Wild Cherry Chews

OH MY GAWD AERIS IS UPDATING.

It's KOS-MOS rox's birthday again! This means ShionxAllen insanity. –insert wink here-

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I LOVE YOU.
Just like the way Shion leuhv-ed Kevvy. Except not. Not at all.

Er. I don't own Pepsi. Or any of this. –sadfacehere- WAIT I OWN SKIPPY.

xxo

chapitre cinq:
tragidiculous drunken stupor

Allen paced back and forth outside of a door, glancing up at it every few steps. He fidgeted with his sleeves, muttering to himself incoherently. The doorknob of the door rattled slightly, and he stopped abruptly, looking up. The door swung open and a wide man stood at the door, a stupid look on his face.

"Come in, the boss is ready to see you," he announced in a deep voice, a mass of smoke slipping out of the room and assaulting Allen, who in turn blinked rapidly and choked a bit. The man stepped aside and Allen entered the room, which was dark and smoky. Allen approached the desk in the middle of the room and waited.

"So, you wanted to talk to me?" Another man managed to ask, twirling around in his spinny chair and glancing up at Allen, slurping up ramen loudly, his large eyes showing curiosity. Allen gulped as he watched the man put down a bowl.

"Uh, well, I-uh-yeah…sir."

SLUUURP.

"Don't call me sir, Allen. No need for formalities. Call me-" The man snapped, and a group of women came rushing over from the corners of the room towards him. They all sighed gustily and a few moaned as they stroked his shoulders, hair, arms, anything they could get their hands on.

"Skiiiippyy," they sighed in unison. A smirk was plastered on Skippy's lips as Allen just stared at him, a look of disbelief on his face.

"Uh. O…kay… Mr. Skippy, would it be alright if I took tonight and tomorrow off?" Allen questioned, scratching the back of his head nervously. Skippy froze in the midst of reaching for his bowl of ramen and stared at Allen darkly. The women gasped and took a step backwards. There was a long awkward silence until Skippy shuffled his feet under his desk and clicked his tongue.

"…Sure!" He said casually, picking up his ramen and slurping again, his eyes gazing innocently at Allen.

"Th-Thanks," Allen replied awkwardly, seeming surprised with his boss's answer. There was another silence.

"Was that all?" Skippy inquired, with another long slurp. Allen nodded.

"Uhm, yeah, that's it."

"Alrighty then," Skippy said, waving towards the door, dismissing Allen. The brown-haired man stumbled backwards towards the door a bit and reached for the doorknob.

"Oh, and Allen," his boss said suavely, setting down the bowl of soup, "do me a favor." Allen turned around.

"Yes?"

"Get me a picture of those wonderful breasticles," Skippy said with a smirk. Allen was stunned for a moment, but then nodded.

"Uh… o-okay," he muttered, walking out of the door, hearing Skippy chuckling in a creepy way behind him as he clicked the door shut. He stood in the hall, wondering if Skippy had been serious or not. He decided not to return into the room behind him when he heard giggles and squeals from the women that had been stroking Skippy pointlessly. The door flung open and Skippy poked his head out.

"Here," he said, handing Allen a digital camera. "Use this."

"Bluugh?" Allen stammered out, his brain melting into a puddle of useless.

"For the picture, you tard!" Skippy roared and then slammed the door in Allen's face. Allen stood in shock for a few moments, then pulled the camera up to look through it, at the pictures. There were multiple pictures of him wearing tight black shirts reading "Thursday" and "Alexisonfire" accompanied with girl jeans, dramatic black eyeliner, and hair hanging in his face. Allen stared at the pictures confusedly on the display. Skippy poked his head out of the door again.

"Rawr," he said, making his eyes wide, causing Allen to yelp and jump. His boss laughed and went back into the room, slamming the door again. The slam was followed by yet more giggles and squeals. He looked back down at the camera and flipped to yet another picture and made a face. There was a black and white picture of Skippy holding a razor blade in his mouth and his lip bleeding. He was holding a piece of paper that said "I bleed black" on it in scrawny, messy lettering.

"Oh, God, please be kidding," Allen muttered looking at the picture disgustedly. He fiddled with the camera, finally turned it off and shoved it into his pocket. He stood silently for a moment, pondering what to do, until his cell phone began vibrating in his pocket. He jumped a bit at the sudden feeling and pulled it out of his pocket and answered it.

"Ridgeley here," he said, walking away from the room he'd been in minutes before.

"Hey you," came a sultry voice, followed by a clang. "OH JESUS!"

"Shion?" Allen asked, for he hadn't looked at the ID when his phone rang.

"Yeah, I'm the only one who's gonna call you and try to sound all sexy… Unless there's something I don't know," Shion joked, sounding strained.

"Are you alright?" He inquired gently, leaning against a wall.

"Suuure, just dropped a pan on my foot. Other than that I'm dandy," the woman on the other line said. Allen couldn't help but laugh at his girlfriend's expense.

"So, did you get tonight off? Well… You're obviously getting off tonight but, I meant work," She said flirtatiously. Allen laughed.

"You bet," he exclaimed blankly and began walking down the hall towards the exit.

"Right. So when are you going to be here?"

"Sometime within the hour… I've got a few errands to run," he said to Shion, giving Jon, the man at the door, a two-fingered wave as he exited the dark building and stepped into the alley outside of the Second Miltia mafia headquarters. Shion let out an 'mmm' of understanding and there was a silence as Allen stepped out of the alley, onto the sidewalk. He pulled his keys out of his back pocket as he approached his car.

"Well, I'll see you tonight, alright?" Allen exclaimed, looking for the right key.

"Oh yes, and, don't forget…" Shion trailed off and her voice dropped down to the sexy low tone she'd used when Allen had first answered the phone, "I've got a nice surprise for you tonight." Allen's eyes widened and he dropped his keys. He dropped down to his knees to get the keys from the ground, and slammed his head on the side of his car accidentally. He yelped and nearly dropped the phone.

"Ummm, are you okay?" Shion asked. Allen groaned in response and grabbed his keys, carefully standing up. He heard someone laughing beside him and glanced over to see a small child with a lollipop.

"I hope you choke," Allen muttered, unlocking his car and climbing into the driver's seat. There was a short pause and Shion coughed.

"Oh, yeah, sorry, I'm fine, I just hit my head," he said, starting up his vehicle. "Alright, I'm in the car now, and I'll be leaving in a minute, so… I'll see you tonight."

"Okay. Bye," Shion muttered distractedly, clanging and other random noises dominating the background noise. Allen pulled the phone away from his ear and hung up, revving his car's engine up. He turned the stereo on and began singing loudly with the words as soon as he caught on to which part the song had been at.

"Leeet me seee that thoooong! Babyyy! That thong tha-thong-thong-thong!"

xxo

It was a dull Friday evening, and the dinner rush had not yet started. Momo was sitting at the bar with a damp rag, tapping her fingers on the counter with her lips pursed. There was a TV hanging above the other side of the bar and a soccer game was on, but she quite frankly couldn't care less. She had decided to distract herself with the silverware in front of her. She was making them dance to the tune of the music being played throughout the restaurant.

"Momo?" Came a voice from behind her. She dropped the silverware, twirled around in the spinny seat, almost falling off, and then looked up at the person. Her mother was standing next to Ziggy, her hands clasped together in front of her.

"Um, yes?" Her eyes flickered between her mother and her sort-of-dad-kind-of-person-but-not-really. Juli walked over to the seat beside Momo and sat down, gently placing her hands upon the girl's knees.

"Honey, we have to tell you something," Juli finally said. Momo glanced at her blankly.

"Alright."

"Um. Well. Sometimes, when two people get to know each other, they have strong feelings for each other, and it can be known as love."

"Mom, I'm nineteen, not four," Momo complained, giving her mother an exasperated look. Juli sighed.

"Alright, well, Ziggy and I have been dating for three months," she said, feeling a wave of awkward wash over her. Momo stared at her blankly.

"…That's it?"

"Um, well, yes, honey," Juli stammered.

"I already knew that," Momo replied, giving her mother a look that read 'you dumbass' and turned back around in her seat and played with her silverware, making them breakdance. Ziggy watched the silverware in interest, wondering if perhaps he could take up a job as a part-time breakdancer. He was soon lost in the spinning silver goodness of the moment, at least until Juli hopped off the seat and grabbed his hand and pulled him out of his ghetto reverie. The couple took a few steps, then Juli stopped and turned to Momo.

"Oh, and by the way, we're all going to dinner tonight, kay?" She said enthusiastically, smiling at her daughter. Momo didn't turn around in her seat to face her mother, but instead let out a noise that sounded slightly like a chicken squawking and kept playing with the silverware. The door to the restaurant swung open and in sauntered a man decked out in accessories that screamed 'I like dark alleyways and knife fights get me hot'. He wore a big dark grey trench coat, a pair of aviator sunglasses and a hat with some white hair poking out from under it. Momo spun around in her chair to face him.

"Hi. Welcome to Hooters. Just one?" She asked politely, a fake smile on her face. The man didn't respond, but approached her slowly. Her smile faded away and she stared at the man confusedly. When he was standing perfectly in front of her, he reached into his trenchcoat. Momo stifled back a gasp and attempted to get up.

"OH GAWD DON'T SHOOT-" She began screaming. The man whipped out a piece of paper from his jacket and Momo's squealing ceased immediately, and she instead let out a little 'oh' noise. The man extended the paper to her, and she realized it wasn't just a piece of paper. It was a ticket.

And this ticket was to the biggest show around in years.

It was time to Get Chewed with Erotic Bubble gum.

"Is this-?" When Momo glanced up to see the man, he was gone. Her eyes widened greatly, and wondered how he'd left without the door making any sort of noise. It was creepy, and he was her savior. She smiled and looked back down at the ticket, suppressing a (fan)girly squeal. Quickly, she threw off her Hooters apron and sprinted out the door, hair flying behind her. The man popped up, standing from the counter he'd been hiding behind, chewing a piece of gum almost violently. Juli walked up to the bar, looking at him curiously.

"Um. May I help you?" She inquired, looking confused. He looked at her through his dark sunglasses for a moment.

"Nerp!" He squeaked, then jumped onto the bartop, sliding over and exiting the restaurant. Juli stood silently for a moment, then turned around and slipped into the bar, waiting for the dinner rush… Little did she know, that night the city would lack a dinner rush due to the biggest show in years.

However, she also had no idea that she would have dinner that night with the lack of her daughter's presence.

xxo

"S'cuse me, yo, hey, man, what's up, can I get a hot dog?" A man called out loudly from the back of a line of perhaps six people. The people in front of him turned around, death glares plastered on their faces. The one man gave them a glare that challenged even that of Helmer's… Wait, the man was Helmer!

"Say wh-nyaa-whuu?" chaos stammered, looking at him confusedly.

The Unfortunate chaos was stuck in the Second Miltia capitol park, at a hot dog vendor's stand and selling weenies like he had no other passion. Could he feel any more stupid? Of course he could. He was forced to wear an apron with a picture of a smiling hot dog cheaply embroidered on it and a plain white tee shirt. His outfit was complete with a little paper hat perched atop his head neatly and pink oven mitts. Why he needed fluffy pink oven mitts to sell hot dogs he would never know. It certainly hadn't been in the job description when he'd applied.

"I want a hot dog, whitie!" Helmer bellowed, baring his dangerously white teeth at all of the people in line in front of him. Each of them scuttled away in terror, afraid to glance at the man who'd once been at the back of the line. Once he stood at the front, right in front of chaos, he looked down with a smile.

"Howdy there, chaos," he said happily, his tongue sticking out. chaos lifted an eyebrow and was almost at a loss for words.

"Er… Hi, Helmer. What would you like?"

"Do you have filet mignon flavored hot dogs, bitch?" Helmer inquired curiously, blinking like an innocent little kid. chaos's eyebrows furrowed.

"…I don't think so," he said carefully. Helmer made a face.

"Uhh, gimme a Super Dog with extra chili and ketchup," Helmer said, looking up at the nonexistent menu, pointing at what perhaps could be the left side of it. chaos stared at him blankly for a moment, then opened a heated container, pulling out a hot dog. He dished all of the condiments out perfectly atop the hot dog. Helmer watched him in interest, jaw hanging open. He squirted some extra ketchup on after smothering it in chili, and extended it to Helmer.

"Would you like anything to drink?" chaos asked, bored. Helmer stared up once again at the invisible menu.

"Neh, I'm already drunk enough."

"Um. We don't sell alcoholic beverages, I wasn't talking about that…" chaos told Helmer, who seemed to be absolutely fascinated with the nonexistent menu.

A man stood in line behind him, tapping his foot. A few moments passed, Helmer looking incredibly stupid.

"Can we please finish this? I've got a meeting to get to in ten minutes," the man complained, giving chaos an annoyed look.

"Excuse me?" Helmer muttered, turning around angrily. "Say it again and I'mma bust a cap in yo fool ass!" He roared, looking like he was about to, well, quite frankly, bust a cap. The man's knees trembled, and he sprinted away holding his briefcase in his arms.

"OH GOD, DON'T KILL ME!" He screamed. chaos sighed.

"Helmer, I know you've got your dangerous nature and all, but could you please not scare away the customers anymore? The more customers that scream like girls and run to their mothers, the less I get paid," chaos said sadly, looking regretful as he held out the hot dog in his hand. Helmer scrunched his nose up.

"Why are you workin' as a hot dog vendor anyway, eh?" He asked.

"At least I'm not a birthday box," chaos replied, crossing his arms. "And, really, please, I need customers."

"If you insist," Helmer said with a sigh. "Oh, and give me a Pepsi." He took the hot dog and chaos opened the cooler side of the stand, pulling out a bottle of Pepsi. He realized he soaked his fluffy pink mitt and frowned. He handed the bottle to Helmer, then tossed off his mitt.

"It's on the house. I guess," chaos said, knowing fully well that Helmer wouldn't pay.

"Damn straight it is! Ain't nobody gonna charge a man who work fo' Second Miltia!" Helmer said loudly, his mouth full of food. chaos blinked slowly as some of the food in his mouth was spit out onto his apron. Gee, was he glad he had that or what? There was a long silence, aside from Helmer's loud chewing. chaos looked up at Helmer blankly, and noticed his red eyes.

"Um. Helmer, are you okay?" He inquired almost gently. He didn't want to be smacked verbally today and decided not to sound like an idiot. Helmer stopped eating and his eyes watered up, dropping his hot dog with a loud whine.

"Nooo! I'm not okay, chaos!" He cried, sniffling. chaos stared at him in astonishment as he began crying like a small child.

"Um…There, there?" chaos tried, patting Helmer on top of his shiny bald head in comfort, confusedly.

"Nugh… She…she said horrible things to me about my mother… then dumped me," Helmer blubbered helplessly, sniffing. chaos's face contorted in complete and total confusion. What was he talking about?

"Who did?" He asked. In response, Helmer muttered inaudibly and whimpered pathetically a few times. "Uh. What?"

"BEYONCE! The singing temptress! Oh, that wicked woman and her alluring ways!" He shrieked, voice shaky and high pitched. chaos heaved a loud sigh.

It was going to be one long day…

xxo

"Hey, ba-a-by," a voice rang out along with the slam of a door. Allen looked around the empty bit of the hall, and unbuttoned his jacket, slipping it off quickly. He could smell Shion's cooking, and he was quite pleased. It smelled of numerous herbs, and of course, her. He inhaled deeply, feeling immediately relaxed. As he kicked off his shoes, Shion appeared out of the kitchen, leaning lazily against the wall. When Allen's eyes met the sight of her, he nearly dropped the coat he was holding in his hands. She was dressed in a short, slinky black cocktail dress, the neck dipping down to her chest, a small amount of cleavage visible and her hair was let loose, but curled to perfection, ringlets framing her face. Allen's jaw dropped as his eyes skimmed over her body. She smiled and approached him slowly, almost painfully. When she was right in front of him, her smile transformed into a sultry smirk. She leaned up on her toes and gave him a kiss on the lips.

"Damn," Allen managed to stutter out after their lips parted. Shion laughed a little bit as she turned away, walking back into the kitchen, bare feet padding against the linoleum. Allen followed her closely, like a lovesick puppy. He was surprised when he walked into the kitchen. She'd set up the high counter as their dinner table. All the food was arranged neatly, and there were candles lit all around the kitchen. Once again, his girlfriend had astounded him beyond all reason.

"Wow, you really went all out for this, didn't you?" Allen inquired, looking at Shion, who was standing beside him. She nodded proudly, eyes glittering in the candlelight. He grabbed her arm and pulled her into him, embracing her tightly. "It looks amazing." Allen leaned down and placed a kiss on her lips. Shion's arms wrapped around him and she returned the kiss happily. Allen's tongue ran along her lips and she laughed a bit, hitting him in the chest and pushing him away.

"I made this for us to eat it, not for it to just sit there and look delicious!" She complained, pulling herself out of Allen's arms. They both took a seat at the counter and began eating their meals. When Allen took the first bite of his whatever it was, he moaned loudly and looked at Shion, who had stopped with her fork halfway to her mouth, and eyebrow arched.

"Foodgasm!" Allen moaned, chewing the food in his mouth slowly. Shion slowly put the forkful of food into her mouth and chewed as well.

"I'm glad you like it," Shion exclaimed after she took a sip of her glass of wine. There was a long silence between them as Allen continued to scarf down his food as if he'd never eat again. When he began choking, he grabbed his glass of wine and chugged the entire thing quickly. He set the glass down and looked up at Shion for a moment, then resumed desperately eating. Silence consumed them again, until Shion let out a little cough. Allen glanced up at her.

"…So, um… I broke someone's window today," Shion explained casually. Allen stopped shoveling food into his mouth and gave her an exasperated look, swallowing.

"Shion, how many times do I have to tell you not to break people's windows with baseball bats?" He asked with a deep sigh. Shion shook her head almost violently.

"No! No, no, no, this time it was someone's car window! With a rock!"

"Oh. Okay."

"How was your day?" Allen asked, refraining from eating desperately for a moment. Shion shrugged.

"Relatively uninteresting. I spent most of the day cooking," she admitted, a little smile on her face. "How about yours? What'd you do?"

"Same old thing. Sold some drugs, robbed a bank, saved a kitten from a tree," he joked. Shion laughed a little bit. There was another pause, and then Allen finished off his food and glanced up at Shion expectantly.

"Dessert?" She asked, pushing her chair back.

"You know it," Allen said with an excited nod. He figured Shion would pull a delicious pie out of absolutely nowhere (just like chaos and his stick) or perhaps she would set a bowl of jello on the table for Allen to engorge in, however, she disappeared from the kitchen and there was silence in the room. Allen looked to the candle beside him in boredom, fascinating himself with the flickering of the flame.

"Flicky, flicky, flicky," he said, eyes wide. He was staring at it so intensely he didn't notice Shion slip back into the kitchen. She cleared her throat loudly, and Allen jerked his head up and looked at her. He nearly fell off of his seat.

Shion was wearing nothing but lacy undergarments and was holding a can of whip cream in one hand and a bottle of Hershey's chocolate syrup in the other. Allen whistled once he regained himself.

"Bow chicka wow wow," He sang, looking her up and down. Shion's eyebrows furrowed at her boyfriend in confusion.

"What?" She asked. Allen had to rub his eyes to see if he was imagining things...and indeed after he rubbed his eyes, he realized he was imagining it quite a bit. Shion was standing at the fridge with her dress on and a pie in her hands. Allen pouted a bit then returned to staring at the candle. Shion slid the pie onto the counter and leaned on her elbows, looking at him.

"Were you hoping for a different kind of dessert?" She inquired, eyes big. Allen's attention immediately was turned to her in curiosity.

"Mhm?" He immediately sat up straight, eyes wide and focused perfectly on his girlfriend. She turned around and opened the fridge, pulling out that amazing can of whip cream Allen had been hallucinating. He attempted not to grin when she turned around and sprayed some on her index finger. She sucked it off with her eyes boring into Allen's. He laughed in an overly creepy way and moved around the counter to his girlfriend with a dangerous grin on his face. He grabbed the can and quickly sprayed it down her dress. She squealed and ran around to the other side of the counter, attempting to scoop out the cream. Allen ran around to the side as well and hugged Shion tightly, smashing the whip cream down her bra. She groaned in annoyance, the sensation on her chest uncomfortable.

"Uncomfy, are we?" Allen inquired with a toothy grin. Shion nodded and attempted to give him a glare. Instead, she burst out into giggles and Allen pulled the dress up over her head roughly, exposing her lacy undergarments. She blushed and attempted to cover herself up, only for Allen to pull her into a kiss. As soon as she began to kiss back, he broke their lip contact and gave little kisses from her jaw down to her chest, licking the whip cream up. She couldn't help but let out a bit of laughter. Allen stopped kissing her and looked up at her with a wink. She grabbed his hand and twirled around to the other side of him, her curls bouncing with every movement as she led him towards her room. He smoothly snaked his free hand into the pocket of his pants and pulled out the digital camera Skippy had supplied him with. A smirk worked its way onto his lips as Shion shut the door behind her.

"Say cheese, babe," he exclaimed, holding up the camera. She twisted into the sexiest pose she could think of, a nowhere-near-innocent smile on her face.

Oh, Allen was going to get one hell of a promotion.

xxo

-FALLS OVER-

I've finally updated! I don't even have anything to say. Do I? Yesh, yes I do.

Thank you to everybody who's reading this and is sticking with it right now, I know I didn't update for a year but I certainly didn't forget about it. I'll try and work on this story more, but I don't know when the next chapter will be up. I hope it'll be up before next year, but… honestly? I don't know, haha.

Reviews would make me happy indeed.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KOS-MOS ROX.

- Aeris (loves you)