Author: Jakia PM
Lt. Jee and several other soldiers decide to get their fortune told, only to find out that their own Prince Zuko is going to fall for a Waterbender! Now, it’s a race against time and fate as the solders try to stop this from happening! [zutara humor]Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Parody - Katara & Zuko - Chapters: 7 - Words: 20,601 - Reviews: 317 - Favs: 227 - Follows: 49 - Updated: 02-11-06 - Published: 01-07-06 - Status: Complete - id: 2741380
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A/N: Right, if anyone actually believed the end of the last chapter, you seriously need to get your head check. I was just joking with you, because I'm an evil bitch that way. So sorry, I had to do it.
Here's the real "alternate" ending, as well as an Epilogue. Hope you enjoy!
JakiaUnmatchmakers— Alternate Ending/Epilogue
As fate would have it, several different things happened in that moment. Things that did not signify the end of the world, but it might've, if you paid enough attention.
For example, Iroh had woken up from his coma mere seconds ago, and had walked outside to see the sunset just as Zuko and Katara kissed. He got a front row seat to the whole show, actually.
He just smiled, watched, and petted Mookie, all while thinking one pleasant thought: Grandbabies. I'm going to have a mountain of grandbabies if I let them keep this up.
He, of course, did nothing to stop them.
Halfway across the world, Ozai had a small heart attack.
"Sir, are you alright?" One of his servants asked.
"I think so." Ozai said quietly, holding his hand to his heart. For some reason, he could almost see his son through his mind's eye. It was a disturbing thought—a waterbender on the throne. "I just had a crazy idea that Zuko was going to marry a waterbender. Imagine how foolish he'd be!" He tried to laugh at himself.
He could not, however, shake the feeling that something was horribly wrong.
On the other half of the world, Kota, Katara's father, was having a small heart attack of his own.
"Are you alright, Kota?" Bato asked his old friend.
"I think so." Kota said, holding his hand to his heart. For some reason, he could almost see his daughter through his mind's eye. It was a disturbing thought---Katara with a firebender. "I just had a crazy idea that Katara was going to marry a Firebender! Imagine how foolish she'd be!" He tried to laugh at himself.
Bato laughed. "Good one, Kota."
He could not, however, shake the feeling that something was horribly wrong.
Another sign that fate was working was the fact that Aang and Sokka landed on Zuko's ship right at that particular moment.
"Quick question…" Sokka asked tirelessly. "If their ship was just 'right around the corner', why the hell did it take us all day to get here?"
"Uh," Aang said, trying to think of a quick excuse on his feet. "Slight detour?"
Sokka believed it.
Then he saw Aang's jaw drop, so he turned and looked to see what it was.
His brain exploded.
"GET THE HELL AWAY FROM MY BABY SISTER, RIGHT NOW YOU PERVERTED---" Aang whacked him upside the head, knocking him unconscious.
Zuko and Katara parted, then looked to Aang with a mix of shock and gratefulness.
Aang shrugged. "Hey, you're going to have to explain it to him when he gets up. I just figured I'd give you a few more hours to come up with a clever story." He shrugged, then walked over to Iroh and began petting Mookie.
"Wait---" Katara asked him, a bit scared and excited at the same time. "So your—okay with me and Zuko?"
"Of course I am." Aang said, holding Mookie. "This has to be the most clichéd plot there is, and I'm always okay with it in the fics."
"What are you talking about?" Zuko asked curiously, wrapping his arm around Katara.
Aang rolled his eyes. "Don't you guys ever read fanfiction?"
A/N: but wait! There's more! What happened to everyone afterwards, you may want to know…Jiro and Akiko
Jiro, as it was, did give up drinking, from which, he became a Fire Nation priest. This lasted roughly a week. Akiko then came and threatened to divorce him if he didn't stop this and act like his normal drunken self again. When he pointed out that they weren't married so she couldn't divorce him, she suggested that the remedy that fact quickly.
The two are now happily married, living in the South Pole across from Gran-Gran, who, per chance, made the best Sake either of them ever had.
Kana, as it was, became filthy sticking rich off of the two and eventually opened up her own liquor store from the inspiration she got from Jiro and Akiko.Daisuke and Hikari
Shortly after returning home, Daisuke proposed to Hikari nearly immediately. They are now on their third daughter, and are expecting twins in a couple of months.Sokka and Aang
Sokka never really got over the fact that his sister was dating a Firebender, but eventually got use to the idea and stopped sending Zuko death threats via the mail. This incident, however, did bump Zuko from number 249 to 211 on Sokka's Fire Bastard list, which Zuko is very proud of and still wonders how he's only number 211 and not higher on the list. Sokka still refuses to answer who the first two hundred and ten are.
He and Aang, through their adventurous week they had all by themselves, became very close. Very close. Very, very close, if you want to stick your perverted minds deep in that gutter. It didn't last, though, as Aang noticed Sokka staring at the moon one night, and became extremely jealous, crying that Sokka didn't love him and was still in love with Yue.
They broke it off after that. Sokka went back to Suki, where the two of them lived happily ever after for roughly two months before she broke up with him for the same reason Aang did. Aggravated, he screamed at her that he didn't love Yue anymore and he wished people would stop accusing him of it.
This, of course, made Yue really mad, who then used her Goddess powers and turned Sokka into a fish. Zuko and Katara left him that way for about two years before they decided that they needed a babysitter, so they asked a witch to turn him back. She did, and he returned almost-entirely back to normal (his belly is still a little scaly, but that was all.).
He now spends most of his days doing one of two things: A) babysitting his nieces, or B) hanging with Zula, his sister by marriage, coming up with wacky ways to kill off their siblings and/or evil nieces. She became Obligary Evil Fire Bitch number 13, and he still won't tell her who the first twelve are.
Aang, since he was the Avatar, had access to things from the future that he would use when he was reborn. That's how he knew what fanfiction was. He spent the rest of his days writing crappy fanfiction and/or posting horrible flames on good fanfiction, mainly because he was jealous of their awesome writing skillz.
Iroh (and Mookie)
After returning home, Iroh started a new foundation, which he called POF---Pimping For Old Folks. He was a very large success, and even gained his own fanbase. (Jun was President). His business ended, however, whenever he started getting complaints about his products not working from Pakku. When Iroh tried to tell him that he was just too much of an ugly and sour old man, Pakku sued him, thus ruining Iroh's business.
Mookie remained with Iroh for the rest of her life, occasionally going across the street to play with Zuko and Katara's kids, who loved her, and to annoy Sokka the Fish, whom she wanted to eat. She also came over because she liked making Zuko sneeze.Shen
Shen's wife did, in fact, leave him for his sister, but having enough time to know she was going to do it and getting encouragement from the rest of the crew, left her for her sister, which ended happily for Shen in the end. (which was good, because the author kinda forgot he existed halfway through the fic.)Jee and Taro
Jee did as the fortuneteller had asked, and took Taro under his wing. When they returned home, Jee offered to go to Taro's grandfather and tell him how good of a soldier Taro had become. Along the way, they ran into Jee's daughter, who, of course, fell in love with Taro at first sight. Taro returned her feelings, and Jee wanted to puke. They married promptly, and Jee finally had grandbabies, which made up for the fact that he still hated Taro and wanted him to die a slow, horrible, painful death for stealing away Jee's only baby girl.Ozai and Kota
Ozai was overthrown by the Avatar and insert your own favorite idea for the series ending here. Rather than killing him, they let Ozai live. He and Kota share the same hospital bed, where they argue and fight and have small heart attacks they receive from their kids and occasionally gush over how cute their grandbabies are. (but don't tell anyone about that.)Zuko and Katara
Zuko and Katara, in fact, did get married. No, the world didn't end. Zuko took his father's place on the throne, and Katara became the first Fire Lady ever who was from the Water Nation. They lived happily ever after, stopping occasionally to save the world or something along that effect.
They ended up with three children all together: Kimi and Kita, two beautiful twin girls-- one was a Firebender and one was a Waterbender, of course.
Their son, Koda, was the Avatar, but that's a whole nother story all together.THE REAL END
A/N: Thank you everyone for reading this! I do appreciate all the reviews I've received for this fic, and I love you all. Thank you.
Now I'll go work on Maybe or even a one of the sequels.
Speaking of which, which sequel would you prefer to come first? Sokka and Aang's Guide to Rescuing Katara From Evil Fire Bastard Number 249 or Sokka and Zula's Most Dedicated Attempt Not To Kill Their Siblings (or More Recently Their Children). I'll do both eventually, I'd just like to know which one you guys like better.
Thank you again.