|Am I James to You?
Author: krazi little aus PM
Just say Harry ran back to Grimmauld Place after his first detention with that Umbridge Woman. Just say Sirius was there to talk things through with him. Just say Harry asked the question that Sirius had been dreading. OneshotRated: Fiction K+ - English - Drama/Angst - Harry P. & Sirius B. - Words: 2,846 - Reviews: 58 - Favs: 123 - Follows: 19 - Published: 11-26-05 - Status: Complete - id: 2677422
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclaimer: Everything and anything Harry Potter belongs to the very gifted J.K Rowling. I unfortunately own nothing.
Author's Notes: This is NOT a slash fic. Just to make it clear. This is more of a bonding fic. This is also a one-shot so there is no continuing of the story from here.
Summary: Just say Harry ran back to Grimmauld Place after his first detention with that Umbridge Woman. Just say Sirius was there to talk things through with him. Just say Harry asked the question that Sirius had been dreading.
Am I James to You?
He walked slowly up the corridor, then, when he had turned the corner and was sure she could not hear him, broke into a run. He was breathing heavily when he had reached the large statue of the one-eyed witch. He drew back his wand and pointed it hastily at the statue.
"Dissendium," he hissed, watching as the witch's hump revealed a passage, large enough for Harry to slide into.
Without a second thought at what he was doing, he pushed himself forward into the passage, now vaguely aware that there was a slight thumping sensation in his red raw hand. For what seemed like hours, he travelled in this dark passageway, with only one thought in mind. Get to Hogsmeade, get to the Knight Bus. It was his only hope of getting to Grimmauld Place.
He could see the steps rising before him as he drew closer and feeling the temptation to leave Hogwarts for sure, he ran up, rather than climbed the stairs.
His stomach inflated instantly as he stopped at the top-most stair and looked up at the trap door that would admit him into Honeydukes and Hogsmeade. Feeling slightly nauseous, he pushed the trapdoor open unceremoniously, not worried in the least that the owners of the shop might have heard his disturbance of the peace. He pulled himself up and into the shop, looking around in the darkness. His bag still slung over his shoulder and his wand still in his hand, he rushed forward, past the many boxes and out into the shop.
It was deserted, which Harry found extremely fortunate. Making his way hastily towards the door, he tripped on a stray sweet and skidded to a halt right in front of a stack of Fizzing Whizzbees. Cursing his incompetence, he stood up and narrowly avoiding another trip, courtesy of the awkwardly placed stack, he proceeded towards the door. Harry grabbed the handle and pulled, but to no avail. The shop was closed, how could he have thought the door would be open?
"Alahormora," he snapped and the lock sprang open right a loud, screeching siren went off. Without a moments thought, he lurched himself out the door just as he heard footsteps.
Harry prided himself on knowing that he could outrun just about anyone. He was a fast runner, he knew that. But at that moment, he legs felt like bricks. He couldn't for the life of him drag himself down the road, away from the siren. But now there were voices mingled in with the siren. Loud, angry voices. And Harry knew that if he were to stop, for just a minute, he would be caught. And he didn't think he could handle another week of detention with Professor Umbridge.
Forcing himself to continue down the road, Harry could see a small alley just ahead as the voices and footsteps made their way out of the shop.
"Hey, kid! Get back here!" a man's angry voice shouted out to him, but Harry took no notice. He had reached the alley and, his head spinning, flung his right arm forward.
Instantly, a large purple three-decker bus appeared and the doors swung open. A pimply young man stepped out and cleared his throat.
"I don't have time for this," Harry snapped and pushed Stan the conductor aside.
"'Arry!" Stan cried, falling back. "Good to see ya, mate. Where to be, then?"
Harry gave him the street and paid him before retreating to the furthest bed, away from Stan, massaging his sore hand and looking out of the window glumly.
Harry watched the Knight Bus disappear, then turned around and started to make his way down the street. Taking deep steadying breaths he readied himself for the Order's reactions. What would they say? What would they do? Would they ship him back to Hogwarts without hearing him out? Would they be angry?
Harry stopped in front of houses eleven and thirteen and sighed, glancing once at his sore hand.
Number 12 Grimmauld Place
Instantly number eleven and thirteen were pushed aside to make way for a more sinister, dark looking house. Harry rushed forward and for the first time in a week, felt like he was welcomed, despite what the Order might make of his sudden appearance.
He tapped his wand on the door and it sprang open, admitting him. He rushed in and without thinking slammed the door after him.
"FILTHY, SCUMS OF THE EARTH, SPOILING THE NOBLE AND HONOURABLE HOUSE OF BLACK!"
Harry cringed inwardly as Mrs. Black's shrieks filled the house. He walked further into the house, wondering who would be the unlucky candidate to come and close the curtains. But nobody came right away and Harry, who dropped his bag and pocketed his wand, was forced to try and shut them by himself, but with no such luck and Sirius' mum just kept on screaming.
"YOU!" she screeched, eyeing Harry from behind her portrait with distaste. "YOU ARE NOT WELCOME IN MY HOUSE! OH, THE SHAME! IF MY DEAR HUSBAND WERE ALIVE HE WOULD TEACH YOU A LESSON!"
Harry found closing this curtain harder work than he had originally thought and gave up, standing back and looking at the portrait in disgust. Harry turned around; expecting to see at least one Order member standing there, but there was nobody.
Where could they all be? Harry thought desperately over Mrs. Black's shrieks. What about Sirius? Had he been caught? But no, that couldn't be it. It would have been in the Daily Prophet. Did I come here for nothing?
When Harry was just about to give up all hope, he heard a stunned voice behind him.
Harry turned around and saw Sirius standing at the foot of the stairs, looking more than just a bit surprised.
"Harry, what are you doing here?" Sirius asked, quickly getting over the shock and looking concerned. "Aren't you supposed to be at school?"
"I'm not going back there," Harry said instantly and defiantly. "I'm staying here."
Sirius' brow furrowed in confusion and stepped forward. It looked as though he were about to rush over to Harry, but instead he turned towards the curtain and after a few minutes, he had successfully pulled it shut over Mrs. Black's shrieks.
"Let's go in the kitchen, shall we?" Sirius said, leading the way into the kitchen. Harry picked up his bag from it's position on the floor before following Sirius.
"Where's the rest of the Order?" Harry asked, once they had reached the kitchen and had sat down on opposite ends of the table.
"Out," Sirius said and Harry could hear his resentfulness in his voice. "Order business. When you gracefully entered my house, I was feeding Buckbeak."
"Oh," was all Harry could manage, feeling embarrassed at his rash demands he had made and his sudden arrival. Feeling his hand burn, as though it too could feel his guilt, he rubbed it on thigh.
Sirius was looking at Harry closely and Harry felt himself go red.
"So, Harry, what brings you to this hellhole at night when you should be at school?" Sirius asked still watching Harry closely.
"I'm not going back there, Sirius," Harry said, trying to hide his embarrassment. "I've had enough."
Sirius sighed and rubbed his face. "Are you in trouble with teachers?" he asked. "Because I don't see why you should run away from that. You've faced bigger stuff than getting in trouble with teachers."
Harry didn't answer and Sirius growled.
"What is it, then?" Sirius asked. "Did you and you, Ron and Hermione have a fight? Are you being bullied? What is it?"
"Give me some credit, Sirius," Harry snorted. "I'm not about to be bullied by anyone."
Sirius grinned. "Yeah, I know," he said, a hint of pride evident in his voice. "Then what is it?"
Harry sighed and put his hand on the table, the words shining red. Sirius gave Harry a confused look before taking Harry's raw hand in his own. He looked at it for a minute, his expression became pale as he read and re-read the words I must not tell lies. He released Harry. Harry looked down at the table, not wanting to see Sirius' reaction.
"What the hell was that?" Sirius growled.
Harry looked up and saw that Sirius was no longer sitting opposite him, but was towering over him, his face red and his eyes blazing, which Harry found quite an intimidating.
"I must not tell lies," he muttered, regretting these words the instant they came out of his mouth.
Sirius let out a strangled cry and started pacing the length of the kitchen.
"And what lies have you been telling?" he managed. Harry wouldn't be surprised if steam came out of his ears.
"That Voldemort was back," Harry said, watching Sirius closely.
Sirius stopped right in front of Harry and glared down at him, his long hair reaching over the sides of his face, making him look sinister and threatening.
"Who gave you detention?" he asked. "Blood quills are illegal in schools. I want you to report this person."
"I can't," Harry said. "She works at the Ministry."
"Dolores Umbridge?" Sirius asked. "I told Dumbledore she was bad news."
Harry stared glumly at his hand, the words shone out to him, as though mocking him.
"You have to go back, Harry," Sirius said in a strained voice. "I will have words with Dumbledore."
"No," Harry said instantly. "I don't want to go back. I thought I did before, but there's no point. We learn nothing in Defence anymore. I'm failing in Potions…there's no point."
"You need your education, Harry," Sirius said, defiantly.
"Why can't I just stay here?" Harry asked, pushing back his chair and standing up to face Sirius.
"I just told you why, Harry," Sirius said.
"If Dumbledore and Mrs. Weasley didn't care, would you still make me go to school?" Harry asked.
Sirius hesitated, but just for a minute. "Yes," he said. "Harry, you don't know how important your education is."
"Why is it so important?" Harry challenged, noticing how Sirius was beginning to back down a bit. Harry knew Sirius would never get angry at Harry. "All I do is get in trouble every other day. And all I learn is what I can copy off Hermione. I can do that any old day."
"Harry, I am not discussing this with you," Sirius said firmly. "You are still a kid-"
"A kid?" Harry growled. "I am not a kid. You were the one that said that in the first place. Do you remember or do I have to remind you?"
"I remember," Sirius sighed.
"So when it suits you I'm a kid?" Harry said, his voice rising. "When it suits you I'm an adult? It works like that, does it?"
"No," Sirius growled, now his voice rising. "No, you're still a kid."
"That's not what you said that night you let slip about the weapon," Harry shot back.
Sirius glared at him. "That was a mistake on my part," he said. "I thought you did need to know some things, considering what you've just been through."
"Exactly, what I've just been through," Harry said. "I should know what's going on with the Order after all that."
"No you shouldn't," Sirius snapped, striding forward and taking Harry by the arm. "We're going to put some cream on that hand and then you can go back to school."
Harry wrenched his arm out of Sirius' grip and stepped back, staring at Sirius.
"I'm not going back," he said defiantly.
"Harry, you will go back," Sirius said in barely a whisper. "I will bring Dumbledore here if I have to."
"If Dumbledore wasn't around you would let me stay," Harry said, feeling anger boil for the old man who refused to look at him, who refused to talk to him for more than a week.
"No I wouldn't," Sirius said.
"Yes you would, because you would want your best friend back," Harry spat out without thinking.
Sirius stepped back, as though shot. He was looking at Harry with wide eyes, hurt evident in his dull greys.
"What?" he breathed.
Harry knew he should have stopped when he had the chance, but something was egging him on. Something he couldn't explain.
"Am I James to you?" he asked. "Do you think of me as my dad?"
Sirius looked as though he might start crying on the spot, but instead he did the one thing Harry thought he might never do.
"HOW DARE YOU ASK ME THAT?" Sirius stepped forward, anger evident, his face bright red and his teeth bared.
Harry stepped back quickly. Never would he have thought Sirius would yell at him like that. Never would he have thought Sirius would ever be angry with him.
"YOU ARE NOT JAMES!" Sirius continued, spit flying. "YOU ARE HARRY POTTER! THE BOY-WHO-LIVED! MY GODSON!"
Harry swallowed as he watched Sirius' expression turn from anger to surprise and then disgust. He gripped his matted hair and sank to the ground, still clutching his hair, staring up at Harry with remorse.
Harry didn't know what to do but look down at Sirius.
"Don't ask me that again, Harry," Sirius muttered.
"I…I'm sorry," Harry said quickly. "I…I didn't-"
"There's no need to apologise Harry," Sirius said, standing back up and looking around the kitchen. "Merlin knows what kind of crap Molly's been feeding you."
Harry made to protest, but Sirius continued.
"Listen to me, Harry," Sirius said. "I have never looked at you as James or as James' clone. I don't see hazel eyes, I see green. I don't see someone who would prank a person because they have nothing else to do. Harry you are not your father, no matter what you think. You may look like him, but you're not him and what's more I don't think you're him." Sirius sighed and placed his hands on Harry's shoulders and bent down so that they were facing each other, eye to eye. "I have never seen you as anybody but yourself. From the moment you were born to this very moment in time. James is dead. He's not coming back. I know that, I understand that."
Harry nodded, knowing that Sirius spoke the truth. But Sirius was still not finished.
"I wanted to tell you about the weapon that night because I understood what you were going through," he said. "I understood that it was hard for you to be in that muggle house with no information on Voldemort when you had just faced him. I understood that and I still understand that. I understand that you are having a difficult time at school and as much as I wish you could stay here, you can't. You are fifteen…your education is the most important thing at the moment and I won't see you give that up because of some teacher. I will speak with Dumbledore, you mark my words."
Harry nodded again. "I had to get out," he whispered, even though he knew no one else was in the house. "I thought I had friends who would stick by me, but it's only Ron and Hermione really. Even Gryffindor has turned its back. I'm telling the truth and all I get is this," he brought up his hand with the words marked there.
"It'll get better," Sirius promised. "And when it does you'll be wondering why you made such a big fuss."
Harry grinned. "So, where's that cream you promised?"
First sentence belongs to JK…!
Author's Notes: So like it, hate it? Tell me what you think! I did this in like half an hour, which I'm pleased about…lolz…I always had the thought that Harry and Sirius didn't get much bonding done in their two years together, which is a shame. This is my first one-shot and I don't know if I did it well enough…maybe I should have done it longer? Oh, well…please review:D