This one-shot is based on Gigicerisier's fanart "A Survival" for SasoSakuDei, if you would like to see the picture, there will be a link to it from my profile (since I find that easier than having to remove spaces from a web address). There are also tons of SasoriSakura fanart, so if you are a fan of the pairing, then check out her gallery, they are just all so inspiring :3

Rating: R

Pairing: SasoSakuDei

Warning: Innuendo, suggestive language

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They were at it again, probably having another argument on their individual artistic style. Honestly, Sakura sighed to herself, it was as if art was their entire life and they lived for nothing else. Deciding that her thoughts on the arguing couple outside the kitchen weren't getting her anywhere close to making dinner, the pink haired medic nin proceeded to clear her head and get started on her self-appointed task.

It had only taken her a week after living with the Akatsuki at their large compound to discover their secret at staying fit without an ounce of fat on their bodies…and the answer was: horrible cooking. Though it wasn't much of a surprise that none of the Akatsuki knew how to cook a decent meal, she hadn't expected these men to be so horrible when it came to the culinary arts.

Kisame, with his monstrous strength, goes through seven pots and countless broken utensils before he even started to cook. Hidan, being used to performing his sacrificial rituals right before dinner, would always end up dripping blood onto the food. Kakuzu, their stingy treasurer, would proceed to only serve rice, saying that they will be saving a lot of money that way. As for Zetsu, who has a very different diet from the rest, managed to cook a meal using only the most natural materials he could find. Namely dirt and insects he found in the backyard.

On the other hands, Itachi and their leader never once took a step into the kitchen, a glare being their only answer when asked to cook. And while Sasori doesn't object to cooking, his lack of the taste sensory disqualified him from the job. Lastly, Deidara, the blonde lover of birds and king of explosives, had only managed to step into the kitchen once, after which the entire room had been blown up. That was when Sakura decided, for the sake of her poor abused stomach, to undertake the job of cooking for the Akatsuki.

And while humming a soft tune under her breath, she proceeded to do just that.

xoxoxoxo

Outside the small opening of the shouji door, it was indeed the puppet master and the king of explosives arguing diligently, but not about art, as Sakura had assumed.

Nope, in fact, they were involved in a heated conversation about her.

Or rather, what they want to do to her.

After all, this was the first time Akatsuki had a female member joining their rank, and a very delectable female member at that. Full red lips that they could just kiss all day and a pair of large emerald orbs that would darken sensually in her moment of anger. Silky strands of pink locks that would contrast perfectly against the dark satin of the bed sheets, and of course, the perfect figure of a female specimen. It seemed as though the kunoichi had grown up resembling her mentor Tsunade-hime in more than just her skills. A slender but still curvy figure, it was complete with her generous bust and a pair of smooth pale legs that just seemed to go on forever.

With the new addition of this little vixen to their lives, the Akatsuki members could feel the pressure mounting inside them, not to mention against the front of their pants that were fortunately hidden by their large black robes. As hormone levels rose, competition was fierce for the clueless Sakura who had merely laughed at their various tactics thinking they were all pranks. But with failed attempts came new plans, which is why a pair of Akatsuki now plotted outside the kitchen.

Out of all the partnerships within the organization, the most successful one was strangely enough between Sasori and Deidara. Despite their differences when it comes to art, the two missing nin were nearly identical when it comes to everything else. Their shared dislike of having mud on their clothes, their annoyance towards anything that comes out of that kid Tobi's mouth, and their common lusting of little pink haired vixen.

And while everyone else plotted against each other for Sakura's favour, these two had the idea to partner up and work as a team. After all, no woman could resist the combination of Deidara's natural charm along with Sasori's pretty face…

At least that's what they thought.

So here they were, huddled outside the shouji door leading to the kitchen, where their target was currently cooking dinner at the moment. At Sasori's suggestion, both males had taken to bath before commencing their plan and was each dressed in a dark yukata made of silk. For this occasion, the blonde Akatsuki had let his long strands of hair down, the soft locks flowing gracefully behind him. Dressed for seduction, the two briefly nodded at each other before Deidara's hand reached out to slide open the shouji door. But before they could proceed, an annoying voice they recognize all to well interrupted them from behind.

"Sasori-sempai, Deidara-sempai, are you two having gay sex out here?"

xoxoxoxo

Humming to herself as she stirred the pot of curry while waiting for the soup base to boil, Sakura jumped slightly when a loud 'thud' followed by a groan of pain sounded from outside the door. Shrugging to herself, since this was the Akatsuki, an organization filled with the most ruthless of killers, she turned back to the stove just as the water boiled. As she quickly added the beef for the stew to the boiling liquid, she continued to hum as she turned down the heat and grabbed the rest of the ingredients she would need.

It didn't take long for the fresh vegetables to be washed and diced, but she was having trouble with the can of tomatoes sitting in front of her.

"Now…where's the can opener around here…" she asked herself as she bent over to search the drawers, unaware of the view she was presenting to the two figures behind her.

Deidara almost groaned when the short skirt rose higher on her thigh, the view not helping one bit with his current state of arousal. Just watching her standing there with the white shirt hugging her curves and the skirt had been enough to make him want to simply throw her against a wall and ravish her. But with her bent over like that, it was hard to resist the need to run his hand over her delectable ass. Beside him, the so acclaimed emotionless puppet master was not fairing too well with the temptation either. The intense look in his wine-coloured eyes was as if though he was devouring her right there on the spot.

They had been lucky that the little kunoichi hadn't caught them outside the door as they were disposing of the annoying brat, or otherwise they would have lost the element of surprise. With quiet steps, the two Akatsuki made their way discreetly behind the unsuspecting woman, waiting for the perfect moment to reveal their presence and begin the game of seduction.

The moment came when the kunoichi finally found what she was looking for, the metal can opener. And with a small sound of triumph, Sakura had stood up and proceeded to open the can only to notice the two arms that trapped her against the counter on both sides and the warm body standing behind her.

She gasped, but before she could turn her head around to identify them, two voices sounded in her ears.

"So what's for dinner, Sa-ku-ra?" The low husky tone and the way his voice dragged sensually across her name almost made her shiver. Only Sasori had the ability to make her weak in the knees by just pronounce her name.

"It smells divine." Deidara purred into her other ear, the feel of his long silky hair teased her neck.

Trapped between the confines of their bodies and the fresh scent surrounding them, Sakura whimpered slightly when warm fingers began to dance across her shoulders in a gentle caress. Playing with the edge of the neck line, the blonde Akatsuki leaned closer to her before whispering into her ears again.

"Ne, Sakura-chan, what are we having for dessert? I hope it's something sweet."

On the other side, Sasori was doing his share by slowly dragging the shirt edge down to reveal a creamy shoulder. While tracing an invisible pattern her smooth skin with his thumb, he added, "sweet and addicting, something we can't get enough of."

"I-" But before she could say a thing, the shouji door to the kitchen slid open loudly along the wooden track.

"Sakura-san, could you look at this wound for me, Tobi was just being a perfectly good boy when- oh hell…"

And that was when Tobi understood the true definition of bad timing. Right before the two angry fists met his face and he was sent flying through the paper door, crashing into everything before he landed face first into the dirty ground.

Beside him, Zetsu's head, which was the only part of him not buried in the ground, turned to look at him before his large venus trap lowered and swallowed him whole.

No one heard his silent scream.

xoxoxoxo

After dinner, a quiet affair except for the leader's questioning of the whereabouts of Tobi, the two artist nins sat on the wooden porch overlooking the courtyard discussing their failed plan.

"If it wasn't for that little twerp, we would have caught her today, yeah?"

"Indeed, I did not count on him waking up so soon after the first beating."

"Damnit, I knew I should have just blown him to pieces right there and then in the hallway…"

"But he will no longer be a factor after today."

"Yeah, he flew in the direction where Zetsu usually waited for his dinner, yeah?"

"Hn."

Deidara let out a frustrated sigh as he pounded a fist against the wooden platform, "It's not fair, I bet she would have tasted sweet in that kitchen, then-"

"You know," a new voice interrupted from behind them, "it wasn't nice of you to just send him flying for that."

Whipping his head around, Deidara's mouth fell open when he realized it was the subject of their plotting standing right there with her hands on her hip. Going into panic mode, the blonde Akatsuki chuckled uncomfortably.

"Sakura-chan! W-what a pleasant surprise! I didn't even sense you there."

Beside him, Sasori narrowed his eyes on her, trying to gauge how much she had heard of their conversation. But her face revealed nothing as the little vixen only smiled brightly at them before leaning down between their sitting forms, head levelled with their own.

"Just so you know," she purred quietly into their ears, "I don't serve desserts in the kitchen."

"S-Sakura-chan! We were only kidding-"

"I serve them in the bedroom."

And with a wink at them, she walked away with her hip swaying sensually, leaving behind two gasping Akatsuki looking at her retreating form. It took a moment for it to register the direction where she had walked off to, and the two turned to each other and shared a look before realization dawned.

As Deidara shot up with glee and a smirking Sasori right behind him, the two partners in crime made their way to their personal chambers.

It looks like they would get their desserts after all.

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A/N: I seemed to have been bitten by the Naruto fandom bug, now I can't stop drawing or thinking up ideas for stories. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? For everyone that had expected a lemon to come out of this, I can also say I'm sorry and you can't murder Tobi for interrupting because he's already dead. I was debatig with myself between a lemony ending or a humorous one, but now you have a suggestive humorous one...please don't beat me up ;; I haven't wrote lemon in so long and I really don't want to restart now, thank god all my past lemon work are gone now, which means they will never see the light of day again XD