Counting the Demons

Author: pratz

Disclaimer: Tomino-sensei, Sunrise, and Bandai

Written after watching phase 45 of GS-Destiny. Beware angst and character's death. Comments and feedbacks are much cherished. Do enjoy your stay.

Notes: what am I doing? Aren't I supposed to write more on that crazy Coconut? XP Ah, my apology for grammatical error and other mistakes (I do really need a beta; please somebody help me!). Better listen to Coldplay's Everything's Not Lost and have a look at the lyrics of Cool Joke's Undo (Full Metal Alchemist).

Chapter 1/3: Of Cagalli

When she was just a little child, one of her closest maids happened to tell her that sometimes letting go is the best alternative to prove one's love.

'If you love someone, let him go. If he comes back, he is truly yours. If he does not, he isn't.'

At the age of eighteen, Cagalli lets go of someone who is very dear to her.

"Good morning, Cagalli-sama."

She looks at her men who are suddenly standing stiff to greet her. "Morning. Reading newspaper when you're on duty?"

The man nearest to her forces a clumsy smile to show on his face. "A-ah! Forgive us, Cagalli-sama! W-we are just so happy that you get well so quickly!"

Amused, a blond eyebrow rises. "Of course I do. I've been trusted a country to run."

Her men straighten themselves to greet her formally once again before she slips inside her office. She is not a workaholic, ever, but Orb is a big duty she will never get bored of. Being a politician is a definite tiresome, yet being the servant of the people is a great honour.

A stack of newspapers on the table near the sofa set catches her attention as she tries to find a comfortable position on her chair. It seems like her secretary has piled all newspapers she reads daily since she has been hospitalised two weeks ago.

'Representative Escaped Murder Trial.' That is the headline from the oldest newspapers. 'Representative Saved From Death.' Another headline from the same day's newspaper. 'She Lives!' The headline from today's newspaper.

Half irritated, she grabs one of today's newspapers and uncaringly reads its screaming headline—'She Survives!'

That is it. She is really going to have someone get rid of these overreacting, exaggerating newspapers!

Leaning her back to the headrest, she sighs, wishing that she still wears a certain ring she uses to finger whenever her mind is occupied by so many things. Where does she leave it? Ah, yes. The stupid murder trial.

Her videophone beeps once. Kira's name appears on the screen.

"Good morning, Cagalli."

"Kira."

"How are you feeling?" A kind of worried expression dawned on her brother's face. "You didn't tell me you're going back to works today."

"Do I look like an infant to you?" she scowls. "I'm perfectly fine. I can walk, and my doctor said my head is okay. Anyway, Kira, have you gotten my ring back?"

"Still searching for it with Bartfeld-san, sis. Why?"

"Oh, it's alright. Actually, I'm just going to tell you there's no need to search for it anymore. Athrun told me he'd get me a new one."

Kira's worried expression goes deeper and peculiarly sadder. "Cagalli..."

"Mm, I know. It holds so many memories, but it's not worth the trouble I put you and Bartfeld-san in. Athrun said it's not the material that matters. It's the value indeed," she pauses, then, "or do you think I should appreciate things better like what you do with Lacus' ring?"

"Cagalli, it's not what I me—"

The phone beeps once again. "Oh, sorry to cut you here, Kira, but I've jobs to do. How about a dinner in my house, 7PM?"

"S-sounds good."

"Great. And don't forget to send my regard to Lacus. See you."

She does not notice that Kira looks like he cannot find even a word to say more.

The Representative tells her secretary to excuse her for any evening meeting, saying that it is an important matter with her family—knowing that the old lady already knows about her and Athrun's discreet relationship. At first, her secretary shows a sympathetic, sad expression, but if she has something to say, she does not say it.

"I know it's a hard time for you, Cagalli-sama, but you're not alone."

She just smiles at her encouraging words. I know that. I have Athrun and my family. Isn't that a happiness enough?

Short after her secretary brings the already signed documents out to her staff office, Dearka calls from, to no surprise, Miriallia's house. She wonders whether the two of them has finally been true to each other's feelings.

"I—ah—just wanna let you know we're going to make an official memoir in the memory of our deceased friends. I know it sounds rude, and maybe you think I don't understand how you feel, but—ah—you're Orb's Representative, so..."

"We?"

"Ah, I-I mean the ZAFT Special Unit. You know..."

Cagalli swirls her chair a bit, straightening her legs. "I'd be honoured."

"So? When could I meet you?"

"Mm—my schedule's a bit tight these days, but let's see if I could I make it... Next week? Lunch break?"

"That'll be. Thanks."

"You're much welcome. And Dearka," hearing the feminine sound behind Dearka she knows well enough, she chuckles, "don't forget to bring Millie, too."

She hears some curses before the soldier closes the line. Dearka has not changed too much even after wars. It is a good thing to survive; she realizes it now that she herself has escaped the gate of death just a week before. Life itself is really something to be thankful, isn't it?

Suddenly she understands how Athrun, a soldier who faces death frequently, feels when he survives while the others around him die.

It is not fair, she thinks in seething anguish and regret, that a man who seeks to value peace on the highest pedestal is forced to be a messenger of death at the same time.

Yes. It is not fair indeed.

War is never fair.

Isn't it, Athrun?

She has always known that Kira and Lacus make a great couple. So it is not a big surprise to hear some of her maids' whispering about how dashing those two look that evening.

"The meals is pleasant, Cagalli," Lacus says as they settles to talk in front of the fireplace.

Kira sits between the two women he loves dearly. "Unfortunately Murrue-san and Mwu-san couldn't make it, ne?"

"OMNI and ZAFT will have a commemoration day for the deceased soldiers two days from now. Of course the base is in a hectic preparation."

Biting her lower lip, Lacus slowly puts her cup of tea on the table. "You're not going to attend the commemoration?"

"My doctor strictly forbids me to do outdoor activities yet. ORB will send someone to come in my place."

Half resting his head on Lacus' shoulder, Kira turns to Cagalli. "I still can't understand why it all has to come to this."

"Ah." Cagalli does not dodge her brother's hand on hers. "Athrun also thinks so."

The warm hand that holds her own tightens its grasp. "Cagalli..."

"No, it's alright, Kira. I think he doesn't need sympathy more than it already is now."

Kira sighs once. "I still can't understand why it has to be him. I deserve an end like that more than anyone."

"Kira!"

Ignoring Lacus' frightened gasp, Cagalli laughs dryly, humourlessly. "Whatever you say, dear brother?"

"I said Athrun Zala isn't with us anymore, sis. Let it go."

"Do you ask me to let him go? How?"

This time, Kira's posture turns rigid and stiff.

"How am I supposed to let him go after he finally comes back to me?"

"He does not!" roars the brown-haired ace pilot. "And he never will!"

Time goes as the clock ticks in cold silence. Lacus tries to stop Kira from spilling whatever he has to say, but Cagalli seems like she will not step back either.

"I think you'd better go home," she finally says, dry and plain. "I need some times alone."

Without even a word, Kira pulls Lacus with him and goes to the door. He only stops before he opens the door. "I'd like to talk with you again in better circumstances."

"In a less crazy state of mind, you mean?"

Long time before, "Do what you want then."

Minutes leave after her brother's departure, and she finally finds the strength to go to her bedroom. She understands Kira's words, but that does not mean she can accept them yet. While it is understanding that she has, acceptance is another matter.

Athrun stands close to her nightstand; his dark jacket covering his shoulders. His expression is calm and he looks a bit paler, but otherwise, he is still there.

Athrun is still there with her; safe and alive.

"They think I'm insane," she smiles, wistfully sad. "Am I?"

Athrun smiles back, soft yet noticeable like he always does every time he becomes her pillar of strength, her support, her world.

"Well, I guess being insane doesn't really matter," Cagalli tilts her head, watching Athrun steps closer to her, "as long it makes you stay here."

The truth is Athrun never came back to her.