|Himura Kenshin's Day Off
Author: Nekotsuki PM
A collection of stories and scenes that you probably shouldn't waste time reading ... um ... I'm serious?Rated: Fiction T - English - Parody - Chapters: 5 - Words: 7,171 - Reviews: 101 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 04-10-08 - Published: 12-29-05 - id: 2725059
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Hehehe, a distinct word of warning.
I have a Live Journal, and I occasionally post joke scenes and crack-fic type entries there. For posterity, I am uploading them here. You are entirely welcome to read them – I'll even preface them with exactly why I wrote it – but there probably won't be a serious bit of writing in the lot. These are all jokes, gift fics and random scenes that won't fit elsewhere, and some of them will be really strange.
If you do read them, I may suggest that you take them with a grain of salt ...I'll keep my serious writing, it's just I have a perverse sense of humour at times. (That, and some people ask for surprisingly bizarre things when I offer them a gift fic for Christmas. Ack. Not that I'm looking at you, Calger...)
The Tanabata Jasmine Scene You Never Saw
Written in June after an amusing conversation with Calger. This takes place between Chapters 14 and 15 of Tanabata Jasmine, and might answer a particularly burning question ...
Yoshida scratched his head. "You want what?"
Kenshin sighed, running his good hand through his hair. "A pot. Jug. Bucket. Container of some kind. An empty one."
For his patient explanations, he received nothing but suspicion, as the larger man backed up to the door. "I don't know. You had a tofu bucket already, and look what you did with that."
"That bucket," said Kenshin loftily, "Belongs to Kaoru-dono. Trust me when I say I wouldn't dream of sullying it in such a fashion."
Yoshida looked confused, a look thus far mildly out of character for him. "I still don't get what you want it for."
If he didn't need to smash the chair over Senzo's head in the very next chapter, Kenshin would have quite cheerfully tested out his upcoming escape plan on the idiot patsy hulking in the doorway. As it was, he rolled off the bed and poked him in the chest hard with one finger. If he hadn't been more than a head shorter than Yoshida and half-naked - for some reason he still hadn't managed to drag out of the giggling author - he might even have looked intimidating.
"Look, you," he hissed. "I'm a man. Normal. Nothing special. I'm human. I have needs."
"I'm not interested."
"That's not what I meant, you--" He took a breath. "We won't make port for another two days, and I've been sleeping some nasty sake off for the past three. And then there's another four days once we make port where nobody will give me a break--"
Kenshin bared his teeth. "I," he said, "Do not intend to spend nine days straight without a single chance to answer the call of nature."
Finally, comprehension dawned on the big lug's face. "Oh, you should have said. Well, sure. I'll bring you a bucket."
And Kenshin sighed as he left, and sat down on the bed in his cabin, and tried not to think about how hard it was going to be attempting to untie hakama with only his left hand. Made him wish he'd paid more attention to Hiko's binge drinking habits; he'd never seen shishou stagger drunkenly out to empty his bladder. There had to be some trick to it ...
Stupid fangirl authors. What, did they think he was inhuman or something?
As a note, of course the poor man got to use the bathroom ... there were plenty of 'off camera' moments in which he could. You don't ever see people in pulp movies having to do that sort of thing, right?