s fault, then you have to know that Kenshin will. You know how he is. It’s all military for him. You defend, he takes lead. What’s the difference here? You’re defending him, so he’ll try to cover you, even if it means going up against you. That’s how his mind works.”

I glared poison at him. “He’s not just some--”

“He’s a good kid,” Yuasa said firmly, quieting me. “He’ll take the fall if someone has to. And the others are going to back him.” I opened my mouth to protest, but he didn’t give me a chance this time. “Not because we want him to die, Ryu. Because we want at least one of you to make it out of this alive. Satsuma wants to take out their liability. Do you think they care if they have to kill you both to do it?”

He added more gently. “We’re all on the same side, Ryu. It isn’t you against us. We aren’t going against Kenshin. We’re backing him, whatever his choice. If you don’t like it, then fight him, not us.” He handed my sword to me, effectively closing the subject. Walking to the door, he smiled, and added, “Get better. Okami will have your head if you bleed on her futon.”

And with that, he was gone.

Author's note: As usual, a big thank you to Shirou Shinjin, lolo popoki, and sueb262 for their beta work. It was a major help. I hope this chapter was worth the wait. Real life is kicking in hard right now, so updates could become slower. Hopefully not too slow though. On a plus side, I've already started the next chapter, so perhaps you won't have to wait too long for it.

Also, a BIG thank you to lolo popoki for letting me borrow her characters Yuasa and Tsuji (who you might recognize from her fic "Only the Beginning").

Thanks to everyone for reading. Please review.

Dewa mata.

Sirius