Okay folks I edited the whole story and took out all the author’s notes. Sadly I did not update --;, but as soon as I get some inspiration I will update!

Disclaimer: I don’t own Austin Powers, James Bond, IHOP or the MGM Grand Hotel

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CHAPTER 1

MI6 HQ, Scotland

Britain’s top secret agent, number double-O seven James Bond made his way to the office of M, his boss, for the briefing of his next mission. He opened a solid maple door to enter a small office with a brunette woman sitting at a desk, her fingers typing away at the keyboard of the computer. “Good morning Moneypenny,” Bond greeted the woman politely. “Morning James,” Miss Moneypenny replied back. “You’d better go on in; you’re late and I’m not surprised.” Bond nodded and proceeded into M’s office. “About time double-O seven,” M greeted grimly. “Nice to see you too,” Bond replied sardonically. M cleared her throat (A/N- I’m using the Judi Dench ‘M’),“Now about you’re next assignment, we’re teaming you up with another English agent for this assignment. Apparently, one of Ernst Stavro Blofeld’s clones was discovered in the United States not too long ago.”

“I could’ve sworn we’d killed him and his clones,” said Bond. “Well apparently we didn’t,” M continued, “He’s teamed up with the other agent’s nemesis and we don’t know what they’re planning. You and your new partner must find out what they are doing, and once you’ve done so, we will find a way to stop whatever it is.” “Just one question... who is my new partner?” Bond inquired. “His name is Austin Powers.”

Meanwhile, Austin Powers himself was getting briefed on his new partner as well. “Austin, Dr. Evil is at it again!” Basil Exposition exclaimed. “What’s he doing this time?” Austin asked. “He’s teamed up with a clone of a deadly enemy of our government. Have you ever heard of S.P.E.C.T.R.E?” “Special Executive for Counterintelligence, terrorism, revenge and extortion?” Basil nodded, “Yes, and they’re somewhere in the United States, preferably on the West Coast, maybe Nevada or Washington.” “Don’t worry, I’ll stop that maniac!” Austin declared. “Wait, Austin, there’s one more thing,” Basil cleared his throat, “you’ll be assigned a partner to help you on your mission by MI6. His name... James Bond...”

Seattle, Washington

“Gentlemen,” Dr. Evil said, swinging around in his rotating chair to face his table of henchmen. Frau Farbissina cleared her throat. “And Frau,” Dr. Evil added. “We are here in my new and improved lair... well, it’s not new but you get the point. Once again we are using the Starbucks tower as our secret hideout, and once again I will try... and most likely fail to kill Austin Powers!” “So, doctor, what is our plan?” Frau asked, speaking with a thick German accent.

“I would like to introduce you to my new partner.” The men and women gathered around the table heard a door open in the upstairs area behind Dr. Evil. “For years and years he has been making clones of himself in order to confuse and destroy the famous British agent James Bond. His name... Ernst Stavro Blofeld, the head of S.P.E.C.T.R.E.” A bald man wearing a similar gray military style suit that Dr. Evil wore came down the metal stairs, carrying a white Angora cat in his arms, which sported a diamond-studded collar. “Mr. Blofeld, allow me to introduce my team,” Dr. Evil said when Blofeld sat down next to Dr. Evil’s pint-sized clone, Mini-Me. “Number 2, Frau Farbissina, and our newest members, Number 2’s niece, Number 4, our triplet guards, Huey, Dewy and Louie, and our two assassins, Mr. Flint and Mr. Minor. Also, this,” he gestured to his right, “is Mini-Me and my evil kitty Mr. Bigglesworth.”

“It is an honor to meet you Mr. Blofeld,” said a man with an eye patch politely, “I’m a huge fan of your work.” “As am I Number 2,” Dr. Evil stated. “Gentlemen, as I was saying earlier,” the evil (A/N: I guess you can say that) genius continued, “this is our time to shine! This is the day we will kill Austin Powers!” And he began to laugh manically, motioning for everyone else to join in with him. Everyone but Blofeld began to laugh. When they finally stopped, Blofeld had a strange look on his face, “do you always do that?” “Why yes, we do, it’s like our evil trademark,” Dr. Evil explained. And then they began to laugh again. Blofeld sighed, and sighed, rubbing his temples, “I’m surrounded by morons.”

Seattle, Washington (again)

Austin was searching the city of Seattle for his new partner, 007, dressed in his usual blue 1960’s style suit (A/N: I forgot what it’s called). He spotted the sophisticated spy near the Starbucks sky scraper wearing a black suit with a forest green tie. Austin approached Mr. Bond, “are we on a mission or a business trip?” “This is my cover,” Bond replied simply. “I am Robert Denver and you are Alan Hale (1).” “Alright then,” Austin said and then added, “Bob.”

Little did the duo know, two of Blofeld and Dr. Evil’s henchmen were eavesdropping on their conversation, hiding in the alley where Austin and Bond were in the dumpster. When the two spies left, one of the henchmen kicked open the dumpster lid while the other one phoned Number 2.

Number 2 heard his cell phone ringing and flipped it open, “yes?” “Powers is here, and he’s got help.” “From who?” “James Bond.” Number 2 remained quiet for a moment. “Sir…?” “Kill them both. And don’t make a scene.” “Yes sir.” They both hung up.

Some hotel or something in Seattle

“We need to figure out what Dr. Evil is planning,” Austin declared firmly. “I have a friend with the CIA who can help,” Bond told him. “But we’ll need to fly to Nassau.” “That’s okay; it gives me an excuse to fly in my Jumbo Jet again!” Austin grinned and Bond tried not to look at his teeth

Just then there was a loud knock on the door. Out of instinct, Austin pulled out a silver pistol. “Calm down partner,” Bond said calmly. Bond quietly approached the double doors of the hotel room. “Who is it?” “UPS, package for a Mister Bond!” They heard that the man had a Scottish accent

“Okay, come in!” Austin shouted. “No! Wait!” But double-O 7 was too late. The door was kicked open and a very large and immensely overweight red haired-man holding a machine gun. “Surprise!” the man shouted. “Fat Bastard!” Austin exclaimed, somewhat surprised. “Prepare to die!” the fat bastard screamed and pointed his weapon at the two secret agents. His sausage-like finger was about to squeeze the trigger when…

“Wait!” Austin shouted. “Look, it’s Jared Fogle!” (2)

“Really?” F.B. started glancing around the room, searching for Mr. Fogle. “I wanna try out the new diet-”

Austin interrupted him by running up to him and giving him a Judo chop, yelling “Judo Chop!”

The blow from the Judo chop caused F.B. to become angered, and he started to attack the duo but was stopped by the sound of a gun shot. Bond and Austin blinked, confused. F.B fell over onto his stomach, a bullet now in his back, creating a massive earthquake, or what seemed like it. Once he was on the ground it was revealed to be…

“Felix!” Bond said, relief coming over him. Maybe I won’t have to be alone with this idiot, he thought.

“Sorry I’m late double-O 7, it was Funnel Cake carnival at IHOP,” Felix explained. “So, what do you say we start investigating, hm?”

Felix led the duo downstairs.

“I saw one of Dr. Evil’s henchmen in a casino in Vegas-”

“You were in Vegas too?”

“Yeah, that’s where the IHOP was.”

Bond raised an eyebrow and thought bitterly; maybe I am working with more than one idiot.

“Anyway,” Felix continued, “the one at the casino was the President of VirtueCon, and he wore an eye patch.”

“Number 2,” Austin piped up.

“Exactly,” Felix said.

“So what’s the plan?” Austin asked.

“The plan is to go to Las Vegas and find out what they’re planning. We’ll have to sneak into VirtueCon in clever disguises.”

“Sounds easy enough,” Bond replied.

“Let’s take the Jumbo Jet!” Austin suggested.

“Right, onto Vegas!” Felix shouted, raising a fist into the air.

“God help me,” Bond muttered. What the hell happened to Felix anyway?

Las Vegas, Nevada

It was a marvelous evening in Sin City when the Jumbo Jet arrived in the McCarran International Airport.

Although the airport smelled of cigarette smoke and the men’s bathroom, the bright and colorful lights of the Las Vegas strip seen from the windows were truly amazing.

The trio was staying in the MGM Grand Hotel. There cover story was that they were three cousins who were spending a week in Vegas to gamble, get drunk and do stupid things like all other Americans when they go to the gambling capital.

When they arrived in the room much to their dismay they discovered that there was only one bed. Austin, Felix and Bond glanced at each other in sheer horror.

“Well, we all know who gets the bed,” Bond stated flatly.

“He’s right, so I’ll be taking it,” Felix replied.

“Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa,” Austin interrupted.

“Who said you could have it?”

“Obviously James was referring to me when he made that statement.”

“Obviously you were dropped on your head as a child. British Intelligence before American Intelligence.”

“If you two are done going at it,” Bond interjected.

“I’ll be taking the bed. You two can fight to the death for the couch.”

The stiff secret agent secretly found their antics to be quite amusing, but kept a serious face. He had to focus on the mission. He had to find a way to destroy the leader of SPECTRE once and for all.

“Get your suits on boys,” Felix told them.

“We’re going gambling!”

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Robert "Bob" Denver was Gilligan on Gilligan's Island

Alan Hale Jr. was the Skipper on Gilligan's Island

Jared Fogle is the Subway spokesman. This is before Goldmember and the Subway diet scene.

I still need some inspiration for the next part so if anyone can help me it would be greatly appreciated!