Pretend
A fanfic from the slightly disturbed mind of the Californian who hates California.

Chapter 7:
There It Is

I had dinner with Bebe and her family. It was quite an interesting experience. Not that it was entertaining or special in any way. It was normal. The thing was that it was just strangely familiar. I had dinner with Bebe and her family all the time when the two of us were kids. And it was just like that then. We talked about school-classes we liked and teachers we couldn't stand. We talked about my upcoming birthday. Bebe's mother kept bringing up memories she could recall of Bebe and I as small children.

The thing that was strange was that whenever Mrs. Stevens told a story of our childhood, I just couldn't remember it. I started to wonder if the woman was just making everything up. But Bebe seemed to know and support everything her mother spoke of, adding onto every tale with her own perspective.

For some reason I felt a weird sense of guilt when I couldn't remember what they were speaking of. I felt as if it were my fault some how. Did I push every happy memory of Bebe out of my head? I probably did. I lost them forever. I never felt so lonely and out of place before then, when Bebe and her mother were laughing and chatting like that, and I had no clue what they were talking about. I wished I could laugh and chat with them.

Damn me to Hell.

After dinner, I realized that a polite comment I made earlier of, "Yeah, I miss those too," concerning slumber parties I couldn't remember, was translated in Mrs. Stevens mind as "I'd love to have one of those slumber parties. Tonight." Before I knew it, Bebe and I got up from the TV set to answer the door where my mother handed me over a bag of clothes, pajamas and my toothbrush, waved at Mrs. Stevens, and abandoned me there, at the sunshine, happy home of the Stevens.

It was so fast and it was so unexpected, that I literally stood there, still, dumbfounded and staring at the door that was slammed in my face, following my mom's exit, not knowing what the fuck just happened. Not until Bebe asked me when my preferred bedtime was, did I snap out of it enough to at least close my jaw.

---

We watched a lot of television. I don't think either of us had any clue as to an alternative means of entertainment. We didn't talk a whole lot. It was really quiet between us, but it wasn't strange at all. I didn't realize how quiet it was until I realized that the three hour long movie we had been watching was ending, and the last conversation exchanged between us was a debate of whether or not we wanted to watch that movie. Three hours of silence? I wondered if she noticed it. It reminded me of this line from an old movie: "Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable? That's when you know you've found somebody special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence."

And when that line played inside my head at that moment, I looked at Bebe and she looked at me. And I thought that if there was a movie made about this night, we'd have a line that went something like that.

She smiled, "What do you want to watch now? Or are you sleepy yet?"
I smiled too much. My brain will still lost in thoughts, revolving around my hopelessly growing strong affection for the blonde. I could only imagine how pathetic and goofy my grin was then.

She giggled nervously, "What's wrong?"

I shook my head and laughed, "Nothing." I pulled a loose thread from my pajama bottoms, "I'm not tired. We can watch another."

I watched her get up from the bed and wander over to the shelf that held a collection of DVDs. Just as she reached to grab one, there was a knock on the door and Mrs. Stevens peered her head in, "It's getting late, girls," she said in that usual chirpy voice, "I think its about time for bed now."

Bebe frowned a little, but nodded her head. She retracted her hand from the shelf and made her way back over to me. On the way, she shut off the lights. When the room filled with darkness, I was immediately filled with panic.

She climbed into bed beside me, and my heart pumped even more furiously. And then she laid down, and I realized that I was expected to lay down too. Beside her. In bed.

Oh fuck.

Why hadn't it occurred to me that the two of us might be sharing a bed that night?

And why hadn't it occurred to her that she was sharing a bed with a lesbian like me?

Perhaps… she didn't care?

I lifted the fluffy comforter and slid myself underneath its warmth. I saw Bebe's shadow laying there in the dark. I rested my head on the pillow and turned onto my side so that my back was towards her. I closed my eyes and tried to steady my heartbeat.

"Goodnight, Wendy," Bebe yawned.

"Goodnight, Bebe," I replied.

Within a few minutes, I could hear her snoring. I wouldn't classify it as snoring though. Not snores—soft breaths. Soft, gentle and barely audible.

She fell asleep. Just like that, she was in dreamland. I finally started to calm myself down.

…She didn't care. She treated me like any of her other friends. She didn't care. How the hell did I ever think that she—nice and kindhearted, everybody's friend, blonde haired and fair skinned Bebe—cared about something like that?

She was just too nice.

She was just too perfect.

And I was just too hopeless and lost at that point.

---

I woke up and realized that I hadn't spoken to Kyle the other day. Not once. I was a bit worried that I hadn't heard from him. He seemed a little… on the edge the other day. I just hoped that he was okay.

But that wasn't my number one concern then. No, right then, my main concern was the fact that I felt something on my back. Right there, resting between my shoulder blades. I tried not to move, I didn't want her to know that I was awake. I didn't want her to know that I knew that she had her forehead resting on my back. I didn't want her to know that I could feel those soft, gentle breaths ruffling the collar of my nightshirt.

An alarm clock on her nightstand went off. I immediately felt her touch disappear. I waited for the annoying sounds of the alarm clock to stop before I opened my eyes and sat up, pretending that I had just woke up.

I turned my head towards her and I saw that she was blushing. I acted like I didn't notice. "Morning."

"Good morning," she smiled weakly. She threw the covers off and hopped out of bed. "Umm, so do you like cereal for breakfast?" she asked as she straightened out her pillow.

I nodded, "Yeah, cereal's fine." I got out of bed and straightened out my side of the bed.

"Lucky Charms?"

"Lucky Charms are fine."

"Or how about Cheerios? I think that's all we have…."

"Cheerios are fine too."

"Which do you like best?" she asked as she sat Polka, the stuffed dog, amongst all the pillows.

"I don't care. I'm not much of a breakfast person actually."

"I like Lucky Charms best," she said. "They're not a dull as Cheerios."

I just smiled at her.

---

Mrs. Stevens dropped us off at school that morning. I sorta regretted that I had spent the night there. I could have ditched school and gone to go check up on Kyle and Tweek. Make sure everything was alright and maybe try and convince Kyle that he should give up the wild goose chase, and join me back on Earth.

I could just hear Kyle now: You ditched me? Me, your best friend- the one person who stuck by your side all these years- for her? For that girl?

Well, I guessed he didn't have to know that I was with Bebe. If he did… the actual scene would be a lot more dramatic. It'd be the exact replay of what happened between us when I was with Henrietta. Which wasn't the prettiest sight and the exact reason why Henri usually kept her distance when Kyle was at my side.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that he probably didn't even miss me at all. Not with Tweek there. In fact, the reason why he blew up that one time was because he was pretty much jealous that I was in a relationship and his thing with Cartman didn't work out.

He really did like that big oaf. I'll never guess why. But with the entrance of Tweek, I think he might have gotten over it by then.

I still felt bad though. I cared about the dude. He was my best friend and just about my only friend. It was my responsibility, as his best and only friend, to make certain that he was at least still alive.

So I decided I'd ditch right after lunch and before the next period. I usually didn't get lunch, but decided that I'd better stop at the cafeteria and pick up something I could take to Kyle and Tweek. Who knew when was the last time those guys ate anything.

I forgot how long lunch lines were. It'd have been quicker if I ditched at the beginning of lunch period and stopped at a Mc Donald's or something.

"Excuse me. Wendy?"

I looked up. I didn't recognize the girl's face, or that of the other girls who surrounded her and butted in line right in front of me. I blinked at all of them, "Yeah?"

The girl who stood directly in front of me placed her hands on her hips and scowled at me. "So," she said sharply, "Bebe says it was you who encouraged her to break up with Stan."

"How dare you!" exclaimed a short, pigtailed girl who stood beside her. The little thing look like she was about to break down crying, "They were the best couple ever!"

"Yeah, don't you care that they were together for two whole years? Doesn't that mean anything to you?" came a voice but I didn't see the person it belonged to.

I shook my head. "I didn't say anything. She just told me that she was thinking about-"

The girl in front of me interrupted me. "Listen," she said sharply again. "I know what kind of girl you are, Wendy Testaburger."

She said my name in a way that really hit a nerve. I straightened my posture and scowled back at her. "And what kind of girl am I?" I sounded nastier than I intended, but I didn't care. Who did this girl think she was?

"Keep your sick games away from Bebe," she said.

"Yeah, how dare you corrupt her like that!" the crying little one sobbed.

"Corrupt her?" I shouted.

The girl in front of me started to take a step towards me, but she suddenly retracted it and a look of panic swept her face. I was at first confused why but then heard an angry voice from behind: "Will you chicks stop holding up the fucking lunch line?"

I turned around and looked up at the giant Eric Cartman. He glared at the girls in front of me until they walked away. He looked down at me, "You can move up now."

I moved forward in the line. "Thanks, Eric."

He scowled, "I didn't do it for you."

"Well you got rid of them, and that's all that matters, whether or not you intended it to be for me or not… thanks."

"Whatever," he rolled his eyes.

I grabbed a couple calzone pizzas. I didn't bother putting them on a tray; I was just going to shove them in my backpack and leave the campus as soon as I paid.

"Haven't seen the faggot Jew for a while…." I heard Cartman mutter.

I refrained from snapping back with something like Who are you calling a faggot? I glanced up at him, "He's out of school. Looking for treasure."

He raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, I know. I'm a bit worried that he's completely lost it."

"What kind of treasure?"

I shook my head. "I dunno." I shrugged and moved up the line a little. "He found a map that's probably a fake, but he's completely obsessed over it now."

I paid for the lunches and threw them in my backpack immediately.

"Having a picnic?" Cartman said.

I laughed. "Sorta, yeah. They're for Kyle and Tweek."

"Tweek?"

"Yeah. He's looking for the treasure with Kyle."

"…Ah."

I threw my backpack over my shoulder, "See you later, Eric. I'll tell Kyle you said 'Hey' for you."

"Fuck you, Hippie," he said with angry look, but blushing cheeks.

I just smiled and left the cafeteria.

---

I left the main building of the school and started to walk around to the side of the campus where I knew there was a gate I could go through that the teachers and staff didn't regularly guard. It seemed easy and simple enough, but of course there had to be something that would get in my way.

I saw Bebe walking ahead of me. She hung her head and seemed to be stomping off somewhere angrily. I hesitated but called out to her.

She stopped in her tracks and paused before turning around. She smiled a little when she saw me, but it wasn't that genuine happy smile she usually had.

I approached her, "Hey."

"Hi, Wendy," she tugged on her bangs down in front of her face. She was trying to hide it, but I could see that there were tears in her brown eyes.

"…What's the matter?"

She shook her head and didn't answer.

"Does it have to do with… oh, I dunno. You broke up with Stan and… your friends can't believe it…. And… they pretty much think that I've brainwashed you or… something?"

She laughed a little, but it wasn't the laugh I was looking for. "How'd you guess?"

"Oh, I just happened to have a conversation with some friends of yours."

She frowned. "What'd they say to you?"

"Nothing. They just-"

"I hope they didn't make you hate me or anything."

"Of course not, Bebe. I could never hate you."

She smiled and a tear escaped her eye. She wiped it away.

We were silent for a while.

"You know… I never saw this coming," she said quietly after a while.

"Saw what coming?" I asked.

She shrugged her shoulders and wiped at her eyes again. "I dunno," she choked. "Just… befriending you again and… then…" her voice shook. She sighed and looked down at her feet. "I should get going," she said.

"Yeah… me too."

She started to walk past me but stopped just at my side. She turned and faced me and I faced her. "Wendy?"

"Yes?"

She paused for a moment. "Do you think… do you think that there could be one person who can completely change your life? …Change how you act? How you feel? …Change the very way you look at things?"

I nodded. "…Sure. …I can see that."

She bit her lip. I could tell she was trying not to cry. I wanted to give her a hug or something, but I didn't know how she'd respond to something like that. I was too scared to try too.

I worked up the courage to take her hand, "Bebe, I'm sorry. …I'm sorry that… you're being treated like this." I didn't know what to say to her. I made it up as I went, and spoke what came to mind. Comforting people wasn't something I was used to. "If you need somebody to talk to… about anything… I'll listen."

I obviously didn't know what I was doing because it only resulted in the girl bursting into tears. She threw her arms around me and I jumped a lot at the sudden embrace. She buried her face in my shoulder and wept. "Oh, Wendy… I dunno how to feel…. I've never been so confused before in my life."

"Um… It's okay." I rubbed her back, "You… don't know how to feel about what?"

She seemed to cry even more.

"Please… don't cry, Bebe."

"I'm sorry, I can't help it!"

I felt her squeeze me tighter. "Bebe, please. You shouldn't be crying over… what people say or believe…. It's they're fault that their stupid little lives revolve around you and Stan. It's stupid that they think it's any of their business. …Don't cry over people like that and what they do or say."

She pulled away and looked at me. She nodded and wiped at her eyes.

I smiled weakly, "There you go." I petted her hair, "Now how about a smile? You're so pretty when you smile."

She blushed and giggled.

I smiled, "There it is."

Her smile disappeared. Before I could frown myself and ask her what was wrong, I felt her lips pressed against mine.

"I love you, Wendy."

"…I love you too, Bebe."