Title: Breakdown

Author: Nepeace

Email: McLeod's daughters

Ratings:PG-13

Word count: 554 words

Summary:I gave up but I am still here … What's going through Tess's mind the first few days after the accident.

Author's note: Tell me what you think … Feedback is what keeps us writers going! I am from the Netherlands and we have recently seen the episode in which Claire left.

Disclaimer:I do not own anything related to McLeod's daughters, I am just a fan with a lot of imagination and creativity.

Breakdown

The events of the past few days kept replaying through my mind. I couldn't stop it, it was like a movie on a loop, never ending.

I remember the days when Claire found out that she was pregnant; she was scared to death that she wouldn't be there to see her child grow up. We all convinced her that she would be, that her mother's faith wasn't hers. The second she laid eyes on Charlotte, she instantly became her number one priority. Claire would do everything to make sure that Charlotte was safe.

These past weeks I had feared the same thing, ever since I found that lump in my breast. I thought that my life was over; I thought that I would never be able to see my niece grow up. That I would never be able to do all those things that I wanted to do. I thought that I had no future. That was why I wrote that letter to Charlotte to explain to her who I was, because I wanted her to know me even though she probably wouldn't be able to remember me. These past few days I had been saying my goodbye's in secret. Even though I knew that having breast cancer wouldn't mean that I would die instantly.

Claire was so mad at me when she found that letter in Charlotte's drawer; she thought that I was giving up. I wasn't really giving up; but I wanted to make sure that I was ready if the results would be negative. I knew what a hard time we had ahead of us if the results didn't bear any good news. I had seen it with my mom; and that was something I hoped I never had to go through again.

But that wasn't what life had in store for us. I am still here; while you are gone. You had everything going for you while I lost everything in a matter of weeks. Charlotte changed your life for the better and so did Alex. Alex your best friend; and now your lover he was ready to settle down with you. I broke down when I was sitting in your room with Charlotte in my lap. I looked at your bed and there as the ring that Alex wanted to give to you.

When we drove back home we where both so happy, for a moment everything felt right. But then that white horse appeared again; I knew that it meant something bad. At first I thought that the white horse was there for me; telling me that my life was over. I never would have guessed that it was Claire's he came for.

She must have known when we where at the edge of that cliff that her time had come. She was so calm telling me what to do, and how to do it. So that Charlotte and I where saved; she must have known that there was no way that she would get out alive. I begged and I cried; until she stopped me telling me that there was no use she told me that she loved me. Right before …

It all seems so unreal, so unfair. You had everything, while I was saying my 'goodbye's'. I am here and you are gone …