A/N: This is sort of a prequal to this other story I'm writing.

Rated for: character death, mild violence, and...torture, if that's really a reason to raise the rating. But mostly character death.

Disclaimer: Pst. Yeah you. Want to know a secret?...I DON’T OWN AVATAR!

“Memories Painted Black”

The last few rays of light spilled through the openings in the shutters, cutting through its barriers to stripe the floor with it's bright pillers. I turned towards the shifting light, bringing a weak hand up to capture a few of the golden beams. The light danced across my skin, gliding over all that touched it as graciously as a gentle breath of wind.

I scowled as the thought dug into my mind, forcing me to draw back my hand and raise it to the base of my neck, where the woven strands of fishing line still rested in the place of my mothers memories: my last reminder of him.

I sighed as the grasp on the wilted flower tightened, and a faint memory unexpectedly rose from the ashes of my mind, hovering over my sight for a moment before completely submerging me with the memories I had tried so hard to push away. I closed my eyes, twin tears slowly leaking out as I recalled a fain visage; his sparkling dark eyes, the lopsided smile, and the musical sound of his laughter.

The indeliable memories I had tried so hard to push away had proved harder to forget than I could have ever imagined. No matter how deeply I buried them, they always ended up resurfacing. This time was no somehow, it managed to brake away from my restrain anyways.

Flashback

Another anguished scream echoed across the huge chamber, filling the room with added assuredness that the battle being fought was going to end soon. A loud bang followed the scream, and the weak airbender suddenly collided into the wall with a force so great, it knocked the breath out of him. He fell to the ground, panting heavily and weak from loss of blood and energy. The dark figure of King Ozai calmly walked over to the weak body, laughing coldly as he knelt down next to him. His breath hitched slightly as the equally as weary emperor took his chin between his thumb and forefinger and lifted it so that they were now face to face. A set of empty grey eyes met his, and he wasn’t surprised to see that they were glassy with tears. I was crying too, though not for the doomed fate of the world. No, he was my world. I was crying for him.

His next words came out hoarse, yet somewhat mockingly.

“Now, how should I break you?” His amber eyes suddenly darted over to rest on me, and I had to force back a gasp when he continued, “Perhaps the girl...”

I tried to put his threat away, studying his face carefully, searching for some kind of emotion he must be I found dark, empty eyes and a face so stilted it was nearly impossible to read an emotion in him.

“Don’t lie to me, avatar,”he leered, tilting his head higher, “What’s the fun in torturing you if I don’t know your weakness? Why don’t you make this easier for the both of us and tell me? Is it the girl? Why do I even bother asking? Of course its her. Pity I have to rip apart such a young love, but then again, you’ve already figured out that not all adventures lead to happy endings, haven’t you avatar?”

My rage simmered dangerously at his words, but it wasn’t just because of the firelords threat, Aang’s vacant expression was a strong addition. Didn’t he care that he was threatening the two of us? Why didn’t he say something?

The small monk quickly hid his emotions again, shoulders drooping and averted eyes now shining with tears. Ozai frowned at his reaction; he had been expecting a defying scream, or even a frightened gasp, not sadness. I was a little surprised myself at his reaction. It was as if he had already given up...

“It seems I won’t have the pleasure of breaking you after all, avatar. You’ve already given up. How typical.” He sneered when the boy winced as the truth of his words sunk in like a slow-motion stab through the heart. He allowed a soft stream of heat to escape thorough his fingertips, delighting in the delicious shrieks of pain that the aribender was making because of it.

The scream was sharp and incisive, and I felt my heart tear just from hearing it. I was inclined to help him, to run down there and do whatever I could to protect him from this torture, but I knew that he’d never forgive me for it. He had fought his way here, and though I didn’t agree with it, I knew that he almost wanted this. Still, even though I understood what he wanted, a part of me was still screaming to stop him from further abusing him. It hurt to see a friend who had gone through so much with me to get hurt this way. And it hurt even more knowing that for once, there was nothing I could do to help him.

A loud blast of fire suddenly shot out from the firelords fist, the flames roughly licking the young avatar’s neck with burning tongues that seared through his skin. He was rewarded with another scream, and I suddenly found myself taking a step forward, trembling with rage as the corners of his mouth twisted into a satisfied sneer. My brother quickly took hold of my arm and pulled me back. I writhed and squirmed until finally, I gave up the attempt, forcing myself to simply watch him as my determination wrestled common sense.

Suddenly the weary boy was slammed against the wall, Ozai’s fist clenched tightly around his shirt. I expected him to try to worm out of his grip like I was now, but he just hovered there, his expression completely blank and his eyes now clouded over with something I didn’t recognize in him. After a moments hesitation, I identified it as forfeit.

“No...”

In all the months of traveling with him, I had never seem him as a person to give up. I took a step closer and looked again, this time noticing a flicker of light dance behind his eyes, though very briefly. I felt my heart swell with affection for him as I realized that his lack of usual determination and enthusiasm was a result of a strong desire to protect me from the firelord’s threat. And I was just going to stand there and watch him die? No , that wasn’t going to happen again.

Without warning, I yanked away from my brother’s loosened grip, tearing myself away from the wall before he could pull me back heart was racing as I tore down the steps, the bitter knowledge that it was now nearly inevitable that I was going to lose my closest friend was almost too much for me to bear. I stopped when Ozai spoke, his fist clenching tighter around the boy's tunic.

“How does it feel, avatar? How dies it feel to serve as the world’s last hope and fail? It must hurt, knowing you’ve let down so many people. But honestly, did you really think you could beat me?” The boy’s eyes fell at this, his dark orbs welling up with unwanted tears.

“How pitiful...I thought that even a twelve-year old boy could have the common sense to avoid me, but I suppose some people just need to be taught their lesson...”

The weak bender suddenly gasped as Ozai threw him to the ground, his hand pressed flat against his chest as painful torrents of heat shot though his entire body.

“Surrender and I’ll give you a few moments to enjoy your last breaths, otherwise you can die right now.”

Tears flooded my eyes, threatening to fall as I shook my head, praying silently to myself that he would see me. Relief swept through me when his dark eyes locked onto mine. I took a step forward, wanting desperately to save him but not knowing how without endangering myself in the process. His eyes were pleading, filled with an apologetic light that told me that there was nothing I could do for him now.

“I...surrender.”

The firelord smiled coldly, slowly raising his fist, leveled directly at his heart. I felt equally as helpless as he must be feeling, but my feet stayed locked in place all the same, too stiff to want to move, despite my urge to save him. I was paralyzed with fear, but in between all my tangled emotions, the expression on his tired face hovered over my mind. I felt so low, as if hearing those two words coming out of him had somehow hurt me, even though I knew that he would have died anyways.

My breath caught in my throat as I watched him shift uneasily, preparing himself for the blow. I could only suppress a small scream as a torrent of hot fire suddenly came crashing down on the young avatar, the roar of the crackling flames drowning out his screams. When the fire wall finally subdued, it left him on his hands and knees, fresh burns leaving his skin red and raw. The bottled emotions I had kept inside me suddenly erupted, and without a moment of thought, I ran over to him, collapsing next to his side just as the last embers had died away. Pulling him into a bruising hug, I immediately began to cry, praying that the water from my tears would be enough to heal him, since I had used all the water I had in my flask helping Aang get into the castle. His uneven breathing gave off an off-balance rhythm that filled me with the lamentation I knew would befall me when that unsteady heartbeat would finally stop.

Though I knew he wouldn’t want me to, I couldn’t help but feel as if his pain was my fault. He had given up so much for me, and now the last thing he would give would be his life. He had filled me with hope and love, and I had returned that with my love and protection. But this time, my protection wasn’t good enough. This time, I couldn’t keep him from dying, and as I held him close to me I knew that his fate was sealed, and so was mine.

I felt my brother’s presence suddenly hovering over me, wordlessly giving me comfort as the small monk’s breathing became quieter and shallower. His last breath came out in a whisper, like a slow stream issuing from his mouth. I held my breath as it sounded, and it wasn’t until his head fell limp in my arm that I released it, letting the air detatch itself into wracked sobs.

The firelord watched the two of us for a moment before turning around and triumphedly walking away, a tight smirk set over his face. I buried my face into the burnt remains of his shirt, knowing with a heavy heart that in a mere matter of hours, the entire world would learn of the avatar’s death; the worlds last hope.

And in a way, he was my last hope too.

My grip around the sagging flower tightened as the memory dug into me, deeper than I had ever remembered. I tried to push the thought away, letting a small sigh pass my lips before finally forcing away from the memory and focusing my attention back to the image of him in my mind. I couldn’t help but cling to it, wanting to create a vivid enough picture in my mind so that maybe, just possibly, I could feel him again. Sometimes it worked, and I would be able to enjoy a blissful moment of happiness as his spirit would reach out to me. And as much as I told myself that I was just being desperate, that it was too late an no matter how hard I dwelled on his memory, it wouldn’t change anything, a part of me still craved him more than anything I’ve ever craved before.

He understood me like nobody ever could before. He was my only light at the end of the tunnel, a refuge I could go to when I felt scared and a friend I always felt comfortable with. It was an understatement to say that I only missed him. I wanted him, wanted him more than anything I’ve ever wanted, and the mere memory of him wasn’t enough. I had grown to love him, despite his early age and childish demeanor, and the absence of his warmth had left a gaping hole in my heart where he used to be.

I turned slightly, using everything in me to imagine him standing next to me. I slowly lifted a hand, reaching blindly out for his cheek, and to my surprise, felt a thin veil beneath my fingers. I refrained myself from going any further than that, however, because I knew that it would end the same as it always did when I tried to pretend that he was still alive. I wasn’t going to ever fall for it again though. I was too sick and tired of having to be encumbered with the heavy reminder that he wasn’t real. I knew I should have realized it by then, but a small part of me still cleaved to hope. I knew that no matter how hard I could try, I would still crave him the way I do.

I closed my eyes, contemplating with myself how I could ever let go of his haunting memory. I missed him so much...

I suddenly felt a light tap on my shoulder, and I turned around to see a faded blue projection of him kneeling next to me. The mere sight of his familiar cheerful face was enough to break through even a fragment of my sadness, but I knew he wasn’t real. He couldn’t be, he was just another memory of my mind,so I looked away and stared fixed at the floor.

I was surprised when I felt a second tap on my shoulder, the action almost feeling independent, as if he really was there. But I knew better.

I dared a glimpse at the mirage, and to my surprise, took notice that his outline had somehow darkened. He looked way too real to be a part of my imagination playing tricks on me now.

Unwanted hope filled me, which I tried to bury away, that is, until he waved at me. The simple gesture made my heart flutter unexpectedly, and as if to prove to myself that I was dreaming, I groped out for his cheek, my hopes soaring when I felt solid skin beneath my fingers. I ascended my gaze to meet his eyes, searching them for any hint of individuality that he hadn’t already showed.

He flashed me one of his lopsided grins, his dark eyes shining with the same sweet childish light that I had tried so hard to forget. I could feel my heart rate accelerate inside me as his outline seemed to darken further, my hopes climbing higher than they already were. He was still slightly blurry around the edges, and as I watched his outline, I couldn’t help but notice with a tight smile how little his appearance had changed. Though I could tell some of usual light had died away, his cheery expression had somehow managed to hold out through his death.

I suddenly felt myself shaking under the unbearable urge to hold back my tears. I didn’t want to cry, not in front of him. I only wanted him to know how much I had missed him in his tears would only portray the fact that I was weak without him. The last thing I wanted was his sympathy.

He must have noticed the tears flooding my eyes. I could sense him frowning at my tears, even with my eyes closed. In an effort to comfort me, he gently let his hand graze over my cheek before opening his arms for me. I gratefully dove into them, relishing in the sweet pleasure of being able to feel him again. I felt light-headed and slightly confused, but the relief of his comfort was like the breath of fresh air that I had been begging for all these years.

This was way too impossible...way to real to be happening. I shouldn’t be able to feel him, let alone see him. What was this, a glitch in the spirit world?

We slowly broke apart, our gazes lingering over each others before completely pulling away. He gingerly took my hands in his, the memory of his gentle touch concealing most of my doubt.

Who cared?

I looked up, almost expecting to see the blank space that usually blinded my vision after I had tried to take a plunge into my memory, but there he was, his outline now so thick that the only way to distinguish him as a spirit was to take note of the blue hues staining his clothes and body. He flashed me a warm smile, wordlessly letting me know that he was real.

“I missed you...,”I whispered. He slowly nodded, then pulled me into another hug. I gratefully accepted it, and before I knew it, the need and lust I had bottled up rose inside me once more, clouding my senses so all I could think about was him. I knew it was wrong of me to think of him like this; it definitely wouldn’t help me to move on and forget him, but I wasn’t about to pass down this opportunity to see him again either.

He had been the base of my existence; the bottom card in a pyramid. When he had disappeared from my life, I could only watch as everything built around it crumbled away with him. The fact that he would come back now, of all times, when I had lost everything, was way too impossible to comprehend. I needed him now more than ever.

“You can’t be real,”I softly whispered,my doubt nearly dripping from my voice. He tilted his head to the side, as if questioning my unsureness, then slowly raised his hand, palm up. I stared at him for a moment, then slowly brought my own hand up to meet his. When our fingers were only inches apart, however, I quickly withdrew them. I instantly felt guilty and blushed, looking away from his disappointed expression and feeling suddenly embarrassed.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to believe he was real, but I knew that I was taking the chance of facing another dose of disappointment if I let my hopes run too high. I just had to keep reminding myself that he was dead, that he wasn’t real and this was all just an illusion of my mind. I repeated this sentence a few times in my mind, but when I opened my eyes, expecting him to have disappeared, I found to my slight irritation that he was still there.

A heavy sigh fell from my lips, bridging into a gasp when he suddenly took hold of my wrist, slowly bring my hand back up towards his raised palm. I opened my fingers for the impact, and I was surprised to see that despite his transparent state, my hand didn’t sink into his. I could even feel the barest trace of warmth radiating from his skin, though I knew this had to be my imagination. I gave his hand an experimental push, marveling how his form remained perfectly stable. He certainly felt real...

I looked back at him, his expression brightening as our eyes locked. He seemed so real this time. Was it really wrong of me to believe such a thing?

I then realized then that he couldn’t possibly be a figment of my imagination, not because of his seemingly solid form, but by the way he proved it. My mind could never make him do that; his unique way of showing that he cared couldn't ever be simulated. I felt my doubt suddenly lift, as if a great burden had been taken off my shoulders. Need and lust replaced it, and before I could stop myself, I reached out for his cheek again, gently stroking him softly, almost lovingly.

The action made him frown, though I could understand why. He had served as my best friend all his life, and he had died as just a friend. Over the space of the time period between his death and now, I had begun to realize how much I had loved him in the beginning, but this implicit understanding of our relationship had never been repeated out loud. It was no wonder he was confused by this new approach. So instead, I withdrew my hand, an apologetic smile grazing over my face as his expression softened to its original state.

“I wish you were real,”I mused softly. He frowned, staring at me with a hard face at first before letting his gaze descend to his hands.

“It wasn’t your fault you know. You tried your best,”I said, recognizing the defeated look on his face. He shook his head, gently grasping my hand in his - a feeble attempt at explaining what words couldn’t. It was enough for me, however. I could understand perfectly.

“Why don’t you talk to me?”I asked. A faint spoke of uncertainty crossed over his face, quickly dissipitating as he gripped my hand tighter. A sense of implicit understanding came over me, and I suddenly felt the familiar urge to comfort him. I knew him too well, I knew he was the type of person who would beat themselves up for things that simply couldn't be helped, and I knew that whether he existed or not, he needed to understand that nothing could have saved the situation.

“No one should ever have to go through what you went through, that’s way too much pressure to put on a single child. No one can blame you, you just weren’t ready,”I said softly. He lowered his head, the dim light from the shutters seeping through him and giving him an eery glow. The effect only made him seem less distinct, and more ghost-like.

“You left carrying a great honor, Aang. Nobody should have to carry an unneeded guilt with them to the grave.” He looked up, giving me a hard glare before slowly releasing it, revealing the hurt and self-inflicted pain behind the mask. I didn’t know what else to say. There wasn’t anything else to say, really. It seemed nothing could heal the scars he had gained from his failure.

Finally though, I knew I had to change the subject, so I quickly whispered, “Don’t worry about it, okay?” He attempted a weak smile, though I knew my words would never be enough. It didn’t matter though, at least he knew I still cared.

I remembered feeling so hollow when I realized that he was gone for good. It was as if someone had taken a tube and sucked out all the happiness out of me like a vacuum. I didn’t remember ever feeling that empty when my mother died, but I had Sokka then. When Aang left, I had no one. I could almost feel the life I had lost return to me as I watched his familiar movements, knowing that whether this was a miracle or a gift from the spirits, he wasn’t just another memory this time.

He suddenly reached out for my hand, rousing me from my thoughts. I looked up and was surprised to see that his outline had once again become fuzzy around the edges.

“What’s wrong?”I asked. He shook his head, again letting me know without words, what he needed to say.

His time was limited.

“No, there’s so much I want to tell you,”I whispered, then before I could stop myself, continued, “Did you know that my dad died last month?”

An uncomfortable silence hung between us for a moment, then without warning, he pulled me into another tight hug. I accepted his embrace whole-heartedly, feeling my heart sink when my head began to slowly faze into his clothing.

“Aang...no,”I whispered, hugging him closer, “Don’t feel sorry for me, Aang.” I wanted to kill myself for saying something so stupid. Now he would leave feeling sorry for me when he was dead.

I opened my eyes, dread looming over me when I saw that his skin had now become nearly transparent. I felt helpless, watching him just fade away all over again and not being able to do anything about it. There wasn’t anything to say to him, but I wanted to talk to him so badly. Our time was running short, and I had scarcely any idea how to even say good-bye.

I tried speaking again, feeling my throat tighten with the urge to hold back unwanted tears when I saw that he was now no more than a outlined layer of light cut out of the darkness.

“Aang...,”I mumbled, embracing the remains of his solid figure tighter than necessary, “It took me you dying to make me realize how much I love you. I should have seen it sooner, I'm sorry.”

He raised his hand to my neck at hearing this, now so transparent that I could only just barely feel him as he gently brushed his lips over my cheek, the innocence in the way he did it giving me a desirous impetus to return the favor. I slowly leaned forward, silently praying to the spirits that they would keep him solid enough for me to have my first taste of his lips.

His form wavered for a moment as our lips slid over each others, then before I could imprint the raw feeling into my memory, I felt him slowly pull away, leaving behind a faint echo of a whisper that stretched out and rang in my ears for so long, I was sure it would stay with me. My lips closed in on empty space, and it was then that I knew that his presence had finally abandoned me.

I slowly opened my eyes, knowing what I would see before I saw it.

The empty room was thickly coated with the silent loneliness I felt, and it seemed almost impossible that just a few moments ago, it had been occupied by the spirit of my best I once again felt cold and empty.

I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to imagine the sweet bliss of having him be the one holding me, but finding that it was nearly impossible. There was no way a mere memory could make up for the real thing, and I knew that the memories I had with me couldn’t sustain me as I thought they would. I remember him saying that he was tired of dwelling on the past once. Why couldn’t I do that?

It was strange. I had spent so much time thinking about what I would tell him if I ever saw him again, and when my chance had finally come, there really hadn't been anything to say. Then maybe I didn’t need him as much as I thought I did.

The room suddenly brightened, the striped floor illuminating itself with warm golden sunlight and bringing incontestable signs of morning. I shook my head, as if to shake off the warm sunlight, and let a lone tear slowly slide down my cheek and pat the floor beneath me.

He would never come back.

I was sick of it all. I was sick of feeling bad for myself and for him. I had walked the earth telling myself that he was gone for good, but I was a fool to think that. If he was really gone, then what I had felt and seen couldn't have been real, and I knew for a fact that it was. Not even a dream could immitate his innocent demeanor that perfectly. I had brought this to myself, I had knocked down my own pyramid with the black memories that I held and blamed him for it.

That would never happen again. He had given me a brighter memory, something for me to look back and know that it was happy because it led to something good for both of us. But I would never let my protection be in vain again, and I wouldn’t let his death be the death of me. That was my strength, not his memory.

I lifted my head to the shifting lights, crossing my arms over my chest. I would never be as weak as I was before. I would never let someone get that close to me as he did, and I would never have to feel the pain of heartbreak again.I would get over him on my own, because it was something I had to do to ease the pain I felt.

Soon enough, I would forget I ever loved him in the beginning. He would become another one of my painted black memories, best left ignored, but never forgotten.

Even still, my feelings for him had left a lingering connection, and for his sake, I would not be the one to break it. I knew that as long as this horrible war raged on, everyone I knew and loved would be endangered of falling into the same fate Aang had. But I had learned early not to take chances, and for my sake, and for those around me, I swore not to.

I would never love again.

A/N:Poor Aang. He's such a fun character to torture though,ha ha. Don't we all know? Anyways, plz tell me what u thought. Constructive criticism is welcomed. Thanx! Oh and the sequal is called "Second Chances,"(also AxK. ha ha. obviously)so check it out when I've started out a bit with it.