Hi! This is a Half-Blood Prince parody I wrote along with my friend Terese. Take warning, some character and ship bashing will ensue (so R/Hr and H/G shippers, you've been warned, as well as those who are fans of Ginny or liked Harry and Hermione's new personas in book 6...and there's also some Ron bashing, as well). Please don't take it seriously.

Disclaimer: Rowling owns Harry Potter. You never would have figured that out had I not put this up here, I'm sure.

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Harry had just hit rock bottom. After Sirius died, all he could do was go shopping, and he even bought a shirt that said, "My Godfather is dead and I got his cash...life is sweet," and another one that said, "Sirius is Siriusly dead." Yes, life was indeed depressing.

Mollywobbles are evil creatures that want to kill everyone with their mollywobbleness... Such a creature possessed Luna. Luna showed Harry the light after she suddenly got over her crush on Ron and began to stalk him. Yes, Harry Potter had it hard, but not for long, because he was saved. If you were thinking that Hermione saved his ass once again, then you were wrong. His hero was the Pure Blood Princess! Perfect Mary-Sue Ginny Weasley! For short she was called PBPPMSGWWIPOTHPFC (Pure Blooded Princess Perfect Mary-Sue Ginny Weasley Who Is President Of The Harry Potter Fan Club). In fact, she was so amazing that the book title was almost changed to "Ginny Weasley and the PBPPMSGWWIPOTHPFC," but everyone agreed that it wouldn't do Mary-Sue Ginny justice, sotheystuck to Harry Potter and made sure to try and squeeze her into every scene she didn't belong to.

In fact, here's a prime example of just that. The golden trio (who consisted of My Godfather is Dead and I'm Filthy Rich!Harry, I'm Going to Snog Every Girl in Hogwarts so that Hermione Will See How Much I've Grown!Ron, and Posessive Annoying Regressed Back to 11-Years-Old and Will Murder You if You So Much as Touch Anything that Belongs to Me!Hermione) made their way into NEWTs Transfiguration. They sat down in the order of Hermione, Harry, and Ron. Hermione and Ron couldn't sit together because a. if they did, Hermione would most likely stab Ron with her quill, b. the fact that they were so far away from one another, both literally and metaphorically, represented how right they were together, and c. because they had recently been assigned seats by a very peeved McGonagall.

After settling themselves down, PBPPMSGWWIPOTHPFC ran into the room with speed and agility only someone as perfect as she could acquire, and only stopped once she was sitting quaintly on Harry's lap, with a little halo around her head.

"Miss Weasley," McGonagall said sternly. "What on earth are you doing in my NEWTs class?"

PBPPMSGWWIPOTHPFC batted her eyes innocently and replied, "Why, Professor, I just couldn't stay away from my Harry Potter-kins any longer. Now that he's even more rich and famous and the most fanciable guy in Hogwarts and I've managed to become the most popular, gorgeous, best Quidditch player in the world girl just to prove what a shallow taste he has in girls– I mean, now that we've realized how right we are for one another, we just can't stand to be apart. Anyway, I'm so incredibly and perfectly smart that I belong in this class." By the end of her speech, McGonagall was moved to tears, Harry kissed Ginny out of admiration, and the whole class stood up and applauded.

"She deserves the Nobel Peace Prize for that!" some exclaimed.

"No way!" exclaimed another. "She's too good for such a small award! She deserves the Ginny is Amazing and Perfect and Everyone Wants to be Her Prize!" The class immediately agreed, and McGonagall, dabbing at her tears of happiness, which she had received from Ginny's speech, pronounced that it would be her honor to teach Ginny in her NEWTs class.

McGonagall than began to teach the class, of course focusing on teaching Ginny and Harry, since Harry was so depressed by the loss of his godfather and even showed it by grinning whenever someone mentioned Sirius's name and other times not even realizing that they were talking about Sirius at all... Harry just thought they were being "serious" about something.

Was there really any reason to question her focusing on Ginny? She was PBPPMSGWWIPOTHPFC, so of course she would be the center of attention. Hermione was so busy glaring at everyone who would glance at her items in fear of them taking something from her she couldn't answer any of the questions... Ginny had nothing to do with it.

PBPPMSGWWIPOTHPFC was able to answer every question McGonagall asked, and even did so in multiple languages. It was then everyone realized that Ginny was perfect, but she didn't have a theme song! McGonagall immediately ended class and for homework ordered them all to write a masterpiece, which would become Ginny's theme song. Ron and Lavender were oblivious of course. They were once again snogging in the corner of the classroom. McGonagall had been putting them there as a form of time out, hoping they'd learn their lesson.

Luna, who had also been in the classroom, knocked Lavender unconscious with her wand. Ron looked at Lavender's form, shrugged, and turned to Luna and began snogging her. Why exactly had Luna been in the class in addition to PBPPMSGWWIPOTHPFC? Simple: the monster drove her to it, and McGonagall was so petrified with fear that the monster would jump out from Luna's body and attack her to refuse entry. So, while Ron carried on his reputation with a hope of adding another notch to his bedpost, the rest of the class filed out, trying to think up theme songs.

Hermione, meanwhile, marched around them all, giving them detentions if she heard them making a song that sounded remotely like hers and screaming that those words belonged to her. Harry, on the other hand, was cooing over his perfect girlfriend, who stood there and told Harry to bow to her, which he did immediately.

After that noble task was finished, Harry asked, "Darlingest Ginny who has finally made my life complete and who I have always had deep affections for and whose relationship I have with has been built up since the day I laid eyes on you when you were busy gawking at my forehead, despite the fact that you didn't exist for three years and attended a foreign school and I didn't even know the color of your hair until now," (we won't make this her new name, as that's just too painful for the authors), "what would you like to do?"

PBPPMSGWWIPOTHPFC pondered this for a moment, and then replied, "Well, slave- dear Harry," she replied with a royal and demanding air, "I must go frolic in the gardens while you do my homework as I'm too above such a task." And with that, PBPPMSGWWIPOTHPFC handed Harry her book bag and went to frolic in the gardens, where a group of admiring students watched her and commented on her frolicking abilities and prayed to Merlin that they could one day frolic half as well as PBPPMSGWWIPOTHPFC could.

Harry smiled as he watched her, knowing this must be how she acquired her flowery scent. Suddenly he heard a monster roar, but knew he had nothing to worry about even though the sound was coming from inside him and whenever this happened he felt possessed. After having the strength to take his eyes off her (for some reason he felt as if another force was making him stand there and watch her), Harry walked down a hall labeled "Hall where Harry Potter bumps into someone and hears important news that will change his whole life, which he needed to know about a day before so he wouldn't do something stupid." So Harry, not expecting anyone, was surprised when he saw Dumbledore. Instead of glaring at him, having an awkward moment, or being upset withDumbledore, Harrydid what was expected of him: he ran into Dumbledore's arm shouting "GRANDPA!"

Dumbledore, even though he knew half the answers to everything, was confused, but then accepted it and returned the hug. After all, he and Harry had become close over the summer. Especially after the Hagrid incident.

Harry didn't have time to talk to him though; his princess had homework and he would never let her use her perfect hands for something so trivial. Even though it would take him hours to do what she could easily do in seconds, he knew it was worth it in the end because that was what he was born to do: please Ginny.

So, as Harry did Ginny's assignments and Ginny frolicked like the gorgeous fairy PBPPMSGWWIPOTHPFC she was, Hermione was stalking Ron and Luna with a pitchfork and plastic knife. As Ron and Luna walked to the Great Hall, still snogging, Hermione, eyes glinting green with jealousy and red with anger, crept up from behind and began hacking at Ron. Luckily, Ron's head was so thick that the pitchfork simply bounced away and the plastic knife broke in half. Hermione, enraged, jumped on top of Ron, blinding him. But did this stop him from snogging Luna? Hell no. He neededthat notch in his bedpost. 58 simply wasn't enough. Hermione, unwillingly, leapt off Ron and marched angrily to the Great Hall where she plopped herself down on a bench. There, Parvati commented to her, "I see you've seen the gorgeous ways of love."

Hermione turned to Parvati. "What are you talking about?"

"You're obviously in love with Ron," Parvati said wisely. "And, to be quite honest, you're perfect for one another. It's like peanut butter and ketchup! The fact that he makes you want to murder the next living thing you see every time he speaks to you or does anything in front of you means that your life would be incomplete and actually rather nice without him. And the fact that he's grown so much. I mean, have you ever met such a mature guy? Just yesterday he had a threesome with two first years!"

"You're right!" Hermione exclaimed. "That's why I love him so much! He's perfect for me. We're better than peanut butter and ketchup. We're like coleslaw and Nutella!"

"Exactly!" Parvati squealed. "While a relationship with Harry would be like peanut butter and jelly, and how stupid is that?"