|Marik's Guide To Becoming A Sexual Conquistador
Author: Her Sweetness PM
To improve love lives and his financial predicament, Marik's coming out with a video on how to woo the opposite sex. With the help of his sarcastic cameraman Malik and his best friend Bakura, this is sure to be a best seller.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor - Yami Marik & Marik I. - Chapters: 6 - Words: 10,316 - Reviews: 117 - Favs: 46 - Follows: 39 - Updated: 11-21-07 - Published: 12-20-05 - id: 2711156
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Her Sweetness: Hey, I promised you guys something new, right? Well, here it is. Please enjoy.
Marik's Guide To Becoming A Sexual Conquistador:
Chapter One: Taxes.
For Marik and Malik, it had been pretty quiet all morning long. Nothing really exciting was happening at their house and, for lack of anything better to do, they decided to get some exercise by walking to the park in the center of Domino. It was only about a ten minute walk and as they were about a block away from the park, Marik blinked, hearing a funny sound.
He looked behind him and raised an eyebrow, "Malik… what are you doing?"
"I-I… need… water…!" The boy cried out, now crawling on the sidewalk, inching along by digging his finely manicured fingernails into the cracks of the sidewalk.
"… Oh will you get up! Jeez, if I didn't know any better, I'd say all this lazing about on the couch has turned you into a marshmallow."
Still laying on the cement, Malik pouted and crossed his arms, "Well are we almost there?"
"Do you think you could carry me…?"
"N-No! Ra, why do you always ask that? Okay, you know what? I'll 'help' you get there."
"Yes." He grinned.
Before Malik knew it, his yami was kicking him down the street like a soccer ball and as he rolled foreword, bouncing and scarping his face on pebbles, people watched with their hands raised to their mouths when Malik went rolling down a hill.
Marik went running up to the top of the hill and surveyed the valley where the Domino City Park's entrance was. But making it's way towards that entrance was a tan body that was rolling rapidly towards the wooden arch and after hitting it with a great amount of force, the rolling stopped and a little cry was uttered.
A crowd of people began to gather around the traumatized hikari and Marik rolled his eyes now coming down and shooing the alarmed folks out of the way.
One lady asked, "Hey, is he okay?"
Marik shrugged, "I dunno, let's find out." He then proceeded to nudge the boy with his foot and Malik whipped his battered and beaten head around.
Marik turned back to the woman, giving her a thumbs-up sign, "Yup, he's fine. Thanks for your concern."
"Um… S-Sure thing…" She muttered, scooting her children away from him.
By this time, Malik was standing up, brushing all the rocks that had imbedded themselves in his skin off onto the ground. He wiped the grass off the seat of his pants but it left a huge mud stain.
"Aw, dammit…! Marik, these were my favorite pants! Now I have to go get them dry-cleaned! I hate doing that!"
He rolled his eyes, "Oh, shut up, Malik. I'll have you know that dry-cleaning builds character."
When his yami began to walk away, under the arch and into the actual park, Malik groaned and followed, though he did try to conceal the embarrassing stain by pulling down his shirt. But seeing as how it was his purple belly shirt, that didn't work too well.
It wasn't a surprise that when Marik entered, more than a few people scattered to the other side of the park. Some of the people who'd had more experiencing encounters with the yami actually left. The only people who didn't even leave were people who were perhaps distracted or people who were blind or people who had just moved to Domino.
Marik looked around curiously, "Why did a bunch of people just move?"
"Well, just look who's here!" Malik motioned towards Marik, "The guy who greets them at their doorsteps when the come home in the afternoon and then tackles them and runs off with their shoes!"
"So I like shoes, you have a problem with that?"
"But you never wear them."
"You don't have to wear shoes to like them, Malik." He frowned.
"… O… kay. Well, I've gotten all I need out of this conversation."
"Good." Marik sighed and sat down on a nearby bench, then stretching out and laying on it, turning his head to the side.
Malik watched him for a moment, eyes wide until he shouted, "Marik! You dragged me here so you could sleep? What happened to exercise? After all that mess, rolling me down the street, you're going to sleep? You are so not going to sleep!"
"Well, nobody's gonna get any sleep if you keep shouting like that!"
"I don't want to hear it. Despite what you may trick yourself into believing, you do not weigh 115 pounds. It was hard work kicking you all that way. Besides that, I brought you out here so you could exercise, not me. But if you're going to make that big a fuss over it, then go get me some ice-cream and by the time you come back, I'll be ready to watch you do laps around the lake." He waved his hand, dismissing the boy.
Malik's eye twitched and he stomped away, towards the ice-cream cart and grumbled, "Stupid Marik… making fun of my weight… stupid…"
Marik heard his hikari's grumbles but let it go and turned over, facing the lake and the people who loitered by it. But a bit closer to the bench where Marik was laying on were these two people, a man and a lady, who were talking by the tree.
Suddenly, the guy's voice rose and Marik looked at him, an irritated look in his eye for interrupting his trying-to-get-to-sleep-before-Malik-comes-back-and-ruins-it mode. He watched lazily as the man dropped to one knee and held out a little box with a ring inside.
"U-Um… Brenda… I-If you would marry me, I'd be the happiest m-man in the world…"
She squealed loudly, forcing Marik to hold his ears, "Oh my gosh, I knew it! I knew you'd propose today!"
"Uh-huh! That's why I wore my best jeans! See?" She did a little twirl, modeling.
He blinked, tilting his head, "Oh… I was wondering why you looked a bit more chunky than usual. The jeans."
Before the man or Marik knew it, a strong slap came across his face, knocking him to the tree and 'Brenda' shouted some very interesting words at him before storming away.
"H-Honey! Wait!" He ran after her.
By this time, Marik was on the ground in stitches and was desperately in need of air. As he began to calm down, Malik walked up to him, "What're you doing?"
"N-Nothing." He took in a deep breath, "Hey, Malik, where's my ice-cream?"
"Uh… Funny story, actually… I went up there and then remembered I didn't have any money. So I came back."
"… That wasn't funny."
"Well, we can't all be comedians!"
Marik blinked and narrowed his eyes, "You mean to tell me that you don't have fifty cents for ice-cream?"
"It's fifty-nine cents because of taxing, Mr. I Know Everything."
"… Since when do they tax ice-cream cones?"
"Since Bush got into office."
"Oh for the love of…! Are we really that broke?"
Before Malik could answer that, a scream caught both of their attention and they turned to the side, watching as a woman ran from a guy by the lake. She shouted, "You perv!"
"Aw, c'mon! Just once! I promise it won't hurt!" He called after her, only to get smacked in the face by her heavy and out-of-date purse.
Malik raised an eyebrow, "That looked like it hurt…"
Marik nodded, "I bet anything he tries it again."
They watched and sure enough he got right back up and asked another woman for an odd favor. Marik shook his head, "Those idiots, they're doing it wrong. You won't believe it, Malik, but when you were gone, I saw this guy insult his girlfriend right before she gave her answer to marry him. It's ridiculous."
"Yeah, well, what can you do? People are idiots, it's the way of the world."
"Kinda makes me feel sorry for 'em, though."
"Ha, yeah right. I feel sorry for us." Malik sighed, scratching his head, "We don't even have fifty-nine cents, how sad is that?"
After a moment of silence, Marik blinked and grinned wickedly, turning to his hikari, "I've got an idea…!"
Rolling his eyes, Marik began to run for the entrance of the park. He shouted back to Malik who stood there with a funny look on his face, "Come on, Malik, we have to go back to our house!"
"To get your camera!"
Click that purple button and make me happy!