Her Sweetness: Heh heh… Hey, there! Sorry for the long wait, ladies, I've just been dealing with stuff on top of writer's block. I think I may be losing my talent I once had…

Marik's Guide to Becoming a Sexual Conquistador:

Chapter Six: Step Six - Kicking It Up A Notch! (Part 1)

Malik was on the ground, panting, "I-I'm so exhausted!"

"On your feet, Malik!" Marik said sternly, nudging his hikari with a toe. Malik moved a little and grumbled. When he was finally up, Marik was smiling at his two-man team. "Ready for the next step?"

"Why do you ask us when we don't have a choice?" Malik grumbled.

"Oh, Bakura can leave anytime. I can't keep him here," Marik said.

"And what about me?" Malik screeched.

"Don't worry," Bakura said, patting him heartily on the back, "you're not stuck with him forever."

"That's what you think," Malik mumbled.

Marik narrowed his eyes a bit but continued nonetheless. "The next step is the second date," he announced.

Malik shrugged, camera in hand. "What's so special about the second date?"

"Duh! It's where we start to heat up!"

"Heat up?"

Bakura took a step away from Marik. "Wait a minute, just what does that mean? Heat up? I'm not going to be having sex with you, am I?"

Marik snarled, "Of course not!"

"Phew."

"It's too early for that."

"WHAT?"

"Come on, you two, let's put our heads together," Marik said thoughtfully, ignoring Bakura's hyperventilating. "Where would be a good place to have the next date…"

Malik raised his hand. "The park?"

"Nah, too casual."

"Disney World?" Bakura asked, still a bit morose.

"How would we get to Disney World?" Marik asked, eyebrow raised. "WAIT! I have an idea."

"Oh, no." Malik frowned. "What is it?"

Marik wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at his camera crew. "Follow me, blokes."

"Marik, stop trying to talk like Ryou."

"Shut up!"

The rest of the day was spent resting as, Marik told his two-man crew, there would be a busy night ahead. Bakura still protested but Marik called Ryou over to their house and he shushed his other half with fresh baked cookies.

All four of the boys were still at the Ishtar's house as the afternoon turned to dusk and the stars could be seen through the living room window. Marik looked up from another fresh batch of Ryou's cookies and said, mouth full, "Let's go, guys! Time to get to work!"

"Aw," Ryou frowned. "Must you go so soon?"

Marik stepped foreword. "Yes, my darling, I must away. As the moon sweeps over the—"

"Just what the hell is going on?" Malik screeched.

Marik waved him away. "Just a little in-house theatre. Come on, you two."

And with that, Bakura and Malik followed Marik out of the house and onto the front lawn. They got to the sidewalk and turned off of Sphincter Avenue, heading toward the heart of Domino.

"Got the camera, Malik?"

Malik held it up. "Yes." He rolled his eyes and mumbled, "Told you I didn't need it stapled to my head…"

"Well, I just want to cover all the basis."

"Where're we heading?" Bakura asked.

"Central Domino. There's a quaint little restaurant I know of that will be perfect for our location. And hey, second dates are supposed to be in a romantically quiet setting, you know."

Malik wrinkled his nose. "Why?"

"To feel the vibes, you idiot."

"I thought you said the first date was about feeling vibes."

"Yeah, compatibility vibes."

"What vibes are we looking into tonight?"

"Sexual."

"There won't be any sex!" Bakura roared.

Marik shook his head and didn't say anything whilst Bakura rambled about how he would never ever in a million years have sex with Marik. Malik found himself missing Ryou's freshly baked cookies.

Finally, they made it to Central Domino and the shops were lit up with lanterns outside and people were walking all over the streets, laughing and kissing and being politically incorrect. Marik led his two-man team to a restaurant across from a local coffee shop. The restaurant itself was quaint indeed but many people were inside, dressed in the appropriate attire for a night out.

As they stood just outside, Malik looked down at their own clothes. "Marik… I don't think we're dressed up enough."

"What do you mean?"

"We'll look out of place!"

Bakura rolled his eyes. "Oh shut up. I'm hungry and I'm not putting on a tie just to eat finger food." With that, he walked in, much to Malik's chagrin.

Marik walked in afterwards and Malik followed.

The hostess looked at them disapprovingly. "Yes? Can I help you?" she asked.

Marik leaned up on the podium and wiggled his eyebrows at the woman. "Please give us your best table, young lady. We're very important people, you see."

"Is that a fact?" She deadpanned.

"Oh yes."

She let them in only because of her lack of interest. She did not, however, give them the best table nor did she believe they were important. They ended up in a booth in the back corner of the restaurant, surrounded by already full tables. When the hostess left, Marik made Bakura and Malik switch places, explaining that Malik needed a clear shot of the two of them together.

Malik hoisted the camera up. "Rolling."

"Hello, faithful students! I'm here on my second date with the current object of my affection."

Bakura grunted.

Marik continued unaffected, "The objective of your second date is to kick up the romance a notch. If you're here, this means that this person's first few layers are compatible with yours. Or maybe they're just really hot. For your second date, the ideal locations would probably be going out to eat instead of staying at your house. If you stay in too often they'll think you're trying to get them in the sack. No skipping steps!"

Malik groaned.

Just then, the waiter arrived and Marik motioned for his hikari to get the man into the shot as well.

"Hi, my name is Mike, I'll be your… server… this evening? Are you filming me?"

"Hush up," Marik growled at him. He put his arm around Bakura and said yami looked quite unhappy. "Ahem, we'll have…" he looked down at the menu, "the pasta plate and two glasses of white wine."

Malik peeked from behind the camera. "Wait, just who is paying for this?"

Bakura added, "And two baked potatoes, a steak cooked rare, a shrimp scampi—"

"Hey!" Malik protested.

"Shut it, the both of you," Marik snapped, then turned to the waiter, "Um, that will be all."

"O… Okay…" he said thoughtfully and walked away.

Turning back to the camera, Marik reassumed his television persona. "And now for the seduction. Take note as my date succumbs to my manly charms."

Bakura looked at Marik blandly.

"So how have you been lately, sugar?"

"Gassy."

Malik choked.

Marik hit Bakura over the back of the head. "Be serious!" he whispered.

Bakura rolled his eyes. "Fine, I've been just fine. And you?"

"Thinking about you all day. I missed you when you left the other day, you know," Marik said, scooting closer to the pale yami.

Mike came back then, with a large platter of food, most of which belonged to Bakura. As the server sat the plates down in front of everyone and then the glasses, he looked over to Malik who was still operating the camera. "Um, sir, did you order anything?"

Malik sighed and shook his head.

Mike left and Bakura began to delve in on his various courses, starting with the steak. Malik flinched.

Marik turned back to the camera. "Now that the food has arrived, it is time to set the mood. I usually lick my eyebrows."

Bakura slowed his chewing and looked up, mildly interested.

Marik whipped out his tongue and indeed licked his eyebrows.

"That's sick," Malik muttered.

"Is that supposed to turn me on?" Bakura asked, a tad bit freaked out.

"That, and increase wind-resistance," he said, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Oh good Ra."

"Another thing to do for mood-setting is to take the food into consideration. Under certain circumstances, it can be highly sexual, if used in the right way. This is the reason I ordered spaghetti." Marik turned to Bakura who was wolfing down his second potato and bonked him lightly on the head and whispered something in his ear. Bakura growled but pushed his dishes aside and began to twirl a fork in the spaghetti, Marik doing the same. They ate from it and soon it was seen that their forks were attached by one long strand of spaghetti. They ate and ate, coming closer and closer until…

Sluuuuurp.

Before their lips could meet, Bakura aggressively slurped up the rest of the strand from Marik's mouth.

Marik blinked for a second and Bakura went back to his shrimp, grumbling, "You're not getting the best of me…"

"Ahem… anyway… The bill is, of course, covered by me since I am the obvious male in the relationship. Once you both finish your food, you can leave. However, the date is not over yet!"

Malik looked unbelieving. "It's not?"

"No! The standard second date is dinner and a movie."

"Good grief."

Bakura swallowed down the rest of the spaghetti. "Hold on just a minute. I'm not budging until I've had dessert."

Marik and Malik looked at each other, eyebrows raised.