Title: Draco Malfoy and the Incredibly Scary Boggart

Authoress: DMFCRockerettExFaithiExBabY

Summary: Draco Malfoy faces a Boggart that scares the hell outta him! What is it? Why is it amusing to Ron and only Ron? Why does Hermione scream when she sees it? Why does Harry faint when he smells it? Is it a daisy?

Authoressa Note: Inspired by reading the title of the story 'The DRACO MALFOY Show' and reading the summary to the story Dancing With The Shadow by mosylu. I combine Draco Malfoy with a boggart, and decided I wanted a parody, hence, this stupidly funny fic.

Disclaimer: I own nothing except the outcome of what Draco is scared of. Draco Malfoy and related characters belong to J.K. Rowling and Crookshanks belongs to Hermione, who also belongs to J.K. Rowling.

Draco Malfoy and the Incredibly Scary Boggart

Chapter I

In Which Draco Explains the Creepiness of the Boggart

a.K.a. in Which Draco Rattles on About His Childhood Problems

The Defense Against the Dark Arts class had left. Draco stood facing the trunk which incased the lesson, a Boggart. Since Potter and his crew had decided he was up to something and stayed, they stood in the back eyeing him.

Draco unlocked the trunk as the boggart flew out. Harry, Hermione, and Ron looked on as the boggart formed a shape.

"You're afraid of that? That's stupid, Malfoy! And people say you're tough." Ron began going into hysterics about how funny it was that Draco was scared of the Boggart. Harry walked over to it. He breathed deeply. Ron and Hermione stared at him to see how he reacted. He fainted.

"God! Harry! It's only a-"

"Oh god!" Hermione screamed, as she moved closer to it.

"It's so incredibly horrible! I see why Malfoy's scared of it! He probably didn't know it was-"

"Oh, shut up Hermione. No one cares what Malfoy thought it was. Why don't you think it's funny?"

"Funny, Ronald? Funny?" Hermione shrieked. "That, is not funny." Ron laughed a little.

"Okay, Hermione. Calm down, it's not even that big a deal."

"Yes it is! I'm telling you, one touch, Malfoy'll die!" Draco spun around.

"What's that Mudblood? You've started a Conspiracy for my death? Die!" He shoved her towards the trunk, the boggart probably finding this hilarious.

"Stop it, Malfoy!" She moved and he tripped into it.

"Oh my god!" Hermione said, clapping her hands over her mouth. Ron's jaw slid open... and he began to laugh.

"Oh, this is priceless! Someone get me a camera or something! This should be documented!"

"Ronald, I don't see a reason to laugh! Oh my god!" She screamed again, as Draco stood back up. He staggered softly towards Hermione, limping.

"I always wanted one of these. Now I know that it's dangerous. I mean, it's not at all like the Skrewt I got when I was five, or the little dragon Father got me for my 13th birthday, but it's something. Mudblood, you're going to let me die here?" Hermione had jumped back as Draco had crawled over to her shoes.

"Get away from me!" Hermione yelled. "You're contaminated!"

"Father told me I was contaminated once. I was five and went to the park and played with a muggle. Don't know how he got into a wizarding park. Well, it was almost like he disowned me. You're laughing, Weasley. What's so funny about this!" Draco yelled at the redhead, who was balled up on the floor laughing his head off.

"I-you-boggart-" He couldn't finish, as laughter hit him full force.

"Shut up!" He yelled. Then, he calmed down. "You know, people laughed at me all the time. I think it's sad." He finally cornered her.

When Harry came to, he almost fainted again. Draco's head was laying in Hermione's lap, rattling on about something or other. Hermione looked faint. She gently brushed her hands over Draco's hair every now and then. Ron was asleep in the corner of the classroom, smiling and laughing every few seconds.

"What happened, Hermione?" She turned, and almost knocked Draco's head onto the floor.

"You sniffed that-the boggart and fainted. Draco got attacked by it, and Ron's been laughing the whole time." Hermione sniffed.

"Well, there was also this time when I was five, and Father and Mother left me alone in my house. That wouldn't have been a problem if it was storming outside. It was so scary, I thought I was done for. They laughed at me, I was so mad that I blew up my room with accidental magic. Then, my parents had a bit of a bout about whether or not to send me off to a ward somewhere." Draco complained.

"Um, Malfoy? I have a question." Hermione said, gently poking him in the head.

"Oh, so you wanna ask questions now, Mudblood? An hour ago, you didn't want to talk to me! What?" He asked, his obvious rant going down the drain.

"Why are you scared of-" She froze. "Um, something like this? I mean, the Dark Arts are scary too, why did you have a Boggart of that, or a dragon or something?" Draco seemed tense.

"Father." Was all he said, and laid his head down in Hermione's lap again. Hermione sighed.

Professor Strunghorn walked into the classroom.

"Oh my! Students, who opened the boggart trunk!" Draco sat up and raised his hand.

"I did, Professor. I was only practicing, but I got off topic and.."

"Very well, Mister Malfoy. I swear, though. The boggart looked just like a fudge cookie."

Crookshanks crept into the DADA room. Judging that his noses had been right, he trotted over to the trunk, where a fudge cookie lay on the floor. He gobbled it up.

Chapter I

In Which Draco Explains the Creepiness of the Boggart

a.K.a. in Which Draco Rattles on About His Childhood Problems

Authoressa Notes: Well, hope you like it! And this story signifies that I am returning to the Harry Potter world! Next Chapter, 'In Which Harry Talks About Having a Baby'.

To be continued...