|The Other Minister and the Civil Servant
Author: Boydus PM
Little Britain meets Harry Potter. Chapter One of the Sixth Book, see Sebastian's reaction the news of the wizarding community. P.S. I own neither Harry Potter nor Little Britain and all similarities are coincidental. Please don't be offended.Rated: Fiction T - English - Parody - Words: 1,309 - Reviews: 35 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 4 - Published: 12-24-05 - Status: Complete - id: 2717969
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
DISCLAIMER: If I owned either Harry Potter or Little Britain then I would be fabulously rich and not be a poor student who has very little spare money. But I don't, and I do, so please don't sue cos I have no money to pay!
It was nearly midnight and the Prime Minister was in his office after one of the worst days of his term. Any minute now he was expecting a call from the President, always fun and highly expensive, the opposition had a youthful new leader who had been causing him agro, and his wife had just caused another controversy with her dealings. On top of this there was the bridge collapse, the nasty murders, the freak hurricane (the West Country was certainly unusual but hurricanes?), and, the icing on the cake, Herbert Chorley had decided to resign to 'spend more time with his family.'
'That's the obvious code for 'I've had an affair,' or, 'I'm corrupt and 'The newspaper is going to print the story. It'd been better if he'd said he was going sledging in Lithuania. In fact, it'd been better if he HAD gone sledging in Lithuania.' The Prime Minister thought to himself. The last thing he needed now was someone talking to him about 'wizards'. Especially a portly man in a pinstripe coat and a lime green bowler hat and a scary looking man who looked more lion then man. Like what was happening now really.
'You know,' he thought to himself again, 'Life just loves storing days like this up for you.'
'Prime Minister?' Fudge said inquisitively, 'I don't think you've been listening to a word we've been saying for the past five minutes and twenty six seconds.'
'No, no,' the Prime Minister hastily replied, 'I have. Very interesting too. But that's your world. You sort that out! I have enough here to sort out. It's very late, I'm very tired and…' But he never got a chance to finish his sentence as there was a loud bang. The Prime Minister immediately looked at the two wizards (they had the habit of making things go bang) but they looked just as stunned. Another bang. BANG.
'What is that noise?' Scrimgeour asked sharply, drawing his wand out.
They all turned, it was the door! It began to creak slowly open.
'No one should be in at this time.' the Prime Minister whispered with a slight touch of nerves revealing themselves. Fudge and Scrimgeour drew their wands, pointing them to the door as it edged slowly open.
'Hello, Prime Minister!' a head poked round smiling. Sebastian, his civil servant. The Prime Minister relaxed and broke into a slight smile. He had not been so happy to see Sebastian in … well, ever. But Fudge and Scrimgeour hadn't moved.
'Identify yourself!' Scrimgeour barked. 'Friend or foe!'
'Please.' The Prime Minister implored, 'It's only my Civil Servant.'
Sebastian entered the room with a face that could curd milk.
'Oh, is that all I am to you, Prime Minister? 'Only' a Civil Servant?'
'I didn't mean that…' The Prime Minister began, Sebastian was so sensitive.
'Then why did you say it?' Sebastian flicked his hair aside with an annoyed gesture. 'You never say what you mean. If you did we could have been so happy!' Everyone stared at him with slightly puzzled and bemused looks. Scrimgeour raised an eyebrow while Fudge's jaw just dropped; he just failed to understand muggles.
'I think,' he began, 'that it was time we left. Don't you agree, Scrimgeour?' He looked inquisitively at the new Minister.
'Remember, Fudge. It is I who makes the suggestions now. But I suppose you are right.' And with that the two men when over to the fireplace. The Prime Minister and Sebastian watched as Fudge dug his hand deeply into his pocket and, after some rummaging, pulled out a handful of powder, which he promptly threw onto the fire.
'The Ministry of Magic.' He called out as the flames turned green. He started to move, before being stopped by a swift movement of Scrimgeour's hand. Fudge smiled with what looked like a lot of effort and gestured for Scrimgeour to enter first, like this had been his intention all alone. The lion like wizard stepped in and disappeared. Fudge turned to the Prime Minister, touched his bowler hat which he had replaced neatly on his head, and stepped into the fire. In a blink of an eye he was gone. The green light that had bathed the room went and all was eerily quiet.
The Prime Minister sighed, he did not know what Sebastian was going to make of all this, and he did not like the prospect of explaining something he did not fully understand himself. Sebastian looked at the Prime Minister with a furious look in his eyes.
'Sebastian…I can explain.' He began to assemble how best to enlighten the fact that the world has a secret magical community.
Who was she?' Sebastian spat out.
The Prime Minister stared, surprised.
'Who was she? And the other one too? Having secret meetings and not inviting me? I thought we had something special.'
'Sebastian, I think you've got the wrong end of the stick here'
'I've never got the end of the stick I want, Prime Minister, and you know it!'
'Sebastian. A lot of odd things are happening…'
'Oh, you think!?!?' Sebastian quipped back sarcastically.
'Those men were representatives from the Ministry of Magic.'
'There … it's hard to believe, but there is a community of magical people who live among us, and it's because of some evil wizard that … the bridge collapsed and… and everything else the past few weeks has happened.'
Sebastian stared at him, mouth open. A few seconds of uneasy silence passed before,
'SHUT UP!' Sebastian let out.
'I'm afraid it's true. They wave their wands about and appear and disappear in a puff of smoke and everything.'
'And you would rather have them here 'waving their wands about' and appearing in 'a puff of smoke' then me?'
'I'm sorry, Sebastian?' The Prime Minister asked confused.
'You've never asked me to wave my wand about.'
'You haven't got a magic wand.'
'Oh that's what you think.' Sebastian said, moving towards the desk where the Prime Minister was sitting on the edge. 'How do you know if you never ask? I assure you, my wand is very magical, and I could get it out now to show you.' He began to move his hand down towards his trousers, just reaching for his trouser pocket surely, but still, the Prime Minister felt like he needed to assert his authority.
'No thank you, Sebastian. I'll take your word for it.'
'Oh, fine.' Said Sebastian in a hurt voice, 'Whatever!' he remarked, making a 'W' with is hands. 'You'd rather see their wands then mine? Is that it?
'No, I don't want to see anyone's wand!'
Sebastian stared at the Prime Minister, mouth gaping. He turned away and took a few deep breaths as if recomposing himself, before slowly facing the Prime Minister.
'So. It's like that is it? I know your types! In denial! Not bothered about those close by, willing to do their all for you, but want some cheap discrete thing on the side when they think no one is looking! You can't get more discrete then leaving by the chimney; only Santa usually offers that service. Well, Prime Minister, I could have shown you my magic, and used my wand!' And with that he stormed out of the door.
Well, thought the Prime Minister, that went better then expected.