Light was flooding the guest room, hurting her brain, giving new fuel to the headache that resided there. Elizabeth rolled over, tugged the covers up and clutched her nauseous stomach. She opened her eyes tentatively, the room tilting slightly, and rolled her head over to the left to where John was lying sprawled out over the covers, in his boxers and clutching last nights beer like a safety blanket. She smiled and reached over to run a hand along his cheek.

He shifted slightly, groaned, and then opened his eyes.

"Ugh," he muttered looking as bad as she felt.

"Yeah," Elizabeth rasped. She didn't want to move if necessary, knowing if she did she might succumb to the sickness she felt in her gut.

John looked at the bottle he was holding in his hand and put it on the side table with a disgusted expression.

"My head," he groaned as he clutched it in his hands.

"My stomach," Elizabeth said in the same miserable tone.

"It feels like someone is using a hammer on my…..brain," he croaked out.

"Tell me about it," Elizabeth said managing a weak smile.

"I feel like crap."

"Me too."

"Why did we drink so much?" his muffled voice asked from the pillow.

"Because you suggested it," Elizabeth said in a low voice.

"Ugh."

The clock in the room ticked loudly, even the birds outside were tweeting at an intolerable level.

"Do those birds have to be so loud?" John asked in a pathetic voice.

"Mmmm."

"Ugh," John repeated as he raised his head and blinked through blood shot eyes, "Good night though."

"Yeah, I'm thinking that going on that swing wasn't such a good idea," Elizabeth massaged her stomach.

"Yeah," John said thoughtfully, "We nearly got you to go straight over the top though didn't we?"

"Nearly."

"I don't think anyone's actually ever done that though," he said as he pushed himself up slowly.

He sat upright in a series of stages, stopping at intervals to hold his stomach or bemoan his pounding headache. When he was finally up, he gradually got off the bed and staggered into a standing position.

"I think…I saw some coffee down there." He pointed in the vague direction of the kitchen while rubbing his eyes.

"I could use some," Elizabeth said as she rolled over and pulled the covers over her head.

John nodded, regretted the movement, and made his way downstairs using the hand rail as balance. He grimaced with each creaking step until he was in the living room. He spotted the traffic cone on the sofa and raised his eyebrows.

"What the hell?" he muttered as he walked over to it and stared at it with his hands on his hips.

Coney?

He chuckled as he walked into the kitchen and set about making some coffee. The cupboards were bare and there was no milk but he figured they could drink it black. He looked into the freezer and found some ice cream that hadn't been opened and closed it with a sigh. They'd have to go shopping lest they starve to death.

He was just pouring the coffee when a sound behind him disturbed him. He jumped, turned on his heel, hand reflexively going to his nonexistent calf holster and uttered an expletive when he saw who was standing there.

"Sara?"" he said drawing his eyebrows together. He was suddenly very aware of the fact that he was only wearing his boxer shorts.

Sarah, his cousin, looked him up and down with an equally shocked expression, "Who the hell are you and why are you-," Recognition dawned until she said incredulously, "…..John?"

"Hi," he said with a weak smile and put down the spatula he had picked up as a weapon.

"What were you going to do? Flip me to death?" she said in a sardonic tone.

"You scared me," John said with a sigh.

Silence settled between them.

"What are you-" she paused and looked him up and down.

John started uncomfortably, "I haven't seen you in-"

She walked over to him and hit him on the arm, "Nine years," she exclaimed with a big smile, "I can't believe you're here and how different you look. Older. When in the hell did you get back?" she said as she ruffled his hair.

He hated it when she did that. "Stop it," he said stepping back and running his hand through it to….mess it back up? Ah, the hell if he knew. His hair was untameable at best. There was nothing she could do to it to make it look better. The worst she could do was make it cooperate, "I got back yesterday."

"And you didn't call?"

"Late, yesterday," he corrected and turned to finish pouring his coffee, "You want one?"

"Sure," she said in an uncertain tone.

"I came to set things straight here, figured you weren't coming back."

"I got your letter," he said with a sigh.

His headache was receding slowly, but not enough for him to feel any better. He hadn't seen Sara in years and felt weird talking to her. He had never been particularly close to family.

"I'm so sorry John." Sara said with a sad look on her face. She had been close to his father, her uncle.

"I never figured it would be his heart," John muttered as he turned back to her, "Figured it would be….I don't know what I thought it would be."

"It surprised us all," Sara said as he handed her a mug of black coffee.

John looked away from her, nodding sadly.

Sara was watching him in awe, "It is so good to see you."

"You too," he smiled, "Jesus, you scared me half to death."

"I can see that," Sara said as she gestured to his boxers.

"Yeah well, it's early."

"It's one in the afternoon."

"Really?" he shot back quickly.

"You look….." she paused, "I as going to say well, but in truth, John, you look like shit."

"Drinking last night," he said rubbing his face again in an attempt to wake up.

Sara was looking at him strangely, her eyes moving over his chest, her eyes wide. He realised in an instant what she was looking at and bought his hand up to the still healing wound on his shoulder.

"What happened?" she asked with a note of concern.

"Oh," John looked down at the floor, "I kinda…got….shot."

"What?" Sara gave him the mom look and sighed, "I told you you'd get hurt one of these days. Does it hurt?"

"Not so much now."

"It looks painful."

"Its fine," he said waving his hand at her.

"John, you always say that."

At least she assumed he still said that.

"You're leg could be falling off and you'd say it was a scratch. Remember when you fell out of that tree when we were kids. You said your wrist itched…as I recall, it was broken."

John remembered the incident and she had never let him forget it. They'd been close as kids, her two years older than him. However, he hadn't kept in touch. He'd seen her nine years ago briefly, and before that he vaguely remembered it had been seven years. With her having a family and a settled life, he always felt like an inconvenience and had convinced himself that they had probably grown apart. Their childish banter had returned but there was an air of indescribable tension.

"Yeah well," he said sitting down opposite her.

"Where have you been?" Sara asked casually, "I tried to get in touch with you and…..you were nowhere to be found."

"I've been doing some stuff, somewhere, that I can't really talk about." He pulled a face.

"Secret stuff?"

"Yeah."

"But, you're okay? Even if you are getting shot at."

"I'm fine." He smiled softly.

"You look so different, although," she said with a smile, "You're hair hasn't changed one bit. Last time I saw you," she remembered idly, "you were in between tours, saw you for one day and then you disappeared on me." She sighed, "I worry about you, you know."

"I'm okay."

"I hate that you joined the military." The disgust in her voice was evident. It was one of the many reasons that they had grown apart.

"You told me."

"Nine years ago, then seven years before that, and the day you said you were joining," she said raising an eyebrow.

"I know."

She was reminding him, not too subtly, why they hadn't spoken.

"It's so dangerous. Just because your dad did it, didn't mean you had to," she looked mildly angry. The old argument resumed nine years down the line.

"I'm fine and I joined because I wanted to."

"Oh come on, your dad probably brainwashed you into it. You could have been a fantastic academic. Nice and safe and-"

"Boring," John muttered, "Please Sara, I really don't want to have this argument again."

"You're getting shot at, I don't hear from you for years, you outright disappear, your dad dies and I can't-," she paused and her eyes brimmed with tears, "I couldn't find you." She swallowed thickly and shook her head to compose herself, "I'm sorry, I just hate that what you do has you away all the time and….."

"Sara," he said dropping his head, "I'm sorry I was unreachable, but what I've been doing is really important. I promise you."

She met his eyes and saw a completely different man there. Something in his eyes had altered. The care free, gung ho John had gone and a person with a serious veneer had replaced him.

"So, how are you?" John asked.

Sara was still in the process of composing herself, pushing down the unwarranted anger she felt for a man she barely knew, but was still family.

When they were kids, they had been inseparable. Him, picking up bugs and chasing her around, her, patching him up when he fell off his bike, or out of a tree, or off his skateboard. They were the complete antithesis those days. Her, the serious one, him, the laid-back one. As they grew up, his parents moved, she went off to college and he joined the military. They grew apart, didn't speak and had fallen out of touch because she truly believed he had made a poor career choice.

Nine years had passed and John looked different, acted different. Military life had inevitably changed him. What hurt the most was his reluctance to stay in contact with her. She was family and yet he had not attempted to stay in touch and even now he seemed uncomfortable in her presence, unsure how to act, and evasive as hell.

She forced calm into her voice and answered evenly, as if she didn't care what the man sitting opposite her thought, "Alex is five tomorrow. We're having a party, you should come." She added, "And Michael's working hard. I'm happy."

"Good." He said as he stared at his hands.

"John?"

Both he and Sara turned to the stairs at the voice.

"Who's that?" Sara asked with a big smirk.

"That's my uh…." He got up from his stool. "That's Elizabeth."

"Who? Oh, John, you didn't pick her up in a bar did you?"

John looked aghast, "No."

"John?"

"I did not pick her up in a bar."

"I'm just saying, You don't have the best track rec-"

Elizabeth poked her head around the door and was thankful that she had put some clothes on. The woman sitting opposite John was staring at him intently.

"Aren't you going to introduce me?" Sara said twisting towards Elizabeth.

He had a girlfriend? Again the hurt stung her, how had she not known these things? Did family really mean nothing to him?

John looked between the two women, "Elizabeth this is Sara, my cousin."

Elizabeth waved, "Hi." She turned to John.

"Hi," Sara said.

Elizabeth turned to John and lowered her voice. "I thought you said you didn't have… any more family."

Sara leant forward and slapped John on the arm, "Really?"

John sighed, "I haven't seen you in ages," he said raising his hands up in defence, "I figured you were settled with your family."

"You're an idiot," Sara muttered, "Just because I have a family doesn't mean I don't have time for you."

He shrugged, seemed to consider her comment, and she tried to see what was really going on behind those dark eyes. Her understanding was limited to eight-year-old John and not the thirty seven year old John.

Elizabeth entered the room and eyed the steaming coffee, "That mine?"

"Yeah," John said, handing her a cup.

Sara noted the way that his face lit up slightly, the presence of this woman bringing new strength to him, their fingers brushing as she took the mug from him.

"Okay," said Sara standing up, "I can see that you've got some talking to do and some clothes to put on. John, come to Alex's party tomorrow. It's at 4:00, if you come over a bit earlier we can sort out what we're going to do with this place."

That was, if he wanted her help, she hoped he did. And she hoped he would come to the party. It would give them a chance to catch up, really talk about the past and the present and maybe gleam a little insight into his current life, of which she wasn't an affixture.

"Sara," John started to protest.

"You're coming. I wont take no for an answer. You have to meet Alex."

"It's a kid's party."

"Oh John please tell me you're not still scared of.." she lowered her voice and opened her mouth.

"Don't say it," John said as he looked over to Elizabeth.

"Clowns."

"I'm not scared of clowns."

"He is," Sara said with a grin, "4:00 John. You should come too Elizabeth. It would be nice to have a chat."

"Sure," Elizabeth said as she sipped at her coffee, smiling over the rim at John's expression.

Sara gave John a hug and left leaving questions and tension hanging in the air.

"Well, that was interesting," said Elizabeth.

John turned to her and sighed, "I'm not scared of clowns."

"I'm surprised you had a MacDonald's. Ronald the corporate clown," she said.

"Elizabeth," he groaned.

"I can't believe you never mentioned Sara. She seems nice."

"Well, yeah she is," he stated, "I just thought…." He sighed, "We were close as kids. As adults…we kinda grew apart I guess. I haven't seen her all that much, what with the Air Force and she doesn't like the military lifestyle so…" he walked towards the stairs, "I'm going to go have a shower."

When he had stepped under the hot water, he mentally kicked himself. He had hurt his only relative that actually gave a damn about him. He had never had a chance to have a proper relationship with his mom, was partly responsible for the bad blood between him and his dad, and definitely responsible for not having stayed in touch with Sara; preferring to cut her out. Why? To save her from his seemingly destructive behaviour?

He sighed, felt sick to his stomach, and wondered whether he would screw up his relationship with Elizabeth at some point.

John pushed the food cart, cursing silently every few steps when it decided to veer off at an awkward angle.

"Why is it, whatever cart you pick, you always pick the one with the wonky wheel?" he stopped abruptly, walked around to the front of it and kicked the wheel sharply.

Elizabeth chuckled as she picked up some milk and placed it in the cart. She was still feeling deathly hung-over, John too, from his irritable mood. In fact, shopping was making them both cranky. The lights were overly harsh, the music nauseating, children screaming, couples squabbling over which was the best detergent. Not the place for two hung-over adults.

John picked up some Lucky Charms cereal, inspecting which toy he would find inside and wondered back over to the cart.

"You okay?" Elizabeth asked as they wondered the aisles aimlessly.

He had been quiet and moody today and she suspected that it wasn't all related to feeling off from the amount of drink they had put away the night before.

"Yeah," John said as he walked, "Just seeing Sara, it's all a bit weird."

"You don't get on?" Elizabeth asked as she crossed the aisle to grab some bread.

"We used to," he said with a shrug, "like I said, she's not happy because I didn't stay in touch."

"Perhaps you should have," Elizabeth suggested. She near avoided walking into a small child who was running down the aisle unsupervised.

"It wasn't easy. Different lives. I was moving around a lot, so was she. She's been angry with me for a while. Didn't want me to join the military."

"Really?"

"Her dad, my father's brother, died in combat when she was a kid," he said as he fought with the cart again, "This thing will not drive straight."

Elizabeth gently pushed him aside and started to push it. It went straight.

"Okay, so you have pushing duties," he said with a smile.

"Well, if her dad died, you can't blame her."

"No," John said as he passed a magazine rack and scanned through the various titles, "We're just different now."

"She invited you to her house."

"I know," he said as he went to pick up a magazine with a busty blonde on the cover. Elizabeth slapped his hand playfully and he turned to grin at her.

"Kidding," he said mischievously.

"You should go," Elizabeth said, "You might be able to make amends."

"I don't know," John said as he continued to walk.

"Peanut butter or chocolate spread?"

"PB," John said without thinking, "I guess we could make an appearance. I haven't ever met Alex."

"There you go," Elizabeth said, "And I'm sure there won't be a clown there."

He gave her a playful nudge to her shoulder.

The food shop took an hour, them both useless at deciding what they would be eating over the next few days, and the final shop was beginning to look meagre at best. The large store had a clothing department tucked at the end of it and John placed ten black t-shirts into the cart. To Elizabeth's look, John raised an eyebrow and said, "Hey, I get through a lot of these." He looked around and feigned sadness, "I don't see any red tops though."

"What's wrong with red?"

"Nothing, you look great in red," he jibed.

"So, are you going to get Alex a present?"

"Should I?"

"It's his birthday and children generally like toys…..you know, as a present."

John thought about it and nodded. He strode over to the toy section of the store and Elizabeth watched his eyes light up as he scanned the various toys.

What was it with him and toys?

"We could get him this cool gun, makes realistic sounds," he said as he pressed the button. The sound it emitted sounded strange, "That does not sound like a gun."

"What about this?" Elizabeth said holding up a fire truck.

"Nah," John waved his hand, "Ohh, cool helicopter, sounds, the rotors move."

"I don't think that's age appropriate."

"Hey, I'm not talking about getting it for him," John said as he looked at the toy.

"Again," Elizabeth said, "I don't think its age appropriate."

"Okay," John said rubbing his eyes wearily and swallowing against a bout of self-induced nausea, "Final offer. Tank, complete with army men, little sand bags, mini jeeps." He waggled his eyebrows.

Elizabeth nodded, "Sure."

The wraith. Hive ships. Kolya. Iratus bugs. John thought he had seen hell, but what he was now faced with, was worse than hell.

There were children everywhere, running around screaming, laughing loudly, colourful balloons and streamers, and a party table decked out with sweets that were obviously contributing to the kids crazy behaviour.

"I'm so glad you could come," Sara said as she gave John an awkward hug.

"Well, " John said in a strained voice, "Wouldn't want to miss this."

"Michael couldn't be here. Work," she said in a slightly deflated voice, "You know, he's busy and-" she tailed off at the end.

John didn't miss the slight slip of her mask and decided to ask her about it later. Maybe he could try and repair their relationship to an extent. She obviously had issues with her husband working away all the time and the least he could do was be there for her. Not that he was really any good at it.

"Looks like you've done a good job," Elizabeth stated politely.

Staring at the children running around happily, she thought about her and John's own near miss with the pregnancy test.

"Thanks," Sara said appreciating the comment, "It's just a few streamers and balloons, nothing special, but Alex is having a good time. Speaking of which."

Sara disappeared to find Alex and John and Elizabeth were stood awkwardly in the centre, not really knowing what to do. Sometimes Elizabeth liked to compare the staff of Atlantis to children. The scientists were often squabbling about something and fighting over some new toy. She found herself laughing inwardly at the surreal situation she was embedded in. If their staff could see them now, they would be finding their condition hilarious.

The garden was decked out, parents scattered around talking and laughing as they drank their squash, under colourful balloons and banners; at least the sun was shining.

Sarah reappeared, dragging along a dark haired boy with big brown eyes.

"Alex," Sara said, "Meet John and Elizabeth."

"Hi," Alex said with a little wave.

"Hey," John said getting down onto his knee, "Happy Birthday."

"I'm five," Alex said proudly and pointed at the badge he was wearing upside down.

"John is your cousin," Sarah said simplifying it for her son.

"Hey," John said again offering his own lame wave, "We got you a present," he said handing Alex the wrapped gift.

Alex sat down on the floor and tore it open in a matter of seconds, retrieving the present and professing loudly, "Cool!"

"Glad you like it," said John.

"Oh, Military stuff, "Sara said in a droll voice.

John stood up to join her at her height, "Well, I didn't really know what to get him."

"It's fine," Sara said, "Just don't tell him what you do, otherwise he'll want to grow up and shoot guns, ride tanks and fly choppers. I really don't want that for him."

"Give him a choice Sar."

"I'm going to prepare the cake, get things in order," Sara said, "Just mingle, have fun."

"Mingle, have fun," John repeated as Alex ran off to show his friends his new toy.

John poured himself some cola and glanced over his shoulder furtively before popping some cake into his mouth. He picked up his plastic cup and turned and jumped when he was confronted by three middle-aged women, smiling at him, all looking him up and down.

"Hi," one of the women said, "I'm Ali, this is Lauren and Linzi."

"Hi," John said bobbing his head. He went to move but they tracked his movements like a pack of wild animals.

"So, you're related to Sara?"

"Cousin," John said staring over their shoulders.

"How come we haven't seen you around here before?" Lauren asked, twirling her hair around her finger, and smiling seductively.

John took a swig of his coke, "I'm in the Air Force."

"Oh," Ali said clapping her hands over her mouth, "Really? That must be fun."

John smiled, "Yeah, fun." He raised his eyebrows and went to move but Linzi placed her hand on John's arm and gave it a tentative stroke.

"It must be terribly difficult meeting women when you're out there alone."

John looked down at her hand, "Not that hard."

"Well, its hard meeting a good man," Lauren said dreamily, "We're all single moms, just looking for company."

They all smiled at him, puffing out their chests, and batting their eyelids.

"Well, I'm here with my girlfriend, so-"

Their faces visibly darkened and after a few more forced words they all left, but he caught the end of their conversation, and it sounded like one of them said he was hot.

He smiled and wondered over to where Alex was sitting on the ground and playing with his tank. He had only taken a few steps when two kids grabbed him by his wrist and tugged him down to their level, "Wha-" The words had barely escaped his mouth when one of the kids jumped on his back, jarring his shoulder roughly, and calling out.

John extricated the child, forcing a smile, and said, "Hey guys, not so rough. Why don't you go bug your parents?"

He straightened up and walked over to Alex, sweat beading his forehead as the pain in his shoulder flared up and the aches that had been manageable returned.

"Hey, what you playing?" he asked as he sat down on the grass.

"Army." Alex looked up at him, examining his face with a frown, "You wanna play?"

John picked up one of the army men, "I'm pretty good at it."

Sara looked out at the window and saw John sitting on the grass beside Alex. She shook her head and turned back to placing the candles in the cake.

Elizabeth was leaning up against the counter, a coffee in her hand, and some nibbles on a paper plate beside her.

"So, how long have you known John?" Sara asked.

Elizabeth's eyes widened and she swept some of her dark hair behind her ears. She was beautiful and carried a grace and confidence that made Sara feel frumpy and old.

"Oh, I've known him for two years, but we've been together for…" she tried to think, "A few months, maybe more, it's been a bit hectic to count."

"And you work in the military?" Sara asked, her eyes glancing up at Elizabeth's.

"Not exactly. I'm a diplomatic speaker, but our jobs are closely linked."

"How?" Sara continued to put the candle on the cake.

"I'm afraid I can't talk about the nature of our work. I know it's infuriating but I just can't."

"Oh that's okay. I'm just being nosey."

Elizabeth nodded, sipped at her coffee.

"So you and John were close as kids?" Elizabeth asked. Her turn to be nosey.

"Yeah, as kids. He's changed a lot now. Seems…I don't know…haunted."

"Haunted?" Elizabeth asked without making eye contact.

"Like a lot has happened. Life changing stuff. I don't know."

Sara was perceptive.

"You know John. He's a very private person."

"I knew the young John. I don't know him now."

"He takes time," Elizabeth admitted, crooking an eyebrow.

"Never used too," Sara revealed, "Testament to how much he's changed."

"In our work, his work, keeping in touch with loved ones is extremely problematic. We're working away a lot of the time."

"I know. But, he just dropped off the face of the earth."

"Yeah," Elizabeth realised how incredibly true that was.

Their talk was interrupted by Alex bombing into the kitchen, a miserable expression on his face.

"What's up honey?" Sara asked bending down to his level.

"John won't let me play with my toy," he said crossing his arms over his chest.

"What?"

Alex sighed heavily and turned his mouth down.

"I'll handle this, "Elizabeth said started for the door.

She found John sitting in the centre of the garden, children running around like maniacs, and him totally oblivious. He had strategically positioned all of the army men, had placed the tanks in specific places and was proceeding to talk to himself.

"Sir, we're out numbered and outgunned….dammit man, take up a defensive position,…yes sir…I'll kill you, you son of a bitches…" he made some gun shot noises and smiled as he toppled over some of the men.

Elizabeth bent down beside him, using his shoulder as balance and whispered into his ear, "What are you doing?"

"Playing," he stated and turned to kiss her on the cheek, "See, its two armies, facing off for…" he pointed at a gummy bear, "Imagine the gummy bear as a hostage."

"I think Alex would like to play with his toys."

John sighed and started to get up, "Sorry. Kinda got caught up in the moment." He wrapped his arms around Elizabeth, just because he could, and gave her a kiss on the cheek, just as two kids walked by and made 'eewww' noises.

Sara came outside, her eyes trained on their public display of affection, holding the heavy cake and everyone started a chorus of 'happy birthday to you'.

Alex blew out the candles, sitting for a few seconds as cake was dished out and ran back to John's unmanned game of army men. The smile was back on his frosting covered face as he imitated Johns earlier rendition of five year old child at play.

"Okay," Sara said clapping her hands together, "We've got a special guest for all the kids."

John turned towards Sara and she smiled at him.

"It's a clown," he said.

"You can't know that," Elizabeth said.

"It is I know it, I can feel its evil presence." He arched his head up and tried to look over everyone's heads.

"Meet Mr Jolly." Sara said and John shook his head at her.

She laughed and mouthed a 'sorry' to him.

Mr Jolly ran out from the house and the kids swarmed around him like he was Santa, their faces lighting up as he made balloon animals.

He'd been performing for half an hour, the kids attention wavering, when he finally took a break.

John just happened to be at the food table when Mr Jolly walked over and started to get a plate of food.

"Enjoying the show?" he asked in a stupid sing song voice.

John turned to him, raised an eyebrow, and then returned to loading up his own food plate.

"What's wrong mister? Let's turn that frown upsi-"

"Don't say it," John said as he reached for a sandwich.

Mr Jolly's smile faded," Hey," his voice morphed into a deep rumble, "What's up buddy? You don't like clowns?"

John sighed and bit his tongue, "No."

"Everyone loves clowns," Mr Jolly said in a thick Brooklyn accent.

"Not me." John said looking him up and down.

He didn't know why he hated clowns so much, probably had something to do with a horrible childhood experience, but he would be damned if he remembered. He'd expertly blocked it out. All he knew was he had never liked them. Covering their faces with make up was a cover for something else. There was something almost sinister about them.

"Come on, smell my flower?"

John again turned to Mr Jolly and shook his head.

"Go on," Mr Jolly pushed.

John wanted to push Mr Jolly.

"It's going to squirt water right? And the ring on your hand will give me a buzz, the handkerchief in the pocket is like a mile long, there's probably flowers in your pocket and all kinds of other clown crap."

"Hey, you gotta problem?"

Mr Jolly was making the wraith look appealing right about now.

"I'm not a kid, I don't need entertaining."

"This isn't my real job you know. It's a side thing. I'm uh…" he looked around furtively and then puffed his chest out with great pride, "I'm really special ops."

"No your not," John said laughing.

"I am," he said.

John looked him in the eye and stepped up close to him "If you're in special ops, you don't tell people you're in special ops."

"What would you know?"

"I'm in the Air force."

The clown laughed, "Yeah right? You?"

"Yeah," John said with a shrug, "Of course it doesn't compare to being a clown."

Mr Jolly gave him a shove and John gripped him by his wrist.

"What kind of person doesn't like clowns?" Mr Jolly said in an exasperated tone.

"Yeah, I'm the freak," John said as he walked way.

"Screw you," Mr Jolly shouted to him as he walked away.

John turned back. "Hey, there are kids present."

John walked over to where Sara and Elizabeth were standing and watched Mr Jolly flip him the bird.

"Stop antagonising the clown." Sara said with a shake of her head.

"He started it," John said as he shoved some cake into his mouth.

"He's costing a lot of money and he's the best out there."

"Graduated first from clown school and everything." John muttered.

The party had ended just as the sun was beginning to set and tired children and equally frustrated parents had gone home. The garden looked like a bomb had hit it. There was food, wrapping paper, popped balloons and various debris littering the once immaculate lawn.

After Sara had taken Alex to bed, Elizabeth was helping clean inside, while John aimlessly picked up bits of rubbish in the garden and put it in the black bag he was carrying.

"Well, Mr Jolly wasn't so jolly when he left," Sara said as she passed him a cold beer.

John dropped the black bag and reached out for it. His brain was saying beer, but his stomach was reminding him of the nights before over indulgence. He took a swig anyway. Feeling that he deserved it after the self-control he had exhibited today surrounded by all of those maddening kids. He liked kids, but not so many of them. One on one he could handle, hoards of them kicking him in the shin and trying to tackle him to the ground every few seconds he couldn't.

"Cheers. So Alex have a good day?" John asked as he took a long swig.

"Yeah, I think so," Sara said with tired smile, "He's sleeping with that tank you brought him."

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I wouldn't have got him that if-"

Sara held her hand up, "Its okay. It's a toy, not a lifestyle choice."

"Well, I had a good time too. Surprisingly. It's been good to see you."

"You too. You've changed."

"Yeah?"

"Well, changed from when you were a kid. I have to admit, I don't really know you all that much anymore."

"I'm still the same. Just a bit older."

"You never used to have secrets from me."

"That's my job sar," he said with a grim smile.

"So are you going to try and keep in touch?"

"I'll try, but I can't promise anything."

Sara nodded. She would never understand him.

"So," John cleared his throat.

He hated the awkwardness, the unfamiliarity. He wished he was a kid again. He knew how she thought then. Everything was simple. Get up, ride his bike, get ice creams with Sara, chase her around. Simple.

"So, when are you leaving?"

"Not sure yet."

"But you'll say goodbye before you go. I'm sure it will be another nine years before I see you."

If ever again, John thought sadly. Life expectancy in Atlantis wasn't particularly high.

"Yeah."

"Good," she said and sipped on her own beer.

"Did dad say anything to you about getting rid of my stuff?"

Sara had been closer to his dad than he had been, keeping in touch, helping him out around the house. It was a testament to how little he had seen his father too.

"Come with me."

John followed Sara out to the garage and she opened it up, its hinges creaking loudly.

"What's all this?" he asked as she walked into the darkness and switched on a light. She walked over to a pile of boxes in the corner of the garage and pointed at them.

"Have a look."

John strode over to one of the boxes and had a peak inside, "My stuff?" he said drawing his eyebrows together in confusion, "Why have you got this?"

"Who do you think helped your dad get rid of it? I didn't have the heart to throw it out."

"You kept it," he said slightly mystified.

"It's your memories and he was just angry with you. It was the only thing he could do to retaliate."

John turned to her and felt an unexpected rush of emotion. Without thinking, he stepped forwards and gave her a friendly hug, "Thank you."

"Its okay."

"I'm sorry I didn't stay in touch with you."

"That's okay too, really," she said when he gave her a look, "You and me. We are different now."

"Yeah."

"And Elizabeth is great. Don't screw it up."

"I'm trying not to."

"John Sheppard, settling down."

John smiled, "Who would have thought?"

"Yeah girls have cootees remember?"

"Yeah, I forgot and I just hugged you. Ew!" he laughed, "You've got a great life here too. Alex is great."

"Yeah, he is."

John took in a deep breath and decided to ask her about her marriage. He wasn't sure if it was his place, but he had to be sure that she was okay.

He didn't have to ask.

"I think me and Michael are over." Sara admitted sadly, her lips trembling.

"Really?"

"Yeah." She wrapped her arms around herself defensively.

"Hey, I know I'm just the jerk cousin who neglected you for years but…You wanna talk about it?"

Sara's eyes misted up and she nodded, "Please."

TBC

What a strange chapter…I just couldn't help it. Weird scenario after weird scenario presented itself and I had to indulge in it….More to come.

If you're reading, review pretty please with shep covered clones on top :D