Author: Hot Llama PM
Garfield Logan stared at the wall in front of him. While normally shining with an overabundance of cheer, his emerald eyes were narrowed, cold, completely lacking of any emotion. She couldn't be. She couldn't be gone. She couldn't be dead...Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Angst - Beast Boy & Raven - Chapters: 4 - Words: 6,383 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 12-26-05 - Published: 12-17-05 - Status: Complete - id: 2707216
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
If you haven't seen Chronicles of Narnia, I demand you do so. I got the soundtrack for Christmas, so I've been listening to it nonstop :3 Heehee. The composer's brilliant, really.
Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans. But I'm sure you could have figured that out, neh?
It hadn't been a very big fight, really. Not that much bigger than the ones they often had. Beast Boy would say something, Raven would throw in a sarcastic remark, Beast Boy would get mad and say stomething undoubtedly stupid, and it would all blow up from there. Then, later, they would shrug it off and apologize while passing each other in the hall. It was no big deal; they went on with life, and it never affected their friendship.
But this time, Beast Boy felt sick to his stomach. Because it had been four days since their fight, and he hadn't seen Raven, hadn't had a chance to apologize to her.
He hadn't had a chance to apologize for making her cry.
He wasn't even sure what he had said to make her do it. They had just been standing in the operations room, shouting at each other, their friends standing a safe distance away and looking as though they didn't know whether to interfere or stay where it was safe. Then Beast Boy had said something, he hadn't thought it was that big of a deal, but Raven had frozen in her spot, staring at him with wide indigo eyes. An uncomfortable silence had suffocated them, and Raven had strode quickly out of the room, reaching up to pull her hood over her violet hair.
She hadn't done so quick enough; Beast Boy had been alarmed to see a solitary tear stream down her pallid cheeks.
Now, the changeling stood in front of her door, his emerald gaze locked to the ground.
"Raven, will you at least talk to me? Even if you won't open the door?"
No answer came from behind the metal door he was currently in front of. Beast Boy sighed, reaching out to grab the handle of the door.
"Okay, Raven, hope you're decent, because if you won't come outside to talk to me, I'm coming in there to talk to you."
The door slid open, giving Beast Boy a bit of light in the dark room. He hadn't been in the room since the time that he and Cyborg had discovered her magic mirror, and he wasn't surprised that Raven's domain was still in perfect order.
Problem was, she wasn't in the room.
Beast Boy frowned, arching an eyebrow, before he backed carefully out of the room, sliding the door shut. He glanced up and down the halls, his frown deepening. If Raven wasn't in her room, where could she be? He had just been up on the roof, and he knew she wasn't in the operations room... he shrugged, deciding she had probably just gone into the city. The changeling slowly strode down the hall, hooking his hands together behind his head. He walked over to the bathroom, placing his gloved hand onto the door handle, and pulled it open. Quickly realizing someone was in there, his olive face flushed bright maroon, and he began to shut the door, stumbling back.
His voice was cut off as he realized who was in the bathroom, and where. Beast Boy pulled the door back open, his emerald eyes widening at the scene in front of him.
A dark figure was lying on the floor, in a pool of crimson liquid.
Beast Boy ran over to her, ignoring the sickening slop as his shoes collided with the blood on the floor. He bent over his friend, trembling, before he noticed the slow, wavering rise and fall of her chest. His breath came out in ragged gasps, feeling as though his trachea had closed up. He wrapped one arm around Raven's back, helping her into a sitting position. The dark Titan stirred slightly, her deep azure eyes opening slightly as she looked up at him.
It almost killed Beast Boy right then, the mere way she feebly tried to speak. He looked down at her, feeling numb to the world around him. How-- why was there so much blood? What had happened?
Only then did the forest-haired boy seen her wrists.
Blood dripped freely from long slashes down both of her arms, adding to the pool already on the tile floor of the restroom. Beast Boy stared in shock, shaking as he looked back up to her face. He swallowed visibly, then wrapped his other arm around her legs, attempting to gather himself enough to be able to take her to the infirmary.
The amount of effort it took from Raven to speak the single word was enough to cause Beast Boy to listen, and he stopped, merely staring at her, confusion and horror swirling in his emerald gaze.
"You can't do anything. I've lost too much blood. It's too late."
Each word was spoken slowly and painstakingly, and Beast Boy shook his head, his gaze never wavering from her.
"Raven... please don't do this. Please. Can't you heal yourself, or something?"
His expression had switched from one of shock to one of begging, and he didn't care how pathetic it might be. He didn't know how much blood was on the ground, only that it was too much for the human body to survive without. Raven slowly shook her head, her eyes closing.
"Even if I wanted to, I couldn't."
Her first few words caused Beast Boy to stare at her again, trembling as tears began to roll uncontrollably down his cheeks. Even if she wanted to...?
She wants to die.
The thought alone caused Beast Boy to choke out a sob, hating himself for being so weak. She had spent her whole life having to control her emotions, and having to deal with all of her pain alone, and having to endure all of the suffering that came with her powers, and as far as he knew, she had only cried once. And that had been when she was high, for god's sake. Couldn't he keep himself from crying?
As much as he tried not to, tears continued to drip down his chin, mixing with the blood on the floor as they landed. Raven's eyes closed, and Beast Boy wrapped his other arm around her, resting his cheek against her head.
It's too late. She's going to die. And there's nothing I can do about it. There's nothing anybody can do about it.
Beast Boy shifted his head so he could look at her. Raven's dark eyes opened slightly, and she looked up at him weakly before she muttered a few words.
"I'm sorry. Thank you for being so nice to me."
Her eyes closed again, and Beast Boy opened his mouth to respond before realizing that there was no point in doing so.
She was gone.
He heard footsteps outside of the bathroom, and he looked up to see his friends standing in the doorway, their stunned expressions almost exactly the same. Tears continued to run down Beast Boy's cheeks as he looked back down at what had just been Raven moments before, and he gently set her body on the floor before he stood up.
The blood that had soaked into his uniform was not his own.
He looked over at his friends. Starfire was crying, and Cyborg had a look of both grief and confusion; Robin just looked stunned. Beast Boy shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut as he pushed past them, striding quickly after him.
None of the other Titans followed.
The ride home from the funeral was a quiet one. Beast Boy and Starfire sat in the back seat, each leaning against the door on their side, both pairs of emerald eyes staring blankly out the window. Robin sat silently in the front seat, dully watching the scenery fly by, and while Cyborg was in the driver's seat, it was easy to tell that he wasn't giving the road his complete attention.
For some reason, the thought didn't frighten Beast Boy in the slightest.
He turned his head, looking at the other Titans. How strange it was, to see his normally cheerful friends so darkly clad, so depressed looking. Even Starfire, who seemed to be in a permanent state of bliss, was staring out the window as though she had lost her best friend.
Which, in reality, she had.
Beast Boy glanced down at his lap, shifting slightly in his seat.
He stopped, wincing at the way his small voice shattered the silence. Almost immediately, the changeling wished he hadn't spoken, for Starfire and Robin looked back at him, and Cyborg glanced at him in the mirror. Beast Boy looked back out the window, his voice cracking as he spoke quietly.
"I knew. What she was doing, I mean. And I didn't do anything about it."
He hated the way his voice cracked, a faint rasp lacing its way through his words. He absolutely despised it.
Starfire and Robin stared at him, but Cyborg silently directed his attention to the road. The white lens of Robin's mask narrowed as he turned, facing the front again, and Beast Boy could see the shrug of his shoulders as he folded his arms across his chest. Starfire looked at the two male Titans in the front seats, then looked back at Beast Boy, her bright eyes clouded over with grief.
"It is not your fault, Beast Boy."
Her voice was quiet, gentle, and would have been comforting if Beast Boy could have believed her.
Gar stared at the razor that he had flung at the wall, his gaze never once flickering from it. He wiped his eyes on his sleeve, sniffling slightly, before he reached over to grab the razor. He watched the blade carefully as he held it, his brow furrowing into a frown.
It had been several months since Raven's death. He was surprised that the team had even held itself together, though just barely. He hadn't seen anyone crack a smile in far too long.
He had tried to get over it. Tried to get past the pain and the guilt that overwhelmed him day and night. He had figured that, eventually, the hurt would just go away, and he would be able to think about Raven without having to sit down from the immense pang of guilt that ripped through him. Time heals all wounds, right?
Whoever had thought of that clearly had never felt the kind of pain Gar was feeling right now.
There was no way
One second, he was holding the razor between two fingers. The next, he had pushed his sleeves up and slashed two long gashes on the underside of his forearms, blood dripping down his olive skin and onto the floor. Gar leaned his head back against the wall of the restroom, and closed his eyes.
Save me a spot in hell, Raven.
And there he sat, silently awaiting death.
Omigahd, angst! Whee. Ohkay. If that bothered you, sorry folks, but if I don't have one cablooey of angst, all my other stories are going to have some, so I have to get it all out. Anyhoo, hope you enjoyed. Har dee har har.