Words of our Shored

The Snark of St. Gregarious

Chp. 5 - Pts. 1-15

In the beginning there was wretched darkness of reality TV, and the Shored was displeased, and He said, 'Let there be Snark.' 1

And it was good. 2

And the Shored made St. Gregarious to be the vessel unto which He poured His Snark, and gave him a great and abiding intellect, whilst drawing a few obvious parallels to a much beloved Sleuth of Baker Street. 3 But the Shored gave unto House also scruffy good looks, and musical talent, and great powers of observation, and an iPod, and expensive shoes, and a motorcycle and a Vicodin addiction. 3

Unto House, the Shored made an infarction in his limb, and a past relationship of enduring angst, and eventually, a small furry companion named Steve. 4

Unto these, even before and after, He gave House young, pretty companions to teach his worldly wisdom to, and unto them to foist tiresome tacks and other bureaucratic crappola so that he might make merry at their expense whilst he did watch medical soaps. 5

Yea verily, the Shored decided a lack of blonde chicks would raise the intellectual bar for high end product placement. 6 And this too was spiffy, as the sponsors did squirm in pleasure. 7

Yea verily, yea.

The Shored knew that House needed a brother in whom he might confide his wretched pain and angst, and to whom he might make witty asides. 8 The Shored provided him with a boyishly cute fraternal companion, the Apostle James, known throughout in the land for his monumental matrimonial muddles. 9

And, not unexpectedly, p.w.p. fanfic didst flow like phlem in a waiting room. 10

And lo, a Hugh and cry went up amongst some followers of St. Greg, that House lay alone, and that he needed a bosom companion for his heart - mayhap even some sloppy hickies, or at the very least a female companion to whom Greg would not have to provide an hourly stipend. 11 And the Shored didst hear these cries. 12

And lo, another roar arose, to cry House would be best kept afar from the putrid Abyss of Romantic Entanglements, a vast wasteland where lay the withered, pathetic remains of Mulder & Scully, and Nigel & Daphne, to name but a few. 13

And the Shored didst hear the cries of these other people, and lest House fall into the Abyss that did slay the devotion of the majority of St. Greg's followers, the Shored did crush the potential bosom companions of St. Greg like creepy bugs on the sidewalk. 14

And the fandom didst rejoice and/or rend their clothes, depending on their shipping preferences. 14 And the Shored did say unto the whiners, 'Cry me a river, build an bridge and get over it'. 15

Here endeth the Lesson.