Chapter Six.

Christmas Evening, 1983.

Nobody spoke for several moments after Bill finished his tale. Pam cried silently to herself, wiping her eyes and blowing her nose on the tissue Harlan had given her.

The three men waited patiently for her to finish, wishing they too could weep as she was doing.

"So she...she'd be my age now, Bill?" Pam managed to stutter, looking up at him with her big grey eyes.

Bill nodded his head quickly, tearing his gaze away from her as he thought about what it would've been like looking into his grown daughter's eyes.

Ralph was stunned, unable to say anything. What could he say, after all? The mere thought of something like that happening to him, God forbid, scared him to the core of his being. And here he and Pam were exulting in their first Christmas together as husband and wife, right in front of Bill, when his best friend and partner had lost his family in the same situation.

Ralph went to Bill and kneeled down next to the older man, who was back in his seat at the card table.

"Bill, I'm...I'm sorry we barged in on you and Harlan like this, then, we didn't know, we..."

Bill stopped him with a sad smile. "You couldn't know, kid, but Harlan's right. It's been almost thirty years now, it's time for me to stop hating what's supposed to be a happy holiday."

He watched his partner, squatting next to him, for a moment. Ralph didn't say anything, and as they looked silently at one another, Ralph's eyes began to mist over.

"Now, kid, don't YOU get started too!" Bill said roughly, chuckling at the end of the statement to lighten the mood. "Me an' Harlan, we do fine on Christmas day."

"But to be together like that, like you were all those years ago, Bill," Ralph started. "Doesn't it just perpetuate it?"

"What, you want me to forget it?" Bill asked, his brown eyes flashing with anger.

"No, no, of course not! But ask yourself what Ellen would have wanted. She truly believed that she and Serenity Grace would be going to Heaven, and you'd be with them once more. Don't you think that too?"

Bill didn't answer for a while. Ralph turned to Harlan, who heard the movement. The older man shook his head, indicating to Ralph that he needed to continue being patient. This could be a break-through moment in healing for Bill.

"Over the years, with Harlan to talk to, the Big Guy upstairs and I, well, we've come to an understanding," Bill said.

Ralph waited, wondering if Bill was going to continue. When it was obvious he was not, Ralph said, "And that's something you REALLY don't want to talk about, right?"

"Right. That's between Him and me."

"Fair enough," Ralph said.

All this time, Pam was writing something down on her notepad. She didn't know what made her think of this song, but for some reason it stuck in her head, a sad and poignantly sweet song she remembered from the 70's. To this day, as many times as she'd heard it, it never failed to make her cry. It seemed to fit what Bill was going through.

She handed what she'd written to Bill, the lyrics from the last verse of the song.

"Bill, I hope you don't mind me showing this to you, but it came to me while you two were talking. I changed it a bit to fit your name, but I think this says it all, how you probably feel."

Bill silently took the scribbled lyrics from Pam and began to read. By the time he was finished, he was sobbing, not caring if his friends saw him or not.

I sleep alone at nights again,
I walk alone each day
And sometimes when I'm about to give in
I hear her sweet voice say to me

'Billy, you know you've been alone before
You know that you can do it
But if you'd like to lean on me
Take my hand, I'll help you through it'
I said, 'Baby, oh sweet baby
It's love that sets us free
And I told you when the world would end
Your love was safe with me'

"Pam, that says it perfectly," Bill managed to say.

She went to kneel by Bill, opposite of Ralph. The two younger friends put their hands on Bill's arms, giving him a loving squeeze.

"Bill, I could never replace Serenity Grace, I know that, but Ralph and I, WE'RE your family now! Him, me and Harlan. We're going to start a new Hinkley tradition, where you're going to join us every Christmas, okay? And Harlan too, if he wants to."

Pam and Ralph looked at the older man, who'd been remaining still, listening to the three. "I think that'd be fine, Pam, just fine. Gimme a chance to get outta this old trailer once a year."

"At LEAST once a year! Because then there's Thanksgiving, and the fourth of July, and Easter, and..."

"Okay, okay, you've convinced me an' Harlan!" Bill said, looking from one of the Hinkleys to the other. Surrounded as he was by his good friends, it was hard to stay in a sour mood. They were right, though: Ellen wouldn't have wanted him to continue like this, getting older, maybe wiser, but still living in the 50's one day a year, drowning in sorrow and self-pity. Bill had already taken a huge step, when he'd been involved with O'Neil. Now it was time to take the next step and begin enjoying the holidays once again.

Bill put his arms around Pam and Ralph, roughly hugging them to him, and chuckled. He had a genuine smile on his face now, which the two were happy to see. "I can't say I'll be through this quickly, you two knuckleheads, but I'm makin' a start, thanks to Harlan eggin' me on. But the evening's young, we've got a few more hours of Christmas to go. Whaddya wanna do?"

Ralph stood, as did Pam. "We'd originally planned on kidnapping you and dragging you to brunch. How about the four of us go to dinner somewhere? Denny's is always open. It'll give us a chance to work on that new Hinkley family tradition right away!"

Harlan and Bill were both agreeable, and were soon ready to join Pam and Ralph in the station wagon. As Bill followed the three out, pulling the door to Harlan's trailer closed, he started humming a tune.

Harlan, having such excellent hearing, recognized it first and chuckled. Pam and Ralph stopped, amazed to hear Bill humming at all, then they realized what it was: a Beatles song.

"I get by with a little help from my friends, hmmm, gonna try with a little help from my friends, with a little help from my friends!"

After they got Harlan situated in the front seat, with Bill joining Pam in back, Ralph leaned in to the station wagon and whispered to Bill, "And don't you forget it, mister!"

(Song lyrics in this chapter from the song "Rocky," by Austin Roberts. A one-hit wonder, which is both very sweet and very sad at the same time. To me, years and years later, it's just as sad and moving. Like Pam, I still cry every time I hear it. Heck, even posting the lyrics did it to me!)