Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to Space: Above and Beyond, or its characters.
Note: This is my first stab at a SAAB story. It’s nothing flash or fancy, just a little bug that crawled up my ass and wouldn’t leave me alone. Not my best work but, I cared enough to take the time to write it so if anyone cares to take the time to read it… feel free and enjoy!

Look in the Mirror
By
N. J. Borba

Hi there, my name is K.C. and I’m a girl. You’d know that better if you could see my long brown hair. Anyhow, if I’d been born a boy my parents say they probably would have named me Paul, after a good friend of theirs who died in the war. But I wasn’t, so instead I got saddled with another name. But I insist on just being called K.C. I was born eleven years, three months, seven hours and some odd minutes ago. I’m the third and last child in my family. Yep, the baby, and I’m treated like one according to my older siblings who claim I’m spoiled. I plead innocent on that charge.

I have an older brother named Neil; he’s fourteen years old and thinks he’s tough shit. Really he’s just a big pain in the… well, butt! Dad hates it when I say ass. Mom would say ass though. He’s tall and lanky like dad but he has sandy blond hair. In that regard he doesn’t take after dad. He’s the most different from all of us in the looks department. But I guess that’s because of his mom. Sometimes, when mom and dad are away, he takes me to the store and buys me an ice cream. So, I suppose he’s not all that bad.

Then there’s Kate who is thirteen. She’s my big sister and she’s not a pain in the butt at all. In fact she’s really kind of quiet. Don’t get me wrong though, she has one hell of a crazy temper if a bug gets up her ass. Mom says she’s a lot like her father in that regard. Dad says she’s a lot like mom in that regard. Kate’s always asking questions about basic concepts that she doesn’t have the best grasp on like pain and joy. I guess that’s genetics? I don’t know. Sometimes I think she’s a little odd but that’s Kate for you. I love her just the way she is.

Lastly, is me. As I stated already, I’m eleven. I’m tall and lanky too, like my dad, and I have long dark brown hair like my mom. I’m the baby but I maintain that I am not spoiled. I just know how to work my parents for more attention than my siblings. I have a secret way of getting under their skin. It’s really a rather dirty trick and it doesn’t make me proud. But I can’t help that I was born with very little sense of security. I’m physically strong like mom and brainy smart like dad but for some reason, I tend to doubt myself a lot.

This story is about me and my family but not us kids so much. Mostly it’s about my parents and the way we all got here, the way in which we became a family. And that all started with a group of U.S. Marine’s known simply as the 58th…

Since I’m the one telling this story and I wasn’t around back then, I apologize if I don’t know all the details and facts. What I do know, I’ve collected in my head from stories I’ve heard throughout the years. Mostly stories from my mom and dad and sometimes from aunt Nessa and my great uncle Ty. Neither of them are real, “blood”, relations but in my family blood doesn’t mater all that much.

You see, it all stared in the year 2063 on a bus headed to Loxley, Alabama. That’s where four of the five 58th squadron members first met one another. They weren’t the 58th yet, in fact they were just wet behind the ears kids. There was Nathan West, Shane Vansen, Paul Wang and Vanessa Damphouse. Cooper Hawkes didn’t make his appearance until they were all gathered on base. And what an impression he made. I don’t mean that in a good way. He was gruff and angry and didn’t want to be tied to the Marine’s in any way.

Cooper Hawkes was a tank. But mom says that’s not a very nice term. She yells at Neil when he teases Kate with comments like, “your tank is only half full”. The politically correct terminology for Cooper Hawkes is, InVitro. Uncle Ty is one too. They’re a race of artificially gestated humans. Basically, they were born in tanks, hence the nickname. I don’t really see what is so bad about it except they have their belly buttons on the back of their necks. That is kind of odd. But I guess it’s not odd if you’re a tank.

Like I said, Hawkes didn’t want to be a Marine. But he didn’t have anywhere else to go, so I guess that’s why he stayed. He and Nathan West didn’t get along very well at first. Hawkes and Shane Vansen didn’t get along very well at first either. Come to think of it, Hawkes didn’t get along with anyone very well at first. I think Nathan was upset with him because of the whole Tellus mission thingy. See, he got kicked off the Tellus Colony mission because they had to make room for more tanks. That was also politically correct.

Nathan doesn’t hate tanks; he just hated the fact that he was separated from his love, Kylen Celina. They tried to cheat the system but like the ancient saying goes, cheaters never win. So, his emotions were too raw at the time to see clearly. But he eventually came around. And who would have ever thought that the two would become the best of friends one day? Probably not Nathan or Cooper. I think it was after the events of Round-hammer and loosing Paul Wang, and darn near loosing Vansen and ‘Phouse that really set the ball in motion.

Everyone thought Shane was lost for good, along with aunt Nessa. But Cooper Hawks went A.W.O.L for her, kind of like Nathan did for Kylen. They wouldn’t send an SAR team down to the planet, claiming they didn’t have the resources available at the time. With the war on the verge of total disarray after botched peace talks, there just wasn’t enough time or personnel to go around searching for long shots. Hawkes didn’t give a damn. He was in love and didn’t realize it. Sure he understood feelings of friendship and family a lot better than he had at the advent of his Marine duty. But love? He still wasn’t sure what that was all about.

This is the point in which the story really takes off. Being the only two left of the original 58th, West and Hawkes were sort of thrown together as victims of circumstance. They were already friends by that point but the loss of their comrades cemented it. And in the same manner that Shane and Hawkes went after Nathan on Tellus, Nathan in turn went after Cooper to help find Vansen and Damphouse. Trudging through miles of swamp-like terrain for hours on end tends to form a tight bond between people.

After Vansen and Damphouse were found alive, West and Hawkes were in a bit of trouble. But, mom always likes to say that the wild cards were probably part feline on account of them all seeming to have nine lives… except for Wang, who really did die in that hairy fur ball. But the rest of the wild cards were freed of all court martial charges. They were re-shuffled and went on to serve another day.

Nathan West immediately wed his high school sweetheart Kylen, with his 58th friend’s right there to witness. Vansen made a toast to the happy couple and attributed Nathan’s determination and belief in Kylen to saving all of their asses on several occasions. Shane and Kylen even became good friends. The happily married couple didn’t waste any time spreading their joy and expanding their family. Ten months later they welcomed a baby boy into their lives. They named him after Nathan’s little brother.

Cooper Hawkes and Shane Vansen took a little longer in their journey together. Shane had a feeling that Cooper hadn’t come all the way after her on that desolate planet just because of their friendship and their work relationship. She’d felt there was something more between them almost from the start. That night on their way to Mars when she’d confessed to him about her parent’s death, there had been a connection there even though he’d tried to kiss her and she’d decked him. Unfortunately Hawkes didn’t know what it was all about himself. But eventually Shane taught him all about love, true love.

If I recall correctly it was aunt Nessa who quoted them best as saying:

“Come on Coop, cut the crap. I love you okay… so, do you love me too?” Shane had asked, point blank.

“Um, yeah,” Cooper’s reply had come with a shrug of his shoulders.

And that was that.

They were married quickly once their true feelings were revealed. Neither of them was big on long drawn out processes, or words apparently. And nine months later along came a kicking and screaming baby girl. Vansen had worked nearly up until her due date, much to McQueen’s chagrin. Baby Vansen-Hawkes was born early, on board the ISSTV that was transporting Vansen back to Earth to start her maternity leave. Hawkes was beyond excited. Even though he had Shane, he’d never had anyone blood related to him, aside from a sister who had never been given a chance at real life.

Cooper didn’t get to meet his baby girl until she was nearly three months old. Even with the advent of peace between Earth and the Chigs, there was a certain amount of border patrol to be performed, keeping the peace. The 58th’s missions became more guard duty than combat but it was still a very important role to play. There had been a huge reunion though when Hawkes and West finally returned to see their family’s at long last.

Nathan’s boy was over a year old and had grown up a lot. And Cooper was awed by the sight of his newborn daughter. The two couples and their small families were happy and whole at last. But the joy of their reunion was short lived. A few days later the Chigs attacked an unmanned Earth outpost. Nathan and Cooper were sent off right away. They kissed their families good-bye and took to the sky once more.

The Chigs were defeated and it turned out they were just a small group of protesters, fighting out against the peace. Too bad Cooper Hawkes had to find that out the hard way. He was lost in space… dead. He’d finally used up that ninth life of his. Nathan West returned to face his good friend Shane with a guilty conscious. He blamed himself. He’d been honcho and he’d lost a man. But not just any man, one of his very best friends. Although the board of inquire ruled casualty of war due to enemy gun fire, no one could take away Nathan’s guilt.

His wife Kylen arranged a trip to the ocean for the three of them and it did wonders for his soul. Playing with his son was the best medicine he could have hoped for. But death had not yet finished with the 5-8, for another tragedy befell them as Nathan and his family returned from their trip. A drunk driver swerved and jumped lanes, careening into their car. Kylen Celina West was killed instantly. Nathan and his son survived. Though he wished for death time and time again as he’d sat waiting for help to reach them, knowing it was already too late for his beloved wife.

Cooper he thought he could finally handle losing but the two deaths, so close, threatened to destroy Nathan West. They haunted his dreams and clouded his thinking in the daylight hours as well. If it hadn’t been for the amazing friendship and steadfast comfort of one woman, everyone truly believed that Nathan West would have died in some way. Be it physically or mentally. He would have been lost if not for Shane Vansen.

Dealing with the loss of her own husband had been difficult for Shane. She’d waited so long, putting off love and the idea of having a family of her own in favor of career pursuits. In some way she’d been so determined to make her dead parents proud that she’s forgotten to live her own life. And as soon as she’d gathered up the courage to do it, to have it all, it was snatched away from her… just like her parents had been.

Shane wanted to give up. For the first time in her life since her parent’s death she truly felt like giving into the sorrow would just be easier. The fight had left her. She was numb with grief. But two weeks after Cooper’s death, the death of another friend shook her up again. She and Kylen hadn’t been as close as she was with the member’s of the 58th, but she’d been a damn good friend. And her second best friend needed her more than ever. Dropping her own mourning, she rushed to his side.

It wasn’t easy getting through to Nathan West. He was as stubborn as a mull when he wanted to be. But she’d found that out early in their first days of training in the Marine’s. She’d admired it in him then. That didn’t mean she cared for it all that much after the death of his wife. He was holding on too tight and she knew from personal experience that sometimes that was the best way to lose everything.

He didn’t take to drinking, or to drugs or dangerous and risky behavior. Nathan West simply gave up on life. It was not uncommon for Shane to come over for a visit and find him seated on the sofa in his living room, just staring at the wall. His son was so young and had just lost his mother. He needed love but Nathan could not find comfort to give the boy. He’d lost the will to live and in turn, his little boy was suffering.

Vansen persisted. She came by Nathan’s place every day, cooked and cleaned like some damned Suzy homemaker, of which she was not. But for her dear friend, she’d do just about anything to try and rescue him from his hell. He’d covered her six on numerous occasions, and she his. This was just another hairy fur ball that they needed to get each other through. So, she watched his six. She took care of her daughter and his son. And she practically force fed Nathan on a daily basis. She kept him alive through determination and a bit of selfishness. She would be damned if she’d let another good friend of hers die.

Six months later, nearly to the day, Nathan “woke” up. He turned toward Shane and smiled as he watched her reading a story to his son and her daughter. The little boy was curled up beside her and the baby was snug in the crook of her left arm. That was a memory he recalled very clearly. He felt as though he’d just woken up from a very long, restless and disturbing sleep. And seeing his good friend Shane there, as his eyes finally saw life again, was the turning point he had so desperately needed.

Shane was wary at first, thinking perhaps they were both just on the rebound from having lost their spouses so close together. But as time went by, she and Nathan slowly realized that there had always been a bond between them slightly over the line of friendship. In the end there was no avoiding the inevitable. They were married the following spring. A year later they were blessed with a child; a beautiful baby girl with her daddy’s long, lanky body and her mother’s dark hair and bright blue eyes.

I’m not as good at covert operations as my parents are. So, in case you haven’t figured it out yet, that baby was me. Nathan West and Shane Vansen Hawkes West are my parents. But mom just goes by Shane West now. And it’s a good thing she finally got a promotion to Lt. Colonel because having two Major West’s in the family was more trouble than it was worth.

I love my parents heaps but sometimes I still wonder if they really like each other or if it was just out of need or circumstance that they ended up together. This is the slightly evil trick I play on them. I try to garner sympathy, among other treats, by playing on this idea. Like I mentioned before, I don’t always have the greatest sense of security. I know that Neil lost his mom and Kate lost her dad. I guess sometimes I’m just waiting for the inevitable. I figure I’m destined to lose one or both of my parents as well.

Mom finally got pissed at me two days ago as I tried once again to play my little trick on her. She responded by dragging me into the bathroom by the scruff of my shirt collar. It was not abusive in any way, just stern. She stood behind me and held my neck tightly so that I couldn’t squirm away, which I’m very good at. Her eyes locked with mine as she stared at me and spoke.

“Look in the mirror K.C.,” she demanded. “What do you see?” she asked.

I stared at myself for several minutes feeling rather silly. I’d looked at myself plenty of times before. There was nothing new there. I saw the same angular jaw line and the blue eyes and brown hair. The jaw was like my dad’s and the eyes and hair like mom. That’s when something snapped inside my head, snapped together rather than apart. I realized what she was trying to tell me.

She turned me around and looked into my eyes. “You are the living, breathing proof of your parents love,” she assured me. “And we aren’t just in love because we had to be or because it was easy. We didn’t fall in love because my husband died and your dad’s wife died. We fell in love because we cared very deeply for one another,” she explained in more words than I ever thought my mom capable. “Now I don’t want to ever hear you doubt us again or try to guilt us into anything, you understand?” she asked.

“Yes Ma’am!” I quickly replied. She glared at me a moment, annoyed by the ma’am remark no doubt. Then a smile crept along the edges of her mouth as she pushed me out of the bathroom door.

“Then that’s the end of it!” she declared.

And so, the gist of the story is that my dad loved Kylen first and my mom loved Cooper first. I guess that’s why they saddled me with the name: Kylen Cooper West. But you can still just call me K.C. because when I look in the mirror I see that what mom said is true. I see my parents love for one another. I see the silly heart that dad carved for her in the tree out back when they first moved in here, with the words: Nathan loves Shane and Shane loves Nathan. I see the way they laugh with their kids and I see the way they look at one another when they think nobody is watching.

For once in my life, I finally have a sense of security because I know that they share a love that’s uniquely their own… just like me.

End