Non-colour

A short chapter this, but it’s needed here. The next chapter will be a flashback of the past, where you’ll learn the truth about Mura, Brother, Gippal and Akio. Hope you enjoy!

Colour

Did I ever mention how much I hate the cold? I did? Well, I’m saying it again. I hate it!

You have no idea how tempting it was to just end my misery by stepping a little too far to the side…but I didn’t, and I’m pretty sure I’ll come to regret it.

…Wait, did I just…

Oh fayth, I’m becoming Nooj!

This is what happens when the certain thing which will not be named comes poking its way back into my life. The first time it had almost destroyed me completely, if it hadn’t been for Rikku…

And now its back. And I’m on my own, halfway up a mountain, no Rikku in sight.

I heard there was a hot spring near the top how I long to be warm again. But my heart and mind are colder than my body, and to heat them up I have to reach that spot…

I have never been to this mountain before but Rikku had enlightened me on it a little. Apparently a Ronso-Yuna statue us up here somewhere…I’m jealous yet disturbed at the same time.

But I’ll do sightseeing later; right now I’m looking for the path leading to the summit, and past that to the mountain ledge where Ronsos go to hear the mountain. Apparently Garik did this before, as Rikku put it, ‘we kicked some sense into his furry brain with a fight!’ and prevented the slaughter of the Guados.

I wasn’t really interested in what happened then, I just wanted to see if a non-Ronso could hear the mountain. If I could be given an answer about how to get rid of it once and for all…

I was beyond desperate by this point, and I was in an even worse state by the time I finally reached the spot I was looking for.

By the way, just for the record, those lifeless fayth statues on the way give off a very bad vibe for me. It must really suck to be stuck on a wall like that. To think they lived as dreams but in reality were here to be gazed at and judged…I hate being judged, as an Al Bhed I’ve always been judged, and when I got the thing…

Okay, fine, let’s just call it the illness, the illness which has come back into my life. When I got it the first time back when I was a kid, I was judged for that too. Even by the Al Bheds, who should know better when they’ve been subjected to racism, were you’re thought less of just because of who you are. But Brother was the worse. He despised it. He despised how it existed, but mostly he hated how it happened to two people he knew, and one he was close to.

You see; he and Mura…they used to have this sort of flirting routine. Sure, Brother has always been weird but Mura like him that way. They were just kids back then and didn’t have anything serious, but there was so much that they could have one day of had.

…But then it happened, one of many traumatic events people experience in that age of Spira. But it brought out the illness within Mura, and later me…

Brother got scared, he began to judge and did what most people would, he avoided her. He stopped the would-be flirting and broke her heart, unconsciously causing her mental status to worsen.

It wasn’t his fault; it was bound to happen sooner or later. We all have to hit rock bottom at one point in life. That was Mura’s, and it would have been mine…if not for Rikku.

Rikku has always been a cheerful person. And she adjusts to change, learning quickly what has to be done in order to cheer someone up. She helped me through the illness, forced me to keep at life. I will always be grateful to her. Always. She’s done more for me than she will ever actually realise.

Mura wasn’t so lucky back then. We tried to help her, but we didn’t know how. So I suggested for Akio to help her.

Akio was someone I had known since birth, he was my best friend, even more than Rikku (who was still just an immature kid back then, although en exceptionally caring one). if anyone could of helped Mura, it would have been him. At least, he was.

I looked out beyond the mountain ledge towards the ruins of Zanarkand. Another place I’ve never visited, and I doubt I will. There are just some tragic evidence of history I don’t want to witness. So instead I closed my eye and I tried to listen.

I have no idea what I was trying to hear. What may make itself known to me with the journey of the wind. I didn’t know anything. But I was desperate, desperate for an answer. Desperate for a cure. Desperate for the unwanted colours in my life to leave, so I could then return to a beautiful non-colour existence.

I needed that. I need it so badly my heart aches. My very soul bleeds tears of despair.

Why does the mountain stay silent? Why can’t I hear what the Ronsos do? Why must I live with colours that I hate?

…Why is it hard? Why?

It came back. Why did it have to come back? Why did what happened ten years ago happen? Why? Why can’t I stop what happened to Mura from consuming me? Will I too hurt those that will try and help me? Will I be placed in isolation like Mura? Will I become like her and betray those close to me just to escape? Will I destroy my best friends life like she did to Akio?

I can’t hurt Rikku.

I won’t.

Yet…the mountains won’t speak to me.

“Please, I need your help. I need it to go away!” I shouted out, hearing it echo and then fade. No answer came. Nothing happened.

I was alone. And I had no help.

Forsaken and doomed. Doomed to go through what Mura did before I could ever escape it. But I refused to do that. I refuse.

I stepped closer towards the edge of the mountain making sure there was no path beneath it leading to Zanarkand before sighing.

I can’t believe I’m doing this…

But I refuse to hurt Rikku with this condition…with my condition.

I sighed again and began to step off the edge…

Only to have my arm grabbed from behind.