AoA: You demanded it. I wanted to do it. As a result, the third and final chapter of LZATOGT(Like the acronym?) is here early!

Malon: Yeah!

Impa: Excellent.

Nabooru: It's finally here!

Link: Time to get me a babe!

Ganondorf: I'm not even in this. Why am I here?

AoA: You're doing the disclaimer in exchange for being released from the evil realm.

Ganondorf: Aha! I told you I'd get free Link!

Link: Nooo!

Ganondorf: Angel of Atonement does not own the Legend of Zelda series, it belongs to Nintendo! Now set me free!

AoA: Sorry, but you just announced loyalty to Nintendo. Only they can let you out now.

Ganondorf: Wha...NO!

Link: Ha ha! Take that, Ganon-dork!

(Ganondorf transforms)

Ganon: Release me at once!

AoA: Would you relax? In case you didn't notice you get set free or revived or reinvented every second game or so. Nintendo is sure to bring you back eventually.

Link: I-is that true?

Ganon: Scared, Link?

Link Why would I be afraid of an over sized pig?

AoA: Well as the destined battle takes place once again behind me, please enjoy the final chapter. I sincerely hope you think it's as funny as I do, because I think this was my best humour fic yet.

Ganon: Get back here, boy!

Link: Die, pig-face!

AoA: Here we go!

Chapter Three: Here Comes the Bride

Link was completely confident this time. He did everything right. He picked a nice girl who he knew well and was sure liked him. He had been calm and sensitive and had done the mushy romantic tone of voice thing as he asked Zelda to marry him. He even gave her one of his “pure-hearted stares of innocence”(Patent pending!). There was no way he could fail. Zelda would swoon after she was finished blushing and...

“Oh, Link,” the Princess said quietly as she broke his grip and turned her back to him.

Stupid women! Why can't they just do what I will them to do?

“I guess I must be quite the beauty in the future,” she continued, “to have captured your heart so quickly.”

Sure, but that's hardly the point. Just say yes already!

“And I must say that I am forever indebted to you.”

What is it with this girl and speeches? Okay, time for the telepathy.

“You are kind, chivalrous, brave, honest. You would be a fine husband.”

That's right, Zelda. You can hear me. I am your subconscious mind. Link is perfect for you. You WILL accept his very generous proposal which you clearly do not deserve.

“However..”

DARN IT, ZELDA! I SAID ACCEPT!

“I'm afraid my hand in marriage is not something I can offer to you,” she finished sadly.

Stupid telepathy. What good is it if I can't control people's minds?

Link seemed to have conveniently forgotten that he had no reason to believe he had psychic powers.

You stay out of this!

“Link,” Zelda turned and looked at her hero with sadness in her eyes and voice, her hand pressed against her chest.

Link stood up and looked back, maintaining the proper look for someone shocked and disappointed, which was quite easy at this point.

“My marriage was arranged for me when I was born. When I am old enough I will be wed to a prince from a neighboring kingdom.”

How would he get here? Hyrule's surrounded by impassable mountains on all sides for crying out loud!

“I will have to marry for my country instead of for my heart.”

At this she turned again. A small smile appeared on her lips though her eyes remained sad. She held her head up to the sky.

“But maybe...there's still hope for me...”

Zelda awaited a response but turned around when she heard none.

“Link?”

Link was not to be found in the courtyard however, as he was currently sailing rather high in to the air towards the Castle Town, trying to fight the intense pain.

Stupid Impa! Why did she get so upset? All I asked was if she'd be willing to be my back-up fiancée if I couldn't get any other girls to accept a proposal. Does she WANT me to marry Madame Sushi?

This name only brought up the question of what Ruto tasted like again, so Link decided to dismiss it.

At this point the boy had cleared the castle's walls and was silently praying he'd hit the moat. Despite all this, he had to admit that he was impressed by how much power the Shiekah could put in to a drop kick.

It's not like she's married already, and if she hasn't got anyone yet she's certainly not going to. She could have at least done me a favour. It's not like I wanted to marry her. It was just for a back-up plan. I explained that.

The boy 'hero' finally managed to hit the outer moat with a splash, and recovered in time to avoid drowning. He pulled himself up out of the water and looked out across the field.

“Stupid Zelda. It's all her fault. I need a fiancée right now. I don't have time for a 'true love conquers all by stopping the arranged marriage at the last minute and winning the respect and blessing of all the people' story!”

The lad seemed to have taken up talking to the nonexistent fairy again, but was undaunted.

“Well, I guess that means I'll just have to settle for Malon,” he said obliviously as he set out on foot for Lon Lon Ranch. “I figured getting a kingdom with Zelda would be better than inheriting a ranch, but maybe it won't be all bad. I can always use the livestock to start Hyrule's first celebrity-owned restaurant. I'd have to sell the land and move to Hyrule Castle Town, of course. Location, location, location.”

As Link went about planning his 'definite' future for the forth or fifth time, the sun slowly set on Hyrule.

Stupid Princess. She took the ocarina and didn't even agree to marry me. Now I have to walk everywhere. Good thing Malon can't possibly refuse me, but it's still annoying to walk. Maybe I shouldn't have traded Saria's Fairy Ocarina to those Gerudo in the future for gossip on Ganondorf's teen years.

As Link started giggling at the awkwardness of puberty that his arch-nemesis had endured while he himself had simply skipped right past that stage of life, he finally entered Lon Lon Ranch. Deciding tocompletely bypassMalon's right to choose a husband he entered the main house.

“Hey, Talon! Remember when I caught those three super cuccoos of your's?”

“Well sure, kid,” the old, overweight, lazy, neglectful, stupid, ugly owner of the ranch agreed.(That's the last time I let Ingo write part of the script!)

“Well, I've decided to accept your offer on marrying Malon!”

“Ha ha!” I was only kidding about that kid. Yer too young fer that sort of thing.”

“I know, but I'm willing to do it when we grow up, okay?”

“Well you'll have ta ask Malon herself, okay?” he replied humourously.

“What? Can't you just order her to do it?”

“Of course not. What kind of father would I be if I did that?”

You're not exactly father of the year now, Link thought angrily as he stormed out in search of Malon. It was almost sun down, but she was still out in the field singing to Epona.

“Hey Malon!” Link called out as he approached.

“Hello again fairyboy!” Malon replied happily. “Where'd your fairy go?”

“Uh, obedience school.”

“What?”

“Hey listen, Malon,” Link interrupted. “When we get old enough, how about you and I get married and run the restaur...ranch together? It'll be great.”

“Oh, you wanna get married, Link?” Malon asked innocently. Apparently not having Navi around robbed him of the title of 'fairyboy'. Yet another reason he was glad to be rid of her.

Great! She doesn't know any other boys because of living on the ranch and she's still naive enough not think about marriage as being a big deal or anything.

“Well...okay.”

“YESYESYESYESYESYES!”

“But what's gonna be your wedding gift?”

“YESYESYESYE...what?”

“Well, I can only accept a marriage proposal if the boy can offer something really good to prove he can take care of me and the ranch. That's what dad always said.”

Stupid Talon.

“Well...uh...” the boy said, suddenly startled from his shouts of pure joy.

“If you don't have anything then I'll just have to refuse,” Malon said sadly.

“NO!” Link cried in panic. “I'll...I'll go get something right now! Just let me borrow Epona!”

Link attempted to mount the steed, forgetting that he only tamed Epona in the future, and received a mouth full of dirt for his ignorance.

This is a bad week for me and females.

After composing himself, waiting out Malon's incessant laughter, and singing Epona's Song(For lack of any instrument) Link finally got the horse under control and headed for the field again.

“Okay, gotta get a present. Gotta please Malon. Gotta avoid marrying Princess Fish Cheeks.”

Link rather liked that name, but was afraid anyone who heard it would incorrectly assume he was referring to the cheeks on a face.

Night fell quickly as Link headed towards the Castle Town again and Stalchilds began to claw their way up from the earth. Link had a lot of fun running over them with Epona. There weren't any skeletons to hit and run with in the future. Of course, after he had trampled enough, like always, a giant Stalchild rose up to avenge his brethren. Link dismounted his horse, beat the giant Stalchild back in to dust, and was hit with inspiration. He remounted Epona and sped off for Kakariko.

“I'm back!” Link cried happily when he returned late in the afternoon of the next day. He had his present in tow as he walked towards his future bride. Epona ran ahead of him and nuzzled her best friend.

“Well then,” Malon said sweetly as she turned around.

“Let's see what you...AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!” Malon screamed not-so-sweetly as she saw her present.

“You don't like it?” Link asked. He was honestly surprised. He had gone out of his way to get the absolute perfect gift for a ranch girl.

“LINK!” the girl yelled with uncharacteristic anger, “THAT'S A GIANT CUCCOO!”

“Yeah!” he replied happily, for some strange reason he was still confident. Or is that supposed to say 'for some stupid reason'?

The large bird was tied up with strong rope and held fast by the strong young man.

“Link, giant cuccoos are the guardians of the cuccoos!” the now fiery red head yelled as she landed a flurry of painful punches on Link, who was too busy holding on tight to his capture to block. “They only come out when someone horribly abuses cuccoos!”

“Oh.”

“And...and...for you to know that...,” Malon said in a disturbingly calm voice and blank stare.

“THEN YOU MUST HAVE BEEN ABUSING CUCCOOS A LOT BEFORE THIS!”

Malon's sudden calm demeanor was violently shattered as she realized what one of Link's less heroic hobbies was. She promptly chased him out of the Ranch, but Link did manage to take, well...technically 'steal', Epona before he was finally driven off.

“Hrmph!” Link groaned as he steered Epona towards the western area of the field. He had seen Malon go to tend to the giant cuccoo as he left. “She turned me down but is keeping the gift? Talk about conceited.”

Link seemed to justify his talking out loud by pretending Epona could understand him and that she would care if she could.

When Link reached the entrance to Gerudo Valley it was nearly nightfall once more. Tomorrow was his last day to find a bride, and Nabooru was the only girl left he could think of. She had developed a crush on his older self, so now all he could do was hope he could convince her that marrying him was a good idea. She was older than him, but from what he'd seen Gerudo seemed to stay pretty youthful over the years, so he didn't mind putting up with her.

Sadly, that last statement was how he honestly saw the situation.

Deciding that there was no way he could get the Gerudo to let him in during the night, Link decided to camp out at Lake Hylia for his last night as a true bachelor before he was officially engaged, one way or another.

While tending to his fire and thinking solemnly about his situation, Link turned his head to see that one Zora that always swam around near the shore of Lake Hylia for some reason

Well, it's not like anyone would miss him.

After finally satisfying his curiosity, and his hunger, Link was surprised to discover that Zoras tasted much more like chicken than fish. If he had known that the Zoras were destined to keep evolving until they became a winged avian race(The bird people from Wind Waker are the descendants of the Zora in case you didn't know) then perhaps it would have made more sense to him. But, of course, there was no way he could.

After a rather pleasant meal Link tucked himself in for the night next to Epona. He was seriously considering just marrying Ruto now and having himself a tasty honeymoon, but he couldn't bring himself to commit to it. He was no murderer.

Well, okay. He was now technically a murderer, but he was no serial killer, that he was sure of. Besides, the ceremony would no doubt involve a kiss and no meal was worth that.

After a pleasant night's sleep on a full stomach Link buried the evidence of his meal and was about to head for Gerudo fortress when...

“Link!”

You have GOT to be kidding me!

Link turned to see Ruto coming up out of the water where the path to Zora's Domain was. She ran up to him but looked kind of upset.

“Link! Is it true? Do you already have a fiancée?”

“Yes, Ruto. I can't marry you.”

“Who is it? Is it Zelda?”

That was plan B, Link sighed inwardly as he realized he was currently in the middle of plan D.

“It's not Zelda, Ruto. Just go back to Zora's Domain and wait for me and her to come by tomorrow, okay?”

“Why isn't she here now? This is kind of odd...”

So corn chip-face can actually notice the world around her. What a surprise.

Link couldn't help but wonder what the heck a corn chip was.

“Look, just go back, okay?”

“No,” she replied adamantly. “Link, please break off your engagement and marry me instead.”

“I don't think so.”

“Please?”

“No.”

“Plleeaassee?”

“No!”

“Pllleeeaaassseee?”

“NO!”

Is this what I sound like? Nah, my voice is much more rugged and soothing.

“After a bit more arguing Link finally convinced Ruto to wait one more day for his fiancée to get back from some errand he made up but was lucky enough to not be asked to describe.

“Oh, by the way,” she added before she dived in to the water. “Where's the Lake Hylia patrolman? He's supposed to be stationed here.”

“He's here. I just saw him before you came by.”

“Oh, alright.”

And with that the two parted ways for what Link hoped would be the second-to-last time.

Unfortunately for him, the Gerudo guards wouldn't even think about letting him in to the fortress area. He begged, he pleaded andhe threatened. None of it seemed to impress the guards. It didn't help that Link was having a bad week with women and the Gerudo were all female.

Link did however get a stroke of luck when Nabooru came to the entrance to see what all the racket was about, and Link wasted no time in explaining that he was willing to let her marry him when he grew up just like her future self had wanted to.

You would think he would have learned something about women by now, wouldn't you?

Yeah, me neither.

For the second time this week Link had to endure a harsh water landing from a very high drop. When the currents eventually washed him back to Lake Hylia he dragged himself over to the beach and collapsed. He had spent all day trying to get in to Gerudo Valley and now it was night. Tomorrow he would have to go to Zora's Domain without a fiancée and his fate would be sealed.

He would be a serial killer. He had so hoped to avoid that, but there was literally nothing else he could end up as at this point.

Link closed his eyes and let sleep wash over him once more. Tonight's dreams were not as pleasant as the last. Apparently Zora meat was good for digestion.

The day had come. Link was sitting under the archway outside Zora falls, his head pressed in to his knees while his legs were held to his body. He was having a little trouble accepting that he had to kill all the Zoras, but what else could he do? Marry Ruto?

Alas, in his depression he had even lost the zest necessary for formulating an insult. It was sad really.

When Link heard someone coming down the nearby ladder to the platform he was sulking on he feared Ruto may have come looking for him. However, the soft female voice that hit his ears did not belong to the object of his disgust.

“Link?”

The Hero of Time lifted his head to see a beautiful young girl, roughly his age, with flowing light blue hair, bright blueeyes, and a silk white dress. She was looking at him with great compassion in her lovely eyes.

“W-who are you?”

The girl looked down for a moment and blushed, but regained her composure and looked him in the eye as he stood up to face her.

“I'm sorry I left, Link.”

“What?”

“But after spending all that time with you, I felt more for you than I should have.”

“Wait...”

“And so I wanted to do something so we could be together.”

“You mean...”

“Because...I love you, Link.”

“Navi?”

The fairy-turned-Hylian nodded shyly and looked at Link with deep feeling. The boy walked over and held her close, happy to see his best friend once more. He knew what he shoulddo.

“Navi, will you marry me when we grow up?”

Navi's eyes teared up instantly and she pulled out of Link's embrace just enough to look in to his eyes with great happiness.

“Of course I will!”

And with that, they shared their first kiss and made their vows.

Link and his new fiancée wasted no time in presenting themselves before the Zoran Royal Court, where Ruto' distracting sobs kept the event going loner than planned. When King Zora pronounced that Link was never allowed to return to Zora's Domain as punishment for misleading the Princess, Link could've sworn he saw the old monarch wink at him. Except fish don't have eyelids. Did Zora have eyelids?

And so Link and Navi happily left Zora's Domain and rode off on Epona together in search of a new adventure.

Of course, Link was not an idiot.

Okay that's highly arguable, but he did at least have some insight.

The young hero was well aware that his fiancée was not really Navi but an obsessed fan girl of his who had learned enough of his history to try and manipulate him in to marriage.

That was fine with Link. She was the one who saved him from Ruto and he would always love her for that, whatever her name was.

Now, Link and his deceiving future bride were heading out of Hyrule quickly, mainly because there was no place left in Hyrule where Link could avoid the wrath of an angry woman. However, before he took that last step over the border Link brought Epona to a halt and turned to look back on his homeland.

This was the land where he was born.

This was he land he had risked his life to save.

This was the land where all the people he cared for lived.

As Link finally left Hyrule for the first time, he couldn't help but think the one thought that would return to him over and over again for the rest of his days.

I wonder what royal Zora meat would have tasted like.

THE END

Fan Girl: I'm so happy!

AoA: Yeah, yeah. Don't forget those hundred rupees you owe me now.

Fan Girl: Here you go.

Link: You sold me in to marriage for a hundred rupees?

AoA: Hey, she only offered me fifty at first.

Link: What? I'm only worth fifty rupees to you?

Fan Girl: Of course not, honey, but I'm still a girl. I had to try for a bargain.

Ruto: (Sniff)I can't believe this! Why do you hate me so much?

AoA: Actually, this is the perfect time for a big announcement. I, Angel of Atonement, am a big Princess Ruto fan.

Link: What?

AoA: I love her. She's a well written character in the game, giving a lightened tone to a very serious atmosphere. The laugh she gave me in the Water Temple made the place slightly less unbearable. Man that place was hard on Master Quest. But I still beat it.

Ruto: So, will you marry me now that Link is taken?

AoA: I said I was a fan of your character, not that I was in love with you, Jabbu Vomit.

Ruto: What?

AoA: Hehe. It's my fav insult of all the ones I could come up with. Thanks to all my reviewers who actually submitted insult suggestions. I hope you can all agree on the ones I used.

Link: Weren'tmost of thosefrom the same reviewer?

AoA: They had a whole list to pick from. That kind of thought deserves notice.

Zelda: And with that, this dreadful piece of fanfiction is finally laid to rest.

AoA: Yep. It's finally out my head. Now I've just got my oneshot series and trilogy to worry about.

Link: Well, that's all the Zelda fanfiction you need to worry about. You've got plenty of others still not done.

AoA: True, true. Well, this may have gone on for longer than usual, but I'm very excited to finish my first Zelda fanfic. With that, I say goodbye to all of you reviewing what has become my most popular fic in terms of reviewers per chapter, and if you'd like, please let me know in your review: “What was you favourite line?”

Link: What was your favourite?

AoA: It was a tie between two lines in the first chapter opener.

Zelda: They're not even IN the story?

AoA: Nope.

1.

Zelda: Another story about him? I'm the game's namesake! Would every one stop writing about my glorified errand boy for once?

2.

Zelda: Oh, it must be to save me from some horrible fate. What else could motivate him so?

Link: Saving dirt from being stepped on?

AoA: Well, I've bored you all long enough!

Zelda: No kidding.

AoA: Peace out!