A Swallow Carrying a Coconut?

If you stood in the middle of a woods one day, you could hear many things. For instance, a bird, a deer, or even the sound of a horse clopping through, searching for a place to stay.

Lina Inverse galloped through the forest, intent on finding a place to stay for the night. A chill was through the air in the northern land, quite common for this part, and the sound of hoof beats clopped away.

Soon, she reached an impressive city. The entire place was enclosed with a tall brick wall to ward off offenders, with a single solid wood drawbridge for a door. A lone solder picked his nose as he boredly stood guard.

“Whoa there.” She said to Zelgadis, who was clopping two halves of a coconut together while carrying a tremendous load on his back, before pretending to stop a horse she was pretending to ride.

“Why do I have to clop the damn coconuts?” He mumbled sulkily to himself while glaring at the back of the fire-headed sorceress.

Lina shushed him before turning to the solder that was now looking down at her with interest.

“Halt! Who goes there?” He said.

“It is I, Lina Inverse, Legendary Bandit Killer, Slayer of Phibrizzo, and Genius Sorceress!” She shouted up with such pride that one would assume she a King.

“’Pull the other one!” He replied.

“I am... Er, this is my trusty chimera, Zelgadis!” All Lina understood was ‘the other one’ so, she assumed he wished to know who Zelgadis was. “We have ridden far from the edge of the old Monster’s Barrier in search for a place with a cure for my friends condition!”

“What? Ridden on a horse?”

Lina looked at Zelgadis before shouting back, “Yes!”

“You’re using coconuts!”

“What!” Lina shouted back.

“You’ve got two empty halves of coconut and you’re bangin’ ‘em together.”

Lina took a calming breath. “So? We have ridden since the snows covered this land, through the kingdom of Mercia, through—”

“Where’d you get the coconuts?” The soldier cut her off.

Better to just tell him something so she could get the bloody in that town. “We found them!”

But, he was not to have that. “Found them? In Mercia? The coconut’s tropical!”

“What do you mean?”

“Well,” He began, as if this was common knowledge. “This is a temperate zone.”

“Well, aren’t the swallows and other birds able to travel between here and further south to follow the fair weather?”

“Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?”

“No, not at all. They could be carried.” Ok, Lina was also sorta getting into this conversation now.

“What? A swallow carrying a coconut?”

“It could grip it by the weird hair-things all around it. You should see it, it’s rather hairy.”

The solder flapped a hand down, as if dismissing her opinion. “It’s not about where he grips it! It’s a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird cannot carry a one pound coconut!”

A little huffy from being shown up so easily, she wanted to just get into the town already. “Well, it doesn’t matter. Just let us in, for crying out loud!”

“Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right?”

She rolled her eyes. “Please! I can’t destroy a town this close to where my sister is!”

“Am I right?”

“I don’t give a fu—“

Another solder popped out of nowhere, to cut off the rather rude remark. “It could be carried by an Dragon’s Peak swallow! Around so many dragons, they’ve grown unusually large.”

“Oh, yeah, an Dragon’s Peak swallow maybe, but not a regular swallow. That’s my point.”

“Oh yeah, I agree with that.”

“LET ME IN!” Lina hopped up and down, causing Zelgadis, who had been picking at the husk of the coconuts this entire time, to scoot away from the potentially dangerous sorceress.

“But then of course the... Dragon’s Peak swallows are non-migratory.”

The other solder placed a finger to his chin, as if just realizing it himself. “Oh yeah.”

Lina had enough; she glared at Zelgadis before ‘mounting’ and ‘galloping away’, Zelgadis clopping behind her. The solder didn’t even notice they were gone. “So, they couldn’t bring a coconut back anyway.”

“Wait! Suppose two swallows were to carry it together?”

“No, they’d have to have it on a line.”

“Well, simple! They’d just use a strand of creeper!”

“What, held under the dorsal guiding feathers?”

“Well why not?”

And, from the distance came Zelgadis’s voice. “A merchant could have dropped it in Mercia from when he went south!”

The solder’s looked at each other, the simple answer dawning on them.

---

For some reason, out of the blue, I decieded to up-load this. There was no beta, and it's not complete, though I do have the next few chapters written; each chapter is a different scene from the Original Monty Python, no matter what. But, if I don't get a good reply, I won't up-load anymore until I've written everything. So, review! Oh! I am also trying to not do any ANs, and if I do, only short ones.