Title: Layers of Lies

Author: Faith aka DragonflyFaith

Disclaimer: oh th shock, Faith doesn't own Alias! surprised much? lol

Summary: The promissed sequel to my fic My Name Is... You don't really need to read it to get this but it would help, if u don't wanna it's ok, just PM me and I'll send u a short summary.

AN: the prologue is in Irina's POV, the rest of th story won't be, I'm not too good with first person fics.

AN2: I wrote this and th first chapter months ago, on a very weird afternoon, Carrie and Av probably remember it...

AN3: this is set just after Jack and Irina burn t h toast in Panama.

He knows I hate it when I cant blow dry my hair. He knows I'm ticklish on the back of my knees and that I loved it when he kissed my wrists.

He knows all of this things and a million more.

He knows that sometimes, when it was cold and the house was dark, I'd wake up in the middle of the night, scared of the darkness and scared of nightmares I couldn't quite place.

He knows a hug could bring me comfort and that embraced by his strong arms I could go back to sleep. I never told him that his arms were the only place in the world I've ever felt safe in. I should have.

That night in Panama, just after we collapsed on the bed together, I had to go away. I stood up and left him there, alone. I wrapped a blanket around my naked body and curled up in a chair next to the window.

I was afraid.

Irina Derevko, international terrorist, crime boss, the woman that had been to hell and back, was afraid. Scared of not being held in the arms of the only man she had ever loved.

So I took back an old habit I picked up in that cold cell in Kashmir, or Hell, as that is what that place was for me, and I retreated into myself, went to that nice place in my mind where everything was soft and gentle, bunnies were all over the place and baby kittens were playing on top of picnic blankets waiting for me to play with them.

It was an image I remember reading about in one of Sydney's books. She once told me that was the place she wanted to live in when she grew up.

Only this time it didn't bring me any comfort, not when the one person I ached to be with was not even 10 feet away from me and the only thing keeping me away from him were my own insecurities and fears.

Jack didn't picked up on that though. The only thing he saw was that we'd had sex and I moved away from him right after it.

I scarred him badly.

I loved him more than words could ever say and I destroyed him. He was a good man, a loving and caring father. He was always smiling- I took that away.

I turned him into what he is now and there's nothing I'll ever do that will redeem me.

I can try though...