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Disclaimer: I don’t own the characters. Square Enix does.
Warnings: Playful bashings / abuse of characters. Shonen-ai.
konekomh's ramblings:
Slightly more serious but still playful …
Let’s see how it goes!
Fairy tale series number six
Beauty and the Beast – FF8 version
by konekomh
Chapter 1
There was once a really moronic journalist called Laguna Loire, who had three children; two daughters, and one son. His children were extremely handsome, especially the youngest. When he was born his mother unfortunately passed away, so everyone called him Squall; so that, they could remember the kind hearted woman in her beautiful son.
Being a quiet and stoic young man he was Squall spent the greatest part of his time reading or swinging his gunblade around in the garden, oblivious to the “coolness” that he emitted was the major cause of the gradual drop in marriage rate in the surrounding area. Unlike the growing number of the girls in the village who secretly pledged their virginity to the Prince Charming, the two sisters’ relationship with their little brother was rather complicated.
The oldest, named Ellone, was always dreaming of changing the past by making people go to sleep. Not really being able to accept the tragic death of their beautiful mother, she always deluded herself into believing that they were living in the past before Squall was even born. Poor little Squall, his existence was simply brushed aside by his big Sis when she time and time again abandoned him in the rain when he was still a toddler. So an eye for an eye, the young brunette made himself forget everything about his Sis, even when they were still living under the same roof.
The other sister, well, more technically half sister was one charming young girl called Rinoa. She could enchant any handsome young man into becoming her knight by twirling her delicate finger in front of his eyes as he would pass out immediately from the stupidity. When one day she suddenly discovered that she could not make Squall, the supposedly most handsome man in the world, her knight, she was severely devastated. The dark-haired girl nearly killed her moronic father in frenzy once she’d found out the cause of her “misfortune”.
Without thinking the moronic father immediately took off while dragging his loyal but reluctant friends around to search for his lost daughter high and low, leaving the two oblivious siblings home alone.
It was then they came across a crystalline castle housing the most hideous looking sorceress who had captured Ellone. Miraculously as a miracle could be, Laguna managed to trick the unsuspecting sorceress into a giant fish bowl and locked her up for good. According to the story later reiterated by one of Laguna’s closest friends, Kiros, what they did was simply plaster a picture of Ellone at the bottom of the giant fish bowl and the red-haired woman went straight in like a mouse after a piece of cheese…
Having successfully retrieved his lost daughter Laguna was elated. Mind flooded with endorphins triggered by the uncalled for victory, it was after he’d sent his girl home with his pals that he found himself hopelessly lost on his way home. He’d turned his map upside-down, again. It suddenly started to rain and snow terribly; and the wind was so high that it threw him up in the air and finally deposited him in the outer courts of a magnificent hanging castle, which was floating up and down like a hopeless ship in a thunderstorm.
Sending his thanks to his defunct wife Laguna quickly made his way to the house and entered a large hall with a good fire, and a table beautifully set out. As he was quite drenched through with rain and snow, he drew near the fire to warm himself. “I hope,” said he, “the master of the house, or his servants will excuse the liberty I take; I suppose it won’t be long before some of them appear…”
Then a piercing scream shocked the moronic journalist out of his hungry stupor causing him to take a closer look at the bird in his hand.
Laguna blinked stupidly.
It was a yellow bird drilling the dark-haired man with an angry death glare while swatting invisible flies in front of the human’s face. To top it off, the poultry had a black tribal tattoo running down the left side of its little cheek making it look all the more… ahem… intimidating.
Laguna blinked stupidly again.
“Frick’n hell! Whaaaaaa…” The bird trailed off with an indignant wail when Laguna casually threw the bird over his back as if dumping banana skins. The man then reached out for a glass of wine to water down weird texture (smell) in his mouth, all the while thinking that he must have been getting too tired to suffer from such a ridiculous hallucination.
After this he drank a few more glasses of wine, and growing more relaxed he went out of the hall, and crossed through several grand apartments with magnificent furniture, until he came into a chamber which had an exceeding good bed in it. And as Laguna was very much spent, he concluded it was best to shut the door, and go to bed after stripping off his muddied clothes.
The man then looked through a window when he finished freshening up, much interested in assessing the weather outside so that he may start his journey back home. But instead of snow he saw a bunch of free range chicobos following a shadowboxing chicken running all over the place. Shaking his head while dismissing that as the remains of his previous night’s hilarious dream the man proceeded to the great hall, where he had supped the night before, and found some chocolate readily made on a little table. . "Thank you, good Madam Fairy," said he aloud, "for being so careful, as to provide me a breakfast; I am extremely obliged to you for all your favors."
The good man drank his chocolate, and then went looking for the door ready to depart. But passing through a myriad of corridors he suddenly spotted something interesting… and decided to press the blue button which reminded him of his beloved son’s turbulent eyes…
Immediately he heard a great noise, and felt a strong gust of wind blowing into his face before a frightful Beast dashed towards him like a mad bull.
“You are very ungrateful,” said the Beast in a terrible voice as he pointed his sword at the man who’d landed on his ass in horror; “I have saved your life by letting you into my castle, and in return you blow up my place! I’m going to kill you for this!"
“Wait a second!” Laguna raised his hands in surrender, the bells attached to the sleeves of his costume ringing loudly all the time, “I can’t die just yet. I’ve just saved my girl from Sorceress Adel and I really need to go home to spend some quality time with her…”
“Sorceress Adel!” The Beast’s eyes widened as he gradually lowered his sword in astonishment.
Laguna nodded with a proud, big smile. The bells attached to the horns of his hat rang loudly as the man enthusiastically rambled on and on and on…
and on and on and on…
and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on…
and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on …
(whew)
… in detail how he and his friends defeated the maniac of a sorceress. The Beast tried to stop the clown at times but all he could get was a lecture on “good-kids-shouldn’t-disturb-the-man-from-telling-his-stories”.
At length, the Beast couldn’t bear with the long-winded man any longer and roared as he swiped his sword in the air in an oddly familiar fashion, “Fine! I’ll let you go!”
The face of the dark-haired man lit up considerably.
“But on one condition.” Before letting Laguna continue with his never-ending babbles the Beast pressed a clawed hand over the man’s mouth and said, “You must bring me the first living thing that come to your path when you get home in two days.”
Laguna gasped when a cold metal bracelet clasped onto his wrist, “This detonator will fall off automatically once you’ve fulfilled your side of the deal. Otherwise, you will end up like that part of my castle.”
The journalist gulped visibly when he looked over the Beast’s shoulder… and saw a bunch of yellow birds tramping the rubbles all over the place. Before he even had a chance to speak the intruder was rudely thrown out of the castle.
With a heavy heart (and costume), Laguna miraculously made his way home without any incident. In the midst of winter it was no surprise that nothing living crossed his path until…
A giant T-Rexuar (just… don’t ask) suddenly jumped and roared in front of the man in eye-catching costume among the piles of pristine white snow.
Laguna blinked stupidly before starting to run like hell, as he’d forgotten his machine gun at the castle. How on earth can I drag this thing to the Beast’s place! But he didn’t have time to think of any plausible solution when the reptile’s jaws nearly touched his butt.
“HELP!” The journalist ran home like a headless chicken and relief came to his face when he spotted his saviour.
Squall was training in the garden in front of the house with the drooling female population of the village plastered against the windows of their home. For some strange reasons it appeared everyone had a window facing the Loire’s little house…
“SQUALL!”
Squall looked towards the source of the desperate cry and wiped the sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand. The sun was just shining upon the ethereal looking man making him look all the more like an angel out of shower.
All the girls swooned. Some even fainted from a gushing nose bleed…
After slapping a hand against his head at the sight of his idiotic (looking?) father the brunette decided he should at least take out the giant reptile that threatened to stomp over their little house. Without a word the boy shifted his hold on his gunblade and summoned his guardian angel. “Shiva.”
The T-Rexuar was immediately frozen up.
The girls swooned even more. And even more fainted when they witnessed their angel pecking the ice goddess on her lips in silent gratitude before she disappeared with a contented smile.
“Oh Squall you are my saviour!” Laguna grabbed his boy in a back-breaking hug which the brunette somehow could never escape despite his agility. Then the clown suddenly jumped when he remembered his deal with the Beast and started to reiterate his adventure to the suffocating boy in great (and I do mean great) detail.
At long last when Laguna finished with wetness all over his face as well as under his nose all the girls in the village were wailing as if doom had fallen upon them.
“Whatever.” Squall only replied with a nonchalant shrug, “What’s done it’s done. So where’s this castle that you managed to blow up without killing anyone? I’d rather see that Beast then to witness... Never mind…” Despite his poker face inside the brunette was jumping up and down in great turmoil. Somehow he didn’t know whether he should feel angry for Laguna’s stupidity, or whether he should feel happy to escape all those unwanted attention from the girls within the village. But for some strange reason something tucked at the bottom of his heart when he looked towards his mother’s gravestone…
“Wark!” The bird didn’t even have the chance to rebut before the sight of an enormous demon flapping its bat-like wings behind its master scared it away.
Squall sighed and turned around. The air was chilling and the sky was turning dark. It made the hanging castle look all the more eerie. With a resigned shake of his head the gunblader shifted the duffle bag over his shoulder and started to climb the giant chain that led to the castle, not ever noticing a gigantic flying figure guarding him from above.
Light immediately went up as if welcoming his arrival. Squall carefully scanned the surroundings. It turned out to look like nothing out of unordinary. It was just like any other house, but with everything being really grand in scale. Squall pouted when he reckoned it was not at all similar to the monsters lair that Laguna described to him so fearfully. So it seemed nothing’s going to come out to play with him.
Suddenly the brunette felt his heart tightened, but he dismissed it as he shook his head and started to make his way further into the monsters’ lair.
It was then the gunblader stopped in front of a door, over which was written, “Lion’s Den”. A fine brow quirked in amusement before the leather-clad boy pushed open the door without hesitation.
It was a magnificent room with everything a princess would have wanted, but what chiefly took up Squall’s attention, was a view to the garden at the back of the castle which would serve as a perfect training ground. Bluish-grey brightened further when the brunette turned and spotted a library.
With a light skip that he didn’t even notice Squall made his way towards the impressive collection of books. Gliding his finger across the numerous spines the brunette randomly picked one book and opened it.
Bluish grey widened impossibly large.
It was a picture of his home looking just the same as when he left it in the morning. A freshly defeated T-Rexuar was still frozen in the middle of the road like a giant statue guarding the little village with its jaws wide open.
Shaking his head Squall then turned the page.
Two women, namely Ellone and Rinoa were crying a river over the lost of their younger brother… Not to mention a chorus at the backyard creating an ocean...
Leather clad fingers flipped the page over.
It was Laguna. The usually happy-go-lucky man looked for once forlorn as he stood before a gravestone. A lone tear dropped, leaving a trail of moisture glistening under the setting sun…
Squall immediately slapped the book close and shoved it back to the shelf before quickly retreating to the sleeping quarters and threw himself face down onto the soft mattress.
Please let kitty know what you think but pressing the little button below! Kitty’s been starving!
So who’s gonna be Beast? Wanna make a guess?
Thanks for reading. See ya next time!
Love,
konekomh
December 2005