Kill Aurie

Disclaimer: I didn't create any of the characters from FFX. I just made then even more whacked.

And I didn't create Kill Bill. This is a parody, so screw any legal things, I can do what I want!

Kill Aurie Vol. One

The bit before the annoying song about five-year-olds shooting each other.

Upon the floor lies a blood covered um . . . “girl” in a white wedding dress, as they normally are white or a colour quite similar to white. Not yellow, never pink, and certainly not green. Just plain white, with artistically ripped sleeves. It had nothing to do with the fact that the Bride had just had the crap bashed out of “her” by the rest of the Deadly Snake-like Assassination Squad whom “she” had actually worked for.

The Bride opened “her” eyes. “She” whimpered with the pain, staring up at the faces of her former colleges.

“You know, you really need to become better friends with the people you work with,” The voices told the Bride. “She” just whimpered.

The sound of heavy footsteps echoed throughout the wedding chapel that was now covered with the dead bodies of the Bride's new friends and husband-to-be. You, considering who the Bride really is, that's just nasty.

You always had the most beautiful blue eyes, and the most beautiful blue hair that I'd ever seen. Heh, the only blue hair I've ever seen,' Auron walked closer to the Bride, and drew out his gun. He aimed for “her” head, with the long blue hair that arose from the top of each side of the Bride's head, curved out wards and then continued in its formation down to “her” hip. If you haven't guessed who the Bride is, you are so retarded you that you should keep reading this shit. To confirm the suspicions of the average witted, YES, THE BRIDE IS SEYMOUR GUADO!

Do you find me sadistic? Lu, that means I enjoy watching poor Seymour die and I enjoy inflicting pain. Cause I am. Just not about this. I can't have any of my assassins out on the lose getting knocked up!' Auron continued, cocking his pistol in Seymour's direction.

How long have I been knocked up? Hell, how?' Seymour asked curiously.

Shut up, you're dying! And fiction doesn't have to make sense. Neither does I, I can shoot the whole lot of you mother fucking mother fuckers!' Auron snapped angrily, accidentally squeezing the trigger of the pistol before the right dramatic moment. I need better characters!

And so, with a loud bang that you often get when someone pulls the trigger of a loaded gun, a bullet flew out of the gun, fast as . . . well, a bullet. (Shut up, you try writing a script of a well-known movie using Final Fantasy characters! Now, back the fact that Seymour has a bullet lodged in his brain and is now in a coma. Kinda. Well, Kill Bill is very messed up!)

:w00t: my best yet! This chappie's a bit slow, but it gets so much funnier! And sorry if you are/were offended. I don't mean to be. This was the request of a friend, so bite her, not me. Please, please please R&R. I'll do the same for you!