Chapter 9: Unknown Title

Sorry, we couldn’t think of a title for this chapter.

Just being random. YAY SUGAR!

Sora, Donald, Goofy, Ryo, Andrea, Tarzan, and Clayton all left the tent. Sabor launched himself at the easy snack known as Clayton, but as soon as the cat saw Ryo draw her staff, it ran away. Once the thirty second fight was over, everyone arrived in a place covered in vines. There they found enough monkeys to sink a battle ship.

Tarzan started speaking monkey. Andrea pulled out a random monkey-to-human translator. “Kerchak, please listen to me. I know the nesting grounds are secret, but I trust them. You see, I want to help them because...because... well, Jane is too damn hot!” Kerchak didn’t respond.

Goofy leaned in and whispered to Donald, “Uh, did you think Jane was hot?”

Donald still watched the events unfold, but he replied curtly, “HELL NO! Her make up made her look queer.”

“Kerchak!” Tarzan begged. Kerchak looked away, towards the tree house. “Kerchak...” Tarzan sighed as the gorillas walked away.

Goofy whispered to the group, minus Clayton, who’d seemingly disappeared, “He seemed sorta distracted by somethin.”

“Was he looking toward the tree house?” Andrea whispered back.

It didn’t take long for the group to reach the tree house from where they had been. They just reached the wooden landing when they noticed Clayton aiming with his rifle. Knowing he was up to something, they all dashed to where Clayton was about to shoot.

Donald screamed like a mad man and grabbed Clayton’s rifle when he saw what the hunter was aiming for. A gorilla was spinning a globe, but fled when the bullet Clayton shot narrowly missed him.

“What’s the big idea, you big looby?!” Ryo snapped, hands on hips.

Tarzan saw Kerchak with the monkey that had almost became a trophy on Clayton’s wall. “Wait, Kerchak. Please!” Kerchak and the gorilla with him left.

“You don’t understand!” Clayton tried to explain. “I was only trying to... Ah! A snake slithered by, you see. I saved that poor gorilla’s life.”

“Saved that gorilla my ass!” Donald shouted.

“Yeah!” Andrea agreed. “The only snake here is the one slithering by Donald’s foot.”

Donald blinked, looked at the snake, and screamed like a little girl. He dived into Andrea’s arms, just as Sora and Ryo jumped into Goofy’s. Andrea glared at the duck. “Um... Hello...” Donald said sheepishly. Andrea just dropped him. “Ouch...”

Andrea then picked up the snake and put it into her pocket. Little did she know that ended up in your pocket. Yes, you, the reader. That moving lump in your pocket is the snake. Don’t worry, it’s not poisonous. Think of it as a thank you from Sora and the gang for reading their misadventures. ((Well, that was random.))((Why yes it was.))

Everybody walked back to the camp through the cliff. They saw Sabor cowering in a corner of the cliff, and then Sabor ran away. They reached the tent without any problem.

“How could you do such a thing!” Jane scolded Clayton when she’d learned from Goofy what he’d done.

“Now, Miss Porter, as I told you, I was not aiming at the gorilla,” Clayton said, trying to sound sweet.

Andrea started hacking up a lung. “Sorry,” she said, when everyone stared at her. “I’m allergic to BS. What? It’s a real serious medical condition! See?” She pulled out a certificate that said Allergic to BS on it.

“I forgot about that,” Ryo commented. “I’m only allergic to Creeper Plant pollen.”((Those are the Heartless plants from KHII and CoM))

Once again, Sora, Donald, and Goofy ignored the girls because they made no sense anyway.

“You are not to go near the gorillas again!” Jane shouted.

“All because of one mishap? Come, now...” Clayton stopped mid-sentence. Everyone was giving him the evilest of glares... Except Sora. He was giving him a puppy dog death stare, much like the ones Roxas of KHII is famous for. Clayton turned and stomped out of the tent, both embarrassed and frustrated. “What am I doing with these imbeciles? Blasted gorillas!” He shook his gun angrily. “I’ll hunt down every last one of them! I’ll track them down somehow.” He pulled out his pipe. “I’ll stake my life on it.”

There was a rustling sound, and then a gunshot. “Oh no, not again,” Donald commented. They rushed out of the tent, half-expecting to see a dead gorilla.

“Heartless!” Sora shouted, seeing a bunch of monkeys surrounding a single gorilla. Andrea pulled out a boatload of bananas from her pocket and tossed them to the Powerwilds, who started happily munching on them. Andrea then allowed Ryo the honors of pushing down the lever on the box, which resulted in the bananas, and thus the Powerwilds, exploding.

“Oh, I do hope Mr. Clayton is safe...” Jane whispered from the safety of the tent’s door.

There was yet another gunshot. Sora and friends rushed to the bamboo thicket they heard it from, where they found Clayton’s pipe. In Sabor’s mouth... with Sabor smoking it...

Donald took off his hat. “Well, that’s the end of Clayton... Okay guys, let’s leave.”

Ryo reached into Andrea’s pocket and pulled out a whip. “Bad kitty!” she shouted, snapping the whip. “You shouldn’t be smoking! It’s bad for you!”

“Gawrsh, you don’t even care that it ate Clayton?” Goofy inquired, watching as Ryo continued to whip the ground near Sabor.

“Hell no!” Ryo said, tossing the whip and grabbing a revolver from Andrea’s pocket. “He deserved everything he got!” She shot the ground near Sabor, scaring the poor creature. “But he shouldn’t be giving a poor kitty lung cancer like this!”

Sabor spit out the pipe and was going to run, when Ryo lassoed the creature. “You’re coming with me!” she said, retrieving the bottle of shrinking potion Andrea had stolen from Wonderland. She forced the wildcat to drink the potion, which ended with Sabor turning into a cute adorable little kitten. The kitten glowed, and then disappeared. “Can you say new summon?”

They returned to the tent moments later to give Jane the sad—or possibly happy—news. “Hey, where’s Jane?” Sora asked.

Goofy was the one to notice Tarzan’s nervous glancing around. “Gawrsh, what’s wrong, Tarzan?”

Tarzan looked up. “Something coming. Jane, danger. Jane near...” he thought for a moment, “near tree house.”

“Sounds like trouble. Let’s go,” Andrea said, turning toward the tent flap.

“Hey, when did monkey-boy become psychic?” Donald asked, but still followed everyone anyway.

In the spiral path around a large tree, they found Jane and the gorilla from earlier, who was apparently named Terk. They also found a very large black fruit surrounded by many a Powerwild.

“Hey Sora, dare you to eat that big black fruit there!” Andrea suggested. Sora did, and grew to the size of Godzilla. He stomped on the Heartless, crushing them instantly. He then shrunk down.

“Well, now we know what the growing potion in Wonderland’s made of,” Ryo commented.

“Drat! Why didn’t I eat it?” Andrea complained.

Jane and Terk escaped their prison and hugged Tarzan. “Clayton came to the tent, and... That’s the last thing I remember...”

“Clayton?!” Sora repeated, shocked.

“Well, at least he’s self-absorbed,” Andrea commented with a shrug. “He was probably too busy thinking of a way to skin the monkey than doing anything to you.”

Terk made a few monkey noises. Tarzan translated. “Gorillas trapped. Terk ran.”

“We must help the gorillas!” Jane cried.

They reached the cliffs without a ton of effort. There, the Heartless had surrounded the gorillas and Clayton was ready to shoot each one.

“No!” Sora shouted.

Clayton looked at Sora, no expression playing across his face.

“No is right,” Ryo commented. “He’s not dead and in my kitten’s tummy!”

“Not Clayton!” Tarzan cried. He made a few monkey noises, the same he’d first said to Sora when they’d met. “Not Clayton!”

The battle started. Randomly, Andrea’s cell phone rang. “WAIT!!” Andrea shouted, retrieving her phone from her pocket. Everything stopped, including a Powerwild in midair. The Heartless dropped to the ground with a thud.

Andrea turned on the cell phone. “Hello!” she said brightly. “Hey, Anna. Look, I’m kinda busy. Yeah, fighting Heartless. You know the deal. Yeah, yeah, I’ll get you your fricking cookies. Just don’t eat my Pocky. If you eat it, no cookies for you. Yeah, yeah, I love you too. See you! Oh! Ryo says hi!” she added when she saw Ryo waving. “Later.”

The fight resumed, this time without interruption. The Heartless were all destroyed, and Clayton was surrounded. He stepped back, and the wall blew up. He then lifted into the air as if riding an invisible bicycle.

“Dude! That’s so wrong on so many levels...” Andrea commented.

They killed the Stealth Sneak and Clayton easily with their combined effort. Clayton was ready to shoot one last shot right at Tarzan’s heart, but the Stealth Sneak Heartless landed right on top of him, killing Clayton instantly. A large heart flew out of the Stealth Sneak, and then vanished.

The FFVII victory music started playing, and Sora declared happily, “Hey! I think I learned Cure!”

“Oh my God, no way!” Andrea said sarcastically, with Ryo rolling her eyes. “O-M-G-W-T-F-B-B-Q.”

Kerchak and the gorillas approached from nowhere. Kerchak placed a hand on Sora’s shoulder and threw him, Donald, and Goofy into the next area.

Andrea pulled out an escalator. “We can get up there ourselves.” Andrea and Ryo rode the escalator up while Tarzan climbed up there himself.

“Tarzan home,” Tarzan commented leading the way into the waterfall cavern. There was an area just beyond with a ton of butterflies grouped together. Tarzan made a few gorilla noises.

“This is your home?” Sora asked. “But that means...”

Goofy listened hard. “What’s that sound?”

“The waterfalls,” Jane said, surprised. “They’re echoing all the way here.”

Tarzan made a few more gorilla noises. “Friends there. See friends.”

“Oh, now I’ve got it!” Jane said, then repeated the noises, “It means heart. Friends in our hearts.”

“Heart,” Tarzan repeated.

“Oh, so that’s what he meant,” Sora muttered, disappointed.

Tarzan nodded. “Friends, same heart. Clayton, lose heart. No heart, no see friends.” He nodded to himself, as if it made sense.

Sora turned to Donald. “Sorry about what I said.”

“I’m sorry too,” Donald said, smiling.

Goofy placed his arms around everyone. “Yeah, all for one, huh?”

The butterflies scattered, revealing a keyhole underneath. Sora used his Keyblade to seal the Keyhole and thus the world from Heartless. An item fell out of the hole.

“A gummi!” Donald said, amazed.

“But it’s sure not the king’s,” Goofy added, disappointed.

Terk then started rubbing against Donald. “I think someone has a new admirer,” Jane commented, grinning.

“No, no, no, no, no!” Donald shouted. “The gorilla’s not sexy! It’s not worth Daisy killing me!”

Everyone laughed. Well, Ryo more guffawed, but they got a Navi-G Piece.

Meanwhile, in a dark place, the baddies were talking. “What drew the Heartless to that world?” Jafar inquired.

“The hunter lured them there. It was his lust for power that was the bait.” Maleficent sniggered. “But it seems the bait was too tasty for his own good.”

Oogie Boogie laughed hysterically. “Yeah, he got chomped instead!”

“A weak-hearted fool like him stood no chance against the Heartless,” Jafar pointed out. “But the boy is a problem. He found one of the Keyholes!”

“Fear not. It will take him ages to find the rest,” Maleficent replied. “Besides, he remains blissfully unaware of our plan.” Her face became grave. “Now for more important matters.”

“Oh, for crying out loud!” Oogie Boogie shouted. “I’m out of here.”

“There is no hand in that pickle jar,” Hook said, also leaving.

Jafar put an arm around Maleficent’s shoulder. “I believe you. I saw it once. Now about the Princesses...”

“They’re falling into our hands, one by one.” Alice appeared. Maleficent smirked. “Speaking of which...”

Back in the tent at the camp, everyone was saying their good-byes.

“Well, we better get going,” Sora said, finishing the tea Jane had handed him.

“Where is your ship, anyway?” Jane inquired, taking back the cup and saucer.

Donald choked on his teas. “Well, uh... Not too far.”

Tarzan smiled and hugged Sora. “Sora, Tarzan, friends.”

The group waved and left. “Well, that was close about the Gummi Ship,” Goofy commented as they got on their ship.

Sora nodded. “The gummi block that came out of that glowing hole... It’s not like the others. Wonder what it’s used for.”

“I dunno,” Donald admitted, looking at it.

“OH MY GOD!” Ryo shouted. “Donald doesn’t know something! Call the newspapers!”

“Aw, shut it. You sound like a chick, anyway,” Donald said. Apparently, he still hadn’t realized Ryo and Andrea WERE chicks.

“Maybe Leon’ll know what it’s for,” Goofy said, trying to nip yet another fight in the bud.

“Hmm... He might. Back to Traverse Town, then?” Donald said, taking the controls.

“I wanna be pilot!” Sora yelled. Everyone groaned. Not again.

“Hey, stop it!”

“Oh, come on! I’m the Keyblade master!”

“I don’t care who you are! No!”

The steering stick was being pulled back and forth between the two of them, making the ship shake.

“Here we go again...” Goofy sighed.

Happy? We finally updated. Now shut up and wait for the next time.

Andrea, that’s not very nice.

So...? They should be patient because I live 20, no, more like 10 miles away from you.

Sigh Anywho, please review. We’ll post the next chapter when we can.