Disclaimer- No I still don’t own CSI:Miami. Do I look like I own CSI: Miami? No. I don’t. Just trust me on that one. Anyway, on with the story. Lyrics belong to Josh Groban

Horatio crouched on the ground, laying the flowers down with a great respect as his hand rested on the dark stone memorial. It read Timothy Speedle, loved son and brother. The redhead sat on the grass and let out a sigh as he began to talk.

“Hey Speed. It’s been an entire year. I can’t believe it. You’ve been gone a whole year. An entire year since that jewelry store, since I watched you die.” A deep breath was released. “I’ve never gotten over it.”

Remember

I will still be here

As long as you hold me

In your memory

“Calleigh misses you. The whole thing with Hagen has totally creeped her out. Then Agent Elliot…. It’s been a long year for Calleigh,” he continued as he sat on the grassy knoll. This was a ritual for him and Speed. They “talked” at least three times a week. He felt a simple comfort just being here. It helped to ease his conscience.

“When her dad was suspected of murder though, that opened her eyes. She wouldn’t talk to me but I knew something was going on. I knew she was upset,” he shared with the stone as he fiddled absently with his sunglasses.

“She’s finally back in ballistics. I can’t say I mind. That guy was such a jerk. I love seeing Calleigh there now. She’s starting to smile again. I missed it a lot and it’s sad I didn’t realize how much that brilliant smile meant to me until it was gone. God, it’s like it’s happening all over again,” Horatio whispered softly as he shifted to get a little more comfortable.

Remember

When your dreams have ended

Time can be transcended

Just remember me

“Eric was in big trouble with the IAB. Marijuana. Never could I see Eric doing marijuana and it turns out he wasn’t doing it at all. It was for his sister. The secrets, the lies, loosing his badge. I’m afraid Eric’s falling apart Speed. He needed you and he still does. There’s no one there to ask him if he’s alright except for Calleigh and me and we both know Calleigh hasn’t been up to it. I haven’t even bothered. I’ve been so worried about myself I didn’t even ask how he was holding up. I, god I feel responsible.” Horatio felt the tears slipping down his face.

“And it isn’t fair to Ryan because I can’t look at him and not think of him as your replacement. No matter how well he does I can’t help but frown upon him. I don’t know how much longer I can do this Speed. How much longer I can pretend everything’s alright when it’s not. It feels like everything might actually fall apart for once and I’m not even sure I can stop it.”

The redhead took a deep breath and tried to silence the sobs that were pouring out of him. His breathing began to even out and he took a deep breath before continuing.

“Sometimes I pretend it never happened. Pretend I still have my team together. Just the four of us. I remember the good times even though they seem so far away now. I wish we could go back to that. I wish I could take it all back.”

I am the one star that keeps burning

So brightly

It is the last light

To fade into the rising sun

“Sad isn’t it? You and I both know there is no way in hell I can take it back. Sometimes it’s just nice to pretend,” the redhead whispered as his hand brushed gently across the top of the headstone. Horatio moved so he could pluck a few weeds from the Earth in front of his grave. He just sat in silence as the breeze swept past him. The Miami sun was hot above and the breeze was refreshing. The man was completely alone in the cemetery and he glanced across the thousands of stones before his eyes returned to Speed’s.

“And me? Ray isn’t dead, Yelena and Ray Jr. are gone, Stetler is being a pain in my ass and worst of all? He found out I killed someone. I never told you that. I wish I would have. You would have been so good to talk to before all of this. You’d still be here if I had checked your gun. Calleigh warned you Speed. I think you broke her heart.” He lapsed into silence as he remembered back to that day. The blood and the look on Speed’s face were permanently written into his brain.

“God damn it!” he yelled angrily and punched the stone with his right hand. The knuckles tore and the blood ran slowly down his hand and he just stared at it. He shook his head as a few angry tears slid down his face. He stood and leaned down to pat the top of the stone. With one last look he turned to head back to the hummer as the wind caught his parting words.

“Goodbye.”

I am that warm voice in the cold wind

That whispers

And if you listen

You'll hear me call across the sky

Remember

I will still be here

As long as you hold me

In your memory

Remember me