All That He Wants

Chapter 1 – Things Don’t Always Turn Out That Way

Spoilers – Abyss, Divide and Conquer

Rating – Season 6

Season –Any.

Pairings – Do you really have to ask? (Sam and Jack just in case you didn’t get that).

Disclaimer – I do not own Stargate SG-1, its characters or The Calling, but if someone is offering to give me Alex Band then I won’t say no. J

Author’s Notes – I’ve seen this as a comedy and as something serious and touching, and couldn’t make up my mind which to do. I decided to leave it until I had time to write and see what mood I was in. I’m in a lovey-dovey mood, so it’s the serious version. If you want the funny one to be written you’ll just have to ask me when you review this one. (Hint, hint: REVIEW). Written in Jack’s POV.

Well he can’t sleep at night,

And he can’t do what’s right.

It was all because she came into his life.

It’s a deep obsession taking up his time.

Every night since I met her I’ve been unable to sleep properly. I half sleep, but my dreams are riddled with thoughts of her. Just what she’s done during the day, the things she says in meetings; which is funny, because I don’t really listen in meetings so I shouldn’t be able to remember what she says. I normally spend the time subtly staring at her. Watching the shapes her mouth makes when she speaks, the slight gestures she makes and how seemingly unimportant things can make her smile. I made her smile in the briefing today. Then as I float towards the edge of sleep, so close to deep sleep when I wake I manage to feel refreshed, I dream of what will never be. Not what she has done in the day, but what I wish our lives were like: together. I think about her as I fall asleep, when I am asleep and when I’m wide awake in the middle of the night, unable to sleep because I’m not complete.

I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. I can’t…. I can’t do anything about these feelings. I can’t tell her I dream about her. I can’t tell her I can’t sleep because I’m afraid that if I do I won’t dream about her, just for one night and those hours would be wasted. I can’t because I’m her CO. Her Commanding Officer. The Colonel to her Major. But I can’t go on living like this. I should be with her. I know I should. If I do nothing I’m doing the right thing. But I’m not. I love her so much and it hurts not to be able to tell her. If I tell her I’m doing the right thing. But I’m not. I’d be risking her career and mine. I know she feels the same way. We’ve got a connection. We know what the other is thinking. Plus she told me when we did that zatarc thing. But whatever I do it’s the wrong thing.

I can’t help but think that if she’d never come into the Stargate Programme this wouldn’t have happened. But if she hadn’t I may never have met her and my life would be…… nothing. I’m glad. I am. I just wish I could tell her how I feel. I wish when I were in the field, fighting, I could have just one moment to stop and see her smiling back at me. I wish when I was in danger I could see her encouraging me to go on. I wish I could see her now, when I most need to. I think about her sure, but I can’t see her. I need to. I need to see her face, to know that she cares enough for me to try and get back to her. But I try so hard and I can’t. I can still hear her voice, her laugh, her smile, but I can’t see her clearly any more. I love her!

Author’s Note’s – So, what do you think? Let me know or you’re not getting any more chapters.