A/N: Wow, it's been some time since I updated this story and I sort of left it completely hanging. I apologize for that! But I'm back now and hoping that we get this story rolling again! Please read and review! Constructive criticsm is welcome but flames are not. Thanks!

Chapter 4: Words Left Unspoken

When Amira awoke next to Mical, her heart swelled with the familiar feeling of safety. He was still asleep and his face was devoid of the worrisome lines that had plagued it since their reunion on Csilla. She ran a hand over his face gently as if memorizing the handsome visage that she knew by heart. Even with him lying there beside her, it was difficult to believe that he was with her again.

Having him back with her gave her a renewed sense of being and a purpose. It was as if they had just traveled through the dark night and were emerging into the new day's sun with hope as their guide. There were still trials ahead, but Amira felt more confident that she could handle them with her husband at her side now. Without him, things had seemed impossible, but with him all things could be done.

With the ship on co-pilot, Amira was in no hurry to move from her spot. She was more content being with Mical there than she'd been in a long time. While they were on the ship, they were away from the prying eyes of the Jedi Council and any others that would seek to separate them from the happiness and love that they shared. At the moment, the ship was the only safe haven they had from the Galaxy and its cruelties. Amira was thankful for that little piece of paradise and would enjoy it for as long as possible...even if that only amounted to a couple hours more.

She snuggled closer to him, as if being closer was a cure-all to all of her problems, and placed a kiss on his lips. This woke him, however, and she smiled sheepishly at him.

"Sorry," she apologized. "I didn't mean to wake you."

He returned her smile, looking at her through tired blue eyes. "That is quite alright. I can think of no better way to be woken up." He noticed her staring at him. "What is it?"

"Nothing," she said.

"Amira..."

"It's just...this all feels like a dream," she explained. "One moment I'm watching you die, and the next moment, you're rescuing me from a fallen friend. It's a lot to take in."

He pulled her closer to him, resting his chin on the top of her head. "I know. And I wish that I could've protected you from all of it."

"You were only trying to do what you thought was best," Amira said, finally understanding. "How could I fault you for that?"

Mical still felt guilty. "Still, if I had known that you had any intention on searching for Revan yourself...well, perhaps I could have planned more thoroughly for that."

"How did you know I was searching for Revan?"

"Bastila briefed me on all that she could while I was in transit to Csilla to save you. She informed me of my "demise" and why she believed that you had gone there initially."

"Oh." Amira felt a little stupid for not assuming that Bastila would've told Mical all of that. "Is that how you found me?"

He nodded. "Yes. I'm not entirely sure how she knew where to find you, but I'm glad she did know. I can't bear to think of what would have happened had I not arrived when I did."

Amira didn't want to think about it either. "What else did Bastila tell you?"

Mical's look was curious. "Only the bare minimum. We did not have the luxury of time as you can imagine." At her guilty look, he continued. "Was there something she should have told me?"

Amira took a shaky breath. It was meant to calm her frantic nerves but it only served to make her feel more trapped. All the things she had thought, said, done. Could she really burden her husband with her own mistakes on top of everything else? If he loved her, and she knew he did, than he would not care that she had contemplated going to the Dark Side. However, she felt as though it would lessen her in his sight and she could not tolerate the very thought of that.

"No," she lied. "Nothing."

Whether he sensed it through the Force or could feel her heartbeat accelerate, Mical knew she was lying. He frowned. "Something else happened while I was...away, didn't it?"

He was looking at her with compassion, urging her to tell him but it only served to make her feel even more guilty. How could he possibly understand the agony she had gone through when she'd thought that she'd lost him? How could she possibly explain to him what his missing presence had done to her heart, body, and soul?

The answer was simple: she couldn't.

But she had to try, for his sake.

"When I thought you were dead..." The last word was difficult to say even now. "I didn't know what to do with myself. I began to doubt everything. Myself. The Jedi. The Force. I did and said a lot that I'm not proud of. I'll be lucky if the Jedi accept me back this time."

Mical was quiet for a long moment before he finally replied. "I see. And this is why you do not want to go back?"

"This is why I can't go back, Mical. I came to many realizations and one of those was that maybe I wasn't meant to be a Jedi after all."

This was obviously not the answer Mical was looking for. "Amira, being a Jedi is part of who you are...who you were meant to be. Even if you didn't go back, you wouldn't be able to escape it."

"You don't know that."

He touched the side of her face tenderly. "Yes, I do. And so do you."

She closed her eyes, reveling in his touch. "I just don't know what to do anymore, Mical. Everything is happening so fast..."

"Things will be different, yes, but we will get through it," Mical said. "I promise."

He sealed the promise with a kiss and Amira felt like weeping. He still had no clue how much things were going to change. With the child growing inside of her, Amira knew that she held Mical's fate in the balance along with her own. If the Jedi Council found out that she was pregnant and that he was the father...they would both be exiled, her for a second time. She was not certain that she could live without the Jedi but she knew that Mical couldn't. Being a Jedi was like breathing for him...and she dreaded to think about taking away that life from him.

Her melancholy mood baffled Mical as he tried to figure out what he had said wrong to upset her. "Amira," he whispered into her ear as he held her close. "Please, tell me what's wrong."

This was it. She knew she had to tell him about the baby, his baby. There might not be another chance for some time since they were fast approaching Dantooine and he needed to know. She only wished that this news would be being given in a more joyous setting on a better occasion rather than on the eve of the dark tide that she knew was coming with the news of Revan's fall to the Dark Side.

"Amira?"

His voice brought her back to reality. "Mical, there's something I need to tell you."

Mical looked at her expectantly, unsure whether he should be expecting good or bad news.

She opened her mouth but the words wouldn't come out. Why was this so hard? Yes, a baby would change their lives...but it couldn't be all bad, could it? Their love had created something beautiful so why did she feel so ashamed about it?

Doubt encircled her mind, the sticky tendrils of guilt intermingling with it. So much would change with the introduction of her pregnancy, and she couldn't possibly anticipate it all. The unknown scared her and that was what seemed to be holding her back now. Would Mical be happy at this news? Sad? Angry? She didn't know and that made her hesitate. There hadn't been any secrets between them before but now it seemed as if there were many forming a solid block of lies to separate their love. Why was life so complicated?

Closing her mouth again, she tried to gather her wits together. He knew something was going on; she had to tell him something else if she didn't tell him about the pregnancy. But what could she tell him that wasn't a lie? Her mind worked fast to come up with something to tell him, deciding that now was not the time or place to tell him about the child that they were expecting.

"Carth thinks Revan's dead," she finally said. "How will you explain to him that she's alive and has fallen to the Dark Side?"

"Is that what's been bothering you?" Mical asked, unconvinced that what she'd said was what was really bothering her. "Admiral Onasi's feelings?"

"He is a good friend of mine, Mical," Amira said. "I worry about him. I know what it's like to think that you've lost a loved one."

Mical searched Amira's feelings but she was already masking her inner concerns from him so he was placated by her answer. "It will not be a pleasant conversation, but I believe that he would rather know the truth than continue to be deceive by a lie, don't you?"

"Yes." Amira swallowed hard as Mical's words hit home.

A slight beeping sound was elicited from the communications unit on the wall, signaling their final approach into Dantooine. Their time together was drawing to a close, Amira knew. Soon, they would return to their world of secrecy, where they were unable to express their love to one another in public. Soon, Amira's world would begin to fall apart at the seams and she would be unable to stop it. Mical's return should have brought with it hope for the future but, instead, it brought only more problems that Amira had no answers to.

"Are you feeling alright?" Mical asked. "You look a little pale."

"I'm fine. It's just been a long...month."

He nodded in understanding. "I fear that it is only going to get worse with the news that I have for the Council."

As he moved from the bed and began to dress, Amira wondered aloud about what news he had. "What did you find out on Adumar?"

Mical shrugged on his robe, avoiding her gaze. "It's nothing you need concern yourself with at the moment."

Amira didn't like the dismissiveness in his tone. "If you think it's important enough to keep as a secret from me, than I think it is something I should be concerned with."

"You have been through much since I've been away and I see of no reason why I should put you through more by worrying you about things that neither of us have any control over right now. I'm simply looking out for you, Ami."

"I don't like being left out of the loop," she said with a frown.

He smiled and leaned down, placing a chaste kiss on her forehead. "I know. But right now, I think it's best that you remain out of loop, as you put it."

She moved from the bed and began to dress as well, noticing a slight tightness around her midsection that she hadn't noticed before. It was ironic how she now was aware of all the signs pointing to her pregnancy, the same signs that she'd been oblivious to previously.

"Why delay the inevitable? I'm going to find out eventually."

"That is true, but for now, I can protect you from the knowledge I hold and I will do just that."

She noticed the dark look that passed across his features and didn't like it. "What happened on Adumar, Mical?"

He froze in his movements for a second before turning to face her. "It is not something that I can discuss at this time."

The change in Mical's mood was palpable. Amira placed a hand on her husband's arm. "It's eating you up inside. I can see it. Why don't you just tell me?"

There was a sadness in his azure eyes. "Please, Amira, do not ask that of me." He brought her hands to his lips. "I will tell you all when it becomes necessary. Until then, I only ask that you trust me. Do you trust me?"

"You know I do."

"Good," he said. "Now, come, we've almost arrived and I'm certain the Council will be eager to see us. Both of us."

"I don't suppose you're willing to reconsider going back?" At his look, she sighed. "I didn't think so."

"We all make mistakes, Amira. It is part of being human and the Council understands that. I don't understand your reasons for not wanting to return."

"I knew you wouldn't." His brows creased together in thought. Amira's guilt returned to her. "I'm not being completely honest with you, Mical. There is more to why I don't want to go back."

"I'm listening."

Just tell him, she thought to herself. He needs to know. This may be your last chance to tell him for a while.

"Atton," she blurted out. "I could've saved him but I didn't. His blood is on my hands, Mical."

"That is not true," Mical disagreed. "Atton had fallen."

"But no one is beyond redemption. I, out of everyone, should have known that. I did know that. But it just didn't seem to matter. I was so consumed with my own emotions that I--I just lost control. All I could think of was that I needed to kill him, that I'd love to kill him. There was a part of me that believed that his death would bring me the peace that I desired, or that it'd bring you back to me."

Amira's confession envoked a great deal of sympathy in Mical. This woman had suffered far too much because of his actions. If he had never left in the first place, it was possible that she never would have left to find Revan and thus, wouldn't have believed herself the cause of anyone's death. It seemed that no matter what he did to protect her, it only caused her more pain in the end.

"What's done has been done, Ami," Mical said, his voice quiet and gentle. "You cannot blame yourself for what happened with Atton. Sometimes, things are simply beyond our control. There will be a time to mourn for him, but right now we must prevent others from following the same path."

Silently, Amira was kicking herself for keeping the pregnancy a secret, but just as Mical had said about Atton, there was a time and place for everything and right now was not the right time, she felt, to tell him.

"You're right," she said.

Mical noticed that she looked as if she had more to say. "Is there anything else that you would like to speak about before we land?"

"No."

"Very well."

He approached her, encircling her within his arms and staring down into her eyes. "No matter what happens in the days to come, know that I love you with every fiber of my being."

A small, somewhat mischievous smile slid onto her lips. "I love you, too. But if you ever pull another stunt like Adumar again without my knowledge, I'll kill you."

He smiled. "Agreed."