Now, Sakai Michiba presents:

Wash Your Hands

Chapter Two

Sam woke up to the smell of delicious food and quiet chatter. He suddenly remembered where he was and who he was there with, and he felt a little sick to his stomach. Sure, he had said to Jack that he could put everything behind him, that he could forgive him for what happened ten years before, but he could not be certain if he could own up to his words. He and Eric had been in therapy for years thanks to Jack and Roger, and now that they were under the same roof, he was not sure if he could handle walking into the living room and seeing Jack there.

It did not help, of course, that he had seen what he had seen. Jack and Ralph kissing each other tenderly on the bed was not an image Sam wanted burned on the back of his eyelids, but every time he closed his eyes, there it was. He could see the way Jack’s hand was tangled in Ralph’s blonde hair, could see Ralph’s palm resting comfortably on Jack’s back and rubbing in little circles as they…Sam shuddered and gagged a little. He did, however, trust Ralph’s judgment. If Ralph thought that Jack was okay to have around, much less to have as a lover, then Sam would deal with it.

He had enough to worry about already.

Slowly, he got out of bed and made his way to the window, looking out over the drab cityscape. London may have been the most written-about city in history, but to Sam it was so boring. Always it was grey, grey grey grey, and the rain was murder. Everyone carried black umbrellas and wore black coats and black hats. The buildings were black from drainage (again, thanks to the rain) and the streets were filthy. Thinking back on the island, it really was a sort of paradise compared to the hellhole called London. If Eric died, he thought, he would leave London and never come back no matter what.

He felt sick at the thought, and he left the window abruptly. He needed to get out of that room, out of the apartment, out of London. He could not bring himself to stand by and watch his twin die right in front of him. He stumbled into the living room, looking half-crazed as he stood there in front of Jack and Ralph, who were eating and murmuring to one another softly until Sam came in.

“Sam, you’re awake,” Ralph said quietly, and he set his bowl down. Jack managed a very small smile, though Sam thought he looked slightly happier than usual. “Can I get you anything?”

Sam shook his head and paced back and forth in the room for a few moments before he shoved his hands in his pockets. “Ralph, I gotta get out of here. Out of the city, out of the country, anywhere please. I’d rather be back in hell than here,” he said frantically, and he gave Jack a bit of a nasty look.

Jack looked away immediately and interested himself in his stew, looking into the contents of his bowl and clearing his throat a little. He felt Ralph’s hand slide against his leg, but he stood up and excused himself to the bathroom.

Ralph watched him walk out of the room and sighed at Sam. “Sam, you…shouldn’t have said that. I know you’re very upset…Why don’t you go down to the hospital and sit with Eric for a little while? The nurse called and said he was conscious about an hour ago,” he said quietly, standing and leading Sam to the kitchen. “I’ll make you a bowl of stew to take with you and you can go be where you need to be.”

Sam looked very hollow, and he nodded numbly. “Yeah, I wanna see if he’s awake and everything…Don’t want him thinking I’ve abandoned him. I just—Ralph, I can’t…” He trailed off and leaned on Ralph’s shoulder. “Sorry. Tell Jack I’m sorry…I’m gonna go catch the bus, ‘kay?” He did not even wait for a reply, just turned from Ralph and left the apartment, coat flung over his shoulder.

Ralph stood alone in the kitchen for a little while, leaning on the counter and staring at the grain. He honestly had no idea what to do—he had no idea how to console Sam—and now Jack was upset, too. Jack, however, could be spoken to, and so he pushed away from the counter and went back to his bedroom to find Jack sitting on the edge of the bed. “Hey,” he said quietly, and he moved to sit beside him.

Jack did not respond for a few moments, but eventually he looked up into Ralph’s eyes and sighed quietly. “Hi.” The word sounded hollow even to his own ears, and when he felt the blonde’s arm slide around him, he leaned into the other’s shoulder. “Is uh, Sam still here?”

Ralph shook his head and ran his fingernails through Jack’s red hair. “He went back to the hospital, wanted me to tell you he’s sorry.” When this did not bring out any sort of reaction, Ralph turned Jack’s face towards his and leaned in to touch their lips together for a moment before touching his forehead to Jack’s shoulder. “Come on, Jack. He’s upset; his brother’s dying. You can’t really be this upset about what he said?”

“Maybe I can!” Jack snapped, and he jerked back from Ralph suddenly. “I’ve spent a lot of fucking time trying to forget everything that happened ten years ago, Ralph, and he’s dragging shit up that I don’t wanna remember!” He was slowly becoming hysterical, burying his head in his hands and shaking it fiercely. “People have thought I’m crazy ever since we GOT BACK, Ralph! People recognize me and give me those DAMNED looks and…and…”

Ralph watched him as he tugged at his hair, and he reached out to grab his hands. “Hey, hey, stop.” He slid those hands out of Jack’s red hair, finding that Jack had tugged out quite a bit. He plucked the strands from the other’s fingers and slid his own fingers into that hair, gently massaging the scalp. “Jack, please don’t be like this.”

There were several long moments of silence before Jack looked back up to Ralph and bit his lower lip nervously. He watched Ralph as he moved to face him, lifting a pale hand to lie on Ralph’s shoulder just a moment before Ralph pushed him back on the pillows and lay on his side beside him, watching him. “I’m so sorry, Ralph, but I just can’t…You know, let go of some stuff and I—”

Ralph leaned over him and pressed several kisses to his lips midsentence, his hand sliding up to caress Jack’s cheek as he slipped into his lap. He lay down comfortably on top of Jack and pressed him back into the pillows, sliding hands up his shirt and touching him shyly. “You talk too much when you’re frustrated,” he stated, and when Jack flushed a red to rival his hair, Ralph slid Jack’s shirt off over his head and took off his own shirt as well.

“I’m sorry,” Jack said quietly, and he choked as he felt his eyes dampening. “I’m sorry, Ralph.” He looked down at his stomach to let the tears freely flow, only looking up again when Ralph began to kiss him another time. His arms slid up of their own will to rest around Ralph’s neck, and he shakily dragged him closer. “Forgive me, please,” he chanted against the other’s lips until his tongue was much too busy to speak. He kept expecting Ralph to pull away, to say that he had had enough, but Ralph never did, instead pressing ever closer. Jack tangled their legs together and held Ralph from moving away, desperate for this contact he had never shared with anyone.

Ralph pulled away for a moment to breathe, and he lay his head on the pillow beside Jack’s to gaze at him quietly. “Forgive you? Jack, I’m not mad,” he declared, and he looked with interest at the lightly curled Irish-red hair surrounding Jack’s face. One of his hands moved to up touch it lightly, his fingers moving to comb through the meticulous mess as he pressed closer and kissed Jack’s cheek. The touch of those lips made Jack choke, and he propped himself up on his elbow, looking down at Ralph for a moment in disbelief.

“But…” However, he had no idea what he was protesting, so he fell silent, just staring at Ralph. He had no idea what he had done to deserve this, this sweet man lying there looking at him as though he was as content as he would ever be. Ralph had opened his home and his arms to him for no reason at all other than because it was a kind thing to do. Jack deserved none of it. “Ralph, I uh…Thank you,” he murmured, and he looked away as though he had said something dirty.

“Oh, do shut up.” Ralph reached up and tucked a curl behind Jack’s ear, resting his palm on the back of his neck and drawing him down for a very soft kiss. “Please don’t. Really, don’t.” He moved to press their foreheads together, looking into Jack’s eyes seriously for a few moments before he smiled faintly, the intensity of the stare fading. Jack rested his hand on the other side of Ralph’s head and closed his eyes so he might properly enjoy the intimacy of the moment. He was not sure when they started to kiss again, but he knew that when they did, he could not prop himself up anymore.

Ralph held him to his chest, his eyes closed as their lips sang a silent melody in unison, and he knew in that moment why he had brought Jack here. When he had found Jack the previous evening, Jack was broken and needed him. Ralph had not been needed in a long time, not since Simon had followed him in the manner he did, and Ralph wanted to be needed. He understood Jack for what he was, knew that the Beast hid within him somewhere, and he knew that Jack could never be with anyone who did not know what the Beast was. Many of the other men who were once the littluns and the boys on the island had been too young for the Beast to affect the like it had the older boys, so they led normal lives for their ages. Some were no older than sixteen, some as old as twenty. Ralph was the oldest at the recently-turned age of twenty-three and Jack was twenty-two, Roger only twenty-one but very, very sick, and then the twins, who were twenty-one as well. No one ever spoke to anyone, it seemed, except for Ralph. He could not hold a grudge, at least not openly. He secretly hated most of them for their betrayal so many years ago, but that seemed so trivial now that he held Jack in his arms.

Jack whimpered very softly into the kisses and furrowed his brow, needing to be closer because he felt very suddenly distant from Ralph. The blonde seized him and pulled him over so he was mostly lying on top, and he tangled his hands in that thick red hair a moment before he made a very quiet sound into the kisses. Jack wondered what Ralph could possibly be thinking before he cast his worries to the wind and lost himself in the taste and feel of Ralph being so close. He felt Ralph’s hands move from his hair down his back, resting just above the curvature of his ass and squeezing him. Jack broke the kisses to look down at Ralph for a moment before he hid his eyes in the other’s bare shoulder.

“You okay?” Ralph whispered, and he felt tears on his skin. When he received no answer, he closed his eyes and pulled the blankets over them and hugged Jack tightly. “Me either,” he whispered into Jack’s hair, and he closed his eyes.

Ralph slept. He was on the island again, hiding in the bamboo huts they had constructed on the beach, but the huts were blowing away. He felt someone crawl into his arms, and he looked down to see Simon’s frightened face. “I’m scared, Ralph,” he had whispered, and he buried his face against Ralph’s neck. They were not hiding from Jack, no, but from a storm. He and Simon had managed to get into this hut but everyone else’s status was unknown.

“It’s okay. We’ve been through storms before, Simon. We’ll make it through this one, I bet,” he claimed, but Simon had started to cry. Ralph shook his head and cradled the boy, secretly afraid of the storm himself, but now he had to be strong. Simon looked up at him in the dark and shivered from his lack of clothes, and when Ralph looked at him, he lifted Simon’s chin and began to kiss him, eyes falling closed as his large hand slid down between Simon’s legs. This was the way to keep warm; it was the only way. Simon whimpered and clung to Ralph during this, his toes curling while Ralph manipulated his body. The storm outside was escalating, the thunder growing ever closer, and though Ralph knew that Simon was too young to get any satisfaction from this encounter, he knew that it would warm the boy up and get his mind off the storm.

Suddenly Simon was no longer a little boy but a man in his twenties, pale with a mop of black hair and piercing eyes. Ralph was no longer a boy going on thirteen, either, and the kisses changed. Simon was desperate, his hands all over Ralph, and he was lying Ralph down in the sand and spreading his legs. Ralph was eager, panting, his mouth opening to accept every kiss as it was given, His arms, strong, not his own even presently, wrapped tightly around Simon’s neck and he opened himself to him, crying out as Simon entered him abruptly but kept the tenderness in those kisses no matter how rough he was below.

“It hurts, it hurts,” Ralph whimpered, but Simon did not stop. Ralph could feel the sand ripping him to pieces and he buried his face in Simon’s shoulder to scream, but the thunder deadened the sound. He clawed at the younger man, his fingernails cutting red half-moons into his shoulders deeper with each thrust. “Leave me ALONE! Get OUT!” Ralph screeched, but Simon held tighter to him, and when he tried to struggle the rocking motion just became harder, rougher, and Ralph was sure he would die.

He heard a sound behind them and he looked back to see Jack, twelve years old with a spear in his hand and paint all over his face. Ralph begged him, pleaded with him to make Simon stop, and the twelve year old boy rushed at them with his spear, plunging it through Simon’s chest, but Simon did not bleed. He just smiled malevolently, pushing deeper and deeper into Ralph until Ralph was bleeding everywhere, dying. “You killed me, too,” Simon whispered against Ralph’s ear just before Ralph passed out, and Ralph knew he was right.

He woke up with a cry, unable to jolt upward because of the warm weight of Jack on top of him. Jack woke up at the cry, and he rolled off of Ralph, his eyebrows knitted in concern as he touched Ralph’s sweaty forehead. “Hey, hey…” he whispered, and he recognized a feral, terrified look in Ralph’s eyes even in the dark. Ralph could not seem to breathe, his hands clutching at Jack’s wrists, and he closed his eyes tightly as though to make sure the nightmares were not lurking. “Ralph, look at me…Calm down, please…Baby, calm down…”

Ralph’s grip slowly slackened and he looked up at Jack with a gulp. “Jack?” he asked quietly, and when the other replied with a nod, he wrapped his arms around him and pulled him down for a hard embrace. “It was…I…Nngh.” He was not feeling particularly articulate, but Jack understood, and they held one another for a long time. Ralph felt Jack’s hands run up and down his sides soothingly and he turned his head to find his lips. He kissed him with fervor, having the sudden need to feel dominant, and he rolled over with him, sitting on Jack’s thighs and holding him up in a sitting position and drinking of his mouth.

Jack’s eyes widened as the other asserted himself in this manner, and he wrapped his arms around Ralph’s neck, falling back against the pillows with him in tow. Ralph moved his kisses from those lips to Jack’s neck, suckling of the tender spots and nipping the pale skin. Jack spread his legs to either side of Ralph and squeezed him with them, breathing heavily as Ralph devoured him. He glanced in his euphoria over to the clock, reading that it was four AM, and he closed his eyes with a moan as Ralph hit a particularly sensitive spot.

Ralph slid his kisses all over that neck, collarbone, and chest, sucking sweetly on his nipples before trailing down even further. “R-Ralph, what are you g-gonna do?” Jack whispered, and he whimpered when he felt Ralph’s hands on the hem of his pants, and he lifted his hips as Ralph pulled them off of him. “O-oh. I’ve never done…this.” He blushed fiercely because Ralph paused and looked up at him.

“Really?” Jack nodded and closed his eyes as Ralph moved up to kiss his lips softly. “Do you want me to?” There was a moment’s hesitation at this question, but Jack nodded shyly, and Ralph smiled and kissed him again before he disappeared beneath the blankets.

Jack closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he felt gentle kisses on his thighs, and he shuddered, losing his deep breath in a long hiss. His hand reached around, looking for one of Ralph’s hands, and when he found one he felt better when Ralph laced their fingers gently. Ralph smiled and looked with a secret blush at Jack’s arousal, and he gently blew warm air over it. He heard Jack giggle nervously and he moved to press several warm, damp kisses along that prominent erection. Jack’s giggles silenced and his free hand was suddenly buried in the blonde’s hair, a gasp tearing from his lips as Ralph slid him into his mouth and began to suck.

Jack’s eyes closed and he felt his hands shaking as he was being appreciated in this way. “Raaalph,” he whined as he felt that tongue swirling about him, and he cast away in this moment any premeditated idea of what this was supposed to feel like. He had had terrible dreams involving such relations, never with Ralph but with Roger, and Roger always hurt him so much that he would wake up clutching himself. These dreams had given him a bit of a phobia of oral sex, but now he could think of nothing he wanted more. When Ralph began to bob his head, Jack’s toes curled and he groaned, sitting up a little only to be pushed back down.

”Relax, Jack,” Ralph said, pausing, and he came out from under the blankets to smile at him. “Just lie back and let me handle this, hm?” But Jack blushed and shook his head, pulling Ralph up and clinging to him. “Baby?”

Jack hugged him for a few moments before he looked into his eyes. “It feels too good,” he breathed, and he buried his face in the other’s neck. “Will you go slow? I…almost came and it was so soon and you’re just so perfect a-and I uh…Mmm…” He trailed off as Ralph slid his tongue into his ear and a hand between his legs, and he leaned heavily against him.

“I want it to be special, too,” Ralph breathed, and he grinned when Jack gave him a teary look. “Is it too soon?” He was not surprised when Jack looked away in embarrassment, and he smiled, his fingers wrapping around Jack’s length. “How about this?”

Jack swallowed nervously and gave a nod, wanting to be touched but much too self-conscious for what they had been doing earlier. He was glad Ralph did not think he was stupid. He lifted his arms and wrapped them around Ralph’s neck as the other’s hand began to move, stroking him, and he sought to kiss him. Not a moment later their tongues were swirling about one another, the kiss a sloppy, feverish affair as Ralph’s hand moved beneath the blanket. This was much better, Jack thought, because he was not so embarrassed, and he felt so small in Ralph’s arms. It was a wonderful experience, being so cared for in this way, and he moaned into Ralph’s mouth as droplets of pre-ejaculate dampened the other’s hand.

Ralph watched Jack as he kissed him, his eyes half-open. Jack looked as though nothing had ever felt so wonderful, and he could tell that Jack would not last long at all by the curling of his toes and the way he kept arching into the touches. “R-Ralph I’m not g-gonna la—”

“I know. Don’t worry,” Ralph whispered, and he kissed him again, his tongue delving deeply into the other’s mouth and tasting his sleep and their previous kisses. He could feel Jack’s fingernails scratching between his shoulders, and he smiled as Jack began to spasm.

“Oh God,” Jack whispered as he pulled away from the kiss and he buried his face in Ralph’s chest as the heat pooled in his groin released in a burst of hot seed onto Ralph’s hand and all over his own stomach. He leaned back in the pillows and drew in a deep breath to keep from calling out, feeling tremors begin to run through his whole body as he came down from his temporary high.

Ralph grinned and took the blanket off the top of them so it would not become soaked, and he leaned down to kiss Jack gently before he fetched a few tissues and gave them to Jack. “Clean yourself up a bit, love. I’m gonna go wash my hands.” He started to move away, but Jack grabbed him by the arm and pulled him back. “Hm?”

Jack leaned in and kissed him, reaching up to touch his hair. When he pulled back, he looked into Ralph’s eyes and smiled. “Thank you,” he whispered, and he pushed him a little. “Go. Wash your hands…”

Ralph hurried and came back into the bedroom, crawling in bed and pulling Jack into his arms. “It’s late, Jack. Sorry for waking you up.” He smiled a little and tugged the blankets over them.

“Thanks for waking me up,” Jack laughed quietly, and he curled up to Ralph, finding his hands. “Hey…Ralph?” Ralph looked inquisitively at him and leaned in to kiss his cheek, but Jack could not seem to say anything. “Nothing. I’m just glad you’re here is all…”

Ralph watched him for a few moments before he nodded and leaned over Jack again, looking down into his eyes and swallowing before he shakily kissed his lips. Jack’s eyes widened—he had thought for sure that they were finished—it was obvious that Ralph was upset over his earlier dreams. “Don’t want to go back to sleep?” Jack asked as Ralph kissed his temples, though he certainly was not complaining.

Ralph stopped then, though, and he shook his head. “Not that; I just…nevermind. Go to sleep, Jack.” He pulled back and turned away, much to Jack’s confusion. When he felt the redhead’s hand on his shoulder, he did not turn back over.

Jack lay down behind him, spooning against him and wrapping his arm around his waist. “It’s okay,” he whispered into Ralph’s ear, and when he felt Ralph give a little jerk, he knew he was crying over something. Jack always liked to think of Ralph as the strong one, the one who would never break down, but he realized in that moment that Ralph was just as fucked in the head as he was.

The next thing he knew, he was waking up to streaming sunshine in the room, eyes opening to find that Ralph was still fast asleep. He heard the phone ringing in the apartment—that must have been what woke him—and he crawled carefully out of bed before he ran to pick up the phone. “Hallo?”

Immediately he was assaulted with hysteria, someone on the other end screaming and sobbing, and he knew immediately whom it was. “Sam, Sam…Okay. We’ll help you, okay? Just…Yes, we’ll come in a little while. You hang tight there, okay?” He blinked as the phone on the other end cut out, and he hung up the receiver. When he turned around, he saw Ralph sitting on the end of the bed, staring down at the carpet and yawning. “Ralph, we need to go to the hospital soon…We don’t have to go yet though. Sam needs time alone with Eric, I think.”

Ralph looked up to Jack and nodded his head a little before he looked back to the floor. He did not move when Jack sat down beside him, but when Jack reached around and took him close, he turned his face into the other’s neck. “Come on,” Jack whispered, and he turned Ralph’s face up, looking in his eyes for a moment before he kissed him for a long time. When he drew back for breath, he patted Ralph’s thigh. “Let’s go have a bath. We smell terrible.”

Ralph smiled at that, and he nodded before he stood up and headed for the bathroom, blinking as Jack caught him from behind and whipped him around. “Jack,” he laughed quietly, and as he was turned around, he wrapped his arms around Jack’s waist. “What are yo---mm God…” he moaned, for Jack had attached his mouth to Ralph’s neck and rendered him speechless. Ralph’s right hand reached out to grasp the bathroom doorway, and he moved to lean against it as Jack noshed him in this manner. “Wh-what are you doing?” His voice was shaky and giggly, and he exhaled sharply as Jack’s tongue flicked his ear.

“Stop being depressed, damn it. Eric woke up this morning. They think he’s going to be just fine…” He smiled and looked up into Ralph’s eyes. “You’re stressed out and having nightmares and you need a vacation,” he breathed, and he grinned as Ralph’s eyes brightened.

Ralph nodded and went into the bathroom, smirking at Jack as he started the shower. “Now, we have to actually take a shower…We can do filthy things to one another later…I need to get to the hospital soon, whether you say I do or not.” He climbed in under the hot water and grabbed the shampoo, emptying a silver dollar-sized amount into his palm before lathering it through his hair. When Jack joined him, he looked back over his shoulder at him and smirked. “Was Sam excited?”

Jack snorted as he began to wash as well. “Sam was hysterical. I could hardly understand a single thing he said,” he said, and he grabbed the soap, washing off all over. Ralph watched him appreciatively for a moment before he rinsed his hair and then stole the soap from him. “I hope Eric will be okay…”

When Jack said that, Ralph realized just how hard this must be for Jack. He had always been against Samneric, always thought that everyone hated him (and for the most part, they had), and now he was expected to be in the middle of everything. Ralph quickly washed then reached out to draw Jack a little closer in the hot water. “You don’t have to go to the hospital, you know,” he said quietly, and he gave him a squeeze.

Jack shook his head. “No, I want to go,” he said quietly. “I want to…yanno, apologize to Eric. I’m glad he’s going to make it,” he declared, and he pushed Ralph out of the stream of water. “Move. You’re hogging it.” He rinsed his hair out and pushed it behind his ears before he stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around himself. “Hurry up, pouf.”

Ralph snorted and rinsed off quickly before he got out of the shower and dried himself off. “I don’t think you are one to talk, sir,” he laughed, and he went, towel-clad, into the bedroom. “Need something to wear?” He began to dig through his closet, pulling out a pair of trousers and a polo for himself.

Jack shook his head and pulled on the clothes he had worn yesterday. “No. You’re smaller than me.” He laughed as he was hit in the head with a shirt, and he threw it on the bed. “Tosser. Leave me alone.” He buttoned his trousers and sat down, waiting for Ralph to finish dressing. When he had, he stood up and kissed him on the cheek. “Let’s go…”