I think I've decided to have a Akatsuki story for every holiday I celebrate...

Itachi hated Thanksgiving. What was there to be thankful for? His power? Sorta. His love? He never loved anyone except a childhood friend in Konoha in the Hyuuga. She was far out of his reach now. His friends? Could he really call them that?

As he sat at the table with Zetsu, Sasori, Kisame, and Deidara, he again wondered who had invited Zetsu. Could he be eavesdropping on their private conversations? Maybe…

“Okay, yeah! To start Thanksgiving dinner off, I’d like us all to say thanks, yeah!” yelled Deidara, which was very unnecessary. He stood, cleared his throat, and was about to speak, when he paused for a dramatic part. There was an awkward silence.

“A gay baby was just born…” muttered Kisame, which made Sasori snicker. Deidara coughed to get their attention, and began to speak. “I am thankful for the power I have over people, yeah. I am also thankful that I haven’t been defeated yet, and have am not a virgin anymore, yeah.”

Zetsu raised an eyebrow. “You aren’t a virgin anymore?”

“Nope, Mister Eavesdropper, yeah.”

Zetsu lowered his head in shame, which confirmed Itachi’s earlier thoughts. ‘That bastard…’

“Who was the poor victom?” asked Itachi.

“Very funny, Itachi, yeah. It was a nice lady at a hotel.”

“I bet she was a fat cow…” whispered Kisame to Itachi, who successfully kept a straight face.

Deidara didn’t hear it, and sat down as Zetsu stood. “I am thankfully for my friends…”

“HA!” came the voice of Kisame and Deidara. Sasori smirked at Zetsu. ‘Why don’t they like me?’ wondered Zetsu.

“That’s it.” He quickly sat. Kisame stood. “I’m thankful for my power and my sword.”

Sasori was next. “I’m thankful my mother and father are able to share this moment with us.” Everyone’s face contorted and everyone was thinking, ‘EWWW! HE BROUGHT THEM? HIS PUPPET PARENTS!’

But he can’t read minds, thankfully. Next was Itachi. He paused, trying to think of what to say. “I… am thankful…”

The others leaned in to hear it. They obviously expected something big.

“I’m thankful for my abilities and my… friends of the sort.”

Zetsu was about to speak, an excited look on his face, when Itachi added, “…That doesn’t include Zetsu.”

Zetsu looked as though he would burst into tears.

“Alright, yeah!” said Deidara. “Who’s gonna carve the turkey!”

There was a pause. “What turkey?” asked Sasori.

“Thanksgiving is also known as Turkey Day, cause on this day the have a feast with a turkey as the main course, yeah. We need a turkey, yeah!”

“But… we don’t have a turkey.” Said Itachi, “You never said anything about a turkey, or any food at all!”

“And that means… this Thanksgiving is a whole waste of time!” declared Kisame, “What a load of bull shit!”

“Well, blame Deidara!” said Zetsu. The other four turned to him. “What?” he asked. The four looked at each other, then back at Zetsu, and they each put on a sinister grin.

“I know something all four of us are thankful for.” Said Kisame.

“Yeah!” said Deidara, “We’re thankful that we can beat up on Zetsu and use him as a scapegoat…”

The four suddenly lunged at Zetsu, right as Zetsu had finally got what they meant and said, “Oh damn…”

And as they tussled on the floor, the leader of the Akatsuki walked in, with a turkey in hand. “I thought they ordered a turkey…” He shook his head and left.

Well, that was a complete bust. I hope my Thanksgiving won't turn out that way. I have two twin boys who are obnoxious and loud and annoying coming over with their parents. I predict chaos...

Happy Thanksgiving everybody! Review please!