WANGST

Chapter five

By: Kowareta

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho.

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Youko Kurama—and it’s best not to ask why he’s separate from his host body Shuuichi Minamino as the fandom simply doesn’t care anymore—was incognito. For an infamous bandit, this was probably nothing new. However, it is important to note that the girl next to him, who usually calls herself Yukina unless otherwise misspelled, was incognito too. She was dressed in jeans, a red tank top, a leather jacket, and a choker. She didn’t know why she was dressed this way, but Youko Kurama had told her to wear it, and she was sure there had to be a pretty good reason.

They passed by a Mary-Sue.

“Youko Kurama?” she asked looking at the silver-haired demon who was wearing a snazzy three-piece suit and stylish sunglasses.

“Excuse me?” asked Youko Kurama, turning his attention to the Sue and raising his eyebrows expectantly.

“A-Aren’t you Youko Kurama?” she asked again, this time a little unsure. Her heavily bejeweled hand was pointing at his chest.

Reason dictates this: If it is un-canonical to act un-canonical, then canon must act canonical because otherwise it is not canon.

Youko Kurama is the kind of guy who loves to exploit these kind of fallacies and flaunt the fact he’s never worn a three-piece suit before but looked good in it nonetheless.

He is also an extremely experienced liar. He could lie his way through a truth-telling contest and win. History proves this because he’s done it twice.

“I’m sorry,” he said apologetically, grabbing the Sue’s hands gently. “No. You are mistaken. I am Not Youko Kurama.” To demonstrate, he pointed to the sign that hung around his neck which stated: I am Not Youko Kurama.

“Ah,” said the Sue. “Sorry.”

“No need,” said Not Youko Kurama. “You’re not the first to have been mistaken.”

The Sue made additional apologies and then hurried off.

The fox thief shrugged and pocketed his eight shiny new rings.

The incognito canon characters were walking down the side streets of the city Bapar: the land of Bad Parody. It used to be called BadParod until a man by the name of Parod became offended and waged war for a few short years. It wasn’t a very bloody battle but left most parties feeling unappreciated because, for the most part, nobody noticed the so-called “war.” Nobody knew exactly where Bapar was or who lived there. They also didn’t care.

. No one knew why they had to go and make a big deal about such an unremarkable genre like parody either.

Bapar is a city filled with fog and buildings that could think. It is a place defined by the way people think—which, most times, is shoddy at best. What’s worse is that most of it had been built by parodists, who are quite possibly the shoddiest thinkers in the available universe.

Youko Kurama’s eyes flickered over towards the mouth of an alleyway which seemed to dwindle smaller and smaller as he watched it. The canon characters ducked under a window and into a shadow. A few minutes later the window opened fractionally.

A pale hand lowered a large leather briefcase.

“I know I don’t need to tell you how careful you need to be with this. Any outside exposure and it will decompose.”

“The goods… they’re entirely pure?” inquired the silver-haired demon gently taking the briefcase.

“Do you doubt me?”

There was a rustling from behind the window. The hand lowered a ratty-looking backpack next.

“For the girl,” said the voice.

The infamous thief narrowed his eyes.

“We didn’t agree on a double--”

“True enough, but it is not what you think. You will need it,” insisted the voice.

The fox thief took the bag and handed it to Yukina. He was silent for a moment before he said: “Yomi, you do good work.” The dark-haired demon merely nodded, then closed the window.

Yomi now wore glasses. He was blind, but the glasses helped stall the effects of badfic if only because Yomi found there’s always a loophole if he searched hard enough.

The two smugglers took off down the street making sure to move very cautiously so as to avoid rattling their contraband.

The buildings around them shifted uneasily. They were constructed with the hate of bad literature whose infrastructure was bad literature. They were created with a love of some kind found only in the minds of shoddy parodists—if any proof of such a mind existed at all. Bapar was a frustrated sprawling city that rather clung to land as if time might knock it out of place.

There are rumors though. The buildings can think. The city eats people.

No silver-haired demon nor ice apparition and their respective containers had ever before been subject to so much architectural scrutiny. Blinds and curtains crinkled curiously, shutters blinked incredulously, and doors gawked like open mouths.

The buildings can think. And right now they’re thinking: Oh shit.

Somewhere a coffee shop ate a Sue.

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When one thought of Yusuke, one did not think immediately of rabbit ears. Also they did not think of large frilly dresses, either. This would have to change.

“Are you sure this will work?” he asked.

“Shh!” said Yukiei, concentrating as she flipped the glowing pages of her school book. “I don’t know if any of this will work. There’s something I feel, something… something bubbling—I think I can do anything. But I don’t know anything about this. None of it’s in my manual…”

“Don’t you know what’s in your manual?” inquired Keiko who was wearing a feather boa.

“No. I’ve only read a few chapters. What I know best is pages one to four. It covers the basics which is all I need to know about being a Mary-Sue.”

“Which is?”

“There is one sentence on each of the four pages. They read as follows…”

“Beauty enough to still the stars…

Love enough to light a heart…

Perfect enough to hold a soul…

And wishes enough to change the world…”

“We’re packed,” said Kurama, handing a bag over to Botan. They were both wearing funny clothes.

There in the darkness of Genkai’s basement they commenced their infiltration of WANGST.

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The fact that it was a good plan didn’t mean that Hiei didn’t hate it. Any plan of Kuwabara’s Hiei was naturally predisposed to hate with a passion. However, after the whole traumatic experience with Mary-Sues, the fire demon didn’t want to have anything to do with the word ‘passion.’ Thus he executed the plan to the best of his ability—in which case one may want to remove any politeness included in the translations of Hiei’s thoughts and write: thus the plan would be executed according to how long he could possibly prevent it.

“C’mon, man. Just hug me,” said Kuwabara.

The plan was, of course, sound in theory, but a practical application may take some work.

“…”

Koenma found it neat, the way Hiei could verbalize an ellipse.

Mukuro held a crayon that was as black as night, as black as the hands of fate, and with a few mighty strokes, concealed “Logic” as “ilLogic.” She looked at the border sign and vaguely wondered whether or not she should have capitalized the ‘I’ but then decided it probably made more sense this way. She glanced back to see how Hiei and Kuwabara were doing.

The human boy was shirtless and had his arms outstretched. Hiei was shirtless too, but reluctant. Koenma was eating popcorn.

Mukuro watched for a minute.

“Don’t be such a baby,” Kuwabara told Hiei, which ignited the demon’s anger, but his dignity held on tighter. Kuwabara was no more excited at the proposition of hugging Hiei any more than the fire demon was. Mukuro concluded that enough had been enough and pushed Hiei at Kuwabara.

They hugged. There was panic. There was identity crisis.

Koenma shouted to the world, “Lo and behold, one of the greatest sins of Suekind is being enacted upon this place of carnal passion! Oh, noes!”

They were magic, if not slightly exaggerated, words that commanded attention. Koenma was good at reaching parties of unknown people. Mostly because this was technically his world—since his father went away—and people should pay attention to those who were in charge. He was the kind of authority one found themselves paying attention to if not for entertainment value then certainly for the “Hey, watch out!” warnings.

…And the great Sue-Networks opened up to the world, like a great eye full of nothingness, to gaze, unsure, uncertain that it was true…

Mukuro dragged Hiei away and kissed him.

The Sue-Networks buzzed and blinked, red-hot now, Ionina screamed, Sues were outraged, Yukiei felt the tug. Two sins, committed one after another… burning, burning. The alert went out, a raw shrieking voice through the channels. Bring your swords and lipstick, take the battle to ilLogic, capture the sinners, those heathens. March, march, march…

Koenma blinked, nonplussed at the fact he could hear the Sue-Networks. They were brimming with rage, and the words just overflowed into reality. It didn’t make any sort of sense whatsoever, but that didn’t matter anymore since they now resided in a pseudo-illogic.

Mukuro could hear it too and quietly wondered what the big deal over it was. There wasn’t much time to wonder, however, as they needed to prepare for the next stages of their operation.

…And the Sue-Network flowed together, molten, into one pulsating core, intent on the objects of their hate. There was nothing else but the need, the desire to eradicate those evils…

It was amazing what intensely hated pairings could achieve.

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